


Unleashed

by Silmea



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Star Wars VIII: The Last Jedi
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, Betrayal, Denial of Feelings, Drama & Romance, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Ghosts, Force Visions, Graphic Description, Heavy Angst, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Jealousy, Kylo Ren Redemption, Loss of Virginity, Love Triangles, Memories, Mystery, Plot Twists, Post TLJ, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Prophetic Dreams, Prophetic Visions, Romance, Sex, Slow Burn, Soulmates, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-15
Updated: 2019-02-01
Packaged: 2019-02-15 05:43:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 22
Words: 131,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13024482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silmea/pseuds/Silmea
Summary: POST TLJ. Rey and Kylo's Bond keeps growing stronger, as do their conflicted feelings towards each other. With Kylo Ren as the new Supreme Leader and Rey as the beacon for the Resistance, will they ever be able to find peace and belonging they both need or break them further apart?





	1. Aftermath

**Author's Note:**

> SPOILER FOR Star Wars: The Last Jedi! PROCEED AT OWN RISK.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SPOILER FOR Star Wars: The Last Jedi! PROCEED AT OWN RISK. Kylo x Rey pairing! Rated E for eventual smut, violence etc!

_Breathe. Just breathe._

Rey closed her eyes, trying to compose herself. She was exhausted and overwhelmed by everything that had happened. Luke was gone, and there was a lingering sadness throughout the _Millennium Falcon_ ; honoring the fallen Jedi. Everybody looked to her like she was the rising beacon. The fire the rebellion needed after Luke's sacrifice ignited the spark.

People were depending on her, putting all their fate in her. It was easy to see it on their faces. When she had lifted all those rocks, she effectively marked her place within the Resistance. They did not see the inner conflict she had. Did not see that even though Luke taught her valuable lessons about balance, to trust the Force, she was often fueled by emotions. What she did on Crait was the first time when she had not let feelings steer her powers.

Rey barely knew how to handle the growing attunement with the Force that raged within her. With a saber, she felt one with it. The weapon was an extension of herself, like a sting on a wasp – attuned to the fine melody it produced. But it was raw, uncontainable. And that petrified her soul. At the same time, she felt the desire to delve deeper in the vehement depths of the Force. That frightened her even more.

_Breathe, Rey..._

She had no one to help her now with her flourishing powers, and the inner conflict in her needed guidance. Needed help. There was no one to understand the strength at her fingertips. And what would they do if she spoke the truth of everything that had happened in the last couple of days? About Ben... How easily she was drawn to the dark. But she could fight it. She _would_ fight it.

_I've only seen this raw power once before in Ben Solo. It did not scare me then. It does now...._

Those words echoed in her mind. She could not voice her fears to anyone, nobody would understand. They would all be terrified of her, fearing she would become like him...The only one that would accept her – no matter what she would do, that shared her loneliness, was her enemy. But she could not paint him as a monster anymore.

Not after all they witnessed together, not after what they  _felt_  with each other, not after sensing all his conflict, not after he saved her life.

Ben Solo could no longer hide behind Kylo Ren, because their Bond tore down the very thing he did not want anyone to see. And she saw him as clear as stars shining the brightest on the darkest night.

She kept replaying that scene in her mind. When he wanted her to join him. There was a part of her that wanted to. She felt in a single moment that she found home. With him. The pull that would have been so easy to follow but then she saw Leia, Finn, Chewie and Luke flashing before her and she knew what her choice would be. It tore her insides apart, but if Ben would be saved, it would not be with her joining him then and there.

Only one day had passed since what happened on Crait. Finn did not leave Rose's side and Leia was busy trying to get contact with what was left of their allies. The _Millennium Falcon_ felt like a central little hub, and even though she was once again surrounded by people she cared deeply for, she felt extremely alone.

She knew of his regret, she even saw it when she closed the door to the Falcon. But she had been to upset with him, to emotionally unhinged to even want to understand him. She felt a tick in the back of her neck, and once again the air got sucked out of her, making all the noise around her disappear.

_No, not now...._

“Luke is gone...” She snapped her eyes to the man in front of her, standing there among the midst of people passing by him. If they only knew he was there....

She gulped, not ready to see him so soon. Her heart started to beat faster and there was a part of her wanting to reach out, to feel that connection again, that touch she did on Ahch-To. The allure to feel him was an intoxicating drug. She never felt anything of the like. Nothing could have prepared her for their bond would mean. Instead her fists tightened, burying her nails into her skin. It did nothing to soothe her.

Rey stared at him, and saw his tired eyes looking back at her, and did not respond. She really couldn't without looking like a crazy person among everyone there, so she walked past him into a nearby corridor, feeling his presence following her.

“What will you do without him to train you?” She didn't answer and kept walking.

“Don't ignore me, Rey.” His voice was soft, pleading even, which made her stop in her tracks and turn her head towards him. With her back still facing him, she shot a quick glance around her to only confirm she was alone in the hallway.

“I can't believe that after what we-....” She bit the inside of her cheek, “why, Ben? Why? We could have ended all of this...”

His eyes grew cold, “I can ask you the same thing.” She scoffed and turned her head forward, not able to handle the intensity of how his eyes seem to bore into her core. “I sense the darkness in you.”

“And I the light in you.” She retorted, standing still, only to hear him approaching, and she grew more tense with every step.

“There is no going back for me. There never was.”

“You are wrong.”

“Why the insistent need to save me, Rey? I am where I should be.”

She twirled around and stifled a gasp as he was only inches away from her, but she continued headstrong, “you saved me. You are not evil, Ben. I feel it.”

“You are disappointed.” He said flatly. She didn't respond.

“You thought I would leave with you. What did you think was going to happen?” She could do nothing but stare at him as he moved closer to her, tilting his head to the side, never dropping his gaze from hers.

“Did you think your pathetic band of rebels would forgive me for all I've done? That my mother would welcome me with open arms? That we would form the new Jedi? That I could be redeemed?”

He was standing so close to her, their noses almost brushed, “I am a monster, Rey. You said so yourself.” he whispered, and she felt his breath on her cheek that made her entire skin tingle.

Just as she was about to answer, she heard a voice behind her, “Rey! The General would-

She whirled her head to her side, to be faced with the dashing smile on Poe’s face and in that instant, her connection with Ben ended.

She would never get used to that feeling of emptiness when he disappeared, as she let out a trembling breath. Every time their bond severed, the outside world became heavier and heavier. She felt their Bond humming strongly with each other begging them to find each other, like a key finally finding its lock. They fit, and it terrified her.

“It looks like you've seen a ghost. Are you ok?” Poe asked, putting a light hand on her shoulder. His question echoed around her, and she forced down the hard ball that formed in her throat.

Ben Solo was the ghost that she could not discard even if she wanted too.

“I'm fine.” She lied, looking behind her. There was a pain in her heart that she couldn’t ignore, nor place what it could mean. To know they are on opposites sides once again when there had been a glimmer of hope. That their fates could have looked so very different. If he only had joined her.

“Are you sure?” The pilot asked, and Rey smiled despite herself, earning a grin from Poe.

“We should get going before the General will stun me once again with her gun.” Rey cocked her eyebrow in confusion. “Long story. Rather boring.” He dismissed with a laugh and for the first time in a long time, she felt a chuckle escape her lips.

 


	2. Secret Melody

_“I'll destroy her!”_

Those words resonated within him. Those words could not be more wrong. But he had been so angry and surprised at the depth of his confused feelings when she did not take his hand. He felt betrayed. To have this strong Bond, to know her feelings, know her past and for it to end like it did, it angered him. He did not how to handle it and lashed out the only way he knew how.

Luke had just looked at him, with a twinkle in his eyes, indicating he knew so much more about what was going on. The old man simply stared at him like he did not believe him for one moment. That only made him want to prove his point even further.

Luke took his own death away from him. He felt the shift in the Force as his former master passed on as Rey left him on the planet. He sat on his knees, feeling the white salt beneath crackling under his weight, making way for the blood red surface. Luke died in peace and it robbed Kylo of the chance to get revenge and it left him feeling beyond frustrated. He suddenly lacked a purpose, and he knew his old master must have sensed this.

He felt her as clear as if she were beside him. Even more so as he sensed her feelings. There was a nagging tug in his chest whenever he recalled the look she gave him on the Falcon. Disappointment. He felt again, like needles poking his soul. Guilt. Regret. Emotions he did not know how to handle. They got away, and more importantly, he  _let_  them get away.

A week later, he was standing in the central hub of the Snokes's former and broken flagship, overlooking the vast space before him. While the ship had suffered from the impact of the _Raddus_ , it did not damage the central controls or machinery.

He had not faced the throne room. Did not want to feel the aftermath of the Force in that place.

It was strange. Now that he had all this power at his fingertips, he still felt empty. There was no longer anyone to hide his feelings from, no one to follow. Luke was gone, and he was now the new leader and still, all he could think about was her.

_Ben....She called me Ben._

He balled his hand into a vice grip as he felt his frustration grow. Why did she have to leave? If she had just joined him.

He had seen that future, seen her past, and it had been...beyond words. He felt complete. In a single moment, he truly did believe he would get everything he had been missing, a family, a belonging where he had none before.

He opened himself to her, pleaded with her. And pleading was not something that came naturally to him. He did not plead with anyone, but he did with. He saved her, killing his former master in doing so and they could have changed the galaxy.

Together.

He felt her inner struggle, as clear as she felt his, but she chose her path, and it was against him. That sent him downwards in a violent spiral of uncontrolled anger, fusing together with that he finally killed his former tormentor, and it enforced the abandonment that stemmed from his parents when they left him in Luke's care.

He was shaking inwardly with a torrent of emotions. For a few moments, He didn't know which one of them to go with. He felt hurt to the extent that an almost physical numbness was spreading by her decision. He was disappointed that she had been so easily disparaged, and he was confused at his own disappointment. Finally, he latched on to anger, which seemed the safest thing to feel at that point.

But it backfired once the aftermath of his rash decisions came to the surface. He did not want to hate her, he certainly no longer wish for her hatred either. Not after what they shared. He really did not know what to do if she hated him again.

_All this power.... for what?_

He heard footsteps approaching from behind him. “Supreme Leader, I fail to see how I can do my job properly by simply loiter.” Hux snapped, momentarily forgetting as he sometimes did, the powers his new leader possessed.

“Do not mistake my silence for an act of defeat, Armitage Hux.” He clicked his tongue as he turned his eyes to the red-haired man. “They are scattered like rats. They will make a mistake and we will wipe them out when the time comes.”

“I think you are underestimating them. They are like cockroaches. You need to end them now or they will keep spreading. There are already reports after Crait that proves there are still people that support the Resistance.”

He flared his nostrils for a second, clenching his fists together. “Or are you once again clouded by your own desires?” Kylo Ren snapped and relished in the feeling to hear the man next to him trying to gasp for air as he used the Force to grip like a noose around Armitage's throat. The room grew silent at the display of power that happened before them.

“Careful, Hux. Snoke is no longer here to ensure your survival! I would tread carefully if I were you. Now leave me.”

Hux sent him a scathing look while having trouble to regain composure of his body, before turning on his heel and leaving the catwalk of the command central. Nobody else dared to interrupt Ren as he stood completely still, arms clasped behind his back. Soon enough the room fell into its normal hectic routine.

 _Rey..._ He closed his eyes. That damned girl was pestering his body and mind. He loathed the emotions she managed to pull from him. Feelings he thought he left behind when he became Kylo Ren. She broke down the walls protecting his black heart.

Reality dawned on him, and he stopped his thoughts, once again filled with self-loathing and thoroughly disgusted with himself that it took so little for him to think of her. Without a word, he turned from the window and stormed to his own quarters.

He did not need to have these problems. The bond was driving him insane, like a man dying of thirst. He had gotten enough water to soothe his craving whenever he felt her, just to have the need returned all the stronger because of the taste when it ended. This was not healthy, but when had he ever been the embodiment of health?

This realization did nothing to improve his disposition, and he was left feeling the need to be destructive.

He took one of the table-lamps and hurled it against the wall. There was smashing of glass and clanging of metal. This helped a little bit but not enough. He felt rage consume him within, a sentiment he was familiar with and with that he used his powers to get some of the anger out. Furniture toppled over, lamps and mirrors smashed, the bed itself cracked… He wasn't satisfied before the room was in ruins and even then, he just felt a dull emptiness poking at his heart.

 

* * *

 

_Breathe..._

She felt it. The raw energy crackling around her.

_Breathe..._

It was pulsating along with her steady heartbeat.

_Breathe..._

She was one with the Force as the air around her shifted to her will, making the harsh wind quit down against her skin. She lifted nearby rocks, holding them in the air, focusing on them. Finding the balance. She focused on her pain, the truth of her parents, the unpoetic truth of her origins. And how unwanted she felt. Like a twig snapping, the Force shifted, trembling.

_Breathe..._

She focused on Han Solo, the fatherly affection he had shown her, and again she felt another shift in the Force. Trying to empty her own emotions, she focused on the earth beneath her, feeling every root, grass, flowers connecting it all, just as she felt death of past life lingering beneath her. The Force stilled, and she had found the right balance. The Force was life.

With her mind she lifted even more rocks off the ground, her breathing became heavier, and again she felt the fragile balance she had found shift.

_Breathe..._

As her breathing became heavier, it became harder to keep her feelings controlled. Just as Han Solo kept flickering through her mind, she saw his death all over again. That raw agony of losing him just as she saw Ky- Ben killing him...The rocks started to tremble, and her breathing quickened.

_Breathe..._

But now she saw him again, she saw herself touching his hand and that connection they had right then. The rocks shook violently, and she heard thunder forming above her. The Force hummed, tingling her every cell as her mind took her deeper to the past incidents that had happened.

_Bre-_

Rey let out a gasp as she suddenly felt another shift and a pressure against her chest that felt so profound that she found solace in the raw strength of digging in the darkness. It was right there. The key to unlock powers beyond her imaging. Calling to her. Rey could not breathe anymore. The pull was intoxicating, and she was drawn to it like a moth to a flame...

 _No, please. Stop it!_ She tried to control herself but her impulsive nature wanted her to delve deeper into the darkness.

 _Rey...._ Her eyes snapped opened and right then and there, her connection to the Force broke and she heard the rocks cascading around her as her heart pumped so fast beneath her chest. She was drenched in sweat and felt tears building up behind her eyes.

How could she ever be the beacon the Rebellion needed? When she was this drawn to the darkness? Trying to teach herself was dangerous. The more she practiced, the more she felt attuned with the Force. But as much she could feel the light, she felt its counterbalance clawing at her.

 _Perhaps not that strange..._ She thought solemnly. She discovered her powers and honing them where emotions had been fueling her. To find the balance meant to put a leash on her emotions, it made her feel peaceful to feel the life around her, but also unsatisfied.

“These are only your first steps, Rey.” She jumped at the voice and turned behind her to find the origin of the voice but could not see anyone. She could have sworn she heard Luke. Or was it Luke?

“Remember what I told you. Find the balance and you will find your purpose.” He sounded so different. At peace. Calm.

“Master Luke?” Rey looked around in the darkness.

“Don't be afraid, Rey.” It was heard like a whisper that faded away.

Rey tried to calm herself as she heard the nature around her buzzing once again, listening to it with Force pulsating every life signature. The thunder had faded and retired to dark, gloomy clouds hovering above her. She was standing at a cliff overlooking an ocean. So many different colors. Not once did she think she would see worlds like this. So accustomed to only sand and harsh sunlight.

 _Jakku...._ Never did she think her life would change so dramatically when thinking back to her old life. She had been a nobody. She was a nobody. Her own parents did not even want to keep her.

 _My parents..._ She had trouble breathing whenever she thought back to when Ben told her the truth. She knew it to be true because she felt him as clear as her own emotions. He did not lie to her. It hurt, like a someone squeezing her heart until there was nothing more to squeeze.

_You are a nobody...but not to me...._

Her mouth twitched, and her body tensed. She had truly believed that he would come back with her. To leave his old self behind. To find new purpose, to help them. How wrong she had been.

She wished for solitude after they had landed on this planet. Finn, and Poe were with General Leia among most of the rebels at a nearby village that was rumored to be supportive of the cause. Rose was still in a coma, recovering from her wounds with Chewie overlooking her. Hopefully they would get supplies to treat the wounded here.

It had been weeks, and slowly but surely, they were rallying more supporters to the cause. They had heard – only by rumor what the First Order was doing, what  _he_  was doing. After Crait, there had been an eerie silence. The fleet had retired to the vast darkness in space. Which gave them all hope.

Leia had that hopeful glimmer in her eyes when she heard the news, that perhaps after all, her son was not lost. Because for the first time in a long time he was not on their trail breathing down their necks. Rey had not told anyone about this new Force Bond she now shared with Ben. What it meant to her.

His mother, Leia suspected something, but Rey could not outright say it to her from when they had talked, and Rey shared some of the details on what had happened when she confronted Snoke. She could not explain it herself, so how could anyone else understand it?

She often felt his presence since their first conversation on his father’s freighter, like a ghost on her skin. But it was more fleeting images, and a maelstrom of different emotions clashing together. They mostly stared at each other, both enraptured by the connection they had, and it easily got broken by the buzz of people around her or by people at his side.

_“You saw my son?” Leia asked, already knowing the answer. She visited Rey in the cargo bay where Rey had been cleaning her staff. It was already clean, but she could not just sit around, doing nothing. She was already going crazy, she could tell. She also no longer had a light saber...and wouldn't know how to begin to create a new one._

_Rey nodded. “I did. I... had reasons to believe he could be turned. That he would come back to the light.”_

_Leia gave her a motherly smile and with warm gentle hands she hugged Rey’s, so she would stop fidgeting. Rey had not even noticed that she had been tapping her foot or that her fingers were twitching due to her restlessness. She felt the urge to fix something....to clean anything. It had helped on Jakku whenever she was struggling with herself._

_“What happened?”_

_“He killed Snoke.” Rey whispered. Leia's eyes widened for a moment. “He saved my life where he had no reason too except to defy his leader.” She continued silently._

_Leia's mouth opened a little and turned in a somber smile, “then perhaps all is not lost.” Rey saw there was more to her meaning that she was not sharing._

_“I still believe he can be saved.” The brunette gave the elder woman a hopeful look. Leia was holding her gaze intently, like she was studying her._

_“Something more happened between you two.” She stated matter-of-factly. Rey's eyes widened and as about she was to defend herself, Leia held up her hand to stop her._

_“You don't have to say anything.” Leia chuckled, looking out to the people working on different projects._

_“Am I crazy? For wanting to forgive him? To redeem him? He does not deserve it. I know that but-_

_The older woman felt her anxiety and gave her a reassuring shake of her head to stop her ranting._

_“To forgive is an act of compassion, Rey. It is not given because someone deserves it, it is given because they need it.” Rey blinked her eyes, “don't lose that compassion.”_

_“Hope. I almost forgot what that could feel like.” Then she stood up, gave Rey a gentle pat on her shoulder before leaving her alone with her thoughts._

She felt hollow without him, and afraid when she was with him. Afraid of her own feelings, terrified that she wanted more. What did that say about her? During these weeks, she could only hear the gossip and what everyone was saying about the First Order and especially about him. That he was unredeemable, a soulless monster that was not worth saving.

When Rey had informed the Resistance of Snoke's death, and that Kylo Ren had taken the role as Supreme Leader, it only aggravated the fear among the rebels. She and Leia seemed to be the only two to not share that sentiment. But it was neither the time nor place to share their feelings on the matter.

She had been training by herself trying to block him out when she would feel his presence around her, but it was to no avail. They were both helpless whenever the Bond demanded to make itself known.

And Rey was tired of remaining angry, to remain upset because she knew, she sensed his remorse. When he had offered his hand, she felt every single emotion coursing through him. He had shown vulnerability and she shot it down – He had offered her the world. But she did not want the power. She never wanted it. What she wanted was for him to call of the attack that alienated the remains of the Resistance, and to come back with her. To end it all.

She wondered in silence what would happen if she had joined him instead but discarded that thought. It would do her no good to dwell on it.

Why could she not stop thinking about him?

“Because I am the only one that knows you. The real you.” She could smell him. Like fresh linen, and at the same time he smelled like the forest on Takodana. Like fresh grass, earthly and musky but underneath it, she was intoxicated by his natural scent that was his alone that just made her want to inhale more deeply. She closed her eyes, sensing her intruder behind her as clear as the sun will rise in the sky every morning. She felt his aura envelop her own in a familiar longing. Against her own volition, she could not help to sink in the feeling. It was sense of safety, feeling the surge of their powers intertwining with each other.

Her insides wobbled, her heart thundering, threatening to break her ribcage, and hot pressure forced to crackle behind her eyes. She didn't dare to turn around, her gaze stuck on the massive sea in front of her.

“Because I am the only one that sees what's inside you. The only one that would not fear what you could become.”

She turned around and saw him sitting on a rock that she had held in the air previous moments before. Was he here, or sitting like he had in his own quarter when they touched hands?

“Why are you always here when I'm feeling...”

“Lonely?” He finished for her, looking her directly in the eyes, and she could swear her heart skipped a beat.

He took her silence as an answer and stood up slowly to walk towards her. “Why won't you tell your friends, my mother about what you feel?” He was provoking her, goading her.

“About the Bond?” He finished, circling around her so he stood right behind her.

She didn't really know how to respond. Her silence was all the answer he needed. “You are afraid they will fear you.” She forgot how to breathe when feeling the heat of his body radiating to her back, making her shiver.

His warm breath was brushing against her neck, and she stood completely still. “When they find out who you really are. What you are destined to become.”

She twirled around, sudden anger rushing through her veins.

“I am not you. I could never be you.”

“Who are you trying to convince? I have seen your destiny, Rey.”

“You only saw one side of it. I saw yours too, profound and solid and that is why I will never join you. Never.” She spat. If he was disturbed by her answer, he showed no signs of it.

“But you can't be without me anymore.” She was stunned by his words. They resonated within her. Because it was the truth.

“I wish I knew how to end this.” She whispered in response, and something flickered in his eyes as she said this. He went to her, and stood so close, his large frame looming over her. She was momentary taken aback seeing him so near her. The dark curls that framed his face, the scar she had given him. His eyes glimmered in the moonlight and she could not look away from him. He was breathtaking in every way.

He slid his glove from his hand and she tore her eyes from his face to see what he was doing. He raised his hand in front of and she knew what it meant. He was challenging her, and she felt it. That call, the pull like a siren's song and she could not stop herself. With a trembling breath and shaky hand, she raised her own, once more looking into his eyes to something shift inside those dark depths. She saw that glimmer she saw before on Ahch-To. With their palms almost brushing, she felt the electricity hovering between them until finally feeling the warmth of his palm embracing her own. She had never envisioned that his skin could be so warm, and soft to her touch...so human.

It was like the very ground beneath them fell away and the world around them faded. It was an inexplicable feeling as if the entire galaxy stopped in time and there was only the two of them. They were both breathing heavily as they felt the fire from the mere simple touch did to them.

In this moment she felt free of the heavy duties that lay in the outside world. What duty demanded of her. In this moment, there was only Ben and Rey. There was no First Order, no Resistance, no war. In this, it was only the two of them. They stared at each other in both fascination and wonder, as if their very souls were uniting in harmony.

He understood the flame – the darkness that burned inside her as nobody else ever could. Nobody else would trust her if they had seen the depths of her mind. She felt it again. As if together they could do anything they liked. It was selfish thought but intoxicating nonetheless.

Rey breathed heavily,  _I'm going insane..._

But it did not quell what was happening to them right there and then. They both felt becoming one with the Force. It vibrated through them, sang to them, and it was overwhelming, and every passing second made their connection all the more intense. His warm touch was gentle, soft and assuring.

“How can you say you don't want this?” He asked softly, and she realized they were close. Dangerously close.

She looked him in his eyes and swallowed hard. “Because it makes everything so much harder.”

“Why?” He pressed on.

“Don't ask me to answer that...”

“Rey....” She closed her eyes then, reliving everything that had happened to her the past days. She had lost so much. She had lost Han, she had lost Luke and had almost lost Finn. She had no parents that cared for her...that truth, having to face it hurt much more than she could ever think possible and it was clawing at her. For once she did not hold back because with Ben she did not need to hold back, she did not need to put up a brave facade...because he  _knew_  her.

“I am really alone, Ben." She whispered, her emotions getting the better of her, her lower lip trembling, lamenting her loss, "I have no one, my parents sold me. I... they did not want me. All my life I have waited for them, holding out hope...Han is gone, Luke is gone. Everyone I love keeps slipping away from me!" Her heart clenched at her sorrow and as she fell to her knees he could do nothing but fall beside her, unsure on how to proceed. She started to sob, wailing, her grief unbearable and uncontainable, and he simply sat there placing an arm around her and she felt comfort in his touch as he held her, shushing her, and soothing her, but nothing could really calm her as she grieved for what she lost.

"And this...whatever this is the only time I don't feel lost or unwanted, where I don't feel-" She could not continue her sentence and let her sorrow consume her.

The limit of her anguish lasted long enough that the first glimmers of sunlight were ebbing through the clouds in the horizon, but eventually, her sobs became whimpers, the flood of tears slowed to a trickle, and finally diminished away altogether, as she lay, too exhausted to move in Ben's arms.

"You have me." Was the last thing she heard until the sheer lack of exhaustion made her drift away into sleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I am humbled and amazed by the response this fic has gotten! I really did not expect that and now terrified I will dissappoint people on the direction I will be taking this story! I truly hope you will be happy with where I am going. This chapter still has an intro-ish feeling to it and it will kick off in the next one! And I am sooooo looking forward to that. You guys rock! And it was because of the huge response I managed to get this chapter done so quickly, So the response you have given me has truly fueled my spark to keep writing!
> 
> And wow for the amazing comment amount! It has made me squeal like a little girl :p And a huge thank you to Bianca from Reylo Trash (join it on FB if you haven't) to proofread this chapter and helped me immensly =)
> 
> Also the forgiveness quote Leia gives to Rey is from Buffy when Giles says it to Buffy in season 2 :) I truly thought it fitting here, and didn't want to alter it.


	3. See me Fight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw: I did this tribute video to TFA and TLJ trailers with focus on reylo! Will make reylo vids as soon the movie is released! Cant wait for that :D 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0nz7kUPeDWQ

Rey awoke with a jolt, in the tiny excuse for a bed in the cargo bay. Her heart hammered wildly, threatening to burst through her ribcage. Her arms were clinging around the book she had held against her chest in her sleep. After her failed training to control herself at the cliff, she turned to the books she had taken from Luke.

The Force was strong with them, and the power was thrumming within the contexts still amazed Rey. Some of them she could not understand a single word of. The ancient texts baffled her. Others were easier to decipher when she concentrated hard enough and let the Force guide her through the pages, letting her connect the dots with her fast working mind.

The original scripts, and she started to understand Luke's heavy resentment against the Jedi when she had been reading but also learned so many things that she had to know to continue her training without fearing the allure to the dark. Fear was a path to the Dark Side. Those words almost mocked her when she read it the first time.

Rey wiped the drops of sweat off her forehead, putting the book aside on her pillow, holding to the metal bars at the end of her bed. Her clothes were sticky on her skin and her mouth was as dry as the sand on Jakku. She stood up quietly on shaky legs, trying to not wake the others sleeping in the same area. She had to get away. She had to do something, and almost sprinted in the dark, empty hallway, noticing the stillness in the _Falcon_. Not careful of her surroundings she crashed into a hard body in front of her, making both collapse and groan.

"I'm so sorr-

She started to ramble as she found her footing.

-I should have looked where I was-" Rey got up as the same time as the man did, her mouth opened, forming a silent 'O'.

"Well, there are worse fates in this galaxy than to be knocked on the ground by a pretty girl." Rey felt heat creep up on her cheeks as Poe chuckled, straightening his jacket. His kind eyes sparkled as he was eyeing her up and down.

"I thought everyone were asleep." He continued as if nothing had happened, then licked his lips quickly as he gave her a small grin.

"Couldn't sleep either?"

"Sleep seems like a luxury these days."

He studied her for a second, "bad dreams?" He asked quietly. Her eyes wavered, aware she must look awful in her current state if it resembled anything she felt.

Poe took her silence as an answer, "I have them too. We lost so much, so many, too soon." The pilot continued to talk but she could no longer listen because she felt a pang of guilt hit her, like a rude poke in her ribs.

Her dream had been of a different nature entirely. One she would keep a secret. Since her training session and she had broken down completely in front of Ben, she had tried her uttermost to control her feelings. They had put everything aside, everything they had felt after they killed Snoke's Praetorian Guards on hold. To just be with each other. He had comforted her, she had felt him regretting his actions on Crait. He had not been there when she had woken up and part of her wondered if it was all a dream. Part of her hoped it to be true.

Why did they still share the Bond? Snoke had made it clear that it was he that bridged their minds together. She had not been in her right state to question it before, but now, she wondered what cruel joke this was. She also knew that Snoke couldn't possibly have told them everything. Because they had shared something long before she even went to Luke.

When Ben had interrogated her, it had ignited that spark. It seemed that that this connection they now shared was permanent, and only growing stronger with each passing moment. With him, she felt lost in a sandstorm in the desert. She hoped she would find answers in the Jedi scripts about the Bond. It was her only solace in this.

She was so confused, and there was a lingering feel of bitterness clawing at her, lamenting all her losses. All because of what the First Order wanted. An Order he was now in control of. He was their leader and she was the First Order's enemy.

“What would they think of you? If they knew?" Another very familiar voice whispered in the back of her neck and she jumped as a reaction, causing Poe to stop his ranting midsentence.

 _Ben_...He stood in front of her, solid and clear as ever. Dressed in all black, his wavy hair hanging at his sides, and that sturdy tunic he had always been wearing made him suddenly look so...enticing...

Her eyes widened slightly,  _no, don't even go there!_

Her breaths became shallow and quick, borderlining to panic. Not noticing when Poe touched her shoulder, she reacted violently to him, effectively snapping her focus away from Ben and the dark-haired man stared daggers at Poe for the interruption.

Poe backed a little from her as he regarded her carefully. "Rey, are you alright?"

_No, I'm really not...I am seeing Ben Solo in front of me and find him enticing...I'm obviously going crazy._

“Yes, of course. I just thought I heard something..."

She heard Ben scoff behind her.  _It was technically not a lie_ , she thought.

“Must have been space rats." She mumbled, looking behind her, giving Ben a tremulous wink, and she could have sworn his eyes darkened as he glared at her.

She was not prepared for Poe to laugh, "or those little creatures you and Chewie brought back. Ah, this ship is a beauty. There is something about her age that makes her so beautiful. I never thought I would be setting foot on the ship belonging to Han Solo."

 _Han Solo_...She tensed, remembering the ache Han had left her with. She missed him immensely, and she felt Ben tense behind her as well. He now knew where she was. Unlike the last time when he had been in her world from the moment they had connected, he was only now aware of her surroundings. She wondered for a fleeting second why that was.

“This ship is garbage." He commented with venom in his tone, looking like he did not know what to do with himself seeing the very place he must have spent much time growing up, before being sent to Luke. This ship held many memories for him, Rey sensed it in him and she actually smiled, recalling when she and Finn had been chased and she called this ship the very same thing.

“He was quite the pilot in his days, I heard. Would have loved to have seen him in action." Poe continued, unaware of how the very air seemed to shift around Rey and Ben.

“He was a good man." She agreed, looking behind her to see the slight twitch in Ben's mouth, and how he balled his fists.

“You did not know him the way I did." He answered.

Rey had to bite her lip to stop herself from snapping back to him.

_He loved you, it should have been all that mattered..._

“He was..." Poe agreed, and after a moment of silence, he came to stand next to her, and it was lucky he in fact could not see the mentioned son, glaring at the pilot like he wanted to throttle him. "It's still...strange that it is his son that is our enemy." He said quietly, fidgeting with his hands, and Rey heard the sorrow in his voice.

"I mean, Leia, she is so strong! Sometimes I wonder how she manages. She puts the cause above everything else, but she lost everyone she cared about...and now to face her son as the leader of the very thing she tried to save the galaxy from..."

Rey could not help but to look at Ben. He had not moved an inch, just staring at the two of them.

“...I just...I wish I could have helped her more. I have been so damn reckless." Poe sighed, and Rey reached her hand towards him, sensing Ben shift in his stance behind her, watching her every move as she put her hand on Poe's arm in comforting manner.

“Finn and Leia told me what had happened. You were trying to do the right thing." He put his own hand above hers, the warmth enveloping her own. His hand had a rougher touch than Ben and she was silently stunned by the contrast of how her body seemed to react very differently to the two of them.

_Why am I even comparing?_

“No... I was trying to be a hero, and she called me out on it." Poe slid against the wall to the floor only to have Rey sit down beside him - mostly because he still held her hand - trying to ignore how Ben stared intensely at her, his fists balled.

“But I will do better. I will have too. Not many of us left now."

Rey gave a reassuring smile and Poe grinned back at her. “I'm happy you are with us at least. After all Finn told me about you, I had been hoping to meet you."

She felt a shift then and there. All the sounds faded to nothing but Ben's breathing next to her. “And this is not where you belong." He said with such fervor, Rey felt the hair at the back of her neck rise by the steely determination in his voice.

“Please, go away..." She whispered. She could not handle this right now. What had happened between them on that cliff happened in a moment of weakness, when the torrent of raw crippling emotions cascaded into a hurricane that needed an outlet. But she didn’t want to be weak before him again.

Poe tensed next to her, softly letting her hand go, and begun to stand up, “I'm sorry. I know I talk to-"

Rey's eyes almost sprung from their sockets when she realized she said that out loud. “No! I'm sorry. I did not mean. I…”

What was she supposed to say? She had nothing that could save this situation, and Poe saw her struggling to find the right words.

The pilot gave her a little nod, "it's okay, Rey." He was hurt, she could tell by his posture, but she had no clue right now on what to say to rectify the words that had escaped her lips.

“I know my extremely handsome face can be too much to handle at times." He tried to joke, flashing her a little wink, making Rey stutter once again with her words but he left her alone before she had a chance to say anything else.

She sighed and didn't turn around, feeling Ben move closer to her.

“Don't." She said brokenly and felt him stop in his tracks.

“Please don't." She stood up, slowly turning to face him.

His jaw clenched as they looked at each other, but he respected her wishes. “You are still upset with me."

She felt tears building up behind her eyes, pressuring to break loose, and bit the inside of her cheek.

“Because this is wrong. You say I'm not where I belong? What about you? You have all the power in the galaxy now, but you still feel as empty as before."

She felt the surge of familiar anger emanating from him. “I will create a new Order. A better one."

“And for what? Do you think it will fill the hole you have in your heart?" She spat back, tears flowing down her cheeks. He always made her feel so damned emotional.

“Do you think you will be as happy with power as you could have been-"

_...with me..._

That realization of those two words stung in her mind. Two simple words that lay so heavy on her soul. Ben must have known what she was thinking. There was unspoken silence hanging in the air, and she sniffed, wiping away her tears. “Rey..."

"Don't." She snapped.

He looked deep in thought and took one small step forward. “When you...left..." Rey anchored her gaze with his, seeing he was struggling on how to proceed to say what was on his mind.

“It felt like I got ripped in two. And I lashed out. Because that is how much control you seem to have over me." Rey was holding her breath as he neared her with another step. This time she let him and stood completely still.

He called out too her through their bond and she sensed his hurt, the sense of rejection and it made her want to cry even more.

“I killed my master. For you. I haven't taken my ship and hunted you all down. For you! I almost turned my back on everything I believed in.  _For you!_ " He kept approaching her and she was backing against the wall as he came closer.

“But you didn't...you chose power. You chose the Order above-

-You can feel everything I do, Rey. What did you expect from me?" Her heart twisted at his pleading tone. She sensed his conflict so strongly and it only made her shake with ache.

“I..."

“This is all I know. You had no idea what you were asking of me. It doesn't matter anymore!"

“How can it not matter?! How can people's lives not matter?! You know it does!" Her voice echoed around them, and Ben looked momentarily shocked, her words obviously having an impact on him.

“It doesn't matter." He repeated but his words lacked conviction. She shook her head fiercely, “You can lie to yourself, Ben. But you can't lie to me."

“What about the rest of them? Whose friends and families have been killed by the Order? That lost so much because of the Order?"

"Damn it, Ben. I'm still here. After everything! I. Am. Still.  _Here_. You talk about control? This is how much control you have over me! I should be so angry with you. I should hate you. I should be thinking of ways to end you and the Order and all I can think about-

_...Is you..._

She shut her mouth, feeling the tension rise between them and when she could trust her tongue again, she continued, “-is what we shared. Snoke manipulated you. We would forgi-"

“No, this is all me. Don't find anyone else to blame.”

“You made the wrong choice!”

They were so close now, both breathing in each other's faces and that sent a spark that went to her lower back, making her loose her footing for a split second.

"But It’s not too late." She whispered, curious about why her hand had the urge to tuck a dark curl that was hanging in front his right eye behind his ear.

He almost smiled at her in a broken way and that tore her apart more than nothing else ever had. It was so easy to see that underneath, when his true self cracked through, there was so much pain.

He reached out with his hand, stopping it next to her face as her breath hitched in her throat, as if waiting for her permission to continue. She looked him in the eye, feeling her heart pound, ringing in her ears with a burning sensation as he took off the glove. He stretched out, agonizingly slow and she forgot how to breathe, as he took a lock from her hair between his fingers.

"You are..." He whispered, "something else entirely." He dropped his hand from her and she felt strangely cold without his touch...and just like that he was gone, leaving her alone, shattered in her emotions as she fell to her knees, mourning to no longer feel him with her.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys...are so frikking amazing! I never once imagined the response this fic would get! I really didn't so thank you all for the support and love you have shown to this fic! And I can only hope you will continue to like this as the story progresses. I am a sucker for character focused chapters, with heavy emotions, but don't worry. Slowly but surely the story is going forwards. *insert evil laugh* The evil plans I have for this fic. Have an entire plot planned out, will not stress to take it there and hope you will join me on this rollecoaster ride!  
> Reviews fuel my souls, so thank you all that has taken the time to do so :D You are the ones that make me inspired to keep writing! Thank you all yet again! You guys are amazing!
> 
> Also very inspired by a certain scene in Vampire Diaries when writing this one :) EDIT: Should probably be more specific, it was the fight scene between Elena and Damon in season 5 if I remember correctly. I was watching that episode when I was writing this chapter and it suited so wonderfully for those that were wondering :)


	4. Long Live The Supreme Leader

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was extremely tough to write I hope you will enjoy it :)

Kylo Ren was standing on the Command Bridge. His posture emanating that regal posture that demanded respect and fear from his subjects. He was overlooking the planet of Coruscant. There was a heavy bristle aboard the _Supremacy_. The ship had suffered quite the damage, splitting it in two but the hyperdrive had worked long enough to get the ship back to the planet, and begin its reparations, while his soldiers retrieved the second part, hovering above Crait.

It had now been a month since Snoke's demise and Ben knew that people underneath him were confused and frustrated with the state of things. They were lost, and erratic as soldiers tended to get when leadership changed and to suddenly be without a purpose – no matter how short, it made them grow restless. But after today that would change. To cement his new role, there would be a parade so there would be no hesitation, no doubt about who Kylo Ren was and his place among the Order.

 _Kylo Ren..._  He chewed on the inside of his lip.  _She_  hated that name...He looked down on his hand. Same hand that touched hers, that had the honor of holding a simple lock of her hair. He had not expected it to be so soft. His mouth twitched when thinking of her. Her smell, a sweet mixture of honey and smoke seemed to always be around him, clouding his atmosphere like a fog, permanently wedged between his frontal lobe and sinuses.

He saw her in front him as clear as if she was here. Bond or no Bond. In their last encounter, she had been so...powerful. Her pupils had been dilated, and there was a beautiful flush of color staining her cheeks whenever she spoke so passionately to him and her lips...He had spent a dangerous amount of time watching her lips when she spoke.

There had been something else. He recognized the pilot straight away when their bond had connected them. He had only seen her, and him. And it was the  _seeing_  them together that made something twist painfully in his gut. The hurt had followed with a need to get the pilot away from her and he could not describe what it was. He felt his insides burst when he saw them holding hands. It was so innocent yet for him...

_She did that with me..._

That moment had been so profound for him, and for her too just...He dug his gloved fingers deeply in his palm, begging his mind to stop thinking of her.

"Supreme Leader, your transport is ready for you." One of his officers spoke, and Kylo dismissed him with a simple nod. He let out an internal sigh, turning so quickly, the cloak he wore flew elegantly behind him.

He was saluted everywhere he went, and he sensed the apprehension among the soldiers as he strode down to the docking bay to be met by Hux. The General was not able to hide the look of contempt that seemed to be permanently etched on his face ever since Crait.

Kylo Ren knew of Hux's passionate loathing for him, but Snoke did have a point in keeping a rabid cur on its leach. He could count on his loyalty to the Order and his fear of Ren's powers to keep him in check. Not to mention he needed Hux's expertise in the military, and he knew the Order itself held the General in high regard. For now, at least. He also knew Hux suspected there was more to Snoke's death than what Kylo had shared. He would have to survey Armitage closely.

They had also found Phasma. She had been recovered from the rubble, with a low but steady heartbeat. It was impressive how determined she was - even in an unconscious state, and her unyielding need for vengeance against FN – 2187. Fire did not kill her. It was a small comfort. The troops needed a strong Captain, knowing that most of them had been severely discouraged by the recent events that claimed many lives among them.

Whispers danced around him, making him almost falter in his steps. It was her. Rey...

Why did it feel the further they were apart, the more the Bond wanted to make itself known to them? He did not see her, could not fully hear her. It was more like a ghostly presence, just enough to make him lose even more of his sanity.

Trying to remain indifferent as possible, he arrived at his shuttle, greeted by the General. "Supreme Leader." Hux announced, his voice crisp as they shared a look, heading inside the vessel.

Hux had called this ceremony Kylo's coronation. Like it had been when the Darth Sidious overtook the Republic, there would be a parade through the inner part of the city. It sounded simple enough, and at the end of it all, there would be a speech. A speech that would be recorded that would be sent out to every system, to every sector, and to every planet in the galaxy.

He should be feeling...different. He should be thrilled, excited and wanting to display his new powers, making sure that everyone knew who he was and the respect that came with it. That he was Vader's heir and he would bring the new Order to the people. Kylo Ren was known to these people, but he would make him immortal...

And still...He felt  _her_ , prodding and poking, disturbing his emotions. The most terrifying of it all was that he had started to think what she would have thought of this, and on some disturbed level he sought her approval, wanted it, and he knew she would give none to this, and he could practically feel her disappointment. She was like an infection that kept festering within him, eating him up from the inside.

Ren proceeded to sit in the in the back of the ship, while Hux and pilots went to the cockpit, leaving the young Solo alone with his thoughts.

"Have I ever told you black is not your color?" Ben snapped his head to his right, seeing Luke sit next to him. There were no words in the entire galaxy that could describe the torrent of emotions coursing through his veins to see his old master. That even in death, he would come to haunt him. He shimmered, transparent with a blue area glowing around him.

“Hello Ben."

He stood up so quickly, calling forward his lightsaber on instinct, pointing it against Luke who only gave a little shake of his head. "Always so impulsive. I'm already dead you know." He mused, not in the bit perpetuated.

“Why are you here? Leave me..."

“And what? Miss my nephew's coronation?" Luke rose slowly to face him. “We are family, Ben. Did you think I would miss it? Your mother would have been so proud."

“Shut up!" Kylo snarled, feeling his jibe hit harder than he thought it would, his grip on his blade intensifying, almost piercing the leather of his glove.

“You are dead. Leave me be!"

Luke simply gave him a smile, "I will never leave you. You are my blood. I failed you once, Ben. I won't do it again." Kylo all but roared like a wounded animal, raising his lightsaber to strike through Luke who stood completely still, not reacting to have the saber go through his form. Even as the wall cracked behind him, glowing and frizzling as an aftermath, he was observing every emotion of his nephew.

Kylo dryly observed that he had given Hux more reason to question his mental stability once he would see the damage he caused to the ship. He could not care less.

“Your failure only made me stronger!" Kylo Ren seethed arrogantly.

“It made you a puppet." Luke calmly replied.

Kylo breathed heavily, finally drawing his lightsaber back, his entire posture went rigid, as if awaiting an attack. Seeing Luke was an attack on his very soul.

“No! This is my purpose. This is where I am supposed to be! I will fulfill Vader's legacy."

“Did you conveniently forget his end?"

Kylo snapped his mouth shut. He hadn't...it was one of the first lessons Luke had taught him. The fall of Anakin Skywalker and the rise of Darth Vader and ultimately his redemption.

“His end-"

Luke cut him off, "-is the point of it all. Can't you see? What you need..." Luke gave him a look like he knew the darkest secrets and feelings inside his nephew and Kylo realized in one split second that he had seen his desires.

"Don't you dare say it!" Kylo cried out in anger. Luke stood still until he started to dissipate and smiled at him as he faded until he was once more alone.

The silence had never felt heavier. Ben breathed, his lungs filling completely with cold air, stabbing his insides. He felt a dampness on his forehead as a single trickle of sweat cascaded down his temple. His face muscles kept twitching as he felt his entire body wanted – needed an immediate outlet. He felt the power he possessed pumping through him, the urge to do... _something!_

The door to the cockpit opened, and he realized they must already been landing as he felt another shift in ship. Hux emerged, stoic and cold as ever. He stopped, eyeing the damage Kylo had caused to the interior wall, and cocked his left eyebrow in surprise. His blue orbs filled with scorn when watching him but this time he did not dare to make a comment, seeing the disheveled state of Kylo Ren whom was known to give in to his tantrums. Kylo looked at him, daring him to challenge him, almost wishing he would, to give him a reason to Force choke him.

But it didn't come, and it left him feeling agitated. He knew his actions were disturbing and completely insane. But the realization did not a thing to silence the storm within him.

As the gate opened and they emerged from the shuttle, he finally understood the seriousness of the entire situation. There must have been thousands if not tens of thousands of troops expecting their arrival on the plateau in Coruscant. The streets were decorated with crimson red banners, with the symbol of First Order. Most of the citizens had gathered on the sidelines, curious to see the new leader of the Order.

There was music and red petals flowing down from the buildings, falling like soft snowflakes upon the smooth marble surface he was standing on. He could not help but open his hand, seeing some petals falling in to his palm, a sentiment washing over him that he could not explain, and he squeezed his glove, destroying the tender leaves before letting them fall to the ground.

Kylo Ren took a deep breath and then started his march to reach the pedestal platform right ahead of them. The small squads that stood on the sidelines when he disembarked from the ship quickly joined behind him and Armitage Hux.

As they arrived, Kylo Ren stood next to General Hux that took his right side - the correct position of a General, eyeing the crowd around them. Behind them stood the frightened senate that was re-established but under the iron grip and leadership of the First Order. In other words, Kylo Ren.

A droid appeared next to Hux, and he started the sequence to make sure this message would be sent galaxy-wide.

General Hux started, his voice booming with the help of the droid, across the city. "The Supreme Leader is dead!"

And an echo rallied through the crowd, "Long live the Supreme Leader!"

"The time for reckoning is upon us! The Resistance is all but wiped out. The rebels are no more! Today we mark a new beginning! Today we will slake their fire and incinerate the very air they breathe!"

"Long live the Supreme Leader!"

"We will end the pathetic remains of the Resistance, eradicate their pollution in our galaxy. We will squash their hope! Let the very stars now that we are their doom, and we will sweep upon them with a fiery tempest and unyielding vengeance!"

"Long live the Supreme Leader!"

"The remnants of their futile Resistance is crumbling as we speak. There will be no quarter given, there will be no mercy for them or anyone harboring them. We will remind everyone of what fear is!"

"Long live the Supreme Leader!"

Kylo had not noticed until now that he had been trembling and sweat kept dripping from the sides of his face. His heart was pounding wildly, and he was feeling trapped in a cage, unable to escape, unable to breathe. Not that nothing from his inner confrontation showed on the outside.

Hux took one step closer to Kylo, and he saw the bitter resentment glimmering in his eyes as he was sure the next part that Hux was about to say must be tearing him inside.

“Our new Leader, the descendant from Darth Vader himself, former apprentice of our leader will be the one to destroy them." Kylo heard the crowd cheering, and he felt bile build up in his throat.

"And now...to mark this day as the end of the Resistance!" Hux snapped his fingers, and Kylo had no idea what was about to happen next, not liking one bit to be kept out of the loop. Hux mentioned with his hand to everyone to look to their right. Kylo's jaw tensed, immediately realizing what was about to happen.

Three stormtroopers held their guns in the backs of three people that was forced to move against Kylo and Hux. Two men and one woman. They were cuffed and had cloth twirled around their mouths, dressed in Resistance clothes. All three of them seemed to stare at him with a pure heated look of defiance. Kylo noticed they must have been kept as prisoners for a long time, by their hollow cheeks, the ashy skin, how their eyes almost appeared sunken in. Their chapped lips that indicated they barely got any water to drink. Hux must have kept them captured long ago just to wait for the right moment to...inspire fear should the Resistance grow.

He never hated Hux more than he did now. With his emotions going haywire and knowing that she would not want him to do this, he gripped his lightsaber tightly, not knowing how to escape this. The silence was deathly still as all three of them were brought down on their knees in front of Kylo Ren.

“And now our fearless leader will show what happens to those that disobey our Order! What happens to those that defy us!" Hux roared, and even as everyone yelled and cheered around Kylo, he tuned it out, only watching the three fighters in front of him. There was a tug in his chest, desperate and wanting to lash out. He swallowed hard. He did not wish to do this.

“Long live the Supreme Leader!" The choir of voices reverberated through the city as Kylo battled his inner demons on what to do. He had no choice, and this was the first time he ever felt so conflicted with taking life except for his mother.

His mother had survived. They wouldn’t.

She wouldn't want him to do this.

He took out his hilt, clenching his jaw as he lit his unstable lightsaber, not missing the awes and gasps erupting from the citizens around him as the red color shone like a star among the grey dullness of the crowd.

He inhaled deeply, aiming to shut of the part that made him feel, as he rose his blade slowly but surely. The entire city held its breath, waiting for him to cut down the rebels in front of him.

But then he made his greatest mistake. He looked at the girl as he was bringing his blade down, only to have it stop exactly at the edge of her neck, the sparks from his saber flaring into her neck causing burn wounds to appear. The girl gasped in shock and once they interlocked eyes, he realized his failure. Same damn hair! The tricks his minds played on him made the girl before him turn into Rey...

He dropped his saber in pure shock, and the sound it made when it hit the ground was shattering in so many ways.

Nobody made a sound, and Hux looked like he had eaten something deliciously sweet as he shot him subtle, taunting grin. Kylo could not afford to look weak, not here. He used the Force to grab his blade to him and without hesitation and deadly accuracy he cut the rebels down with one stroke. He could not save them from their fate, but he could lessen their pain. Their heads rolled in one direction while their bodies slumped down to the ground, and Kylo used everything within his power to shut of his emotions.

"Long live the Supreme Leader!" He heard Hux say quietly next to him, in a gloating fashion, earning a lethal glare from Kylo Ren.

"Long live the Supreme Leader!" Repeated itself like a mantra throughout the crowd, its ringing cutting to the very marrow of his bones. The Dark Side hummed within him, sang to him, wanting to lure him in its warm comfort, showing the potential that could be further unlocked if he just embraced what he had just done. But all Kylo could think about was the terrified eyes of a girl looking at him as she met her demise by the end of his blade.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So erhm...this chapter was a tough cookie to write and very much needed. Sorry about the no Rey in this chapter! But can you imagine her reaction when she sees the hologram? this chapter was getting much longer then expected. And after my last sentence, it felt more fitting to save more reylo for the next chapter :) Thank you soooo much for all your support, all the subscriptions and all the Kudos. And I wish I could give the biggest hugs to you that comment on my work. Thank you for inspiring me! It means a lot <3  
> Also i looked up where the First Order could have had its main city so to speak...and after a little debate with a friend, we figured it must be Coruscant. At least in this story it is. Made most sense to me in any case =)  
> Let me know what you think :D  
> also #Phasmalives is going to be my new thing xD


	5. Falling Skies

Hope was a strange feeling. If you listened closely you could hear it like a whisper, fragile but inspiring, filling the hearts and minds of the lost souls aboard the _Falcon_. They had allies, they were gaining more people. She saw hope in the darkest night, clinging on to it.

Leia had made damn sure to express her icy disappointment with those people that claimed to be allies to the Resistance when they did not show up at Crait. In other circumstances she would be less forgiving, but they could not afford to make rash decisions based on heated emotions. They needed all the people they could get, Leia could only hope that her already brittle trust in them would only reward itself.

When they still had not encountered the First Order, a tender optimism seem to latch on them all. One week had passed, followed by two and three until it had been a month and she saw that the rebels on ship despite them mourning the losses of their friends and family, that there was a comfort and unwavering resolve to see this war through. They had something worth fighting for. Leia owed it to Luke to keep fighting. She would not let his sacrifice be in vain.

They were nearing an old ally in the Outer Rims that Leia had on good source still had an abandoned, well stocked Resistance base. Even rumored to have X-wings. They had not answered her call on Crait. When Leia had talked with the leader of the of the village they would land on, H'mrshac, he had been honest as to why he had not sent soldiers to her.

Everyone had thought the last rebels to be dead. Now with them gaining support, scattered among the Outer Rims, the news spread like wildfire throughout the galaxy of their survival, and of Rey's powers. People were tired of the war, tired of the First Order and many saw the young Jedi as a rallying cry to their cause. She was the symbol of their freedom. Leia knew they were living on borrowed time. Soon enough, her son...her son would hunt them down.

She felt it. With Han gone - the love of her life, and now her brother had passed away, Leia was emotionally drained and exhausted. That her heart was still beating steady and firm was beyond her own comprehension when it had suffered so tremendously. But not without a cost. Luke's unlike Han's passing was peaceful, but it did not alienate the sorrow. That after all this time searching for her brother, he was already robbed from her.

And her son. Her sweet, sweet boy...

Leia looked at Rey. This girl had decided, without hesitation that her son was worth saving.

Across from the lounge, she saw the brunette sitting next to Finn, seated on the small bed where Rose had finally woken up but was still restricted to bedrest due to her broken leg. They had no bacta tank or bots to speed her healing.

What she had done for Finn...Sweet Rose. Love is truly a power to be reckoned with. At this moment all three of them looked happy. Nothing unusual to the untrained eye. The little band of misfits could relax together and draw strength from their friendship.

But she saw the ever-present sadness in Rey. She could feel it in the Force. It was there if you looked hard enough. Leia could tell because she had recognized the same constant battle within her. Rey laughed at something Finn just told her, aided by the very excited BB-8, and Rose that just smiled at the exchange.

Leia knew that Rey was struggling. Like something was eating her up inside out. And she had a strong suspicion what or rather who it was.

The General did not know this girl very well, but it was a matter of instinct, and they shared a bond because of Han. She was inspiring, keeping up a brave facade. But she saw the subtle cues, and hints of her behavior and when the young girl thought nobody was looking, Leia saw the tension in her shoulders, the empty stares into the nothingness, the anguish clearly written on her face. She saw the heavy burden that had inevitably been placed on her shoulders. She was wound tight, and any moment, Leia expected her to snap. Rightfully so.

It had been unfair to put so much hope on her, but the people needed her to be their beacon. To be their symbol. She had faced her son and lived. She had faced Snoke and lived. She was the only one now carrying her brother's legacy.

A mother's love never dies, and Leia did not know if it was folly or naive to feel that tiny spark of hope for her son. The people would never forgive him, would never accept him. They would demand his death and demand retribution for all they lost. In the end, there would be no happy ending for him. But like with all things, Leia could only hope that it would not be his fate.

One of her officers approached her as she was studying the young Jedi.

“General, we are nearing the sector. We will begin immediate correspondence as per your request."

She nodded, dismissing the officer, hugging her crane with one hand, while absently playing with her ring with the other.

They had arrived in the Dominus sector to go to the planet Ruac. If everything would go well, they would finally have access to fighter ships and cruisers, and time to catch their breath. To finally be on land to not just refuel and replenish their supplies.

With a last smile on Leia's lips she looked at the girl once more. Rey believed her son could be swayed to their side. That there was light in him and Leia could not help but to harbor such affinity for her. She was not only hope for the Resistance, but she was the hope that Ben needed.

 

* * *

 

 

_There is no emotion, there is peace._

_There is no ignorance, there is knowledge._

_There is no passion, there is serenity._

_There is no chaos, there is harmony._

_There is no death, there is the Force_

Rey was sitting on a bench, dressed in deep blue colored pants and a white tunic, in the village Rakka. They had arrived a few hours ago and Rey left it to Poe and Leia to start their diplomatic conversations to see if this indeed could be their new base of hope. Despite its harsh name the planet's atmosphere felt humid, and warm. There were huge lakes scattered as well as big luscious forests. She could even appreciate the soft warm breeze against her skin.

The sun felt like a comfort on her weary body, while having her nose in the scriptures. From the little she managed to read and understand so far, she quickly concluded she would have made an awful Jedi...

The code only showed her that it was humanely impossible to follow. How could the Jedi live like this? It was not even a life worth living. Without emotion...what was the point?

According to the wisdom of the Jedi, attachment is forbidden. Possession is forbidden. Clinging to emotion is forbidden. Having wants...is forbidden.

To be consumed by emotions, was a path to the Dark Side. To care for someone, to love someone was selfish, and unrational. It could drive the wisest of men into beasts. A Jedi would surpass that desire, to place that love for the whole of the Force. For all living things.

Love...

Rey flickered her gaze towards the village, gripping the book harder. It was love that made Rose save Finn on Crait. It was love that made Luke sacrifice himself to save them. It was love that made Han Solo forgive his son after being pierced by his blade.

Love is their greatest strength.

Reading the texts almost provoked her. Like a reminder of what she could never be herself. These were not the lessons Luke tried to impart on her and she saw it more clearly with each passing day.

The Jedi shackled themselves to obedience. To serve others, never above them, and that they had to submit to the Force. But it was in their obedience, their arrogance and ignorance shone through. She heard Luke's words reminding her about how it was because of them Darth Vader rose.

And she somehow had a better understanding as to  _why..._

There had to be a better way to balance the light and the dark.

Following the Jedi completely would essentially rid her of humanity by putting a leash on it. Following the dark would turn her into a soulless monster.

_There must be something in between..._

She absently took the lock of her hair that Ben had been touching, his imprint leaving a scar on her. She could practically smell him – that sweet combination of fresh linen, sweet grass and earthly scent that seem to stick onto him. Everywhere she went, everywhere she turned around, his presence was somehow always there, whispering. Even though the Bond had not activated so they could see each other. She had no idea if she was going crazy, imagining things or if it was the Bond growing stronger...

She was becoming obsessed thinking about him, and that she was alone in this did not help her predicament neither. Nobody knew, nobody  _could_ know.

“I feel it too..." She was startled, so busy with her thoughts she had not felt the world go silent around her.

“Ben..." She breathed. He looked so...tired. When was the last time he slept?

He only stared at her, clad in his black clothes, an unreadable expression clouding his face. Her heart rattled inside her ribcage, and she felt a nervous tingle in her lower back.

And yet underneath the shock to see him, there had been this tiny jolt in her belly, a feeling she could not discard as it travelled up in her chest, pulsating through her core.

She blanched for a moment. She had missed him...She had actually  _missed_  him...

Looking around her, she wondered if he could see her surroundings like he had done when he was with her on the cliff? It was strange. The Bond seemed to be unpredictable in that way. For just a second, she also realized the dangers that could pose. If he saw their surroundings...did it mean he could find them?

As if reading her thoughts, his eyes glanced around them, and frowned, “I only see you." The way he said you made her insides churn and left her mouth dry. It reminded her to heavily of the first time their Bond made itself known.

He seemed to be considering her with a tentative look as if watching her reaction to him being there.

“Why do we still see each other?" Ben's eyes flashed with something she could not decipher as her question rang out to his ears. She had to ask him, she had to know if he had more answers to this then she did.

"Snoke said-

-Snoke was lying."

Her mouth snapped shut, almost hurt by the vehemence in his tone. “But why would-"

He clicked his jaw, and his eyes turned cold, defensive all of a sudden. “Because that is not how it works. He might have amplified it, but he never created it." He nodded towards the book in her hand, recognizing what it was. "That should provide you with answers." His tone turned sour, like it was offending him with its very presence.

“Interesting that he would pass it on you." Rey's cheeks flushed and understanding dawned on him.

“Ah. He didn't give them. You stole them." A little smile ghosted his lips. “Ever the scavenger."

Anger rose at his comment as she marched towards him, an accusing finger pointing at him. “Don't call me that."

“It was not an insult." He stood still, watching her erratic breathing and the tightness in her shoulders.

“I admire it. You take what you want. When you want it. Like me." He had this intensity in his look, in the way he said these things, it made something behind her navel tingle.

She took a step back, sensing something stirring within him. It was written all over his face as she regarded him, the small muscles movements in his expression gave it away. And she quickly came to comprehend the truth that he did not want her to see. Something terrible had transpired, and he was deliberately trying to push her away.

“What happened?" His eyes turned dark, and she saw the muscles constrict around his throat.

“Don't ask questions you don't want the answers too."

Her mouth opened just a little, “Ben..."

“You will see soon enough." He sounded so tense, and then their connection snapped shut, leaving her completely breathless, it burned into her lungs.

As the world made its presence known to her once again, she had gotten a few curious glances from the people of the village, and her cheeks reddened, knowing she must have looked insane talking with herself. She had not even given it a thought when she had seen him this time.

_What will I see soon enough? What did he mean?!_

Rey rubbed her temples, feeling a headache throbbing in the back of her head as she decided to sit down again – if only to calm herself. She let out a sigh, trying to concentrate on her reading, and scrolled through the book until she caught an interesting passage – almost, only almost silencing the thoughts of their encounter.

_The Force exists everywhere and within all living things, there are also certain artifacts having demonstrated the ability to augment it. Kyber crystals have been the heart and source of Jedi powers. The crystal is not, by itself the power of the weapon but attuned with the Force. For a Jedi this weapon becomes more: A manifestation of our connection to the Force._

_One can learn to augment a synthetic crystal with their mind, through meditation and patience to create their own crystal for their saber. Through the meditation one will imbue the crystals with the Force to attune the crystals, linking them, as the crystals feel sentiment, one channels the Force energy and personality and in so doing the crystal becomes one with its Master, unique in every way._

She smiled. She had kept Luke's broken saber, hidden and safe under Rose's bed in the lounge of the _Falcon._ That had been something that had fascinated her. Even as the blade was broken, the crystal was not.

_Perhaps..._

She bit on her lip, deep in thought, feeling a sense of hope washing over her. All the knowledge she needed to create a new weapon was within her grasp. She would need to build a furnace. And she had something in mind that could work.

If one crystal could turn into a blade, could she not unlock it even further by creating a double-edged blade? There was some allure to that thought if it would show to be possible. She always did feel much more secure in her fighting techniques with a staff. She would have to look this up.

Letting out another groan, she craned her neck to gaze over the little village. There was a big mixture of humans, and all types of different races. It seemed like a calm little town. Trade was not as hectic as it has been on Jakku.

“Rey!" She turned her head to her left, a grin forming on her lips as she saw Finn approaching her. Looking much more rested and happy then he had in days.

“Hey, Finn!"

“It seems you have grown attached to that- He waved his fingers, his lips turning into a teasing grin.

-book? " Rey finished as her friend chuckled. She had been doing little else then to read until their arrival here.

"Yep. That! It still amazes me how you can even understand them."

"It takes patience."

"Patience?"

"They are old."

"Dusty, you mean."

She cocked her eyebrow upwards, realizing he was messing with her. "Did you just come here to tease me?"

Finn laughed, "well. It seems you... " He sat down next to her, looking awkward all of the sudden. "You know, I care about you, Rey. You are my friend. I know you have been through a lot lately, and... " Rey had an involuntarily smile quirking upwards sensing Finn's struggle to find the right words.

"I don't want you to feel like you are alone in this. Because you are not, ok? You can talk to me about everything."

_I really can't..._

She resigned herself and looked down to her shoes, and hoped she sounded compelling enough when she responded. "Thank you."

She had shared most of what had happened with Finn about Luke on Ahch-to, her training, her going to Snoke's flagship. Repeating the same story, she had told Leia.

"There is something I have been meaning to ask you though. Why were you on Snoke's ship in the first place?"

Rey blinked, the steady rhythm of hear heart beating against her chest instantly sped up.

"You said you had reasons to believe Kylo Ren could be turned."

Her palms suddenly felt sweaty, and she had a feeling she would not like where this conversation was heading.

"Why did you believe that? I mean, last time I checked, he almost killed both of us."

She was right, she did not like this conversation at all.

"Finn..."

"You were not there when I saw him ordering to massacre an entire village in front of my eyes. He is a monster!"

Her heart twisted uncomfortably, she had to bite her tongue to not say anything impulsive and pushed her hands against her knees in hope she would stop trembling.

"I just don't understand, Rey. Help me understand."

Her throat had painfully constricted, and she rattled her head to piece something together to answer him.

Finn was observing her closely, and she felt herself become unnerved by his stare. "He is Leia's son. I owed it to her and Han to try. I thought it was our best hope." She hoped she looked convincing because technically she had not lied.

"That doesn't excuse anything he has done."

It was like a punch to her gut, "I know that, Finn. I'm sorry but I can't explain it to you."

She anchored her gaze to Finn and they both felt the tension around the two of them changing. His frown etched deeper, and he watched her thoughtfully.

"Something-" He started before they could continue their conversation, they were interrupted.

"Finn! Rey! The General wants you to come inside. There is something you need to see!" They both recognized Poe from the distance and Finn gave her a last confused look before standing up. She did not join, afraid she would give too much away by the trembling in her knees.

Poe quickly realized she was not coming, looking between Finn and her, probably sensed the strained aura between the two friends.

"You go ahead!" Poe said to Finn who glanced at Rey, almost looking apologetic at her, but nodded, leaving the two of them.

"Do I even want to ask what happened?" The Commander asked softly.

Rey closed her eyes and shook her head. Poe looked a little awkward standing there, one hand on his hip, another going through his hair, and Rey felt the pang of guilt go through her, knowing the reason of his discomfort.

"I'm sorry. About before. " the brunette said firmly, making Poe raise his eyebrows. "I was really tired...and I didn't mean what I said."

_It was never in fact directed at you...not that you can know..._

"Apology accepted." He responded, his lips quirking upwards.

"Although... " He began with a little wicked grin on his lips that Rey did not know what to make of, "you  _did_  wound me deeply, right here." He added a dramatic pause while banking his fist against his heart, and Rey just rose her eyebrows at him amusingly, " alright. I get it. "

"I mean, I did not think I would recover." He continued, and she started to smile because he looked so ridiculous.

"Those words, Rey, they scarred me for life."

She looked away but could not help to chuckle as he burst out laughing, the strange noises sounded like a wonderful melody. She had been so sucked into darkness, and confusion it was good to be reminded that even amidst everything they had been through, they could laugh about something so silly.

"Yes, how can I ever earn your forgiveness?" She asked jokingly.

His expression just got a little bit more mischievous as he winked at her, "that is for me to know and for you to figure out. Now come on, we received a hologram message from the First Order. Apparently sent galaxy-wide."

She stiffened... _The First Order?!_

Rey grabbed her book, tucking it safely in her bag, and walked in silence back to the Command hub of the village. The atmosphere changed so quickly once she entered the room. Her eyes went immediately to the General who looked tense, like she already knew what the message was. She felt Poe's hand on her back, trying to urge her forward as he whispered quietly, nodding towards Leia.

"We know it's the public declaration of Kylo Ren becoming the Supreme Leader."

And like that, reality washed over her once more. Of where she was, and where  _he_  was.

 _"Don't ask questions you don't want the answers too..."_  His voice boomed in her mind, and she had swallow the cot of emotions rising in her throat.

Her heart thundered furiously against her chest. What were they going to see? There could be nothing good coming from this. But she was a warrior, with a heart of steel. She would see this through.

The leader of the base, the alien named H'mrshac looked somber as he was waiting for the General's approval to begin playing the message. The tension was palpable in the room as the blue hologram shone brightly in the room and Rey hugged herself, her fingers digging into her sides as she saw Ben...

Even if she could not see him too clearly, she could see he was struggling. She saw the tight set in his jaw. The clenching and unclenching of his hands, and most importantly while the vile man, Hux was looking at the crowd with a furious, demented, almost an obsessive stare while giving his speech, Ben's gaze had been empty.

He did not want to be there. She could see it so clearly...

_Oh, Ben..._

She dared a quick glance at Leia, who battled with her own emotions while watching the hologram.

"And now our fearless leader will show what happens to those that disobey our Empire! What happens to those that defy us!" Hux roared and both Rey and Leia shared a look.

_No..._

It was as everything slowed down, and she could only hear her own breathing, and the intensity of how her heart that seemed to want to jump out of her chest. She could only see him, and could not tear her eyes away from him.

Then she saw three people forced down before him, the subtle movements he made being faced with this choice. She saw his conflict within him.

She knew before it happened what would come to pass.

He had hesitated...he had dropped his saber and hesitated...only to have him cut all three of the down in one swift motion...just like her heart.

She dared not to delve on her emotions, sensing Finn's eyes on her at the back of her neck. She saw Leia closing her eyes, as her face turned white. And Rey realized that this...must have been the first time for her to see her son in such a long time and to have him kill three people...a public execution nonetheless...She felt herself breaking for the elder woman, wondrous how she even managed to hold it all together.

There was a heavy silence around the room, only to have her jump in shock as Poe had violently slammed his fist against the wall, the sound vibrating through each one of them.

"Calm yourself, Commander." Leia said softly, gripping her crane.

"Ca-Calm myself?! With all due respect, General! Those were my friends!"

"I said, calm yourself or I will have you removed." Leia stared him down, her voice booming with unrelenting authority, "You are not the only one that lost people in here." She finished tersely.

"They will be coming for us” H'mrshac murmured somberly.

"Yes. They will. So, are you with us or are you with them? There can be no half measure anymore."

"I will be putting all my people at risk, General."

"The entire galaxy is at risk, as we speak." Leia's spoke with unwavering heat in her tone.

Rey looked behind her to see Finn trying to comfort Poe. He looked extremely upset, shrugging Finn off, constantly shaking his head as he stormed out of the room.

Finn looked at her then, with a sense of pleading in his eyes and she knew what he wanted her to do. She really did not wish to remain in this room any longer either and she did not want to delve deeper in her own thoughts, so she went after the Commander. It did not take long to find him. She saw him walking, kicking the sand underneath his feet and sprinted after him.

"Poe! Wait!" He swirled she almost bumped into him.

"I'm so sick of it all! I'm sorry. I just...I knew all three of them. I thought they died but apparently, they had been suffering a fate worse than death. The girl... " She saw tears in his eyes, and a hand going over his mouth," she was part of my old squadron! I was her leader! I was supposed to keep her safe! I did not know...She has been alive all this time and I didn't even try save her!"

Rey didn't know what to say or do to make this easier. He looked everywhere but her, and she saw he was having trouble to stay in check with his emotions. And he should not have too. Feeling torn on the inside as well, she followed her instinct and hugged him. They both needed to feel they could take comfort with each other.

He stood still. Shocked about her actions, and she could feel his heart pumping against her chest. Then his brain seemed too kick into action and he gripped his arms tightly around her, pulling her even closer to him.

She felt every raw emotion, his dismay, his fatigue as his fingers dug in to the fabric of her clothes. He cradled his head at the crook of her neck and she let him, a sense of guilt filling her, as his body weighed heavily upon her.

"I'm sorry... " She whispered, "I'm so sorry." And she let him weep for his sorrows, while internally she wept for Ben. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really can't believe that so many people like my story, like the direction where I am taking this and I am blown away by the response. And for each chapter getting posted, I get both super nervous to what you will think and at the same time super excited. Thank you so much for joining me on this journey =) I have no idea how to express how much it means for me!
> 
> I have been going through some intense emotional rollercoaster on my own, and this is what aids me through the night...
> 
> So thank you for all the subs, kudos and comments. They mean beyond the world for me =)


	6. Silent Running

There was something exhilarating to have absolute control to whether someone lived or died. To hear the struggles of a frenzied attempts of a man trying to simply breathe, the pained wheezing, and the desperate need to fight for one's survival. And that he – Kylo Ren, in all his might and power - was able to deny it. Kylo added just enough pressure just to see Armitage's face turn red as his hair. Just a little more, and Hux would suffocate a painful death.

People were watching, which was exactly what Kylo wanted. He had never felt so humiliated as he had done on the plaza in Coruscant. That Hux had the nerve, that he dared to shame him publicly was not tolerated. He knew Hux was severely doubting him, and he knew this was his way to test him and his true allegiance without actually  _doing_  anything – also knowing Kylo could not do anything but obey – but Hux was looking for any signs to remove him from his new position.

That Kylo had hesitated at his coronation made the men below his rank question him. And he had to eradicate any doubt. Fear was a powerful tool when handled wisely, so it gave him immense pleasure watching the mighty General of his troops hang in the air, and that his life was in Ren's hands, proving that his powers would not be challenged.

It was in times like this, Kylo felt confident on where he belonged. He had control, and he executed that power with utter precision. The Force vibrated strongly through him, and it was in this moment he felt he could delve deeper in to its depths.

_Raw, untamed power...._

Snoke saw it in him. He saw everything in him. His potential and also...

_You have too much of your father's heart in you, young Solo..._

It was his past clamoring to him like a virus that prohibited his abilities to devote himself fully. He had killed his father, and he was painfully aware of it every single night after, drowned in his own sweat from the nightmares he had about it. How his father had looked at him, how he touched his cheek and how he forgave his deeds before falling to his death.

He could not kill his mother when the opportunity had presented itself – Because of his weakness. Because his father's death had torn him inside out far worse than Kylo ever could have imagined.

His past had to die, had to be eradicated from his memory. Only then...only then would he be what he was meant to be.

So why was it so difficult? It felt like an invincible wall that pushed against him every time he went further to the darkness. He kept seeing his father, how he scuffled his son's young, untamed curls when teaching him to pilot the _Falcon_ , or how to hold a gun when using C-3P0 as target practice – much to the robot's dismay which he made loudly clear to his mother when she found out. Oh, his father had been at his mother's mercy for days after that.

And his mother....

_“Always remember my sweet boy, with water, and sun, a tiny seed can grow into a majestic tree. It can transform something so small into something so mighty. That is you, my little seed, that will grow into a tree one day. Always remember that. Never forget what you are, or where you come from. Be proud of yourself, my son, my sweet son. I love you.”_

Those were the last words his mother had said to him when he had left to go the Jedi Temple. But he remembered his departure like yesterday. How abandoned he had felt, even after her endearing words of love. How he wished he could have stayed with her. Kylo craned his neck, obliterating those thoughts from his mind.

The Supreme Leader clicked his tongue while watching Armitage's eyes glisten with fear, “General Hux. My faith in your abilities are severely diminishing.”

“Sup-supreme,” Hux wheezed, his hands gripping his throat on instinct as it would alleviate anything Kylo was doing to him. The Command Bridge on _Supremacy_ had never been as silent as it was now. He squeezed a little harder, knowing he was crushing the man's windpipe. He could feel the nervous stares from the people under his command as they were watching Hux just trying to catch a sliver of breath.

_Good..._

“My disappointment in your troops cannot be overstated, General. Not only did the Resistance get away from the fleet at Crait, but they could not even manage to kill the traitor aboard this very ship. The lack of discipline among your men and women is troubling.”

He knew, just as well Hux knew this had very little to do with his troops and the failure on the mineral planet, but Kylo could not openly say it.

“I-I ass-” Hux tried, had Kylo had to tempt himself to not push himself further. To have the General at his mercy was something he could not deny he had been wanting for a long time.

“Your assurances mean nothing to me, General.” Kylo tilted his head ever so slightly, his eyes glimmering with menace. “Do not fail me again, or you will suffer a fate worse than death.  _That_  I can assure you.” Kylo's voice was deceptively calm.

He let go of his Force choke, and the General fell to the ground with a thump, his breathing shallow and hard as he tried to get as much oxygen as possible back into his lungs.

While he inspected the man in front of him, he knew he could not wait forever to go after the Resistance. He knew it would eventually be turned against him, but there was no time for it yet.

“Is my faith misplaced, General?” Armitage struggled to stand up on his feet, his one hand massaging his throat to clasp them both behind his back as he regained his full height.

“No, Supreme Leader. I will triple the efforts.” His voice was raspy, and they heard the people resume their work behind them as Hux was staring at Kylo, the muscles in his lips twitched to hold his emotions in control.

“I will not be as forgiving next time. There will be no mistake when we encounter the Resistance again.”

“No, Supreme Leader.” Hux bit back. There was ever the slight rebellious quiver in his tone,

Kylo walked up to him, just a breath next to him, whispering in his ear, “don't  _ever_  try to make me appear weak again, Hux. Or it will be the last thing you will ever do.”

Hux once more massaged his throat turned his eyes towards him. Light blue clashed with brown eyes, the defiance in his eyes was not completely extinguished as he eyed Kylo, and reluctantly gave him a little nod.

“I want the location on where Snoke kept my knights.” Kylo always knew Snoke was hiding them from him for the sole purpose of Ren to focus on his training. It was time to rectify that.

“I know you know where they are, and now you will give me their location.”

He heard it then...soft but unrelenting, like remnants of her voice that bounced on to him, whirling around his head. He knew what this was, and like that his entire posture changed as he instinctively turned behind him, seeing Hux sending him a confused stare...

_Rey..._

He saw her, fleeting for a second, like their Bond had done several times before the picture in front of him cemented. She was not alone.

The room fell into a vacuum, and he could hear them, just like he had heard Luke on Ahch-to. He heard the slight sobbing, but it was not Rey. No, it was-

 _The pilot!_  He tightened his hold on his fists. And he saw her, the only thing that was solid in the vision having her arms wrapped around him, comforting him.

_...because of what I did..._

He knew they must have seen the hologram. Looking at what was unraveling in front him, he knew because he sensed her, but the pilot's feelings gave it all away. It had been people he knew. He felt it in her own emotions, which confirmed what Kylo was thinking. He had expected her to be angry at him, but he was sensing something else entirely. Her anger he could handle, but her sorrow, her sympathy was an entire different thing.

He suppressed everything he felt to remain perfectly still. Why hadn't she noticed him yet? Was she that busy offering herself to the pilot, she did not feel his presence?!

He had to quiet the feral growl inside his chest...he should have killed the pilot when he had the chance.

The hug was too familiar, too personal for him. And there was this unnatural cold sensation, like ice crawling up on his spine, traveling like vines around his body, viciously and effectively suffocating him. He felt his fists clenching painfully, and he couldn't unclench them, hot flaring anger coursing through him.

Could she not feel him there? Was she purposefully ignoring him? Or was their Bond fading? The thoughts upset him more than it should had...Why should he care?

She turned him away. Like everyone else had.

“Supreme Leader...” Hux started hesitantly, but Kylo failed to register the trepidation in Armitage's tone.

Kylo Ren had to contain every nerve in his being when he yet again saw how close the two of them are with each other. How the pilot dared to touch her, that she was not bothered by the proximity. It was torture to watch them, to watch her. Everything inside him boiled. Every nerve, every vein was set ablaze by the simple scene in front of him.

_Had she alread-_

His inane thinking reached a screeching halt when she lifted her eyes. And that moment was truly terrifying for him because he needed to know. Desperately had to see if she felt him.

The second her eyes lift to meet his, they disappeared from his view and their connection ended abruptly.

 _No!_  The vision closed so quickly, and so devastating, and it left him quaking inwardly, with a need to lash out at anyone, at anything!

He had been too busy staring at them, Kylo failed to notice that his anger was affecting the room he was in. The Command Bridge was humming with his power, glasses were vibrating, control pads reverberated uncontrollably, and he had to take control of himself. People were once more looking at him in apprehension, and he bit down on his tongue, while his jaw set like steel. He would not look weak. He would not appear to be less under Hux's scrutiny.

“By tomorrow I want a ship prepared and the location mapped out, General.” He left without bothering to send him a second look to his quarters, and with an exhale of breath, the tremor in the room ended.

The robots that oversaw his room had barely succeeded turning his mess from before into its original state. No matter, he would be changing his quarters soon enough. He just hadn't been able to. Just yet. The only thing that was poking at his insides was his broken calligraphy set he had once so cherished, along with the ink that now effectively ruined the few Jedi scrolls he had in his possession – it did not matter anymore. Nothing did.

They belonged to a past he needed to get rid of.

This room was enough. He did not need anything in it. His bed was the only thing that looked tempting – at least they had managed to repair it. Getting rid of his robes, followed by his tunic, and gloves, he lay on top of his covers, staring up at the ceiling.

He could barely sleep that night nor the night after– which was not saying much since lack of sleep had been normal ever since Starkiller Base. His mind drifted to her, not able to let go what he had seen. He sat up, he walked, he sat down, tried to sleep only to repeat the same pattern several times.

There was this furious thumping inside that just did not quiet, a restlessness that was biting at his skin, gnawing at him, making him erratic and unpredictable.

What was happening to him?

The whispering entered his head before he had time to react, making him stand up so quickly, prepared to see something far worse than he had before. If he could see her hugging people, there was another prospect sickening him to the deepest parts of himself to what he  _could_  see in the future.

Then silence – absolute silence except for her. Like soft echoes around him, he heard rain, felt soft grass underneath his boots, feeling the cold drops of water against his chest, cascading down on him. He was in a forest. He was in her world. This time he saw her surroundings.

He saw her then, in the middle of swinging her staff against a tree. The water droplets bouncing of her frame was alluring. She was dressed in a simple white tunic – much like the one on Ahch-To, and same pants. But they were plastered upon her skin, showing off her body in a way he was not prepared. Her hair was completely set loose, drenched, flying with every tantalizing move she made. She looked – Kylo could not help but be completely captivated by her. She was truly a vision to behold.

She was relentless with her weapon, swinging it with precise accuracy. He heard her soft moans, combined with yelling as she drove her staff in different motions, fixated upon the tree in front of her. It was the moans that seeped into his mind – unbidden and completely shattering.

Much like him, she was driven by emotions. He could see it so clearly. She was angry. Probably about what he had done. He really did not know why that would bother him so much. He had done far worse things to the Resistance and her...but still...

She was breathing heavily, steadying herself on her staff, finally acknowledging his presence as she looked upon him only to have her eyes widen and avert her gaze.

“Can you please put something on?”

He had not even thought about how he was dressed, just like he could not help but notice how she reacted to his presence. She already had a healthy glow to her glistening face, but he could swear to see her cheeks flush an even darker shade of red.

Without the compression bandage around his stomach – courtesy of Chewie, he was now adorned with a big ugly scar at his left side. He didn't know what bothered her more. The scar or that he had nothing to cover himself with above his waistline. Something in him thrilled that she was uncomfortable with his current state. Very much like she had been before on the island. And if he had to venture a guess, he suspected it was because of the latter.

When he didn't answer, she simply shook her head, and resumed with her training – trying to ignore him. He would not have any of it.

He walked up to her, furious and took a hold of her staff, making her attack stop mid-air. She was strong in her strides. He should know. Her face did not show it, but there was a dangerous glint in her eyes when he held the end of her staff. Momentarily surprised that he could touch her staff through their Bond.

“Let go of my staff!” She said, steady and unwavering in her tone.

“No!” Her nostrils flared at his heated answer. He had no idea why he was hell-bent on provoking her. He wanted something from her. A response, a justification, just something – to soothe that rash that churned on his insides.

“I said, let go!”

She withdrew it sharply, and took a blow at him, swinging it from the left. He dodged it easily, but it put some distance between them.

“You are angry...” He remarked, feeling it pulsate through him. He cocked his head to the side, her eyes following him as he began to circle around her. He had no idea why, but he could barely contain himself. The sight of her and pilot had branded inside his skull, making him react like a wounded animal.

The need to lash out – at her. It had been both savage and explosive, his entire body quaking with rage and he blamed her for it. For making him feel...something that was beyond the relevance of creating his new Order. It should be the only thing that mattered but here he was.

She followed his every motion, matching it with her own confident steps, her staff always pointed at him. The rain crashed around them, drowning out any noise except for their breathing.

“There is so much fear in you.” He murmured. He felt it rolling off in waves from her. He bit the inside of his cheek to prevent him from smiling, not wanting to give away that knowing he still could feel her did calm his earlier distress about the Bond fading. She was truly so afraid, of him but most of all she was afraid of herself.

“What do I fear?” She asked defiantly.

He stopped then, “your destiny.” He answered simply, as if it was the most obvious thing in the galaxy.

“My destiny? I know my destiny. You or anyone else won't decide it for me!”

He approached her, and she regarded every step, tension rolling from her body, lifting her staff – ready to attack.

“You are afraid. Afraid of your powers.” he did not miss the growl escaping her lips as another swing was directed at him. He jumped quickly to the side, and continued to do so with every oncoming swing, anticipating her every move as if it was himself directing every blow. Which only increased her frustration.

“You will never be able to conquer your fears until you accept it is a part of who you are. Confront them.”

She lashed out again at him, and he only grinned, this time instead of dodging her blows, he gripped her staff halfway through the air with both his arms, twirling it around, making her gasp in shock as he used his strength to turn it against her, making her weapon go in front of her body and effectively trapping her back against his chest, using her staff to hold her firmly in place. She stood completely still - petrified for a second, both feeling lost in the sensation of having their bodies crash against each other.

“You rely too much on your weapon, making you to rash in your attacks. You need a lightsaber. I can teach you how to make one.” He murmured softly, not able to help himself as he inhaled her scent.

There was a rush of heat going through his body, dwelling in his lower stomach, lodging itself behind his navel, making him exhale a low breath against her skin. She tensed against him, and that seemed to spur him on, to just have her so close to him, her wet hair against his chest, how she felt against him, of how perfect she fit. Now it was his time to regret his lack of clothing.

She was struggling against him and the friction was...

It was powerful, and instinctively impossible to ignore as her body moved against his. She was infestation on his mind and body, and surely everything was deteriorating around him the more she moved.

Lost in his own haunting thoughts, she took advantage of his sudden discomfort, and banged her skull against his forehead, and using her elbow against into his stomach, effectively making him lose focus, hissing at her brute force.

_Clever girl..._

She backed away from him, staff in her hand, and he was satisfied to see her shaking, just like he was. He saw her dilated pupils, and the color on her cheeks only grew more intense. He relished in the pain, knowing how to hone it to make his power even stronger, but it seemed it would do him no good in here. He could not use the Force in the Bond. Their first encounter proved that.

“You talk to me about fear?” She spat, curling her lips. Oh, how he loved that fiery glare in her eyes.

“What about you?”

“What about me?” He challenged.

“Did it feel right? Did it feel  _just_  to cut them down?” He expected her to sound angry, accusing him, making damned sure that she thought he was a monster - but her tone was surprisingly soft. Filled with pity, and he hated how it made him feel. He did not know how to handle the questioning emotions, the thoughts that rattled his brain ever since the death of his father.

His mind traveled to what had happened at the plaza, and he forced down the cot of guilt in his throat. “I felt nothing!” Technically, not a lie. He had forced what he had felt down to join the bottomless pit of rage that just consumed it.

“Liar.” She hissed, her cheekbones flushing with color as she refused to drop eye contact, even as they were filled with tears, or was it rain? He could not tell.

“I killed before-

-This was different, and you know it!”

“This is war! There are casualties in war! What did you expect? That I would let them go?!”

Her eyes flickered, and he could not help himself before the words slipped out of him.

“Or is it because of the pilot?” Her eyes widened, not missing the venomous drop in his tone, the poison lacing his every word.

“Because it was his friends?” The anger shone through him then as he began taking steady steps towards her.

His chest inflated as he growled, “Because you care for him?”

She stood her ground, refusing to back down. “It matters because they were peo-

-does he make you feel you have a place where you belong?”

“How do you even-

-Because I saw you!” He yelled, the frustration of her passiveness increased the sudden rage that flared within him, scraping at his chest, demanding an outlet.

Her eyes widened at the garb in his tone. The emotions that almost made his voice break. She tore her eyes from him.

“Why does it come as a surprise? I do care about him.” She questioned him, her gaze once more anchoring to his.

The words made his insides burn violently, clawing at his heart and she continued, “just as I care about all of them. Your mother, Finn, Chewie...”

He was about to retaliate against her words, but what she said next made his mind go blank.

“Just like I care about you!” The words left her lips before she realized it. The words echoed around them and he stood still. Perfectly still.

“You left-”

“Because you offered something you  _knew_  I could never accept.” She whispered.

_Could never accept me..._

He sneered then, his defenses getting better of him. “I offered you a new galaxy. A new beginning.”

She shot him a sad smile, “and where is that new beginning, Ben? When we are all dead? When your mother is dead? When there is no one that can oppose to the tyranny of the First Order?”

“You didn't want to kill them.” She continued, relentless in her beliefs about him. “I know that. Your mother knows that. You didn't have a choice.”

Something inside him snapped, “You are still trying to find someone else to blame! This who I am! Do not presume-

-Then why did you hesitate?” She asked quickly, her voice steady and calm.

When he didn't answer, she continued;

“Why is it so important for you to appear like the monster you are not?”

“Stop it!”

The words hit him hard. She did not blink as she regarded him carefully. “Why did you hesitate? If you are so sure of yourself. Why?” She repeated, and he saw she had tears mingling with the rain as her eyes appeared more tired, sparking with red veins inside them.

Telling her why...he could not do it. Her words made his heart throb so painfully in his chest and admitting to her the reason  _why_  would leave him completely bare in front of her.

“Don't ask!”

“Why?” Her voice raised to match his own.

“You do not-

-Answer me!” She screamed, her voice sliced through his brain, her demands were tearing the pitiful remainder of the little pride he had left around her.

“Because she looked like you!” He roared back at her, his throat feeling scratchy and dry. The silence was deafening. And once more he felt like he was a little child again, begging his mother to not leave him. He swallowed the nerves inside him knowing he irrevocably revealed something he had no idea on how to handle.

He hated this, he hated her for provoking this. For making him feel...Her scent, her entire existence danced in his veins, twisting his beliefs and affecting his mind. She made him question himself, and where he belonged.

He hated her, only that he didn't...He could never hate her. And he did not know if it made him even more pathetic.

She took small but steady steps towards him, and he could only watch her out of the corner of his eyes. The rain had made his dark hair lay like clay over his eyes. He stood frozen as she got so close to him, dropping her staff next to him.

Her scent was involuntarily making its way into his nostrils, filling his head with her smell. She lifted her hand and he could only watch her actions. He flinched when she touched him. The surge was so powerful as the very air around them was humming with appreciation. Somehow her touch felt too...innocent, too pure to caress the scarred face of a beast. But it didn't seem to bother her. It had been her mark upon him.

Her eyes were staring hard at him, bloodshot and swollen and it unnerved him to see he was the cause.

There was a part inside him that had to be voiced, demanded to make itself known. Screaming what was so obvious but that he had such a hard time accepting.

_Because a deep part inside of you have compassion for her, feels for her._

This girl awoke what was dead inside him, and as she traced with her finger the scar she had given him, the friction made all the nerves inside him spark, connecting themselves in a dizzying rapture. It was a drugging sensation, and he found himself wanting more.

When they touched, there was only the two of them in the entire galaxy. This small, innocent gesture of a mere touch made his skin boil. So simple, yet so devastating. How could it be possible that a mere connection of skin could sever his sanity so completely?

His voice, barely a whisper asked her then;

"Do you still believe I am a man worth saving?"

The question slipped out before he even comprehended what he had said. She was so close, and his eyes flickered to the slight parting of her mouth, her arching eyebrows and those freckles. He could count every one of them when her warm breath breezed against his cheeks.

He quickly realized he did not want an answer from her. Terrified of what she would say, and he backed away. And the loss of her touch left a harder imprint then he would ever admit.

What if she said he was worth it?

_...what if she said I wasn't?_

He had no idea how to feel on any of it. He was supposed to be the one to turn her to him. To make her confront the darkness within her. So why did it seem she was making him confront the light?

“Ben...”

“Don't!”

She didn't budge to the hostility in his voice, “Do you? Do you believe you are worth saving?”

He honestly did not know.

He didn't know anything anymore.

The question hung in the air, but he did not want to face it. The walls around him seem to surround him, closing in on him, and he had no idea where to turn.

“There is good in you.” The words cut heavily inside him, making him cringe with doubt. She believed in him so profoundly. Despite everything he had done, she was still there.

_But what if..._

He gnashed his teeth; his hands were trembling...

_...She was right...._

It was all becoming too much for him...sweat crested his face, mingling with the rain.

_What if all I have done has been for...._

“Ben...”

Something inside him crackled like a plate crashing to the ground. He turned to look at her, seeing her hopeful eyes stare at him, the look of pure goodness in them taunting the pit of his soul. He wanted it to stop, he wanted his head to stop thinking, he wanted her to stop looking at him the way she did.

He wanted it all to  _stop!_

There was a fire burning inside him, a heat that he could not ignore when he saw her. The pull was too hard to resist, and he had to quiet everything around him. She felt it too, he could tell.

She took the first step towards him, and he saw her trembling as she did so. The fear of rejection. She hesitated when she approached him with another step, daring him with her eyes.

He wanted to back away, but she took a hold of his hand, “you are so close. Don't give up now.”

He looked down on their hands, instantly reminded of when they first had touched inside the hut, shared the visions of each other to now...Her breathing was all he heard, and sweet melody that always emerged whenever they were like this. The Force...the low vibrations of its power seemed to course through both, and he felt it then...and at her surprised gasp – so did she.

The serenity, the low beautiful humming of it reverberating around them. Their powers mingled into one, as he felt hers intoxicating his core, the pull of the light just as his darkness flew through her, completing each other in dazzling exaltation – ascending above them. Their heartbeats became united as they both felt the pulsating around them. The key had finally found its lock.

“Can you feel it, Ben?” She whispered, sounding awe-struck.

He did, but all he could do was to stare at her, a look of mesmerized rapture on his face, drinking in all that she was – what she ultimately meant to him.

His sanity already at a fragile state, he only knew...nothing would get easier, when she was the siren's song that softened the anger within him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huuuuge thank you and awesome hugs to all you amazing people that keeps subbing, leaving kudos and comments for little me. And a special thank you to you that reviews every chapter. It means so much to me and as you have noticed by now, I get so inspired to write from them :)


	7. Wild Heart

"Help me, grandfather." Kylo sat in the same spot he had done several times before, staring at the charred helmet in front him, beseeching it to fill him with clarity of his purpose. The mask taunted him with silence and the tempest within him aggravated. He was extremely tempted to turn this entire room – the entire ship into cauterizing shambles.

Kylo should have left days ago to retrieve his Knights with this ship while _Supremacy_ was still in repairs, but he hadn't even managed to do that yet. And every day with him postponing decisions increased the frustration with his troops. It had helped at least to make Hux tighten the noose around them and train them even harder.

Looking at the burned remains reminded him of his failures. How he was bested by Rey on Starkiller Base, how Han Solo's death made his conflict rise instead of quelling it. He was ashamed to be here once more. His grandfather would have thought him a disgrace. To be aboard the _Finalizer_ yet again was only a testimony to the gnawing resentment he felt towards himself, and he felt trapped, the bitter chills of what Rey had said was tormenting his brain. He needed guidance.

_Just like I care about you!_

_Do you? Do you believe you are worth saving?_

He had no master anymore. No one to remind him of his ultimate place in the galaxy, no one to break and twist him like Snoke did. He was set free and he thought it would make him stronger. He was wrong. He had never been more in doubt about himself as he was now. He needed his grandfather to calm the inner war that raged within him.

_Why is it so important for you to appear like the monster you are not?_

"I need you to show me..." Desperate whispers escaped his lips as he watched the helmet intently.

"I failed again. The girl...she is doing things to me. I need you to guide me. Show me the power of the Dark Side. Show me I don't...need her." He could practically feel the fractured remains of his beliefs collapse around him, and he tried like a child to grab the remaining straws to maintain his sanity. Even saying the words felt wrong on his tongue.

Kylo had never felt as hollow or deprived as he did now. He could not even meditate, to channel the darkness within him when all he thought about was how he had reached that perfect union with her, and how their connection broke almost instantaneously. He felt himself shatter from her touch, and her words that weighed so heavily at him. Then he was left cold and alone.

Always alone.

It shook him when her presence was taken away from him and was left like a man starving for more. What they had done, what they had shared, what her presence did to him were the only things that eased his hunger. And the longer he was without her, the more he felt his loneliness claw at him, reminding too much of when he was forced to go to the academy or when his father left on missions with the Falcon, or when his mother had to leave him to fix the remains of the senate. What if Rey was shutting him out? Or what if something had happened to her? He even tried to reach out in their Bond, trying to activate it by himself but nothing worked.

Kylo put his aching head between his hands, the inane thumping inside his skull only growing more incessant and he could almost scoff at himself. He did show an embarrassing amount of weakness when it came to her.

It had been a week and their Bond was still completely silent. He did not know what scared him the most. The way their connection reduced him to such a weak state, or that he craved it more then he thought possible. He had not expected this space of vacuum she would leave behind, but it did remind him strongly that she was so far away and well beyond his reach, and the very thought crippled him. Knowing she was out there where he could not be...

 _But the pilot can..._ a velvety voice whispered in his head. This was only making the seed of fear – afraid to lose her fester its roots. He shouldn't care. He really shouldn't.

He started to resemble a mad man, craving outlet for the increasing fear and irritation within him. Why hadn't he felt her yet? What if he wouldn't feel her again? These thoughts did nothing to calm the agitated, erratic throb inside his chest. His patience was growing dangerously thin, and his temper more savage that the people around him only feared him more because of his reckless behavior.

The mask of his grandfather did nothing to soothe him. He could usually find peace, a sense of serenity when he was in here but now it only made him question himself more.

"It can't help you, Ben."

He didn't bother to turn around, nor bother to affront the surge of anger and resentment within him when he heard Luke's voice. He somehow knew he would be back to torment him, and he didn't have the strength to keep him away. Not today, not after the week he had been subjugated to.

"What answers do you expect to find from here?" The ghost asked, its blue shimmering presence appearing next to him.

_Anything..._

Luke stood still, his own grey eyes fixated upon the helmet of his father laying before him, shaking his head a little.

"This was not the legacy my father would want you to remember. This helmet is a symbol – a warning to not follow his footsteps."

Kylo felt his words gut him. "Snoke-

-Snoke was manipulating you, and I failed you as a teacher for not preventing it."

"Spare me your pathetic excuses." Kylo growled, as fleeting images of his training with Luke resurfaced in his mind, and the sweet lullabies of dark power that Snoke whispered in his ears every night when he had been with his uncle...

He remembered the first night vividly when he thought he would be embraced as a son by his new master. How mistaken he had been.

_"Your affiliations with your father and mother renders you weak..."_

_"I fe-_

_A shot of electricity shot like hot needles throughout his entire skin as Snoke hissed in contempt, struck him down with lightning, holding him firmly in place with the Force. The boy in front of him was a complete mess, the recent memories of Luke raising his saber to strike him down bore deeply into his soul. He stilled smell like smoke and ashes from the fires and destruction of the Jedi Temple._

_"You presume you can lie to me?!" Snoke's voice boomed throughout the room._

_"They mean nothing to me..." Kylo responded with strong conviction as Snoke's torture ended._

_"So much doubt, so much hate...Your parents didn't love you enough to want you around them. Even your own uncle – the wise and mighty Skywalker wanted you dead. Because they fear you! Show them the true meaning of fear! Unleash the potential within you!"_

_Electrical bolts ignited his body down to the very marrow of his bones. Every cell of his body was lit on fire as Snoke only chuckled. Seeing Kylo in pain only spurred him on, to push it a bit further each time – to break his spirit._

_"Succumb to the pain. Let it make you...stronger. Yes...Let it show you the power of the Dark Side." Snoke lifted Kylo up in the air, and once more the young boy was filled with indescribable pain. Every muscle contorted in twisted ways until Snoke let him fall to the ground._

_"I won't fail you." Kylo said through clenched teeth, feeling the metallic taste of his own blood as he tried to sit up on his knees, almost failing due to the trembling of the shock of what his body had endured._

_"I feel the anger in you, my young apprentice. Good. Blacken your heart. Only then...will you become as strong as Lord Vader."_

His old master interrupted his memory as he tilted his head lightly, "Your jibe doesn't even have the same bite anymore. Have you been sleeping enough?" Luke was clearly enjoying the little twitch that turned into a sneer from his nephew, knowing his words were affecting him.

"What do you remember about your grandfather?" Luke asked, pacing behind him, and Kylo knew him well enough to not take the bait. When he sounded like this, he knew it was to prove a point. And Kylo knew he would not want to hear it.

"Let me rephrase it since you are in dire need of me repeating this important history lesson." Luke continued, his tone light.

"What was the fall of Anakin Skywalker?"

"His  _rise_  to Darth Vader was finally unlocking his true pow-

-Were you asleep during my lessons?" Luke countered as if Kylo's flaring temper was just a flee on his shoulder that he dusted off.

"The reasons were many, among them the failings of the Jedi but the primary reason was that he was so afraid to lose your grandmother, he turned to the Dark Side in hopes to save her." Luke stood behind him. "Only to be the reason of her death."

"Why are you telling me this?" Kylo bit back, feeling Luke's eyes upon him.

"The story of Darth Vader is a tragic one. You know this, Snoke cannot have completely made you forget."

Kylo stared straight ahead of him, determined to not look Luke in the eyes. "It does not matter."

"You need to remember why he fell, and why he came back." Luke insisted, his voice soft but demanding.

Kylo said nothing and could only hear the furious hammering of his heart. His hands had begun to cramp, his defenses set so high up, he would not give his uncle a chance to penetrate its armor.

"Love does that. It changes us."

 _Love..._ he didn't want to hear him preaching to him about something he did not understand.

"Some people are beyond change." He said bitterly.

"Not you, Ben."

A glimmer of doubt flashed in his eyes, and he felt something hot, prickling pressure behind his eyes. He would not give in.

_There's good in you..._

Her soft voice danced around him. She believed in him. He could not...there was just too much he would have to face if he admitted...even for a second. The demons from his nightmares would consume him wholly.

Rey. She made him question everything. She made his every doubt, every thought and thinking to be awoken from their dormant slumber, only to appear as a hurricane in front of him. The dubiousness, the incessant thinking was growing louder, more supreme.

What would happen if he turned? It would mean he would have to realize that everything he had done was wrong. That his every action for the Dark Side was an act of evil. And that instead of his actions would have felt justified for the Order, and for the fulfillment of his training, they would instead be filled with consequences and guilt.

What would that say about him? What he had done to his father? Who would accept him? Nobody except Snoke did before and that would not change. He was accustomed to not being wanted. The Resistance would scream for his death. There was nothing for him to do. He was stuck. If he caved in, he would become an enemy for both sides.

No... this was his place now. With that resolve, he clenched his fists, ignoring Luke's disappointed look as he left the room to head to the Command Bridge.

 

* * *

 

"Son of a banth-

Rey cursed to herself as the construction she had built in front of could not contain the hot temperature and let out a roar across the room she was in, making her cough from all the smoke that spread like wildfire around her. This was her third time failing at building a furnace described from the old Jedi scripts.

There was very little information to these constructs and to the making of your own crystals – except the tiny information she had read before - as the Jedi seemed to rely on Kyber crystals. Only problem was they were extremely rare to find after the Sith had harvested most of them. She did have Luke's crystal, but she did not know if it would work once reconstructed. And there was a warning that a synthetic crystal was usually the ways of the Sith in the texts as she had continued to read, which made Rey frown. Why would the method to make your own crystal be inherently evil or good? It is the wielder that decides its own fate, not the crystal itself?

She could not deny that she felt extremely tired and frustrated by her failures. She could manage to fix the _Falcon_ in a heartbeat, she could almost instinctively repair any droid as well - knowing every part and structure of droids around her but could not build a simple furnace.

Sweat rolled from her temples as she grabbed the bucket of water she had prepared to pour it over her failed creation, hearing the water sizzle loudly at the contact and its fumes burn in her eyes.

Rey slumped down against the wall in the sandy workshop she was currently in, a heavy sigh escaping her lips.

"Why is it so hard to build this thing?" She mumbled, not particularly proud of herself in this moment. Fixing and building things was supposed to be her specialty. Somehow it almost felt it was she that kept sabotaging for herself.

Her hair kept getting in her face and she quickly brushed it aside, her mind was not where it used to be. She was so close. She felt it. He was changing. She had no idea what it meant right now, what it could mean for the Resistance. The thing that mattered the most for her was that he was. It made her smile despite everything.

Rey knew that she cared for Ben more than she ever, ever,  _ever_  wanted to allow herself to. Most of her time was either filled with him being there either through their Bond or in her mind, or her waiting for him to be. She shouldn't feel like this, she didn't  _want_  to feel like this.

When he had been so cruelly snatched from her when they had connected on such a deeper, honest level, she had to face certain truths about herself. The more they were together, the more she had begun to feel something for him that exceeded the desire to redeem his soul.

They had found each other through the Force, experiencing the most beautiful moment in her entire life where everything had been so crystallizing clear to only be ripped away from her. When he had disappeared, she had never felt so alone. She felt like the little child she was on Jakku when her parents had left her. She had even tried to sense him through the Force but nothing she did had an effect. What if something had happened to him? But she was sure they would have heard if he was injured or dead. No, this was something else.

When she had lashed out at him in the forest, and he had grabbed her against his chest, she had not been expecting how warm or human his body would feel against her, and she was unprepared for the attack, but also unprepared for the jolt that went through her. The searing hotness that had begun nesting in her stomach from their previous encounters inflated to a level she could not even begin to comprehend. He had managed to nest his way inside her, making the heat around her chest palpitate with a need to see him again.

This is dangerous and reckless, but she keeps heading down this path as if it is the best thing she could ever do.

A day passed, followed by a week, and Rey was growing restless and she had an ugly temper at times. But this week had been hard to wrap her head around. Was it normal that another person could make someone feel like this? She didn't like it. All her life she had been alone, she had only herself to rely on, to trust, never once felt this longing for someone except for her parents. It had been easy and safe.

Nothing about her feelings for Ben were safe or easy.

Her visions and dreams had also been much more profound since their last encounter. The eerie voices, the promises and hope they represented. They were more haunting then they had been Takodana. She saw a desert planet. It was not Jakku. This one had two suns adorning its celestial skies.

She kept seeing blurry visions of a small hut in the middle of nowhere, hidden below the aftermaths of multiple sandstorms that kept it hidden from unwanted eyes.

And the words once more whispered to her.

_Stay here. I'll come back for you, sweetheart...I promise..._

Rey had no idea what it meant but that hut kept calling to her. But where was it and why was she dreaming of it?

The former scavenger let out another sigh, flicking her wrist across her forehead, not at all surprised at the black soot that showed on her skin. She had been quite a mess and devoted to her work.

"Rey!" She looked up and saw Finn and Rose leaning on the doorframe to her little workstation.

"Wh-what happened?" Finn asked, eying her up and down, containing a chuckle. Rey shrugged her shoulders in an amusing manner, standing up, trying to remove dust and ash from her tunic and pants – which were now clad in dark patches.

"A failed experiment." She sighed, noticing Rose stare at her furnace, "did you attach the cylinder-"

"-to the welded metal base?" Rey flashed a smile at the black-haired girl as they both almost giggled when they had finished the sentence together.

"Yes. I still do not know why it cannot contain the heat." Rey answered, scratching the back of her neck, only to find more soot. She used her arm wraps getting rid of the final stains upon her face and around her head.

Rose looked at Rey, giving her full attention. "Did you place the firebricks tightly? I know they can be tricky." She finished thoughtfully, scanning the entire room for tools.

"They are a bother, but I did, but I think perhaps the pressure is still too much-

Finn cleared his throat, ending the heated conversation between the two of them as they both turned their heads toward him, almost forgetting he was in the same room.

"Ah ladies. Sorry to interrupt but we did not come here for that."

"Oh, right." Rose mumbled, her cheeks adorning a pink color as Finn comfortably held the small of her back. Rey could not help but to like this girl even more, especially seeing how happy Finn her was around. She had recovered well, and it was the first week she was allowed to be up and walking, with the help of a crane to keep her plastered leg safe.

"Leia wants to see you." Finn said quickly. "I was supposed to let you know."

The brunette raised a curious eyebrow at him, "of course. Did she say why?"

Finn shook his head apologetically and Rey nodded softly, leaving her messy experiment behind her. At least the tension between her and Finn lessened after their talk about Ben. He had apologized for pushing her for an answer and she had enjoyed his company this past week along with Rose and Poe.

As she walked through the village, the inhabitants were poking and staring at her in hope and wonder. They had warmed up to their presence on this planet and seemed fascinated by the Resistance – they even had recruits coming in from all corners of the planet which had been a nice surprise. And they had more forces joining them from across the Rims. Poe had of course already tried the X-wings that had been gathering dust in the old Rebel base. They had worked without a hitch, much to his satisfaction. There were only a few requiring a minor maintenance check. But they needed more and were discreetly looking for contractors to build ships for them.

The brunette entered the Command Central that H'mrsac had let them use and where Leia had her new quarters before moving to the base. Approaching the door, she heard raised voices from inside, belonging to Leia and Poe if she was not mistaken. She bit her lip wondering if she should wait or leave and come back later. It sounded like a conversation she should not interrupt.

"Rey! Stop hiding behind the door and get in here!" Rey's eyes widened. How did she know she was there?

She opened the door and her eyes switched between Leia and Poe. Leia stood still dressed in her grey robes, looking regal and beautiful as ever, emanating the aura of a leader to all that saw her, but underneath it she saw how tired and pale the elder woman was. Something was very wrong. She could feel it.

Poe had his arms at his hips, looking frustrated. His dark brown leather jacket making small noises as he moved. His black boot kept constantly tapping against the floor, and he was chewing on his bottom lip as he was staring at the General. Rey knew they must have been in the middle of a very heated discussion. The Commander looked thoroughly upset, and it seemed to take every ounce of self-control to not continue the debate they were obviously having.

"I'm sorry if this is a bad time."

"No, we are done here anyway." The General said in a crispy tone making Poe scoff, "we are really not. Perhaps  _you_  can talk some sense into her." Dameron finished, looking at Rey before returning his eyes to General.

You could cut the tension with the knife and she wondered how Poe still had the courage to look at Leia so headstrong, and not turn into a puddle of goo on the floor right there. Her stare was terrifying.

"That is enough, Commander. You can leave now." Leia finished, her tone leaving no room for argument.

Poe shook his head, dragging on hand through his curly hair and turned quickly to Rey whom stood frozen on the spot. He began to leave the room to only discreetly lean his head close to her ear, his hand brushing hers when he stood next to her in the doorframe.

"Come talk to me once you are done here." He whispered quickly and left without looking back making Rey frown even deeper and slowly turned her head towards the General, closing the door behind her.

"Do I even want to ask what is going on?"

"Let's just say the Commander and I have...a disagreement."

"That I could see." She eyed the elder woman warily, as she sat down slowly, exhaling deeply.

"How is your training going?" Leia asked, effectively ending the previous discussion, leaning back in her chair, her eyes fixated upon Rey.

She could not help to feel a surge of warmth to know that Leia cared so deeply about her progress, and an alarmingly recollection of what Ben had told her.

_Your parents threw you away like garbage..._

_And you can't stop needing them. It's your greatest weakness. Looking for them everywhere - in Han Solo and now Skywalker..._

And now in Leia...he was right. Her weakness was her parents. Even if she knew the truth. But she could not help it. These people were the closest thing she ever had to a family.

"It's hard...I try to read, to make sense of it all and I train. But there is still so much I do not know."

"You are a clever and a resourceful girl. You will figure it out."

Rey found herself looking at Leia differently than before, noticing that she saw so much of Ben in her. The hair was a dead giveaway. Even with the elegant grey curls adorning the General's hair, she saw the dark luscious brown tresses and the same eyes. She had even begun to see the same spark that was in Leia's eyes in Ben's as well.

Lei's lips twitched upwards in smile that did not quite reach her eyes. "I'm old, Rey. I may not act it all the time, but I feel it."

Rey's confusion only escalated as Leia continued, "And I am tired. I have spent my entire life fighting. And I have many regrets. I have done many choices I am not proud of."

The young girl's heart had begun to beat just a little faster, a sense of worry lingering within her, "are you feeling-"

"-My biggest regret is when I sent my son away." She finished somberly. Leia's eyes closed momentarily, and she smiled softly, and Rey wished she could provide her with comfort.

"I wondered if I could save him so many times. And that my biggest fear would be to die – without knowing if he could be saved. Without seeing his light again."

She opened her eyes slowly and looked at Rey with a motherly twinkle, "then I met you."

Rey could have sworn she saw tears in the other woman's eyes, but she must have imagined it.

"You give me hope. And I wanted to thank you for it."

"Leia...I..." She started, not knowing how to end her sentence but the General beat her to it.

"Don't have to say anything." The elder woman held up her hand to silence her with a small chuckle, looking at her in a way that said that she knew much more then what Rey had said.

"Death is not the greatest loss in life, Rey. It is what dies inside us while we live." She whispered, and Rey felt like a bucket of ice cold water was thrown on her. The way Leia talked to her troubled her with a distressed cold sensation in her belly. The Force told her this.

 The woman in front her continued;

"And just as much as a fire cannot exist without its spark, neither can we without hope." The General rose up again, heading towards the window behind her.

"Do you know what people say about you?" Leia asked, her back facing Rey while looking out the glass to see the children playing outside with a ball.

"That you are our beacon. Our hope. The Jedi that will bring order back just the way it was."

Rey fiddled with her hands, the pressure of being a symbol for so many while she was still battling with her own fears and emotions was not something she wanted. It scared her even more.

Rey had shared everything that had happened with Luke on Ahch-To with Leia, of what he had taught her of the Jedi Order and its hubris. "The Jedi order cannot be what it was. And I am no Jedi...I-"

"No, you are more than that. You can create something new from the ashes of the Jedi. You know where they went wrong, you know of their downfall. You are our beginning to something so much more then I think you know."

The pressure of her words was making the back of her neck damp with sweat and Rey could only look at Leia, trying to ignore the drumming in her ears from her quickened heartbeats.

"I'm just me. I'm a nobody, I come from noth-

-Exactly. You are a scavenger from Jakku. You do not understand the power you have by coming from nothing. The downtrodden and forsaken in the galaxy looks up to  _you_  because you  _are_  them. That means more to them than anything else the Resistance can do. Why do you think we actually manage to grow so quickly again? Not even my wit can manage that."

Rey shut her mouth, never considering that before, and Leia turned towards her again. "I think I need to rest. I will see you soon again." The General dismissed her, and Rey nodded slowly, leaving her quarters quickly, her head filled with million questions of why Leia had been so...tired? So Serious?

"Did she tell you?" Rey's head snapped to the right to see Poe next to her, apparently not able to wait until Rey would find him, his arms crossed with BB-8 squealing happily next to him to see Rey. The girl flashed the robot a smile and the orange droid wiggled back and forth in excitement.

Rey's eyebrows contorted though when she looked at the pilot again, "that depends on what you mean."

Poe's eyes flickered over her features and his lips drew into a thin line, "she didn't then."

He gestured Rey to follow him and she did, and they walked together in silence until he found a small room where they could be alone, and left BB-8 outside. It looked like a dining room, with its grey walls, and one table with two chairs – the window made the warm sunlight light up the room beautifully.

Poe was pacing back and forth, and Rey sat down at the edge of a table in the middle of the room to just watch his turbulent movements. Her friendship with the pilot had grown deeper since their hug and being with him and her friends this week, they started to share an... understanding. She knew Poe felt safe with her and confided with her in most things.

"Poe, what is troubling you?"

"She wants me to take over." He said finally, stopping in his tracks and faced Rey, and realization dawned upon her.

"Or rather, she wants us to take over. Soon enough. At least she wants us to prepare for it."

"Us?" She asked incredulously. She had no knowledge about leadership, nor any skills that would say she could be someone the people would follow, and most of all she lacked any military experience. What was Leia thinking?! She must have heard wrong.

Poe rose his eyebrows at her and flashed a small smile while gesturing with his hands.

"Well you  _are_  the one with the special powers." He grinned, "I'm just the dashing, handsome pilot." The flash of humor that suited his features well ebbed away quietly as if remembering why they were in this room to begin with.

Rey gripped the end of the table tightly, still not understanding the situation.

"Why can't Leia-"

"That's...not my place to tell." Poe looked away, his jaw set like stone. Ah, so this was the reason he was so upset with Leia. There was something more. She could feel the distress in him.

"Poe?"

He approached her then and Rey felt herself tense, not really knowing why.

"I'm not ready for leadership. Leia knows this. I have proved that in the last months. I'm too impulsive. Too reckless. I thought I was ready but I'm really not."

"If Leia considers you ready, then I wouldn't doubt her judgement."

Poe chuckled mirthlessly, "you weren't there to see my mistakes."

"But she was, and she still considers that you can be a leader. I don't think she is wrong about it." Rey continued, feeling her throat constrict tightly when he took another step closer to her, feeling the steel material behind her almost dig into her back.

"She wants us to lead together. You are the symbol of hope I can't be. And I can't fill the role Leia had. But together we can inspire all the corners of the galaxy to stand up for what is right."

She stood completely still and saw Poe swallow as their eyes locked gazes. "And if you are with me, you can always slap me over the head if I do try to do something recklessly stupid which I will inevitably do." She chuckled which only made him smile warmly at her.

"I believe in you. So does Leia." She said, offering friendly comfort placing her hand on his shoulder. She withdrew it as quickly when she saw how he tensed under her touch.

"Rey..." He began softly, and she felt herself grow nervous under his intense stare, realizing how close they were.

"I just wanted to say that I'm lucky to have you here." He stepped back, perhaps sensing her discomfort at the close proximity, "perhaps I won't be as impulsive with you around me." He finished with a wink. She couldn't bring herself to say anything but didn't have too as he left her alone with her thoughts behind closed doors.

_Breathe, Rey..._

This information about Leia weighed on her shoulders, and she didn't know how to feel about it. There were a million questions popping up in her head, where no answers lay.

In her loneliness she felt it coming, like a shiver of electricity filling her body as fleeting whispers filled the air around her, and her chest jumped with unexplainable joy.

She knew what this was, and her insides twisted in an anxious and delirious way. Her hands suddenly damp with apprehension and she swallowed thickly, looking around her for any sign of him.

_Ben..._

Tears filled her eyes on instinct. Their Bond was still there! He was still here! She could barely breathe as she just waited for him to appear, feeling very warm all over, her heart racing so quickly with the thought of seeing him again.

 

* * *

 

 

Kylo stood still at the Command Bridge, dressed in his usual uniform with his black cloak weighing down on his shoulders. His arms clasped behind his back, he looked into space, as the ship was currently in hyperspace. He watched the cereal colors flash at their windows, just having somewhere to fixate his stare to quiet down his inner thoughts.

At least Hux was not here, but there was a risk to leave the General alone with most of his troops and in charge of the Order's political influence while he was away. No matter, he would not be gone for long nor would Hux dare to oppose him after their last encounter.

As he looked out the windows, he felt it. Softly like a breeze against his neck and suddenly his ribcage felt too small to contain the beating of his heart. The air around him felt thick as the echoes around him filled his ears.

_The Bond!_

He looked behind him, his breathing growing heavier with each passing second, his eyes looking everywhere, frantically for her.

Kylo had to swallow the lump inside his throat and dismissed his crew in the Command Bridge to leave the room. The fervency inside him heightened every nerve inside him when he felt her presence. It was not solid, but it was there, and the longing he had felt for her this week reached its culmination, devouring every inch of his sanity as he had to reclaim the last crumbling remains of his self-control to not run around like crazy person in the corridors to find her. He looked everywhere around him from the spot he was standing in. Where was she? His heart was beginning to beat painfully against his chest to not see her, and the jolts of electricity swarmed his entire core with the thought that she was so close.

Her smell that was branded within him sparked once more with renewal and he knew she was here...somewhere. But where?!

He also realized that he could not stand in the hallway surrounded by his soldiers if he did see her here, and with hope he headed to his own quarters.

 

* * *

 

 

Rey could not contain the storm within her, her heart pounding so loudly it drowned everything else around her. She felt his presence so profound like he was there beside her, but, where was he? Her eyes looked around in the room, desperate to see his hair, those hauntingly beautiful eyes. She just wanted to see him...

She felt his need as strongly as her own as the aura around her filled with his scent and knew his every emotion as their Bond was making itself known to both. Slightly shivering with cold, partial excitement, and partial dread as she felt his feelings coursing with her own.

Anticipation filled the atmosphere around her and she tried to breathe and ignore the tickling sensation up her back to know he was so close. But nothing could soothe of the fire that was awakening inside her. They had been a week without their Bond activating. A week of fear and loneliness that only he could understand. A week where she had been terrified, despite her inner assurances, that he could have been dead. Too feel the Bond overcome her so completely filled her with joy that she could not explain, nor bother too.

Her throat felt thick and parched from getting so riled up. Why was the Bond doing this? Why could she still not see him? A new fear awoke within her when the room went suddenly deathly silent, and her eyes searched the room to only freeze when she saw his tall frame appear in front of her, looking everywhere until their eyes met.

As their every intent, every feeling clashed together in rhythmic, musical symphony only they could hear, she saw a surprised expression on his face, and looked at her almost in a questioning way. She made no effort to hide her feelings, not when she sensed his and she realized he had probably thought she had not missed him. The look of shock on his face told her as much.

There was nothing she could do but feel the heat inside her build to indescribable levels as her heart cried of overwhelming warmth of seeing him. She needed more but had no idea on what to do or what to say. This was so new to her, to feel this way about someone, and he was not just anybody. He was the Supreme Leader, the enemy of the Resistance and yet he was the only one that have made her feel so alive. For now, at least, she wanted to forget the paths they had chosen.

 

* * *

 

 

She was there in front of him, solid as she had ever been. He could only see her, feel her, sense her and the week of having been so cruelly separated was written clearly on both their faces. But he had no idea, wouldn't even begin to admit to himself that she would feel the same joy of seeing him again. It shook him to the very core. Her feelings were just as strong as his own.

Rey stood completely still, a strong blush adorning her cheeks and ears as she looked at him with...happiness? And almost in unexplainable fear to her own emotions taking utter control of what they  _should_  be feeling towards each other. The Force danced strongly between them and he could not take it anymore. He let the last of his barriers drop, the desperate need to just wanting to see her all week completely consuming him as he began to walk towards her, removing his gloves as he did so.

She stood petrified on the spot, only to watch his every move, and he knew she was waiting for him to come to her and like a slave listening to its master he followed her call.

 

* * *

 

 

Rey was trembling as he approached her. It took her back to when they had been on the elevator, when she had been the one to go to him, pleaded with him to stand with her before they had faced Snoke. That same urgency was coursing through her veins now, wanting a release. He held himself with such grace and elegance despite what was happening between them that just made her feel envious and enraptured. Like his ever step, every move towards her was done with precise calculation; meant to allure her and it worked like a charm.

Coming to terms with her desires was something not easily done, but her every cell was shaking to feel him, to be the ember that would ignite her heart. He suddenly stopped only two feet away from her. She could hear his labored breathing, knowing he had difficulty to stay away. Not that she wanted him too, but she was also afraid, and she knew he sensed it as well. She had no experience in this territory, and it acted like a barrier between them. Mixed with the want of feeling him, there was fear of what it would mean.

So that he had stopped his advances made something very clear for her. That he wanted her to take the final step, to close the distance between them. He was giving her a choice. And that sucked the very air within her, replacing it pulsating, hot thrilling sparks of electricity in her spine. His intense gaze only made it worse. He stared at her like she was the only real thing in the entire galaxy.

And right there. She knew she was lost to the mercy of Ben Solo.

Rey could do nothing else but close the distance and was sure she would collapse of the weight of her own body trembling so heavily, her heart making her head feel foggy with its insistent drumming. She tried to fight the pull to him, tried to make her mind to reason to what was about to happen, but she was too captivated by him.

She reached out with her hands towards his face, and he didn't flinch this time under her touch. His eyes closed at the contact and he seemed to be forcing his breath down. As her finger once more trailed the side of his cheek, following the pattern of the scar she had left upon him – a scar he had not once brought up to mention before her, to make her feel guilty about – his eyes flew open, staring at her in molten clarity. She had not seen his eyes this way before. Not this clearly. They were ridden of the mask he protected himself with, and she felt heat creep up her throat and into her cheeks by seeing the glistening pools of brown staring at her with such affinity.

They had not said a single word to each other, no words were needed. Standing now so close, she could feel his breath upon her cheeks as she leaned closer, his chest brushed against her. She suddenly stopped, forcing down all the jumble of nerves in her throat, looking down at the ground, feeling so utterly silly with herself for some reason, knowing that all her inexperience would show.

He put his finger gently under her chin, making her look at him again. Her breath hitched, and last thing she remembered was the softness of his touch as he cupped her cheek, wiping away the silent tears that had been streaming down her face and bent down to capture her lips, setting both their worlds ablaze.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAND I'm exhausted! Biggest build up I have ever written for a frikking kiss scene o.o And in honor of #SaveBenSolo, this seemed best suited to post today :) Hope you all enjoyed the chapter! Lemme know what you think as it was a bit of a nervous writing at the end ^^
> 
> The quote Death is not the greatest loss in life is taken from a quote on the web from Norman cousins. I thought it was so beautiful and always wanted to use it somewhere =)
> 
> And another thing to Luke's line regarding Anakin. I really do believe after 30 years, he would know the full story of why his father went to the Dark Side. And I know he tells Rey that the Jedi was responsible for Darth Vader, so if anyone wonders why I put that part in. Also, I am alone in writing this. I will probably make a hundred mistakes along the way, even if I do research things etc but hopefully they won't be major. 
> 
> and I can't believe the huge response last chapter got. I'm so humbled and so happy that I can cry! So thank you to everyone that is subbing, giving kudos and I send the biggest cyberhugs that I can to the people that are just so sweet to leave comments! They mean so much to me so thank you, thank you, thank you for making my day brighter. =)
> 
>  
> 
> Again thank you all for making my day much more awesome!


	8. He Who Brings The Night

Soft, and exquisite like the softest, dampest pillows against her lips. Barely a touch but enough to make them both feel enraptured in a frenzy, the world around them twirling like a tornado. The music had reached its full crescendo as everything in the Force was passing through both, uniting them into its fulfillment of ecstasy. It was pure madness but too sweet and impossible to resist.

Breaths mingled with each other as every nerve quivered with yearning for more. Glazed eyes looked at each other in heightened confusion and lust, just begging for more to drive them both of the edge. 

Her shaking arms ventured to his hips, felt the weaving of the heavy black fabric he was wearing as she gripped him tightly to steady herself and he held her cheeks so protectively, deepening their kiss when she opened her mouth slightly, providing him with a deeper angle. What started soft, and gentle became hot and demanding. She could not think, couldn't feel anything but his tall frame claiming her smaller form to him, as her heart fluttered with warmth to have him pressed against her. This close proximity was taking its toll as her body was swarming with heat, leaving her aching with need.

His taste,  _sweet insanity,_  was dangerously sweet, intoxicating and she found herself wanting more. She was at his mercy as he trapped her upper lip between his soft ones. But in the back of her head despite being overwhelmed by his scent, firm shape and taste, something was prodding her.

The kiss cleaved her mind in two halves, the more rational part was screaming at her, telling her this is wrong. He is the Supreme Leader, he is the enemy, and that this would never end in the way she would want. And the other half contradicted it heavily because every miniscule movement he made, his touch, his kiss, his presence and feelings made her feel....at home. He was her safe harbor, and they were burning up as if they were standing in the sea of flames. And how could something that felt this right ever be wrong?

She had missed him, and she knew he had missed her too, and it was pure instinct driving both of them to have just one moment of peace before it would all come crashing down. And she was growing well aware of the lucid part inside her that was demanding her to realize what was happening, before it got out of control because she was on the brink to give in completely.

 _What would they think of you if they could see this?_  A voice said in her mind, that she tried to shut out, but it grew louder with each stroke, each touch of flesh that left her legs trembling as a involuntary moan escaped her lips, making him react more fervently against her.

_What would your friends believe if they saw their precious Jedi fraternize with their enemy?_

Like all things, nothing ever lasted.

Figments of Leia, Luke, Han, Finn, Chewie, Poe, the war, the resistance flashed before her in her mind. Everything everyone had done to stop the First Order, and how was she repaying them? By kissing the leader of their enemies, effectively making their sacrifices mean nothing because she was consumed by feel of him. Her eyes flew open, the realization and heavy guilt overcome her, as she flung from his grasp as if he had scorched her, her hand flinging over her mouth.

_What have I done?!_

How did this happen?

Why did she let it?

Why did he?

She had just betrayed all of them, of everything that was supposed to be right and just in the galaxy for him. Because of what she felt for him. This was not her trying to convince him to turn to their side, this had been her following her impulses because she  _wanted_  him. Like a rapturous injection that calmed and numbed her brain in the most blissful way. That was completely different.

Her chest felt much too tight as she was forcing air down her burning lungs, heavy with confusion. With daring eyes, her gaze ventured to Ben who stood frozen on the spot, looking equally bewildered but not for the same reason she was.

He looked so handsome that it made her insides twitch with that warmth that desired more of his tantalizing touch. Perhaps if she was just closer she could fill her senses with his scent, to remember his taste but caught herself to stop that dangerous thought, and instead balled her hands, standing firmly, resigning to hear them both pant with shock.

“Ben...” She whispered, the silence slicing through her core as the remains of his lips was still branded upon hers, still feeling the warmth of his palms against her skin, the ghost of his frame still hovering above her.

Her voice seemed to snap him out of the comatose state he resigned himself to. The reverence his eyes held for her for just a moment ago, turned to ice, and she saw the twitching of his long facial expression as his mouth contorted into a thin line, and he started to retreat backwards. His one hand clenching tightly as the other was sliding through his messy hair, and she could have sworn to see his nostrils flaring on their own accord, and she sensed it. His anger and  _no,_ the rejection. And she knew in a horrifying blink of an eye he must have misunderstood everything she had felt and done.

 _No..._  

“Ben...” She tried softly, imploring him to know  _why_  she backed away. He had to understand this, but she perceived everything that was going through him and she knew she had lost. He had been so used to be not wanted, so it was the single thing he was honing on that he would not see reason.

_No, please..._

His beautiful features contracted into a haunting sneer, every muscle stiff as stone, “I should not be surprised.” His voice was rough and raspy, sounding like he had swallowed a fistful of sand.

“No,” Rey began desperately, shaking her head, approaching him only to have him recoil further from her. “Please- I didn't-I-” Rey began to stammer, feeling dread replace every atom inside her as his expression did nothing to calm her disposition of what her actions had caused. 

 _Please, not now!_  She felt it, he was trying to shut her out, and it made her feel like she was thrown in the coldest river, as every nerve tickled with fear of losing him.

 “Ben! Please!”

She could see him click his tongue against the inside of his cheek – something he did often, and he had no idea how utterly breathtaking it made him look.

 His voice was venomous as he answered her. “You just showed me all I needed to know.” 

“No. Let me explain.”

“There is nothing to explain.”

 “No-you don't under-”  
  
”ENOUGH!” He said viciously and could not hide the cracking of his voice breaking as he stubbornly tried to remain in control of his emotions. His anger and devastation shot through her like a shock wave, as his body turned rigid on the spot, and she could have sworn her heart crumpled together when she saw the flicker of hurt in his eyes that he could not conceal from her.

 Silence hovered around them, and she knew he was beyond reasoning. He was far too upset by what she had felt in that one moment where guilt and regret guided her and lashed out like a wounded animal trying to contain his pride. Because he had felt none of those things when they had embraced each other. He had been.... happy.

His chest was heaving with hurt and agitation, and he looked away from her, “You are just like the rest of them.”

Then he was gone, and she let out the stubborn sob that was lodged back in her throat, her chest hurting in ways she had not thought possible.

 _What? How could he have-No!_  

He effectively terminated their connection in his anger. How?!

 _You are just like the rest of them_ drove into her skull like an unwanted migraine, and broke her so much more then she thought possible. It made her insides shrivel up like dead leaves and incinerate it to ashes. The room she was in was suffocating her, feeling unnaturally small as her hand was scratching her chest to alleviate something from the guilt that raged inside her.

She fell to her knees, still feeling the shadow of his touch linger upon her and she could still feel the burning remainder of his,  _oh, forgive me_ , his sweet, full lips that fitted so well against her own as her shaking fingertips traced her damp mouth.

Ben Solo had kissed her, and she had kissed him back, and it had been the most beautiful moment in her life, and how she had brutally destroyed it. His trust and feelings were so fragile and sensitive to begin with, and she had just crushed it.

 She placed her forehead against the edge of the table, hoping the cool metal would soothe the blood burning through her face, repeating her thought like a mantra, hoping, and wishing he would hear it.

_Ben, please.... come back to me. I'm so sorry, I am so, so sorry...._

* * *

 

 

Silence. Absolute silence. 

He blinked and let out a breath he did not know he was holding, aware of his surroundings as he was back in his old quarters. In his raging temper he had closed their Bond. How? Or did it comply because of what he had been feeling? It had always acted like its own sentient being to bring them together. Perhaps they could sometimes also choose when it could manifest and when it could break?

His throat felt stuffed with gravel, as his upper lip twitched. He had felt the debris of his mind break into little pieces when she had backed away from him. But to no longer sense her at all after just been with her for such a short time...

When he had felt her confusion, regret and guilt. It crashed against him like a wave after a wave to the point it filled his head with hate for what he had allowed himself to feel around her. For finally letting it show. It only fortified something he knew about himself – always unwanted, and the abandonment that came from it, boiling to the point he saw red, and refused to search her feelings beyond that – he would only be further broken.

She had rejected him because of her own fear and disgusting loyalty to the Resistance. The one moment in his life where he had felt clarity and he had let himself to be filled with joy like he had found everything he had been searching for in his life only to have it - just like in Snoke's throne room...

He was digressing.

He closed his eyes as his body shivered in self-loathing, tangling with remembered lust. The thing that bothered him the most was that he had forgotten what side he was on, and where she was. With her, there were no sides for him, and it shook him how little he cared about anything beyond her kiss in that moment.

But she hadn't...

“It was never real...” He said to himself, with little conviction. The Bond acted like a prison when it brought them together which neither of them could escape. It was no wonder it messed with his head, and what he was supposed to do, making their illusion of a relationship appear something it wasn't. 

 _But the kiss_...an incessant soft voice said. She had kissed him back, she had been willing for just those seconds filled of serenity...

He felt himself stiffen, thinking back to when he felt her passionate, softest lips against his own and it awoke that heated jolt in his lower abdomen, spreading like a disease throughout his veins, making his clothing feel much more uncomfortable and constricted. He could still taste her and feel the ghost of her skin against his.

 “It was never real, it was just a manipulation...all of it.” He repeated, determined to believe it, trying to calm what his body was doing to him. It was reacting in ways he had not been accustomed to, but it left him wanting more, and irritated and frustrated beyond anything.

 The girl meant nothing...He closed his eyes, and as the darkness flew through him it helped him turn of the hurt he had been exposed to, altering it to fulfill a purpose in his power. Like a switch. It worked – barely.

 “Supreme Leader.” Kylo snapped his head to the hologram station he had, seeing one of his sergeants contacting him.

“What is it?” He bit out, his anger still fuming through him, and he saw the sergeant gulp with fear as he continued;

 “We have reached the Beshqek system, Supreme Leader. It won't be long before we arrive at Byss.”

 Kylo looked around, how long had he been in the Bond? He had completely lost track of time, not even noticing that they had left hyperspace.

 “Prepare my shuttle, sergeant.”

 “Very good, sir.” The transmission ended, and Kylo exhaled shaky gasps of air, feeling the gloss of sweat on his forehead trickle down on his temples, and for the first time in a long while he closed his eyes and let the Dark Side fill his senses, channeling his fury to focus on the mission that was in front of him.

In Emperor Palpatine's days, Byss had been the place of his secret foothold, and the planet was corrupted to the marrow of its core of dark power that still lingered there. The Dark Side of the Force was strong here, and that Snoke had placed his Knights here did not come as a surprise. If he ever doubted their loyalty to their cause or to Luke it would have been driven from them now like an infection from its wound.

The planet had bristled with activity from the Empire in its prime time, but now it was just left as a hollow reminder of the old days. The buildings were destroyed and left to the whims of nature. There was only one place he knew where they would be.

Byss had a sickly green glow about its atmosphere, but it was nature filled planet, luscious with forests, and lakes scattered around, and many life-forms lingered here – tainted by the darkness.

 As he was approaching the planet with small band of soldiers with his shuttle he could practically feel the Dark Side of the planet's energy claw upon his skin and embrace him. He could see her face flash before him, but quickly tampered everything that had to do with her.

He reached out as he attempted to feel where his Knights were. Did not take long before he felt them, and they sensed him in return, and a grim smile set upon his lips. They had grown stronger.

They landed on an overgrown old landing pad filled with green grass and grey moss as thunder roared above them and Kylo felt the rain upon his face as he stepped out, looking ahead of him, the darkness making it hard for him to see anything beyond shuttle. He ordered his soldiers to stay at the ship as he began walking in front of him, hearing the wind rustle the trees as the drops of water were drumming against its leaves. The small path from the landing path eventually led to a much bigger marble platform – also where roots of nature had stubbornly forced its way through a few cracks, its roots starting to take shape along with more moss and grass.

He felt their presence closely and craned his neck, cracking a few bones into a place as he closed his eyes, a sneer twisting his lips. 

“Show me what you have learned.” He whispered to the shadows as he stomped his feet into stone, making its echo clash with the sounds of the thunder as he took his trademark battle stance, igniting his red lightsaber, its flaring light looking like a beacon in the dark.

He sensed it around him, six strong life forms circling around him like predators approaching their prey. Except Kylo Ren knew he would never be the prey – he was the ultimate hunter and he was here to show his dominance among them.

He knew it was coming before it happened as a red laser shot was fired upon him from the trees to his right, which he deflected easily with his sword, only scoffing at the insult. 

Another red lightsaber emerged in the dark in front of him, and he recognized the dark grey armor and the female form anywhere, her mask shaped much like his own had been as she sprinted towards him, and used the Force to leap at him much quicker but as her saber was high in the air above him, Kylo sensed another of his Knights behind him, and jumped upwards towards the shadowy attacker in front of him, blocking the incoming blows as he rolled of her back as he landed on the floor behind them, having two of them sparring momentarily before they turned their focus back to him.

Two emerged from both his sides, and both leapt towards him with their weapons drawn. Kylo's lips twitched into a smirk as he used the Force to push one away to hit the tree behind him, while averting the other one with his saber, seeing his two previous attackers closing in on him as well. Kylo fended off the blows and slammed his fist towards the ground, honing the pain to create a shock wave as he channeled the Force to push them away.

He saw from the corner of his eyes the fifth attacker as he was in the air, arms outstretched with his pike staff, igniting the saber as the blade connected with Kylo's as another shot was fired upon him behind him, and Kylo focused his energy to trap the bolt in the air as the sixth and final one of his Knights emerged from the shadows.

Kylo smiled,  _so it begins..._

He was lowering the blade as he felt all six of them approaching him with vengeance. He deflected every blow directed at him, feeling the powerful breezes of their combined strength. They worked together in perfect synchronization, having mastered much of their training. He continued to dodge the blows, predicting every movement they made, as the Force was guiding him strongly here, filling him with aspiration.

He moved the like wind around them, avoiding and countering every strike. With each blow, they increased their pace, and it all became a blur. The adrenaline from the fight exhilarated him, the passion of good battle had his heart pumping and he thrilled in that feeling. He was alive, the blood pumping through him relieved a fracture of what he had with Rey.

One after one was defeated by his prowess. While they were strong, Kylo  _was_ Vader's heir, and his power could not measured.

All six of them stood before him conquered, their rattled breaths heard among the turbulent rain, covered in black masks with silver linings much like his had been, dressed in their chrome, raven armor that suited their skill-sets best. They were unlike anything the Order had seen. They used weapons of their liking as well as blasters and rifles. They were no ordinary Jedi, nor Sith, but symbiosis of both. 

“The Supreme Leader is dead.” Kylo Ren spoke, his gaze set hard upon them. He saw they looked at each other in fleeting seconds through their masks, nobody saying anything.

 “Whom do you serve?” He asked, his chin raising arrogantly.

With no hesitation and speaking unanimously, “we serve Master of the Knights of Ren.” Their voices sounded much like his had done as well, the masks deforming the raw tone of their vocal chords.

Kylo Ren felt his power grow from the contentment of having his knights back, and their loyalty. They saluted simultaneously, crossing their arms in a x formation to bow to him.

“We serve the Supreme Leader.”

“Few in number but stronger than a thousand men. It is time to finish it all. We will remind the Resistance and those that support them of the sound of our sabers against their throats as they beg for mercy. It is time to let all old things die and begin anew.”

“We are yours to command.”

A savage grin formed on Kylo's face, trying to quiet the nagging sense of guilt that was building inside him. Why would he ever need  _her_  when he had them?

 

* * *

 

 “The people are starving. It's almost been two months since the fall of our grand Supreme Leader, and trade has suffered greatly. The new Supreme Leader seem to care little to keep the trade running, nor to secure political alliances. We do not know how to proceed under current circumstances. We must have an answer.”

It had been a week since Kylo Ren had left to Byss. A week where Hux fleeting patience was constantly tested by these governors, which seemed to be their greatest joy in life. Armitage Hux was leaning over a table, watching several hologram messages and reports flooding in from every sector they had control while listening to the small crowd of the senators gathered before him, whom were growing far beyond restless. The daily life of Coruscant was buzzing next to him in the huge window while the small glimmer of sunlight was peeking through the heavy grey clouds.  
  
”The Supreme Leader cares little what you think, Senator. The only reason why you still are here is to serve our purpose, and so that we do not have to interfere on every single change in command. As long your allegiance is to us, we care little to what you do to secure your help to the Order.” Hux replied tersely, growing tired of the political debates. He was never a politician. He didn't have the patience for it and being trapped here was something he detested. He wanted to squash the Rebellion, not be here playing the father to a bunch of children.

“You care about your troops and growing numbers and ships. If we cannot feed our people or receive aid to subjugate internal power struggles, little will work to the Supreme Leader's benefit into wiping out the Resistance.” The female Sarkhai, Ursik, one of the governor countered strongly, her white hair and skin almost blinding the reflection of the sun as she turned her head towards Hux.

The Senate, or rather informally known as governors where whipped to the rule of the First Order. While  _princess_  Leia among other managed to restore the Senate after the battle of Endor, Snoke effectively returned it to its previous purpose, just giving them a little more freedom to not be bothered with small nuisances himself.

 _Let the rats think they have their freedom..._ He used to say.

“I have to agree with Senator Ursik. There are inner struggles at most homeplanets because the Order no longer has full control. Bandits, thieves and filth are now seeking to find power, taking advantage of the chaotic tumult. And if it's not the criminals, it's the Resistance that is gaining followers. And they all grow bold and corruption lingers while your troops remain idle.” The senator that spoke first agreed, and the other joined in murmurs.

 “There are whispers of the rebellion spreading and it's heard in every corner of every planet. It even spread to Coruscant, infecting the weak minds.” They flickered nervous gazes as Hux as his stare reduced to splinters as he listened intently to what they were saying.

 “The Resistance is expanding, and the First Order does nothing. Its defiance cannot stand if you expect the people to remain loyal to your cause.” Ursik finished, crossing her arms over her chest, her black markings in her face scrunching together, as another politician approached Hux with shaking hands.  
  
“There is also this...” He took out a piece of parchment that made Hux frown with distaste. Paper was a form rarely used these days, but it was a good way to avoid tracking by the government. As he unfolded it, he immediately saw why, and his entire expression turned sour.

 Hux never met this girl personally, and he would never understand Ren's obsession over her. But ever since he had captured her on Takodana, the little respect he had for Snoke's apprentice diminished more for each day. This girl had bested Kylo Ren three times. His interrogation was a failure, he was defeated at Starkiller base and she had somehow managed to not only kill his Supreme Leader but also render Kylo Ren unconscious and effectively terminated the entire Praetorian Guard.

Pressing his tongue against his teeth he could see the danger she posed. It was clearly her face painted on this parchment, holding a lightsaber over Ren's bowed head, with the letters that said: _Death to Tyranny! Death to the Order!_

Hux doubted what Kylo Ren had told him about Snoke's demise to be true. How could one girl, a simple scavenger defeat the wise and powerful Supreme Leader and his guards that were exceptionally trained in lethal destruction and incapacitating Ren? Ren had not been so subtle about this...unhealthy infatuation. The way he talked about her with Snoke, the way he acted showed there had been so much more beneath the surface. He knew Ren was lying. And he knew the best way to see the lies come to the surface. But he would have to be careful, a hand absently caressed his throat as a reminder of last time he had not been so subtle.

His gloved fingers still holding the paper, he caressed her face – she  _was_ beautiful, he could see the appreciation in it, a sneer taking form on his lips as he looked at the senators once more with a look of determination, as he crumpled the piece in his palm.

The girl was growing far more dangerous then he could ever expect. The seed of hope was still growing. The seed that the Jedi was not just a myth was  _growing_. People were remembering and that was an extremely dangerous thing.

They had to eradicate her. Kill her, they kill the hope! She was far more powerful then he would ever expect. And as his Supreme Leader was still off world after an entire week of silence training with his Knights – demanding to not be disturbed, he would take the matter into his own hands. 

His Knights.... the thought almost made him want to cackle. If he only knew how much Snoke had twisted and broken their minds. They would never be his again.s

Hux smiled. He would go after the girl, and effectively see where Kylo Ren's true allegiances lay.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked the introduction to the Knights of Ren. Since we do not know anything about them I have used the concept art as a model when describing them (with the names, rogue, monk etc) and the poster on google of them (which btw loooks frikking amazing), and for some reason I view them to mostly be these strong, silent warriors. And also the fight scene was a first...It is quite interesting writing a fight scene, but almost an impossible task to write when its six vs one ^^'
> 
> And the planet Byss is cannon, although not my entire description of it as it is from legends but I tweaked it a bit to fit the story. I thought it was the perfect planet to hold his knights! :)
> 
> And I have only skimmed through what happened to the senate being reinstated after Palpatine so it might not be cannon correct either but if I understood it, Snoke did follow same steps Palpatine did but a little bit more loosely.
> 
> ALSO you people are amazing! I have passed 600 kudos <3, that is just soooo amazing! I can't believe it, and gotten such wonderful support and comments! If I could give you all a big fat kiss, I would, I truly would. You are my inspiration to keep giving fast updates <3 Thank you, thank you, thank you!
> 
> And just wanted to share that I usually listen to my own reylo playlist when writing and every title is from song titles from Two Steps from Hell and Immediate music. Amazing music.


	9. Red Tower

_Darkness..._  

_Light..._

_Balance..._

_The Force..._

_Rey...Reach out!_

Like a beacon guiding her through a mist she did and all life around her shone and like the scriptures said, everything has different flavors to it and she was one with it. She felt everything in this one moment. A tremor went through her, as she tried to not be overwhelmed by what she had managed to do. The scales matched a harmony, and everything ascended around her. The forest vibrated, and she knew where every tree was, every root, and every leaf. She felt the wind on her skin, and the warmth of the sun upon her face, and smelled the muddy dirt she was standing on. She felt Finn, and his excitement to be sparring with her.

 “Are you ready?” Finn asked circling around her, waving his wooden cane as he positioned himself into a battle stance.

She nodded, and with her eyes still closed, she sensed Finn, could practically hear his heartbeat, and knew how he moved before it happened. With his training stick he launched at her from behind, she turned on instinct and lifted her staff to meet his weapon, feeling the Force in her every movement, as if she could foresee the incoming blows and strikes from him, and she blocked them flawlessly, trusting her inner eye to guide her through the blind state she put herself into.

Her staff did not compare to the feeling of having a saber, and the frustration only grew that she did not have one. She knew the procedure, she had read about it but also knew it was far beyond her comprehension and patience to even try it at this point. So, the staff would have to do, and it worked for these purposes. Finn excelled in close combat, having had the training ever since he was a little child, and was an excellent partner. Each stroke was deliberate, calculated and intuitive, and she could truly feel every move he made before he had even begun his attack and effectively countered each hit he swung at her.

Rey had taken much solace in the scripts to easy the always painful thumping of her heart that seemed permanently latched on her since she last saw Ben. The Force, knowledge and self-discipline were the three pillars of the Jedi. She lacked discipline, her emotions dominated her in combat or made her act out impulsively most of the times. Gaining control over herself was key to become a better fighter, and to master her Force abilities.

“You are getting better.” Finn panted in awe as they finished their first round, and Rey opened her eyes. The first times when they had started sparring a little over a week ago, she had been over-the-brim filled with longing and unbearable sorrow for Ben, and it was impossible for her to concentrate - she had several bruises to testify this, and slowly but surely she was able to restrain her emotions during her practice momentarily, and...she felt it. She felt the Force guiding her, and it was peaceful and warm.

Finn looked at her, and she shook herself free of her thoughts, and remembered the moment of happiness she had felt with her accomplishment.

“I felt it Finn! I really felt it!” She claimed excitedly only to have her friend smile even broader at her. “I mean, I felt it with Luke, but this was different. I had control!”

“Those books are actually helping then?”

“They are. But it takes time...it's not always easy to understand. But I don't agree with all that it says, but it’s a good guide. It makes me less...”

 “Scared?” Finn finished helpfully, and she looked at him, giving him a warm smile and nodded.

“You know, I am not blind, Rey.” He chuckled, removing his leather jacket due to the humid, warm air around them, “and I do think I know you quite well by now. I would be terrified in your shoes to have that kind of power, but you...” He approached her, and put a hand on her shoulder, “I would trust you with it any day because you are you. Because you are one of the most caring people I know. I know you would only use your power to do good.”

“Oh, Finn...” She whispered, so happy to have such a good friend as him. He was so sweet, but he was wrong. She was passionate, and she did care but he did not know the dark horizon that always drew closer when she tapped into her powers. How easily she had been drawn to it before because it held the promise to release her from all her pain.

“Again?” Finn asked, tapping his training stick against his palm, and Rey nodded, and they resumed the practice.

It had been over a week. Thinking about it, her lips felt like they were burning with the heavy reminder, as she was filled with his scent and touches, and how much she had wanted to feel it again. The kiss. Her first real kiss. She had not understood the power of lips against each other could make people lose their minds but now she did, because of Ben, because what the Force had felt around them, and it was beyond beautiful.

She had felt his presence around her ever since that moment, like a steady reminder. His mixture of emotions coursing through her. The Bond tingled in her skin, and she knew that the Force itself was purring with a need for them to connect. It was strange, the more time they had spent together in the Force, especially since they touched hands in the forest, everything had been so abundantly clear. And now, being separated like this again, she could feel the lament of the Force singing in the air.

That she missed him was an understatement. She had no idea this type of longing even was humanely possible, and she knew it wasn't his mere presence she missed. While she knew she cared for him, it was terrifying to face that her feelings for him went deeper than that, and it was only becoming more profound and solid.

There was something blocking their Bond to fully take form, and she prayed she was wrong as to why it was. She had sensed his darkness in a way she hadn't before, and it made her grow troubled and distraught for every day that passed without seeing him. Rey was worried that the longer the silence would go on, the further he would be lost, and she would never forgive herself if it has been her moment of regret would be the one that completely made him commit to the Dark Side.

 

* * *

 

 

“Supreme Leader.” Kylo Ren saw the hologram appear before him in his quarters, eagerly awaiting contact ever since the Master of Ren had embarked on the _Finalizer_ again. He gave one of his coldest look he could manage to Armitage, his muscles tense and sore after the heavy training during the week on Byss. His skin on his chin and above his lips were itching as his stubble started to form a shadow of a beard.

“General.” He replied, his voice devoid of emotion.

“I have some updates, and news from Coruscant. The troops have already doubled in their efficiency during the hardened training, and the repairs on _Supremacy_ are almost finished. There are however other matters that demand your attention with the...fragile senate.” Hux spoke, the distaste clear on his tongue.

The muscles around Kylo's mouth twitched into an almost feral-like snarl, “what of them?” He asked quietly, but never losing his superiority in his tone.

 “There are certain matters they wish to discuss with you, personally.” Hux continued and described in short words about the meeting they had been having in Kylo's absence, which only proved his point to end it all. He would meet with them, and they would see things his way.

The senate, or informally known as the governors that Snoke had given power to control their own planets through the firm hand of the Order but even flees could slip through their vice grip. The entire system was a disease that needed to be cleansed. Kylo Ren knew what had to be done. It was abundantly clear after the week spent in solitude with his Knights. On Byss...everything was suddenly so obvious, being embraced by the Dark Side. He had been meditating and drawing strength from in attempt to shut off the emotions that rendered him so weak.

His Knights provided him with all he needed. They gave what he had ever wanted. A family that would not desert him. They did not talk much, but it was more of a feeling that they all shared – like a collective mind. The way they trained together, and the connection they had to each other was all he needed.

The rule of two would not apply to him. He was their master. Sharing power was an act of weakness according the old Sith teachings but Kylo did not agree. He would always remain their master, and they would not dare trying to take his position.

Hux licked his tongue quickly before straightening his position, a jerk going through his chin, waiting for an answer. Kylo sensed that he was growing impatient. “I expect to arrive tomorrow. My crew will alert you when we are near. Prepare a meeting by the time of my arrival.” His dark velvety voice said with a whiff or arrogance.

Hux nodded, “Very good, Supreme Leader.” Closing the connection, Ben felt his skin light itself with electricity. He craned his neck, clenching his fists, and he really did have a tempting desire to throw something very solid against the wall because just feeling her behind her was enough to send him reeling.

"Ben...” He had not heard her voice since he arrived on Byss. While their Bond had been incessant, and aggravating ever since their last connection, it could not cement on Byss, hindered by the Dark Side of the Force, but it could make him feel her, and smell her just the same. It seeped in him just when the pull was strong enough to make him embrace the darkest part of himself and effectively hindered him every time. Unwanted memories resurfaced, and he suppressed them strongly before giving them life.

He looked behind him and wished he hadn't. He didn't trust his voice and felt the damn familiar twinge in his chest when he saw her saddened eyes look at him. Her long straight hair, reminded him of the rich soil of the flowerbeds his mother had outside their home on Chandrila, its color almost black like after a heavy rainfall. Her sun kissed skin seemed to glisten in the contrast of the dark grey that surrounded him, like a welcoming bonfire...

“I'm sorry. I did not mean it for happen like it did.” He bit his lip, to prevent himself from speaking. Perhaps he should stay at Byss longer. Perhaps he was not ready to leave. He felt her trying to compose herself but failing as miserably as he was.

“I'm worried about you.” She continued when he didn't respond. 

Her smell, that sweet scent of honey and smoke was everywhere.... The remembrance of her embrace was all too tempting, to much as it triggered the memory of the short fleeting moment they shared together.

“I know you are hurting...”

Was she not hurting? He thought with anger, the words hitting him like a punch to the stomach. He sent her a vicious sneer, his voice cold and unforgiving, “that would imply I care.”

She looked away, and he could see something glimmer in her eyes, but she continued in a steady tone. “You don't have to hide from me, Ben...It's only us here.”

“Stop calling me that name. It means nothing to me anymore.” He said heatedly, just wanting to silence the jolt his heart did every time she called him his name. The ice-thick layers he built up around him melted faster than he could understand what was happening.

She looked at him defiantly, a fire sparking in her eyes, “It does. It is your name, and I refuse to call you something else that you are not.”

He was about to respond but as solid she had been in front of him, she faded in a blink of an eye, as the Bond separated them once more...He collapsed to his knees, feeling the bitter chills and excruciating humming of misery from the Force around him, and he had no idea if he was shaking from the cold or from being apart from her.

She had rejected him. When it had counted the most, when he had  _needed_  her the most - she had done exactly that. Twice. She might as well have driven a knife through his chest and he had no idea what would hurt the most.

He needed to remain in control, he needed to remember that.

He looked ahead of him, his eyes not focusing on anything as he licked his suddenly dry lips and took deep breath to ease the knot that was twisting inside his stomach.

Change was coming. It was time to end all the corruption that festered like a wound all over the galaxy.

He would not give in...

A bitter glow basked the heavy clouded morning in Coruscant, and the atmosphere felt eerily quiet as Kylo Ren emerged from his shuttle on the plaza, followed by his Knights leading to the Grand Palace, effectively his seat of power. The building was draped in red colors same as the darkest wine, and his troops guarding the entrance, standing formally in two lines to the left and right of him. He saw the stares, felt the confusion and apprehension from both his armies and civilians when they saw the small army of the intimidating warriors at his back as he walked up the stairs to meet with the senators.

And as he barged in the circular throne room, where all the governors where gathered around the round, golden, metal table. The walls had ashy grey color to it, and the contrast of Ren and his Knights was telling against the lightly lit surroundings. The black and grey chrome colors shone through the room, their armor intimidating as it held promises of their power and inflicting fear to those that looked on them. What feared people the most, as Kylo Ren knew, even if he discarded his – were the masks.

 The buzzing among them immediately seized as he entered, the aura of his presence and his followers effectively made the tension rise in trepidation. Hux had looked surprised, and almost relieved to see Kylo – which means he must hate the politicians even more then they hated each other - that was saying something.

Kylo Ren waved behind him, the simple gesture commanding his Knights to stand by the door, to guard that no one would leave. The silence was filled with confusion and dread. He could practically feel it oozing from the people around the table, as he approached them – purposefully ignoring the tall, silvery throne across from him – his rightful place.

“Supreme Leader.” Hux greeted as custom demanded and soft murmurs followed of slight bowing of the head from the rest of them.

“General. Senators.” He returned the custom calmly, but he saw some of different species gathered here gripped their armchairs more tightly, see the sweat glisten on some of them. It is fascinating that fear showed the same expression in different faces.

“I heard there have been worries and complaints about my reign.” He spoke in a calm, deliberate voice, layering it with venom, and saw how their eyes flickered among each other.

One of the senators, he knew this Sarkhai, Ursik, cleared her throat, trying to evidently not to be intimidated by him, her white hair bouncing brightly and the black marks in her face crunching together as she pursued her lips at him.

“As we informed the General, there have been a tremor of balance on most of worlds, and many go hungry as trade has suffer-

-Enough." Kylo held up his hand to silence her, knowing he would finally put the motion of change into place. He was provided with certainty on what had to be done. The First Order conquered and killed because of the ideals Snoke had pushed, describing the Empire as the cure to the sickness with his livid tales, spinning its ruling as heroes, forcing the people to aspire to that ideology. That it was only sentiment that brought down its doom.

Kylo Ren didn't know anything else, he had been taught by Snoke to always think in absolutes, to further the Order, destroying the Republic and Kylo always believed to be the path to the truth, to what was just and right in the galaxy.

The Republic were the ones reinstating the senate. And what did they do? Spread like a putrefying stench throughout the galaxy, slowly but surely dealing in backstabbing, corruption and greed. His mother had been unable to stop the infestation that kept growing under her very nose and people lacked clarity once more. Duplicity had severed the people once more from having a sense of belonging, and from the arrogance of the senate the Order was born. He truly thought the Order was the solution, and the end of the rebels would provide him with it. He now saw that there had to be another step into creating a new future. And he was the cure.

“You politicians and senators, a weak licentious crowd. You are the very core of lies and corruption that radiate through the galaxy. You fumble in ignorance, incapable to understand what needs to be done. Hypocrites forming a labyrinth of bureaucracy. You lie, cheat and deceit. You are primitive, your lives measured in what riches you can gain, the alliances you can broker to further your own achievements, pocketing your profits, and the cycle is never ending. You wither, and you die, and in the end, you are...nothing.”

He saw the nervous twitching, and tension in the shoulders of the crowd before him, and continued just as calmly;

“I will impose order on the rotting decays of the web of lies that have lingered far enough. Bandits exists because of bribery you bathe in, thieves and scoundrels because of the anarchy you forced upon on the people. Greed, and wealth are ruining the true progression. Snoke was too kind to keep you on the leash. He did not care what you did as long you did not interrupt the Order's ultimate purpose, but he was wrong.”

“I will evolve the people to its true purpose. I will end the old ways because it is demanded. Reckoning is coming for all of you. The question you need to be asking yourself is where you stand when it does.”

He waved his hands and they heard the ignition of sabers sparking behind them, as his Knights began to approach the table, spreading out evenly around the table, their weapons drawn.

Kylo stood still, his tall frame seemingly much more intimidating. Even Hux was regarding him apprehensively, but he knew better to then to interfere.

“Do not say I am without mercy. I am presenting you with a choice. Give up your power and repent or refuse and die.”

“You cannot surely me-

Ursik tried to protest but a flicker of an eye contact from Kylo to the female Knight he called Rogue, and she cut her down in one swift stroke, and the Sarkhai was not even able to finish her sentence as her head rolled on the floor, earning gasps around him.

“A simple yes or no will do.” He continued as if not interrupted, ignoring the soft thump of a body falling to the ground. 

“What about all our wealth-

A sudden gasp followed by a gurgling noise from a male senator as another Knight, Monk thrust a metal dagger in his spine before even Kylo had given a command, watching another body crash upon the table.

“I thought I made myself clear.” Kylo Ren clicked his tongue, he made another gesture to his Knights, and they retreated to a formal standing position, withdrawing their weapons. He did not want unnecessary bloodshed.

“Yes. I will-I will follow you, Supreme Leader. Whatever you desire.” Another senator spluttered, bowing his head against the table in surrender, followed by agreement as the rest followed suit.

 “There will be no more senate, no more governors, no more resistance, no order where a new root of corruption of politics and anarchy can take place. There is simply only this. Only one leader - one army - I will bring a new peace to the galaxy. Now leave.”

The Knights withdrew their positions as the remaining mass of scared governors scrambled their remaining sense of their pride and practically fled the room, leaving behind the fresh corpses of their fallen partners behind, the red liquid staining the floor.

Hux was standing quiet during the whole exchange, and Kylo could see that he was regarding him differently. There was still the unwavering look of contempt that even the General could not hide, but underneath it all, he saw that he was clearly shocked by the cold, calm calculation Kylo Ren had just shown.

“Was there something else you wish to bring to my attention, General?” He asked seeing something flicker in the General's eyes.

“The Resistance is still out there, growing as we speak. Word of their hope and survival has now even spread to the corners of Coruscant.”

“It won't continue. Who will join them once we have ultimate control?”

Hux blinked and nodded, biting his tongue to not argue. “Very well, where do you wish to divide our focus too?”

 “It seems we need to remind the people of our power. Root out the bandits, draw out the criminals, end the scourge of lies.”

 “And what of the Resistance?”

Kylo was silent just a moment before replying in a dark tone. “Their time will come.”

Hux set his jaw firm, his lips into a grim line, “as you command.”

He gave him a small bow and he exited the room, not before giving the Knights an appraising look, eyeing them all up and down with a mixture of both reverence and something else Kylo could not decipher – and he did not bother too.

Kylo dismissed his Knights as well, wanting to be alone. And as the echoes of the door slamming shut, he felt the trembling in his arms, his heart refuse to remain quiet after what he had done. Just thinking about her face, knowing how she would react when she would find out what he had done. And that he should not care! But there was something inside him that did, nagging at him, telling him the way he was going to do things was not the right way.

He could feel his conscience breaking free from the hold Byss had managed to have over him, feeling the Dark Side once more conflicting with his emotions and he could not afford it now. Not here, not now, but the doubt he had managed to suppress was about to burst free from its chains, reminding him of what the things he felt when Rey questioned his allegiances.

He now truly had all the power at his fingertips, a chance to govern the galaxy the way it was supposed to ruled, doing what he believed to be right. But he felt nothing, nothing that fulfilled him when he had now shown a sliver of his power. He thought the other lingering conflicts he had, the doubt in him would dissipate – it only increased, and he was not prepared the surge of her warmth pass through him and closed his eyes.

 _The Bond_...The Bond wouldn't let him move on. It would not let him forget about her. Her presence had been impossible to ignore. Their fates were intertwined. He knew this, he had known it since he felt their connection spark for the very first time when he interrogated her. He knew because of his visions, he knew because of what dreams he had of the faceless girl that became evidently clear who it was since he saw her on Takodana, only to reaffirm itself when Luke's saber had chosen her on Starkiller base.

He felt the tingling and prodding of the Force, and he let out a feral growl in frustration. He didn't need this, he did not want this, he didn't want to feel her, but her scent once more overcame him, and made his entire body tighten with anticipation and longing for her.

 “I don't want to do this.” He said honestly. He really did not know how much more he could take of her, his heart already throbbing so fast from just sensing her that he could feel the beating in the back of his head.  
  
”Tough luck.” She replied tersely. He refused to look at her, refused to talk with her, the hurt of her turning him away still clawed heavily in his chest.  
  
He pressed his tongue inside his cheek, walking to the window in the far corner of the room, pinching his nose bridge as if it would take away anything he was feeling, and could hear her delicate footsteps as she came to stand next to him.

“When I was little, I found this flower. In the desert. Mind you, in Jakku nothing ever grows but somehow this little flower had found its way.” Ben furrowed his brows in confusion, wondering why she was telling him this.

 “I went there every day, using water from my rations to keep it alive. I don't know, it gave me hope. Hope if something so beautiful, something so impossible could grow in such a horrible place, perhaps I could to.”

“And it grew, and even more flowers began to sprout. I had never seen anything like it, and it gave me a purpose beyond to hold out hope for my parents. It made my days as a child...bearable.”

“Unkar eventually found out about my obsession and incinerated the entire field, as a punishment for me to learn my place. Hope is a dangerous thing among the slums of Jakku.”

“He destroyed my hope, but you won't destroy my hope for you. I won't ever give up on you, Ben.”

Her voice was cracking through the facade of trying to remain in control of her emotions. “I never....” She bit her lower lip, carefully considering her next words, “I never regretted kissing you.” She finished softly, and he heard the slight tremble in her voice. And those words shattered his mind into a thousand little pieces. Then why did she move away?

She turned fully to face him, her hand reaching out towards him, and he was about to ask why she had recoiled but the words stuck like clay in his mouth, and the Bond closed instead, left him feeling empty and aching. And he wondered who was more stupid. She, for not giving up on him, or he for ultimately not wanting her too.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeh....so....yeh. A lot of things are about to go down from this point on. Like a loooooot, even if I'm so slow at pushing the story forward. I really wanted to say I'm so happy that I have amazing people that comment. You truly make my day so much brighter! I have had a pretty tough week. I received Pms about this story that....were not nice to read – without giving to much information (I actually even got an apology afterwards), that kinda culminated with my own IRL problems. This chapter was the HARDEST one to write. Yeh, even harder then the previous one because of the politcal intrigues that had be brought up, trying to show Kylo's beliefs, and having the bond mess with him. Uggggghhh, my heart.
> 
> But then I read your comments and see how many that follows and kudos the story and I get reminded by the incredible support I have for this. And for that I really say from the bottom of my heart – a big thank you, and because of you I will see this story through. And the amount of comments on the last chapter. Wow....You guys make me cry <3
> 
> AN2: Sadly though I won't probably be able to update as frequently anymore as school has started once more, but I will try to post at least one chapter a week. Hopefully it will be more then that :)


	10. Into The Moonlight

_“Rey...” She was walking in the middle of the desert, the sun burning intensely on her skin with its harsh light. The voice bounced of around her when she tried to follow its trail with her eyes. She knew this voice._

_"I'm here!” The scavenger shouted back, hearing her own echoes vibrating around her._

_The world was spinning around her, and she saw even more misty images of sand, figments of the hidden house she had been dreaming so much about. It shifted to a bonfire where she sat outstretched with her arms, hearing two lightsabers igniting around her._

_In her dreams, she could not give the voice a face, nor a name.... “I’ll come back for you, sweetheart, I promise....”_

_Like a blow in the wind, both the fire and the desert whisked away like carbon particles, and darkness came forcefully, and suddenly, howling its presence above her, as she no longer could find it in her to breathe, being clamored by the coldness, like she was drowning._

_“Rey....”_

_She tried to run away, to escape its claws...but it was only approaching her, the voice around her became more aware, clearer as it grew louder._

_“Rey...” She was shaking, but it was different. Something done to her, beyond her own control..._

“REY!” With a loud gasp, her chest heaving with aching hurt as all the air had escaped her lungs, and her eyes blinked in sudden shock of being awake.

  _It was the dream_...it was that damned dream once more.

 Fighting for air, she sat up straight in her bed, her arms were shivering from the cold and she noticed she was completely soaked in her own sweat. She had not even been aware of the warm palm against her shoulder and the worried, kind eyes that stared at her.  
  
”Rey, calm down. It's only me.” Finn soothed her gently, her eyes snapped to his, and he offered a smile.

“Finn…” She could see that she was still in the _Falcon_ , in the bed she had made for herself the lounge area, as she shifted out the pictures in her mind. Since Rose was back on her feet and the rebels had settled in the old rebels’ base or in the town, nobody came to the _Falcon_ anymore, but it was home to both her and Chewie. She could not bear to take over Han’s old bedroom though – well, what had been his old quarters before the _Falcon_ came into Unkar’s possession. Somehow it felt to private.

“Bad dream?”  
  
”Yeh, you can say that.” She responded, not able to quiet the trembling in her voice, as her wrist was drying the sweat of her face. The brunette saw the glooming glow of the night sky slipping through the opening to the cockpit and realized Finn had woken her up in the middle of the night.

“Why are you here?” Rey asked gently, looking up at the former stormtrooper, and his face turned dull.

“Something has gone down. There has been news...from Coruscant. Leia wants you to be there.”

Like somebody had slashed her spine, dread evaporated throughout her body, just knowing it had to do with Ben. She just knew it. 

Remaining impassive, she nodded, “let me just get changed. I will be there.” Leia had given her new set of clothes, as her old ones needed to get washed. She refused to get rid of her arm wraps but otherwise liked the navy-blue chemise and the light grey pants – resembling the ones she had when she left to see Luke.

“You sure you don't want me to wait for you? You seem pretty-

He trailed of, but she tried to give him a friendly smile.

“I'm sure. I'll be fine.” Finn didn't look convinced; however, Rey didn't leave any room for argument and he nodded.

“I’ll see you there.” He gave her a small wave and left the ship.

Still sitting in her bed, she brushed her frazzled hair with her fingers, regaining control over her flustered state, preparing – no – steeling herself for what she would unavoidably see.

 

* * *

 

 

The Command Central fell into a vacuum after receiving the latest updates from their scattered allies on what had transpired in the center of the galaxy.  Rey was leaning against the wall while Poe could barely stand still, his curly hair almost falling in front of his eyes and was tapping his finger against the table next to Leia. Finn was watching his friend, deep in thought as a few murmurs passed through the room from the other officers that had joined them to watch the hologram messages.  
  
Leia placed a comfortingly hand on Poe’s shoulder, but he shrugged it off. Rey’s throat was dry as every muscle went rigid trying to restrain her heart from beating so hard against her ribcage. It pounded so loud in her ears, she almost wondered if anyone else would be able to hear it. She could not help the circling thoughts in her mind; Could not stop them when they whispered in her ears. Both angry at herself and Ben became one with the guilt tangling together to a knot in her stomach.

 _This is my fault…_  
  
“We need to do something. Cut the head of the snake and the Order will fall into chaos.” The Commander expressed heatedly, his brown eyes flashed angrily, not noticing the look transpiring between Leia and Rey.

“Even if that was a possibility, he is in the palace – the beating heart of Coruscant. The place is impenetrable.” Finn argued, looking equally upset. Rey felt her hands were damp from the sheer exhaustion.

_Ben…you could have ended everything…_

“I want to send a message, to everyone we can. We cannot let him win, we cannot let him force people into submission!” Poe said, looking at Leia whom had paled considerably during the last few minutes. Rey was quiet, trying to convey a somber exterior but internally she was breaking apart, filled with remorse and disappointment, and she watched the General with worry, sensing there was something wrong with her.

_I pushed him to do this, I was so close..._

“He needs to know that we will not give in!” Poe finished, walking to the message pad, and BB-8 rolled after him making concerned beeps, clearly wanting to comfort the pilot.

“He knows, it's why he is doing this.” Leia answered steadily. Poe looked at the General for the permission to proceed, and the older woman sighed but gave him a nod as she sat down on a nearby, golden-brown chair, her forehead resting against her hands that were wrapped around her cane.

The Commander started to type on the holopad in front of him as the circular table came to light with blue colors, and he started to record;  
  
“This is Poe Dameron of the Resistance. By now you have all heard, and perhaps already affected by what Order is trying to do, and I have only one thing to say to the Supreme Leader, Kylo Ren. We will not bow, we will not give into fear, we will fight you with every fiber of our being! Just like we did the Emperor, just like we did Snoke! We will sacrifice, and we will fight, and we will never give up! I urge everyone in the galaxy to stand up for what is right! Together we will end this reign of terror. Together we will be the fire that will burn the First Order down!”

The message ended with a few more urgent touches of his fingers before he was done. ”BB-8, buddy. Make sure the message is untraceable to the Order and spread it as far as you can.” The little droid squealed happily and worked its magic, connecting with the communication systems.

“Poe...we neither have the people or ships to mount an attack. What do you expect we will do? Storm Coruscant with ten X-wings?” Leia asked, with a raised eyebrow.

“I am tired of hiding, I am tired of running, we should be out there fighting!”  
  
“And we will.” She stated firmly, and he looked at her, their eyes fixated upon each other as an unspoken conversation passed between them and Poe let out a sigh of defeat, “but we will not act rashly.” He finished quietly, his cheeks gaining a little flush, looking disappointed with himself.

 “Exactly.”  
  
Poe let out another exasperated groan, “I just get...”

“We all do.” Finn finished the sentence in sympathy, patting his friend on his back, earning the same gesture from the pilot.

The General had been regarding the scavenger girl intently and held up her hand to silence the room that fell into hushed whispers from everyone in the room.

“I would like a moment alone with Rey. Go, get some rest, you all could use it.” Leia said, her tone held a finality people did not disagree with, and everyone expressed their goodbyes as they left the room.

“Those boys will be the end of me.” The older woman sighed, but her tone was light, and there was no malice behind the words. They both let out a soft laughter, sounding like tinkling glass across the room, but it soon fell into a silence. Rey just waited for her to ask the question that she knew Leia was thinking about.

“I’m not going to tiptoe around the subject. I always said you don’t have to say anything about what has happened between you and Ben. But I do have to ask you, do you know anything about his current plans? Do you know what he is planning, what he is thinking – beyond what we just saw?”  
  
”No, I don’t…” She answered, feeling an involuntary spasm twist around her heart. She did not know what his plan was. But it made her infuriatingly angry to know that he had all this power in the galaxy and this is what he chose to do with it! But she also knew it was because of her he was going down this path, and it hurt…it hurt that she couldn’t make him see, it hurt that she was to blame, and the further he was disappearing from her grasp, the more it made her question her own sanity for clamoring on to someone that just kept slipping further away.

“Do you still believe my son can be saved?” Rey’s head shot up to meet Leia’s calculating stare.

“It was never a question if he could be. The question is if he wants to. There is so much anger in him.” The scavenger answered quietly, knowing she probably had said to much. But in this moment, she could not care less.

“We share something.” She continued, trying to keep her voice leveled as she glanced the elder woman in the eye, seeing she was listening intently. She bit her lip, chewing on it as she tried to figure out the best way to explain something she did not fully comprehend.

“The Force keeps connecting us. I keep seeing him, and he keeps seeing me, and…we feel each other, and it just keeps growing stronger…”  
  
Leia didn’t speak, the little remaining color on her cheeks completely disappearing, but her focus was unwavering, and she never seen Leia look so…vulnerable. She always kept her emotions under check, only glimpses managed to break through, but the shell was always there to shield her feelings from showing. But now, Rey realized she looked very much just like a concerned mother, not the General of the Resistance.

“Does he know where we are?” She asked, with a slight waver in her tone, and Rey forced down the hard ball that formed in her throat. “No…but it would not be that hard for him to figure it out if he had wanted to.” Leia simply nodded at her answer, resting her chin against her palm, her one finger stroking her cheek. “This is why he left us in peace.” She said, mostly to herself before smiling into the distance, looking like she had solved a great mystery.

“I knew there was something, but this...”

“I'm sorry, I should have said something before, but I can't even describe what it’s doing to me, much less to anyone else.” Rey hurried to explain, feeling another wave of guilt attacking her, but Leia would not have any of it, and hushed her with a wave of her hand.  
  
”Do you care for him?”  
  
Her heart got stuck in her throat, at the question. She knew she did, she knew it was different then how she cared about her friends, but admitting it…

What would that say about her?

“You know, putting people on the spot and ask them uncomfortable things you often see the truth written on their faces before they are able to respond.”

“I...”

Rey sighed deeply, fiddling with her hands, memories of the kiss flashed before her, burning on her lips.

“Something...happened between us. I can't...explain it. It doesn't make sense. I shouldn't-”

“When it doesn't make sense, you know it is real.” Leia offered the girl a little smile.

“You know Han drove me crazy when I met him. He was an arrogant, stuck-up smuggler that went against everything I had been taught to believe when I was young.” Leia winced as she tried to sit up a bit straighter.

“But he also challenged me in a way nobody had done before, and most of all, he never saw me as anything less than he was...he found his way into my heart. Underneath that exterior, there was something in him that made me love him. I could not explain it because it didn't make sense.” She then gave Rey a wink, “because love doesn't make sense. It’s not the brain working its logic; It’s the heart wanting what completes you.”

Rey just watched the elder woman, unable to respond to what she was insinuating, it was too much for her to bear. So instead she had to say what had been weighing on her mind. She stood up, starting to pace back and forward, clenching and unclenching her hands.

“I pushed him to do this. He was so close.” The brunette claimed, the words breaking on her tongue as she tried to not be devoured by her conscience, and Leia offered her a look of pity.

“Ben is still responsible for his own actions. Do not take the blame for him.”

“I thought I could bring him back, but what if...I can't save him? What if I only push him further away?” She continued.

“The only thing you can do Rey, be true to yourself and what you feel, and the rest will follow, and there is something you need to understand; No matter what, Ben is the one that needs to save himself.” She blinked at Leia, but the woman effectively silenced the conversation, her words bore deeply into Rey, taking a hold.

 “But sometimes...war reminds us what is worth to hold on too.” Rey saw the elder woman was growing tired and tried to stand up but staggered while doing so, and the young girl was there in a heartbeat to grab Leia's arm and steadying her, her expression only growing more worried.

“My legs are not as forgiving as they used to be. Thank you. I will see you tomorrow. There has been enough excitement for one day.” She chuckled lightly, trying to lighten the mood.

“Thank you for confiding in me, Rey. I know it must have been hard for you to be alone to carry this burden.”

 _I’m not alone…_ was her first thought, her mind flashing to the man that shared her loneliness just as much, before Leia pulled her into what she could only describe would be how a mother hugged her child. It was like the one moment they shared before she departed to Ahch-To and Rey felt a surge of a comforting warmth a she buried her face in the crane of Leia’s neck, inhaling an earthly scent, mixed with something spicy but delicate. Like a flower dripped in mint.

 

* * *

 

 

Rey exited the central, feeling lighter and heavier at the same time after the talk she just had, and exhaled deeply. She looked at her surroundings, feeling a little relieved. It provided her with solace to have someone else to know about them. She heard crickets singing, filling the air with their lovely, soothing tunes, as the stars shone brightly in the sky, and the breeze was soft, and cool against her skin.

She saw Poe and Finn talking amongst themselves, leaning against one of the gray buildings, looking a bit more relaxed then before and she walked towards them. BB-8 peeped happily upon seeing her and rolled towards her in excitement. Both her friends turned towards her, and she could not help but smile when the flurry ball of happiness started to talk with her.

“Your antenna has gotten a little bent, now how did you manage that?” She asked, raising a questioning eyebrow at her companion as the robot started to beep happily, bending its head forward so Rey could adjust it.

“Never tease a wookie.” Poe answered as he approached them, and Rey stood up, noticing Finn was no longer there. “He went to Rose.” Poe answered before she managed to ask.

“You teased Chewie?” She asked the robot in amused shock, and droid immediately started to defend itself.

“Apparently there was this chess game in the Falcon, and Chewie is a sore loser. This one got easy off the hook.” Poe chuckled, while BB-8 made grumbling noise of protest next to them.

“Ey, buddy, I love you, but you know it's true.” Poe raised his hands in mock surrender, and Rey just grinned, feeling her eyes gaze in the distance as her mind started to wander off.

“Hey, are you alright?” He asked.

“I'm fine. Just...a lot on my mind.”

“Yeh, no kidding.” Poe agreed. “It just never ends, does it?”  
  
“It has to eventually.” She countered softly.

“You are right.” He finished, and they fell into a comfortable silence, and she regarded the pilot with a curious gaze. It looked like he had not slept well lately, the shadows under his eyes proved that – not that it deteriorated from the cheeky, cheerful aura he usually tried to emanate around him.

“Can I show you something” He asked, turning his face towards her, his richly brown hair looking more like melted chocolate in the flickering light from a nearby lamp. She looked down at the hand he had extended for her to take and she could only stare at it.

It was just a hand – a hand she had held before. But the simple gesture was hard. She had never been the one for physical contact – the harsh life of Jakku had made her extremely weary to ever be close to someone. She remembered how upset it made her when Finn had been insistent to always take her hand the first time they met. It felt like a lifetime ago...How much have changed since then.

Ben had been different – it had always been on her terms, and her hand tickled, remembering the feel of his palm against hers. With Ben it felt…right.

_It’s just a hand…_

“I promise it won’t bite.” He added with a wink of an eyes, his voice turned softer as she looked at him in slight apprehension.

_It’s just a hand…._

She took it, giving him a friendly smile, feeling his warm fingers clasp around hers.

“Come on.” He added, and he tugged her hand as he started to sprint with excitement towards the Rebel base, leaving a confused droid behind, located just outside the town. It did not take long to arrive, and he led her inside the hangar where the X-wings were. He turned towards her, and with the dim lighting made it a little harder to see him or anything around her clearly until her eyes would adjust.

“Close your eyes” Her eyebrows shot through the roof, wondering what he was up too and he chuckled seeing her expression, “give a guy the benefit of the doubt.” 

“Trust me, Rey.” He added softly, and she nodded, giving a little sigh as her world went black. She felt his hands taking hers and walking carefully a few steps until he stopped and stepped around her, so he was besides her.

He whispered next to her ear, “okay, you can open them.”

And she did, her jaw almost dropping to the floor, “did you build this?”

In front of her stood an ashen grey small fighter ship, unlike anything she had ever seen before. It had a unique design, shaped like an arrowhead with its wings. The material seemed more compact then normal fighters, and this one was much slimmer in its structure and smaller.

“Yeh, I had to do something between being lectured by Leia and teaching our new recruits how to man the X-wings. It helps to keep me busy. There is something calming in building and fixing things.” He said, and Rey could relate. She was the same.

“Rose did help me.” He added, “otherwise I think this piece would have exploded if I just tried to ignite the engine. You should have seen her face when I had made the mistake of connecting the wrong wires.”

 Rey burst out in a fit of laughter and he only joined in, and her smile grew even wider. It was a stunning ship, and she could not help being enraptured by the handiwork he had put into this, stroking the smooth surface.

“Carbonite composite.” He commented as she started to inspect the ship, mimicking her movements, walking behind her as he continued, “same engine as an X-wing, but with the hyperdrive matching the Falcon. That there was a Class 0.8 propulsion system lying around here that actually worked is nothing short of a miracle.”

Rey dropped her head to check out the guns beneath the wings and once again she was surprised and could not hide the admiration from her tone, “how did you implement Mk 3eW laser cannon from an AT-AT? It must have been impossible.”

“I would not have managed without Rose. I swear her brain works faster than a ship jumping into hyperspace.” Rey only smiled at his high praise of Finn’s girl. She was incredibly clever.

 “I haven’t tried the guns thoroughly yet without blowing something up, so I don’t know how reliable it is yet, but the aim is highly accurate and destructive. But it is also equipped with same laser guns as our ships. You know – just in case if the cannon decides to drop during a battle.” He scratched the back of his neck, giving Rey an amused grin.  
  
“This is amazing.” She whispered, completely hypnotized by the ship, checking every small detail, her hands touching the wonder in front of her, and totally oblivious to the look Poe had been given her throughout her inspection of the ship.

 “What are you going to call her?” She turned to face him.

 “Officially she is Viper.” He said after a moment of silence. “But she will always be Shara to me.”

“Shara.” She repeated, still caressing the vessel, “it’s a beautiful name.”

His lips twitched into a melancholic smile, “it was my mother’s.”

Rey stopped her movements and her eyes looked once more at the pilot and she could see his eyes drift as he probably was recalling a fond memory. “She was the one that taught me to fly, and I wanted to honor her in the little way I still can.”

“I’m sorry.” She said sincerely. “You lost her.”

He gave her an earnest grin, “it was a long time ago.”

The room fell into a certain stillness, and she saw him drag his hand through his soft, brown locks.

“I just have to say something.” He said – his voice dropping an octave – meant to entice, and he stepped closer to her and Rey felt her feet sink into the ground. She just could not move. His eyes were so kind, and she had been suppressing the thought that perhaps Poe had taken a liking to her – seeing how he acted around everyone with a light and appealing attitude that seemed to make most women be trapped under his charms but now…she wondered if she had been mistaken as he got even closer. Her thoughts and feelings had been so occupied by another certain person.

“I know you have been through a lot. Finn has told me all about you before I got the chance to meet you. This war doesn’t give many chances, nor wanting us to risk caring about someone. Because we would have too much to lose if we did.”

“But I say, screw it. This war means nothing if we don’t dare to risk a little light during it.”

He came to stand before her, their clothes almost brushing – leather against cloth, and Rey rattled her mind to say anything, but her words got stuck in her throat.

“Can I risk a little light, Rey?” He asked quietly, putting a finger under her stiff chin, as her eyes flickered to him, and she was trying to figure out the best way to respond, to make herself move away.

This felt wrong. This was wrong. She could not stop thinking about Ben when being so close to the Commander, only that she could not do this. Could not do this to Ben, not to herself and certainly not to Poe. The more she thought about him; the more intently and unavoidable feelings arose in her and the Force responded to her emotions.

And she froze, not daring to look next to her. She felt it in her bloodstream; every vein was buzzing with a dominatable energy, as the Force was singing around her.

_No, not now, not like this…_

But Poe must have mistaken the twitch in her face, and the tiny gasp as an invitation because the last thing she saw was him leaning in.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU! Seriously, thank you!!! The amazing support that you have shown me and the words of encouragement, you guys are the best and such a wonderful – if not the best fandom there is out there! You guys are truly wonderful, and I know, I know. No reylo in this chapter because you know why? it's going be majorly intensive in the next one! So there is that to look forward to :P As you can imagine, hehe ^^ I really hope though you could enjoy the Leia and Poe bits in this chapter, I dunno, I love Poe from the movies and I just really want to try to do him justice as much as I can as well in this fiction. And for Leia, well she will always be my princess, and I hope I do right by her char as best to my abilities.
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you so much again for everything. Every kudos, sub, bookmark and comment warms my heart that I will soon melt my computer through my fingers or something xd, and you keep the inspiration going!


	11. Neptune and Mars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would really recommend listening to Yours Again – Red and especially to I Found – Amber run while reading this.

Kylo stood alone in the throne room – finally approaching the ominous, large chair, stroking the silvery metal, fine curves and details across its skin with his gloved hand. _His_ throne.

He felt a headache throbbing in the back of his head after another tedious meeting with his superior officers and General Hux on which systems they would strategically spread out the fleet.

While the First Order was present in most systems, they needed to reaffirm their position – make people remember their power. Especially since the fiasco that took place on Crait.

He was not ready to go after the Resistance, but he knew suspicions were growing, and that people would eventually question his rule if not handled during or afterwards they had begun cleansing the systems of the corruption that festered.

Coruscant had always been the center for the trade and power and even if he had gotten rid of the senators, he could still feel their lingering greed, and bribery hover in the air like a foul stench that could not be purged. His mouth twitched into a grim line, as he gave the chair a final stroke before approaching the large window to look out on the constant hectic traffic, looking grey and ashen from the cloudy sky.

Kylo rubbed his hand against his chin, feeling the slight stubble irritating his skin, blinking his weary eyes. He was not sleeping. In fact, he doubted he had slept at all ever since Crait. Nightmares was the only thing awaiting him in his slumbered state. The reoccurring memories of Han’s face caressing his cheek, of his mother, sensing her aboard the ship, doubting his feelings when he should have pulled the trigger. Of Snoke’s voice ghosting across his every nerve that remembered very well the power Snoke had exposed him to, and every choice he had made was adding the numerous splinters on his conscience and heart. And her…

He could not help but look at the empty space next to him. The same spot she had been a day ago. The biggest reason why he could not eliminate the largest threat to his empire.

_I won't ever give up on you, Ben._

Her words refused to leave his mind and it imbedded in his skull. She believed in him. Still. After everything he had done. He was biting the inside of his lip, his tongue massaging against his teeth. She was supposed to come to his side, supposed to embrace the darkness within her, supposed to give up the Resistance. But she didn’t.

_I never regretted kissing you._

The pulse in his throat quickened when thinking back to her confession, and he could not suppress the electrical current that attacked his body, humming with joy, longing and apprehension.

It had only been a day since he last saw her, but this time the distance felt much heavier – like a static charge in the air that left his heart beating faster until he would see her again. It shouldn’t but it did. It awoke…the part he was trying to conceal. The part he knew was foolish and dangerous to feel. The part that could render him weak and broken.

Kylo was hanging on the seams. Dark. Light. Her. The Order. What he believed himself to be, and what she thought he could be. It all started to become a blurry mess, and he was trapped in the purgatory, constantly being thrown in different directions in the limbo.

He felt it, seeping into his pores, the energy burning his veins, the atmosphere shifting around him and he knew it was because of her. It started to break the darkness, snapping its snare around his mind and heart as shimmers of light began to glow through the fractures and crevices. He wondered…did she know what he had done? Would she still believe in him if every choice he continued making was against what she believed in?

Like a gust of warm wind circled around him, turning the mundane environment brighter, transforming it, and the pounding inside his ribcage threatened to crack his bones, knowing he would see her. He felt her, felt her thoughts, and his eyes flexed across his room, following the gravity that was pulling him to her power that drew him in like the aroma of the sweetest honey, powerless to stop it.

And there she was…

But she was not alone…and the words that she had said when he had confronted about the Resistance pilot before came to warp before him.

_Why does it come as a surprise? I do care about him._

The pilot. Touching her, leaning towards her. So close. 

All the air left his lungs as if someone was physically dragging it out at an agonizing pace. Chewie’s bowcaster did not even come close to the pain he experienced when he saw her, all the physical and mental hardships Snoke had made him endure all these years seemed like a child’s game compared to this.

_Why does it come as a surprise? I do care about him._

Why was she not backing away? Why was she letting him touch her?!

His fists clenched so hard, his fingers began to cramp from the pain, but he could not let go. It came crashing as a tidal wave just wanted to swallow him whole in unrelenting fury.

_Why does it come as a surprise? I do care about him._

She just said...she had not regretted their kiss, so why did she allow  _him_  to approach her in such a way?!

 _Lies…all lies…. she doesn’t care about you. You see that don’t you? Did you really believe she would prefer you? Not even your parents wanted you, and your uncle wanted you dead. Why would she be different? Who could ever love you?_  He could practically hear Snoke’s insane cackling in the back of his head, mocking him from beyond the grave.

So, this is how utter _betrayal_  felt like…only it wasn’t…

He could not look away, could not understand what was happening in front of him. Was this his punishment? Because he really could not think of a better torture. This killed him in ways the flesh couldn’t, as he felt bile rise in his throat.

But what felt like a lifetime looking at them was only one second as he heard Rey’s surprised gasp and saw how she pushed the pilot away before he had managed to kiss her – to gently according to Kylo. Just seeing her touch someone else, especially  _him_  made the Supreme Leader want to destroy something - badly.

He wanted to shout at her, wanted to kill the pilot in a thousand different ways, but he was incapable of doing neither, he remained petrified as if some perverse part of himself could not break free.

The utter pure hatred pulsated at the tips of his fingers and something had to be done, the heat from his temper was just simmering underneath his skin. He had to do  _something_ and was harshly reminded that the Force did not work in their Bond or he would have choked that curly haired mess into oblivion. But he heard the lamps in the room, hanging on the wall clatter to eventually crumple together as his Force was letting out the energy he could not contain with himself, his mind branding her face in front of his eyes so close to  _his_.

The wall next to him cracked as another surge of uncontainable anger rushed through him, liquifying with the ceaseless fear of that she would now leave him and move on…that the words she spewed to him meant, in the end, nothing. And just as about the rage was about to consume him further he heard her speak and he snapped his focus back to her. 

“I’m sorry, Poe. I’m your friend, and I care about you, but…”

She was shaking her head, but looked at him with earnest eyes, “I don’t feel that way about you.”

A silent ‘O’ formed on the pilot’s lips in first confusion that transformed into an even more confused stare.

“I thought-

He began, and color started to stain his tanned cheeks, and as an attempt to hide the embarrassment, he scratched the hair on the back of his hair and said with a wink;

“You win some. You lose some.”

“Poe…”

“It’s okay, Rey. I understand. You can’t get involved. Would probably take up too much time. I am really happy to have you as a friend. I should have been content with that.” Poe smiled, and Rey tried to return it. “But if you change your mind, well, you know where to find me.” Kylo wanted to rip his heart out for his audacity, but just as he started to walk away, he shimmered into nothingness and he was left alone with Rey, and he was left trying to force his muscles to tense to keep him from shaking or further tearing the room apart.

The Supreme Leader was staring daggers at the scavenger that seemed to make it her mission to not look back at him, and it infuriated him even further. She knew he was there. She knew. It was like she was waiting to face him.

_Look at me!_

Time was mocking him, as seconds passed by, turning into a minute and finally she turned her head and their eyes met.

_I won't ever give up on you, Ben._

_Crack_ …He exhaled a shaky breath and saw his fist had managed to punch the wall, bending the metal and not even a second later, the physical pain tingled through his knuckles. It was a welcoming pain, and he tried to focus upon it to relieve anything of the ache was pressuring into a hard ball in his stomach.

He preferred this pain, and he hit it the wall again, feeling the dents of the metal cracking and ripping his glove, shredding it as warm liquid started to clog up the inside the gauntlet.

He felt himself changing, the anger and rejection shot through his veins, faster than lightning and he wanted to let it, he wanted to be free of her. He did not need this, he did not want to be reduced to this deplorable mess.

“Ben! Stop it!” She shrieked, sprinting the short distance they had, trying to grab his arm to prevent him from hitting the wall again, but he whipped away from her.

He let out a trembling breath, staring into her worried hazel eyes. Amazing that the power of her eyes held the power to still the rage within – creating a barrier from him succumbing further to the dark.

“Did you enjoy it?” He asked quietly, but there was no mistaking of his venomous tone. He could not help the words escaping his lips. He had seen that she had not done anything, but something more must have happened between them for the pilot to act in such a way towards her, and he felt…torn.

She looked at him defiantly, “I don’t have to explain any-

He interrupted her, anger filling him again at her flippant answer.

-If I was not there, what would have happened?”

“How can you ask me that? How could you think that after everything we have been through that I would do something like that?” She responded just as heatedly.

“You didn’t-

“Just stop it!” She snapped.

His eyes flared dangerously, “I WISH I COULD!” He roared, feeling his throat go dry, and took the little satisfaction of seeing her eyes flash with hurt. The aura around them turned dense and his mouth twitched into a sneer.

“I wish I could end it all.” He continued, the remainder of the possessive rage he had within him tipped over, his powers were making his entire room shake.

“If it was not for this Bond, Rey, you would never have seen me as anything else…then a monster.”

Seeing her mouth twitch, and how her eyes looked so vulnerable, he continued;

“And you would have been nothing to me.”

His hand was pulsating, he felt blood clogging up his glove, spilling through the small raptures, his mind replaying his confession when he had said this before to her and how she had turned away from him.

_You are nothing…but not to me…._

She saw through him, like she always did. His defenses crackled under her gaze.

“And what am I to you now?” She asked quietly, refusing to back down, asking something he had already given an answer to once before.

 _Everything…_ the thought entered too fast for him to understand it; Unbidden and forbidden but ultimately too tempting. It shook him momentarily realizing that he had not been ready that it had transformed to that one word that changed it all for him. Steeling himself, he rid the unwanted thoughts before continuing in a steady tone. 

“We are enemies. That is the way it should be.”

“Don’t say that. I know you don’t mean it.”

“This Bond is a prison.” He seethed, “It’s not  _real!_  Nothing you feel is real!” He was shaking his head, gesturing with his hands, trying to grasp on straws to why she could not care for him, why he shouldn’t for her. That he should focus on what he had set out to do and not be bothered by her again. He desperately wanted to be rid of the painful thumping inside him.

“Don’t you dare say what I feel about you is not real!” She shouted back. “Because it is the most damn real thing I have ever felt in my entire life!”

“Because of the Bond!” He argued!

“Because of  _you_!” She yelled, and the energy around them bolstered, their combined spirits crashing together in the mixture of heightened emotions of hurt and anger.

Rey was breathing heavily, looking shocked with her admission, but she took one step forward to him, one hand waving in front of her, demonstrating her point. “I have never in my life been this….”

He was about to respond bitterly to her faltering words, but she put up her hand up in the air like a knife cutting through air.

“You do not get to interrupt me. I’m  _not_  done talking!” She said, her voice leaving no room for argument.

“I never been this angry, this confused, and  _I feel!_ ” Her hand clamored at her chest, her nails scraping against her skin, leaving red angry marks.

“I never felt more alone when I am without you, and never more alive than when I am with you…” She let out a deep breath, and turned her eyes away from him, every muscle and nerve in her face went rigid, fighting to keep herself from breaking.

“Ben…I _feel,_  and I have no idea what it means, what to do with it, but it’s real and it hurts! I look at you and-

Her voice cracked like a glass falling to the ground, as more tears streamed down her face, her eyes unwavering as they met his. Molten pools of black intertwining with hazel.

\- It terrifies me. But I can’t stop this…I  _can’t_  stop feeling what I do…” She said, and he saw her entire body was shaking, “so don’t you  _dare_  say it is not real.” Rey whispered, once more tearing her eyes away from him.

Kylo could do nothing. But he felt it. The weight of her words pouring over him, shattering what he tried to hold on to, melting the last remainder of his stubborn pride that was screaming this was impossible – what she was saying was impossible. His chest felt it was about to combust from the pressure inside, a dark part of his mind trying to claw inside his heart saying, no matter what it was too painful, too pointless to even try….

But there was one part of him that overcame the rest.

_Hope._

“Did you mean it?” He asked, his voice very quiet, searching her face with his eyes.

She frowned suddenly, “what do you-”

“That you didn’t regret it?” His voice was thick, quivering slightly, and he saw she now knew what he meant. She looked away in embarrassment, color creeping up her neck, but he must hear her say it. He  _needed_  her to say it again.

“Did you mean it?” He repeated, coming closer to her, and she turned her head to watch his every step, and stood still, the ever-present challenge glimmering in her eyes as he came to stand before her.

She craned her neck to look up at him, hesitation and something else swirled in those hazel orbs. It crackled between them as the electric sparked between them, sizzling at the mere close presence, wanting more. He had to clench his fist to keep himself to want to pull the stray tress that fell in front of her face.

“Don-

He felt her shift unsteadily under his stare.

-Say it, Rey! Did you mean it?!” She turned away, refusing to meet his penetrating gaze.

“Why do you need-” She tried but he interrupted her, the impatience getting the better of him.

“Say it!”

Her eyes found his and they both froze, breaths mingling with each other’s, ghosting across their skin.

“Say it.” His voice turned soft, pleading, desperate to hear her confession once more.

“Please.” He felt pathetic for his attempt to reach out to her, knowing full well she had denied him before and it would completely break him if she did it again. But everything in his mind had deteriorated rapidly ever since their Bond kept connecting them, from the second she had begun warping his mind with her beliefs, swamping his sense of smell with her scent, twisting his heart with her believing in him and how she was always haunting him even if she was not near him. 

His brain had begun to crumble that made him wonder just how far he would go for the need to just be with here, against the way he believed the galaxy to be restored.

“Yes.”

One simple word, that engulfed their surroundings to complete silence.

His eyes flickered across hers and the small distance scorched them like flames. Too hot to touch, but impossible to ignore. He was so close to her, towering over her and she was not backing away.

Rey looked down on his hand, a sad frown etched across her brow as she took hold of his tarnished glove. He hissed at the remainder of the wound, completely forgotten about it, and she carefully removed it, revealing the wounds and blood smearing across his palm and knuckles, some of it dried. 

He could not be bothered by it, to enthralled to watch her worry of his self-inflicted wounds. Skin upon skin made the air sing with longing, its low vibration passing through them, and they felt the connection cement fully.

“Your hand…” She whispered. 

“I don’t care.” She looked up, hearing his strained tone, and her lips parted when she looked at his eyes.

He took off the glove of his other hand, and she watched him, and he forced down the nervous knot in his throat as he touched her cheek with his other palm, feeling her tense from his touch. The contact felt like liquid fire that ignited their skin.

“Ben…” Her voice was breathless, and he felt the knot below his navel turn, like lightning fire on oil, rushing through his body, and he knew he needed more. And he felt her hesitation, that moral obligation to the Resistance creep inside her, mingling with the same emotions coursing through him.

“Just once.” He whispered, leaning against her forehead with his. His words made the song inside her change, as it came into attunement with his own. Underneath their titles and roles in this war, they could not deny this connection and all that came with it.

_I wish I could forget about it all…Forget the war, forget what we are._

This was getting to hard to resist, he felt his entire body pulsate, flames coursing through his veins, lodging in his lower abdomen that craved more of her.

“Just once...” She repeated just as softly, and his eyes snapped to hers in surprise, and he swallowed, his jaw clenched to keep himself together, looking so vulnerable just as he had done when he offered her his hand at _Supremacy_. She was not going away, she was not rejecting him. She wanted this as well and he was not about to waste another second.

He leaned down, and she let him, and he felt her lips melt against his. Both let out a tiny gasp at the collision. The singing that escalated to its apex as their lips danced in harmony with each other – just like they were in perfect synchronization when they fought Snoke’s guards, feeling and aiding each other. This was the same yet completely different type of battle – but one he preferred above anything.

Time became irrelevant, as her hands began tentatively to explore his waist, his hands were cupping her cheeks and their kiss deepened. He felt her momentarily tense as their tongues flicked against each other in surprise, realizing she had never done that before, and a possessive growl rumbled in the back of his throat at the joy of her inexperience.

As for himself, there had never been time, nor the desire for anything of the intimate nature of the life he had led. Snoke had always turned whenever his primal need for intimacy sparked to training, and to make it purposeful to Kylo’s rise in power. Except for the small indiscretion that happened at the Jedi Temple, prior to its downfall, where he thought he knew how a kiss could feel like. He was clearly mistaken, he should know this by now since he had the privilege of touching these lips before. But this was even different.

With Rey – everything was new and different.

The kiss broke to make way for sharp intakes of hasty breaths interweaving together, her hands gripping his shoulders to steady herself as her dazed eyes searched his. He could count every freckle; every stray of hair and he was amazed by how much he wanted to lose himself in her embrace again. To forget everything else.

They both felt it, the outside world were the sinister shadows whispering and whirling around them, threatening to break in if they would let it, but he refused to let it win. Not now. Not this time.

“Until the Bond breaks?” He asked her softly, tucking a wild curl behind her ear, as she nodded slowly.

“Until the Bond breaks.” She agreed, for once letting everything else go. He suddenly regarded her in a different light as the snare that held him on his leech split, rupturing completely, and he knew nothing would be the same. Not daring to think about it, he grabbed her waist tightly, pulling her fully to him as he lowered himself to once more capture her lips, turning their world to an inferno to keep the ice-cold reality from crashing everything.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter was very fun. And it was exciting to read how most of you thought how the chapter would play out. Hope I didn’t disappoint. From what I gathered in TLJ is that Kylo/Ben cannot really use his powers in the Bond as established in the first scene between Rey and him. (Could also be because Rey can withstand it as well but then I think at least she would have a complete different reaction if she would be fighting him) So he can’t go bananas on Poe (doesn’t mean he won’t for the future though o.O). And I played around in this fic that, as the Bond keeps growing stronger between them, sometimes they can see each other’s surroundings, mostly Kylo seeing and hearing Rey’s (as in the movies as well (wet hand :p), and him showing up in Rey’s hut, and that he heard Luke the first time) But for Poe to see Kylo for example, it would need to be the same thing as to Luke seeing him. Physical contact. Now, Luke perhaps didn’t see him the first scene because he had shut off the Force but it’s all guesses and I’m going for the physical aspect.
> 
> Also had such a huge issue writing the Poe bit in this chapter! I was never happy with it, and still not happy with it but spent nights thinking on how to make it better without success so anyhoe...
> 
> Hope I make aaaaany sense here! And I am super curious and nervous about this chapter since it played out differently than most of you thought it would! But I hope in a good way.  
> I really have the best readers and I must make a shoutout for all the wonderful response I have received for this fic, the people that follow it and favorites it and a big hug for those that review =) Thank you so, so, so much! You are all awesome and this turned out to be the longest AN ever. I’m gonna shut up now.


	12. Blackheart

_“This is Poe Dameron of the Resistance. By now you have all heard, and perhaps already affected by what Order is trying to do, and I have only one thing to say to the Supreme Leader, Kylo Ren. We will not bow, we will not give into fear, we will fight you with every fiber of our being! Just like we did the Emperor, just like we did Snoke! We will sacrifice, and we will fight, and we will never give up! I urge everyone in the galaxy to stand up for what is right! Together we will end this reign of terror. Together we will be the fire that will burn the First Order down!”_

“So, it looks like the whelp finally bared his teeth.” Hux said, a small victory dancing across his lips as he watched the hologram message from the Control Bridge in the Star Destroyer called _Tora_ , hovering next to the _Supremacy_ and _Finalizer_ above Coruscant, earning a smirk from his fellow officer that stood next to him.

“Foolish boy, did he not think we would see this?” The Officer Orloc answered, his grey mustache twitching as his lips grimaced into a sneer.

“This display of arrogance cannot go unanswered. He is impulsive and reckless, but he will lead us right to them. Everything is going according to plan. Lieutenant, can we track the signal?” Hux whipped his head to the sitting lieutenant in charge of the incoming hologram messages.

“They scrambled the signal, General. But we will try.”

Hux sniffed, lifting his chin upwards in an arrogant way, “of course they did. No matter. Our orders are clear from the Supreme Leader. Set course to Dalonbian system and tell Captain Pirco that he will take his troops to the Nembus system. It is time to remind people what the First Order is capable of.”

Hux had to bite the inside of his cheek to stop his sinister smile from showing even further, but he could not contain the trembling shooting through his back and arms. This is what he was supposed to do. To inflict terror and respect, making people obey the rule of his order. Too long they had been restrained by their Supreme Leader to stay put and doing nothing.

Kylo Ren had worked everything in his favor, without knowing about it. By withholding them from the Resistance, decoying Hux and his troops to go after scoundrels and bandits, it would show him exactly where the Resistance were hiding. Both Dameron and Ren were both hot-heated boys, making rash decisions without really thinking about the consequences. They had that in common. Thanks to the trigger-happy flyboy; civilians, and thieves would take refuge where the rebels are hiding. The Resistance Pilot had practically handed them the invite, and Ren would not be able to deny them the entry once they would be discovered.

And he had a personal vindictive to want to kill the pilot after making a fool of him when he first had discovered their base, when he had effectively ridiculed their entire fleet. Just as Skywalker had made a fool out of Ren at Crait, and those that bore witness to Ren’s behavior that day spread the incident like a whispering wildfire among the troops and personnel. And Hux intended to make that small seed of doubt in their leader flourish under his care.

He hated Ren. He truly did. Kylo Ren had done nothing to deserve his place among the Order. He had been Snoke’s treasured pet, but he knew nothing of the struggles one had to do to rise to Hux’s rank of power.

He did not agree with Kylo Ren’s visions for the new Order, thought it insane and utterly naïve. Who did he think he was? As long there is credits in the universe, greed will latch on like a virus. There would always have to be a balance. Where did Kylo think the ships and weapons came from? But for now, it would work to his cause. All Hux cared about was the glory of the Order, to obtain and further the legacy of the Empire. And that glory would be impossible under the leadership of their current leader.  
  
The General would have to be careful in his plans – Kylo Ren despite his errors was still an extremely powerful Force User, and Hux knew if Ren had the intention of just probing his mind – if he would just smell a hint of his deception, everything would be forfeit. But he had watched the deteriorating state of the young boy that thought he would change the galaxy – recognized how his usual perceptive thinking and predicting outcomes had diminished severely. Armitage had seen the bloodshot eyes, and the swollen bags underneath – a result of conflict and guilt. The boy tried to conceal it well, acting with precise ruthlessness during their meetings and communications, but Hux saw the subtle cues, and his guard was slipping which made it easier for the General to act out his plans. He had been there from the start with Kylo Ren. The second he had met the scavenger – he changed.

She was his weakness, and he was going to exploit it. Exploit it to the order and show the Order how utter weak and pathetic he was, and not fit to rule. Hux will rise to the apex of his ambitions while Ren would descent into the abyss of his. Like beautiful, ironic poetry.

Kylo would remain in Coruscant for the time being with his beloved Knights which left Hux with the ultimate control for how to handle the coming attacks. He had played the part of a docile pet well, and eventually Ren had left him in control for the coordinated plans, knowing that Hux was superior in strategy planning, and he was the highest-ranking officer within the Order. Ren had tried to use fear to instill loyalty from Armitage for his arrogance, thinking that the General would never try something similar again. How wrong he would be.

Hux left the Control Bridge once they were in hyperspace to check on his Captain in the medical bay. He had her moved here to be void of unwanted listeners and nobody had questioned his motives to have her relocated from _Supremacy_. She was almost fully recovered, but the burn wounds had proved to be more of a challenge then initially anticipated that it required the best medical droids to look after her. If they had found her sooner and started their treatment earlier, it would not had taken this long. The fires had affected her entire nerve-, and muscle system which had taken a lot more of rehabilitation for her to be reinstated. Not to mention the damage her entire body had to endure – it had been too late to restore her skin to the way it was due to the bacteria festering in the wounds.

The sound of his boots echoed throughout the corridor as glimmers of people and dull lighting from the lamps on the grey walls passed by him.

As he entered the room, he scanned the room, immediately finding her in a small bed, with a black droid hovering over her, poking her with a small needle across her disfigured leg – probably testing her nerves.

He saw the frustration written on her face swirling with the stubborn need to conceal the pain, as he approached her and took in her physical appearance. The patches of golden hair, smeared with blotches of blemished skin across her scalp, and that half of her face looked like hardened wax after toppling a candle on a table. Her arms still discolored with red marks, old wounds and scarring from blisters that had covered her entire skin.

But the fire in her blue eyes had not been extinguished despite her hardships, and the General appreciated her unwavering ability to always survive everything thrown her way. Even if it was disconcerting to see her without her armor or mask. To be reminded of the woman underneath.

If there was someone he would always trust, it would be Phasma and her undying loyalty to the Order. He knew she would see things his way – just like she did with Brendol.

“Sir.” She acknowledged in a raspy tone, as her eyes flickered to him, as he came to stand next to the droid.

“Captain Phasma. Recovering well, I see.” He responded coolly.

“I  _am_  recovered, Sir. I fail to see the point to be further restrained to this bed.”

“That eager to serve?”

The look she gave him almost gave him goosebumps, “always.”

He saw the hate swirling in her blue orbs, and he knew it was about the survival of FN-2187. He could also see the impatience reeking off her, wanting to hunt him down, and execute her revenge on the man that managed to beat her twice – under lucky circumstances.

“Good to hear, I will need you.”

“Sir?” She asked, confusion evident in her tone at his implication.

 “There is much that we need to discuss, Phasma.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Rey!” She was staring right ahead, the voices and music from the cantina drowning out her inner thoughts as Finn, Rose and Poe had dragged her there, to remind themselves of small pleasures. It resembled Maz's bar, both with the melodies coming from the Bith’s band, the mixture of different species – especially more so now as many had joined their cause the past few weeks, and the atmosphere smelled like smoke with a musky aroma and liquor.

A hand waved in front of her face, effectively waking her from her dwellings, as Finn sat down next to her in the round little lounge they had managed to snag for themselves.

“Hey, are you here?” Rey gave an assuring grin to her friend, really wanting to enjoy this evening but just one day ago she had given herself so fully to Ben and admitting her own feelings she had been struggling so hard to accept. It was difficult to think of little else when remembering how his kiss had made her feel so…alive and powerful.

“Sorry, Finn, I’m just tired.”

“Has something happened?” Finn asked, giving her a calculating stare, while Poe was at the bar, grabbing drinks for everyone and Rose seemed to get lost to the music, to Finn’s other side.

“Just having strange dreams.” It was not a complete lie. Her visions and dreams have been growing much more furious for each day, whispering to her, calling to her, and mixed with all of it, she dreamt of him.

“About what?”

“I keep dreaming of a hut on a desert planet.”

He looked bewildered and she continued in a hurry, giving him a small smile, “you wouldn't understand.”

"What is with you and desert planets? It's not Jakku is it?” He chuckled making the corner of her lip twitch in amusement.

“No,” She answered slowly, “Jakku doesn't have two suns. I think my dream is trying to tell me something.”

"Yeah, that you need better dreams.  _Aow!”_  He yelped as she playfully hit him on the arm, but she could not contain the laughter escaping her lips.

“Two suns?” Rose interjected, looking over at them, her eyebrows knitted together. “Tatooine has two suns.” She mumbled, “and last time I checked, its covered in sand. Like a lot of it.”

 “Tatooine?” Rey repeated quietly. It felt...familiar.

“Tatooine is one big planet of nothing. Nothing but slavers and podracers. Also, it is under First Order's control.” Poe added as he brought back four clear red colored drinks in tall tube-like glasses and sat down next to Rey. She felt her nose cringe at the smell of it. Poe couldn't help but to chuckle seeing her reaction.

There was a small awkward tension hanging between her and the pilot since their almost kiss, but he had not tried to do anything else, and she would not hold it against him even if he still was doing that...eye thing – which she had been much more perceptive of now - but that was just who he is. It had little to do with her, or so she hoped. They were friends, shunning him away would not do any of them any good. She had been helping both him and Finn during the day with the training of their new recruits – much like her brief experience before joining Han, barely any of them had not hold a blaster before or have never flown a ship before arriving to Rakka. It was uplifting though to see the dedication from so many, and they were learning quickly.

Many had regarded her with adoration, and talked about her, pointing at her when they thought she was not hearing or looking, and it had made her uncomfortable because she had no idea why people regarded her so highly. Despite Leia’s words that she was the beacon, it was hard to wrap her head around it. She was just a nobody, a scavenger but they view her as something so much more.

Rey shook her thoughts free, wanting to focus on enjoying one carefree evening with her friends, and she eyed the drink once more, noticing Poe looking at her.

“I promise, it's not deadly.” He assured her. 

“Only to our sense of smell.” Rose's mouth turned downwards as a queasy shudder went through her.

“What is this, Poe?” Finn added, discreetly putting his arm around Rose's waist making the girl's cheeks flush with a pink tint.

“Come on, do I look like a guy that would pull a stunt like that?” The silence was humorous, and he rolled his eyes as the other three sniggered.

“Well, there was this time when you-

“Don’t forget when he opposed-

“And when he-

The pilot cleared his throat, smirking at the ex-trooper, tapping his fingers against the table in feigned irritation.

“Done yet?”

“Not even close.” Finn laughed, as Poe gave him a sarcastic wink, taking one glass into his hand.

“Bottoms up?”

The rest in the company grabbed their drinks, saluting each other, “bottoms up!” And mimicking each other, they swallowed the contents quickly.

Rey really wish she hadn't.

She let out a disgusted noise, her entire faced contorted heavily as goosebumps crawled up her arms, involuntarily convulsing. It burned her throat, and the somewhat fruity taste was heavily concealed by the strong liquid. She was not the only one, Finn and Rose had similar reactions as her, judging by their expressions and little coughs.

And Poe looked around at his company, asking all three of them;

 “You never had alcohol?” They all shot him a look of confusion. At least for Rey, Jakku had nothing to offer her when she was a child or a grown-up. Seems there was a lot to discover still.

“Trust me, you will enjoy it in a little while.”

Then he looked at them all just like the cat that caught the mouse, “probably shouldn’t have given you the strongest shots they had though.” And the scavenger could not help the fit of laugher broke through her lips, when Finn slapped his friend across the back of his head.

“Hey, watch the hair.”

At least Poe was right about how she would enjoy the effects. While Rey refused to drink anything else except water, she did feel an unnatural buzz tingling throughout her body, and her mind was reeling, and found herself enjoying the anxiety it broke down, but it did come with a consequence that she was thinking much more intently about a certain man.

Rey excused herself, wanting to feel the fresh air upon her, and left the bristle of music and cheering inside the cantina. She felt the humid atmosphere, and her skin itched when the cool night breeze brushed past her.

She had no idea if it was the alcohol that had this effect on her or if it was their Bond was calling to her, but she wanted to see him. Wanted one more moment with him, acting out on her impulse that were heightened by the liquid in her system instead of what her duty demanded of her.

The wind was stabbing her flesh with energy as she begun to sprint – albeit clumsily, towards the privacy of the woods, whispering his name, thinking about him so intently she knew he would appear, and like the static ascended to its crest – lightning shot through her, and she felt her breaths lingering around her like a faint echo, until her eyes found him – solid and clear in front of her.

And she forgot to exhale the air in her lungs.

His eyebrows drew together in trepidation, almost irritated that she had shown up, because it looked he was in the middle of something. His forehead was glistening, and he was panting heavily, and she noticed the ignited weapon in his hands. For a split second she was worried if he was in a middle of lethal combat but quickly realized by the dismissing wave of his hand to his left that he had been training – and not alone. His eyes never left hers though, and that is when she remembered to breathe because it started to physically hurt.

He was dressed in a black attire, similar to the one he had been wearing when she had been with him on Snoke’s ship, but the material seemed much lighter.

“Leave me.” He withdrew his lightsaber, the red light dimmed, and she knew he was waiting for whoever it was he had been with to leave him alone. Strange, there was this prodding poking in her chest that for some reason was curious to know  _who_  it was Ben trained with. Who could keep up with him, that could exhaust him so during practice? It could not just be a common soldier. With his physical stamina and his Force abilities that would not be a small feat to accomplish.

Then she heard a voice, fabricated but there was no denying it belonged to a female.

“Master.”

She blinked, momentarily shaken, and utterly stunned as if her heart had developed claws that were furiously scratching against her ribcage.

A female that called him Master. He had a student? Another Force user? Who was she? A million thoughts raced through her mind, as the raw thumping against her chest did not cease.

He stood still like a perfect statue, and then in a blink of an eye, he relaxed his stance, and looked around him to once more regard her with anticipation, and she knew he was alone. But it did not soothe her. He had offered to be her trainer, offered her the galaxy, and suddenly there was another girl with him? He had never mentioned he had an apprentice.

The buzz from the liquor felt much more heated in her veins as she looked at him, and the words rolled out bluntly before she could even control her emotions or her tongue.

“Who was she?”

He straightened his posture, his eyes scanning Rey up and down as she almost stumbled over her foot, losing her sense of balance for a second. That stuff Poe had made her drink was burning through her like an uninhibited drug, and with the coalition of what she had witnessed, it spiked her dizzying brain, and intensified the hammering of her heart.

“She is my apprentice.” He answered like she had just asked him how the weather had been. 

The jolt rushed through her back, like needles poking her.

“You never told me you had taken a girl for your student.”

One of his eyebrows rose in a questioning remark, a hint of amusement flickered over his eyes, “because you never asked.”

“Where did you even find her?”

He pressed his tongue against his lips, pondering his next words.

“She was one of Luke’s students, that joined me that night.”

Rey did not need to ask to know what night he referred to, but she was afraid of how she seemed to slip out of control with each passing second.

“Snoke kept them away.” He already answered her next question before she even had the time to ask.

_Them?_

“You have seen them before.” He said quietly as his brown orbs bore into hers and she furrowed her brows in confusion, but then she understood.

 _In Maz’s bar. The vision…those masked knights…_ Her eyes widened at the recollection.

“Just as I’ve seen you, the faceless girl.” He continued.

“Faceless?” She asked, a bit to hoarsely for her own ears.

“Why do you think I said those words in the woods that night?” He whispered, and she knew he meant Starkiller Base.

_It is you…_

She had barely been listening to him. Rage had been her catalyst that night. The need for revenge, to avenge Han Solo is what drove her like a rabid dog. And the only time she had the opportunity to kill him...she didn't because she saw what Han saw...Ben. She pitied him for a split second and it was all it took to bring her over the shaky edge of giving in to the dark side.

She forced down the hard ball forming in her throat, “You have been a presence in my life longer then you know.” He stated, and he was peering inside her, recalling the memories he had extracted from her during the interrogation. “And you have seen me in your visions before you had met me as well.”

_As Kylo Ren…in the woods, in the rain._

Her heart began to pump at an unimaginable speed as her posture turned rigid, once again reminded by the effect of the liquor had on her, and the raging turmoil quickly crashed into a wave of scorching heat as his eyes reminded her how he had looked at her when he had begged her to admit that she did not regret the kiss.

 _P_ _lease…_

_Until the Bond breaks…_

The words that hung in the air between them, like a broken promise that it could not happen again. He knew she could not allow it to happen again. That she could not do that to her friends, to all the people that put their faith in her, to the Resistance because they were enemies. Because it would be wrong.

_Until the Bond breaks…_

But it would never break, it would never sever, and honestly, she had no idea how to function without it anymore. It had become such a crucial part of who she was now. He had become too important to her. She had managed her fourteen years without needing anyone, always been alone since being abandoned at five, and it was a terrifying truth to face to know how much she needed, no, how much she  _wanted_  someone in her life.

Her legs were shaking, and she had no idea if it was the buzz from the liquor in the system that made her walking towards him or if she had gone completely mad. But she could not stop it. Her feet had grown a life of their own, and he watched her intently as she came closer. Her skillful planning to handle this carefully had gone out the window the second she saw him, unprepared for the animal that awoke inside her. Her pulse quickened to just inhale his scent of fresh linen, the aftermath of his training, but underneath there was an aroma that was distinctly his, and it infused her every nerve, connecting to vibrate with a searing hotness as she came to stand before him.

He was not talking, the underlying apprehension as he was studying her with unrestrained interest, drinking her in and it made that knot in her stomach double over. She was changing. She had no idea how to explain it, but the more the Bond fused the two of them together, the more of  _him_ seeped into  _her_. She had felt it in her powers, felt it in intensity of her feelings, and after that kiss, it had grown even more powerful.

“Rey?” Her eyes snapped to his. She did not know if it was because of the unnatural tingling from liquor, the fruity taste still stuck on her tongue, that made her tremble. Their Bond was whirling between, within and around them, and every emotion smashed against her like a thundering storm.

  _I’m going insane…_

She could not stop herself wanting to cure the longing she felt, wanting to quiet the howling of the beast that was recklessly upset at the idea of Ben being alone with another woman – even if she had no idea who or what she was but she just wanted to silence it all.

So, she shattered the illusion she had made to herself that she could stay away, understanding she had been fighting a losing battle, and caved, giving in to her foolishness. She wrapped her arms around his neck, her fingers tangling itself in his luscious hair and pulled him down to unite their lips, and the second their mouths merged with one another, the warmth that had been building up exploded in a crystalizing bliss, and her heart cried with joy.

To say that he was surprised was an understatement, but he had quickly quelled it and returned her eagerness with the same intensity that made them both gasp for air. His hands gripped her waist tightly, not questioning her motives which she made a silent  _thank you_ , for she could not understand it herself. But as he captured her lips with the same fervor she had shown him, the kiss became demanding, both unable to hold back and as Rey parted her lips for him. The remains of the liquor were mixing with his taste, as he greedily did not waste another second to delve deeper into her cavern, and she provided him easy access to devour every inch of her mouth. Her moan lodged itself in his gap, vibrating through the back of his throat, and he kissed her harder, the sensation cascaded down her spine, spreading throughout her body, her blood boiling.

As they parted to allow themselves to breathe, she could not help but to look at him, and it hit her. It was becoming a pattern. Kissing Ben was a pattern, and her heart twanged at the realization, pounding in the back of her head.

“What was that for?” He panted, his eyes not letting her escape and she was trapped under his penetrating gaze.

“Do I need a reason?”  She countered, knowing exactly why she had done what she did but could not bring herself to question it, as her fingers dug in his shoulders to not topple under his looming frame.

  _I_   _’m going to kill Poe for that drink…_

His mouth jerked in the only way he could possess, provoking the already stubborn  _twitch_  that knotted itself to pulsate strongly in her lower abdomen. The way his eyes turned from the hardest coal to liquid warmth when his barriers had started to defect around her. His tongue traced his lower lip as he was tasting something.

“Lava liquor?” He asked. How did he even know what it was?

“You have been drinking?” he pressed on.

She blanched at his statement, and stumbled, narrowly catching herself before the fall. "I guessed correctly, then," he said, backing away, pursuing his mouth.

And she quickly understood, sensing his emotions, “that is not why I kissed you.”

His eyes caught her quicker then she could blink, “then why did you?”

He might as well have thrown her into space, ejecting her from an airlock with nothing to keep her alive as his words sucked the air out of her lungs.

“Why did you, Rey?”

“Because I wanted too!”

She reeled back, horror filling her for what she had let slip, and she saw the muscle under his eyes tug quickly, gritting his teeth. He placed a finger under her chin, forcing her face upwards. She could not back away from him, and the musky smell of his training trickled her nose and snuck its way into her sinuses.

He bent his head, his nose brushing hers, his hot breath tickled her skin, teasing as his mouth was ghosting her cheek, and his fingers dipped to the slope of her neck, one finger gracefully tracing the patch of bare skin as it dipped lower to her collarbone, and left a trail of goosebumps in its wake. He was smelling her. This was different from their kisses. This was much more intimate, and she felt a predatory aura emanating from him. A different energy, and she could not breathe as he hovered over her once more, his eyes finding hers once more.

She had not truly considered what a few stolen kisses could mean beyond her own sanity, but it sparked something within her. Craving, yearning, and longing for something more…more fulfilling that only he could give. She felt it in every touch they made. The purring from the alcohol really did a number on her but it silenced the chaotic whispering in her mind as his mouth was so close to hers.

His hand found its way in her hair, playing with her dark tresses as the other held her cheek, and as she was the one starting to stand on her toes to reach his lips, he stopped her.  And she saw it took every ounce of self-control for him to do so. 

“Not like this.” He bit out, trying to remain passive. 

She blinked, “What do you mean?”

“You are not yourself.”

He backed away, his lips drawing in a thin line, and she watched as he forced down the cot in his tense throat, his hands flexing to alleviate the wanton that she felt was emanating from him.

“I am-

He let out a bitter scoff, “you have been drinking.” She saw his tongue massaging against his cheek, “and I don’t want to give you another reason to hate me when it’s out of your system.”

“I don’t hate you.” She said, wondering how he could say such a thing after all they had been doing.

“You did once.”

She had, but it felt like a lifetime ago. When it was much simpler to consider him a monster.

_...You are a monster..._

_...Yes, I am..._

It was in that moment her hatred suddenly lacked clarity. And a need to understand him started to take root. The monster that became a man. The man that became a person. The person that was under the pretense of Kylo Ren – Ben.

She felt he was trying to break the connection to silence the desperate urge to touch her, and she blurted out her next words, trying to keep him.

“Leia knows about us.” He froze at the mention of his mother, his fists clenching tightly, and his jaw turned sharp with tension, his eyes turning to the coldest iron

Rey could see how fast his brain was working and she hastily continued, “she cares about you, Ben. She loves you.”

“You are wrong.”

Rey refused to back down. “She told me her biggest regret in life was sending you away.”

He was shaking his head, his confused sense of longing clawing with his inner turmoil of abandonment from his parents flew through  _her_ , and she asked. 

“Why won’t you believe me?”

His answer shook her to the very marrow of her bones.

“Because she could not have loved me. She _did_  make that choice. She _did_ send me away when I needed her. Just like Han Solo left me because he could not stand the sight of me.”

She felt a feverish hotness prickle behind her eyes, as she desperately wanted him to understand.

“That is-

 -I don’t want to hear it. Leave it alone.”

But she wouldn’t.

“You’re changing.” And just like that she smashed the illusion of their safe heaven and she immediately saw his defenses rise to its peak.

“Don’t speak of things you do not understand.”

“I don’t understand?” She fired back.

“You are so desperate to see change, you find it even when it’s not there.”

It stung like a rusty blade slowly piercing her chest.

“So, what we have been doing means nothing to you?”

“It has nothing to do-

 -It has  _everything_ to do with it.” She snapped.

 She saw his tongue press against the barrier of his skin, as the very air seemed to still itself around them.

“You are the one that chose to not join me, Rey. Did you think a few kisses would change me? Would change my beliefs? This is who I am. I cannot be changed.”

“You can. You just won’t let it. Snoke is the one that rooted this evil inside you but it’s not you. I know you feel it! I know it, Ben. Stop fighting it.”

“Did she tell you to say this? Did she put you up to this?” He demanded harshly.

She wavered, not truly believing what he was implying.

“No, how can you say that?”

“It would make the most sense.”

Another second of silence; another shake of his head, “enough of this.” He finished and like a strong invincible force shook through her like the coldest wind, he was gone.

 

* * *

 

 

Back in his own quarters, Armitage sat up the holo transmission to Canto Bight, pressing a few buttons to make the holo message disappear under the radar while establishing contact.

“General Hux, what a pleasure. Still surprised you have not been promoted yet.” The low, fabricated voice said, as a blue, glitchy figure appeared on the small pedestal in front of him, showing a middle-aged man with black hair slicking to the back of his head, and a devious smile on his lips.

Ignoring the comment, Armitage scrunched his mouth in a scowl, “how is the research coming along?”

“Well, seeing as we do not have an abundant amount of Force sensitives to perform the tests on, it has been going as expected. A normal humanoid does not have that ample amount to see if the results are effective.”

“Start testing more people then. There is bound to be at least one in that forsaken city. Get the job done. I need that poison.”

A low rumble could be heard through the transmission, “I know you do, as do I. The faster you accomplish your goal; the calmer people will get. Everyone here that is a somebody is nervous after the stunt your ruler pulled.”

“Do not worry, Holt. Cantonica is not our primary target, but I can make it one if I do not see you providing me with the solution to our problem.”

“It won’t do you any good to pull your threats on me. We want the same thing. I will provide your toxin. I need some more time. And as regard for your other request…”

The General rose a questioning eyebrow on his pale forehead, “we have scouted for the girl, but wherever she is, she is hiding good. I have sent more hunters to look for her, spreading out further but to finding her in the Outer Rims will be like finding a needle in a haystack.”

 Hux nodded, it was just as he begrudgingly predicted.

“Once we begin purging, the ones we will let escape will lead us to her like cats to milk. I will find her. If your men collide with the Order, the duplicity will be revealed. Draw them back and focus on the serum.”

“Very well then. Until next time.”

“Do not disappoint me, Holt.”

 

* * *

 

 

_One day later…._

Hux descended from his transport, looking over the troops that had taken an entire town of the planet Sernpidal. The dry atmosphere felt like sand on his tongue as he opened his mouth. He heard the desperate cries from families wishing to protect their loved ones, and Hux wiped off a drop of sweat appearing on his forehead from the hot sun.  He had wished to oversee this personally, for the troops to see he would not shy away from the brutal reality that was going to take place.

“Sir, these are all that are left.” Hux smiled as one of the commanding officer approached him. He had on purpose let some ships escape to be able to track them, but some innocent civilians had been left behind. That is what happens when you put faith in scums.

He scanned the crowd of humanoids, and some reptilian races in the masses, taking pleasure in the terrified expressions and fear that were oozing from them. Many were wounded from the ground assault and he knew most that escaped on the ships needed medical help. Desperation to seek help among the rebels would be imminent.

“They are all unarmed, most of them farmers or traders. But they did have these laying around” The fabricated voice from the trooper continued as Hux positioned himself straighter, extending his hand to receive what the soldier handed him.

His mouth twitched – more pamphlets of the girl along with other texts of the promise of the Resistance. He crumpled the papers, hearing the soft thud as it landed on the ground, before wind whisked it away.

“Our orders are clear. They were sheltered by bandits and they are sympathizers. Their fate will be the same as theirs. There will be no mercy, no pardon for…this filth.”

“Sir?” Hux gave the trooper a penetrating stare. He did not care for casualties, did not care about the commoners caught in the crossfire. Ren had not ordered the deaths of civilians but neither had he openly stated that Hux was not allowed to slaughter them. They had to die.

“Kill them all. Burn everything to ashes.” And like a beautiful symphony, guns were firing, screams followed as its song, and it was the most satisfying music to Armitage’s ears.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the slow update, real life and school yadayadayada. Thanks to all those that keep following this fic, and for all the wonderful favorites. And to those that review, especially every chapter, I love you, truly, you are the best. Every comment I get spark my creativity and makes me write faster and happier. Believe me, this chapter would not be done yet if I hadn’t gotten the ones I did. So please read and review =)


	13. Sun and Moon

Kylo pressed his lips together firmly. Her taste, a heavy reminder on his tongue. And try as he might, he could not rid himself of her flavor, like a drug refusing to leave his brain. Her presence still lingered in the air, that  _damn_  scent of honey that scarred his nostrils, and he immediately regretted having pushed her away.

The room felt much more hollow and emptier. The dank grey walls with its black panels were suffocating him, reminding him of the darkness he was in. How long was this going to go on for? How long before he was driven to the brink of insanity with these connections? He could barely sleep as it is, the matters of the state of Coruscant and other planets were gnarling in his mind but had to be addressed since he had gotten rid of the senators, the urge to bring his new Order so there would be finally peace in the galaxy was weighing on his shoulders. But he will succeed, and then Rey would see the errors of the false promises the Resistance offered.

She had been calling out to him. That simple fact alone made his heart want to sing, but he had harnessed to much of darkness and its raw power when tutoring his Knights. Rogue had been the final apprentice he had been training with, after a full day of exercise with the others. It was in hope to dampen the affection that arose in him from their previous kiss and the promise that he could not have it again. He had been trying desperately to shut of the part that cared, focusing on something else to not lose his mind.

Then she was there, and everything he had pushed away came whirling back like a crashing, furious wave, drowning him in its wake. He knew Rogue must have sensed his sudden change in attitude, and it vexed him that this was a moment the Bond connected her to him, when he could not afford any distractions.

But she had not known.

He let out a shaky breath, stroking his hand over his face, clenching it into a ball. This had been so different. Rey had been different. Much less guarded, and it had been so easy to feel her. That raw, uncontainable hurricane within her that ensnared him. But then again, she always captivated him.

He recognized that confusion dabbled in venom when she had discovered Rogue. It had been exactly how he felt, when he had seen her with Poe. But as soon as he let himself revel in that fact, doubt clouded him. Perhaps he was misleading himself, so he stood still, watching her if she would make it more apparent.

Then…

She had kissed him…

Because she had wanted too…

And that had been…

Beyond everything he had wished for.

But as soon he let that small sliver of joy fester within him; that perhaps he had not been deluding himself, and she did want this as much as he did, it had torn him apart when he tasted the fruity, strawberry flavor laced in a liquid heat. He should had known, he should have sensed it, but he had let his own foolishness warp him, allowing himself to hope. She had not been herself. She had been intoxicated and he was shocked that she had been under the influence of the alcohol. He could not trust her anymore, could not trust her actions, or anything she did in this state.

Even so…

It had not stopped him, had not been able to contain the deeper animalistic need to claim her. Which she had provoked by coming to him, kissing him, and it would have been his undoing, had he not resisted the burning beast inside him that howled in unrelenting fury when he denied himself what he wanted.

To stand so close, to smell her, to touch her but not able to give in…He stopped that thought, but his body didn’t as the involuntary stiffness arose in him once again, that tameless lightning caressing his spine, nesting at his lower back, making his clothes feel much more constricted, reminding him of how utterly pathetic he was around her.

_Leia knows about us…_

_She cares about you, Ben. She loves you…_

His mother…

He heard the memory sweeping by him. Determined in his rage to show the Supreme Leader just how attuned he was to the Dark Side, how balanced he truly was. He skillfully maneuvered his vessel towards the _Raddus_ when they had found them, shooting everything that was an obstacle, and he has passed by the Command Bridge of the cruiser and then…

 _She_  was there, even if he knew she would be, it still shocked him to feel her. Her presence strong and forceful as if she had been right there beside him, influencing with emotions too strong to comprehend.

He had been tortured for his failures, he surely would be again if Snoke felt his wavering mind, and still, he could not pull the trigger.

He had failed. Again…

Then the bridge got blown up by his soldiers. Kylo shot down the fighter that did what he could not, to cover his own tracks. The momentary flash of panic and loss filled his chest, thinking his mother did die, but…he never felt it. She survived. He would have known if she hadn’t.

And she knew about them?

What else had they been talking about, if Rey could trust her enough to share something this personal with her? He did not know how to handle this information, it fused together with the remembrance of the brief memory of his mother, escalating knowing Rey was under the influence of liquor, to a point where he just snapped. He did not want to talk about her so instead he lashed out on the emotions stirring from it. The anger, and unreasonable betrayal that Rey had talked about something so…private, that had been theirs alone.

And look where that got him…he had hurt her, shutting the Bond in her face.

His nose kept twitching and he realized he had been subconsciously trying to still inhale her scent, like a starving man that had smelt his favorite meal served to him on his deathbed. This was becoming dangerous. It always had been, but now with a few stolen kisses – it was enough to put him in an uninhibited trance. This…craving was growing far more unpredictable, and he was trapped in her cobweb. It had ascended beyond the point of satisfying his soul to just be with her, talk with her no matter how brief or explosive their encounters could be. He always found himself missing a piece of himself whenever the Bond shut them apart.

He had to force down breaths to make the friction go away from his lower body. It was driving him insane; this prickling need, poking like needles dipped in boiling water at his every nerve and vein. How he wished to be free of this curse. This is the true epitome of weakness. Snoke had always driven these primal urges out of his system when he had felt it rise in him, but now…there was no one to quell this thirst that threatened to break the last brims of his sanity. His skin was itching, and his hands were damp in unknowing anticipation and Rey was the only one that subdued and made it worse at the same time.

_Insanity…_

With a snarl escaping his lips, he rammed his fist through the wall. The one that had just healed from yesterday and decorated his pale skin with new cracks, fracturing his knuckles.

_Pain, focus on this pain._

It was barely helping any more, and the tickling in the back of his neck was starting to drive him crazy, and he quirked his head and jaw in tense movements. He left the room he was in and decided he would try to catch a few hours of sleep, hoping nightmares would evade him this night, knowing they wouldn’t. He had to prepare himself for the status update from Hux when they would have their meeting the next day.

“Master.” He whirled around as he emerged from the door, seeing Rogue standing next to the door, like she had been waiting for him.

“I told you to leave.”  
  
“I sensed a presence in the room. Something different in the Force, a disturbance.” The synthesized voice answered through the helmet, humming with a feminine touch. Rogue had not sounded suspicious, just curious.  
  
He remained completely emotionless, but a sudden protective streak coursed like venom through his body for fear that someone would know about his vulnerability, about his connection to Rey. It was in times like this he missed his mask, to hide the emotions that betrayed him, and it unnerved him now in a way it hadn’t before that his knights’ faces still were hidden from him.

“It does not concern you.”

Her tall, lean, muscular frame came to stand before him, hands clasped behind her back. Her black, weaved cape clasped around her half her frontside and back, embroidered with steel plates around her wrists and shoulders, reptile leathery boots with armored soles, and the black belt adorned with her lightsaber hilt, and a holster where her blaster was.

He wondered…

“Take of your mask.”

Without hesitation, Rogue placed her hands to the side of her grey helmet with beige metal carvings. With a hissing noise, she removed it easily, tucking it under her right arm, looking at him.

He scanned her features, this was the first time he saw her without the mask ever since he had joined Snoke. Her hair had gotten longer, ending above her ribcage, and fell in long silver blonde - almost white curls framing her face. Her striking grey eyes, full lips, and sharp cheekbones seemed to have gotten more defined, less that of a child since the Jedi temple. It was her, the same girl he had once felt a sliver of kinship with at the temple. But now, all he saw was a beautiful stranger before him. Snoke had managed to snag the life away from her spirit, like a winter’s chill stealing summer away when locking her away at Byss.  He saw nothing of Ziva in those stormy orbs, which had been her name before joining him, nothing of the girl he had shared his first…

“You’ve changed.” He stated.

She was much paler then he could remember, a bitter remainder that it’s what happens when you are stuck at a planet that barely let any sunlight in, trapped underneath a mask.

“As have you.” She countered. Her voice deep, slightly hoarse and raspy, with a delicate edge to soften it. He blinked, surprised that her voice was the only thing that had remained the same and did not care for how her eyes seemed to search his for something. A memory.

“You have gotten older.” And she took a step towards him, the clink from her boots echoing in the hall as her fingers came up to trace his scar on his face.

He gripped her wrist firmly, relishing in the twinge of pain raking through his hand, before she managed to reach her goal. It was not  _hers_ to touch.  
  
“I thought-

-You thought wrong.” He interrupted, seeing a brief glimpse to their shared past flash before his eyes of a different time. When he had been different.

He lashed her arm away from him like, his movement resembling a whip, but she looked indifferent to his demeanor, stepping backwards, and gave a slight bow.

“Master.” And she turned swiftly away, covering her fair face once more with the helmet and leaving Kylo alone with his thoughts.

He was getting restless.

 

* * *

 

 

_One day after Hux’s visit to Sernpidal…_

There was an eerie silence in the town. The feeling you know when something horrible will happen. It was hanging in the air, in the sound of the trees and in the bristle of the wind. She could not place where this sudden change of foreboding that the Force was telling her, but it was insistent.

Rey knew Leia felt it too, being much more alert in their communications with their bases. And they had lost contact with a few of them, and they still did not know what happened. She and H’mrsac barely left the central in the last two days, keeping an eagle’s eye at the skies.

The brunette had been busy reading and training with Finn, and helping Poe, doing a quick maintenance of the X-wings, trying to block the memories of _that_  night. Whenever her mind felt like poking the insides of her brain, she could feel how every muscle wanted to curl up in embarrassment followed by a flashing pang of hurt and anger rile up inside her chest, rudely reminding her of what had transpired.

A dark part of her had wanted him to remember her place in his world. It had been reckless, and the thought itself had been devastating, when so strongly swayed by feelings she was not accustomed to having. Under the influence from the drink Poe gave her, it only intensified feelings she already felt. Everything she had done, had been because she had felt much braver, and much less worried about the consequences, and it had completely backfired because he thought it had not been real.

She wished to be alone tonight and was confined to a pleasant solitude inside the _Falcon_ , sitting in the lounge area, cleaning her staff. She was dressed in a simple beige short sleeved tunic, allowing her arm wraps to protect her from the chills of the cold wind, and grey, comfortable pants, perfect for an evening to simply relax.

A slight furry puff to her hand reminded her that she was not alone, hearing a soft  _aaaerggh_ , from a brown spotted porg cub, trying to get her attention. She had become familiar to her new little companions that were quick enough to turn the _Falcon_ to their new nesting ground, finding small burrows here and there. They were quite adaptable little animals, and she was quickly surrounded by more, cradling on her legs and next to her. This is what happens when Chewie was not present.

Those huge black eyes did have an ability to melt her insides, especially when they wanted something. As the little chestnut pelted ball stroked against her hand, Rey let out a small chuckle, knowing she would not get any more work done tonight, and placed her staff on the table

She cooed at the little thing, petting and caressing the ones that wanted her attention, but then it came like an energetic wave, and the whispers were just like the ones she had heard at Maz’s bar, and on Ahch-To.

She snapped her head upwards, hearing the foreign whisper call to her.

What the-

Rey stood up unceremoniously, scaring the small critters that sat on her lap, and listened to the voice, eyeing her surroundings, but the voice lulled away, covered by the wind, and she followed its trail, powerless to its allure and its fleeting murmurs. It led her to the door of what had been Han’s old quarters.

_The face no one else sees…_

She hesitated to place her palm against the button, been avoiding this room since she had teamed up with Han and Chewie. But the presence called her in here for a reason, and she just knew this was a part of something bigger than her and pressed it.

She quickly scanned the room inside, a big bed in the middle with grey sheets and covers, a steel wardrobe to the side, and a small couch in a v shape against the left wall, the only light that illuminated the room was the moonlight from outside.

The voices disappeared to be replaced by a warm gust of wind coursing through her, as the door behind her closed, and she felt him here, almost choking her by the full force of his presence passing within her.

Different, exposed, raw.

Ben…

She turned to her side and had to bite her tongue to not make a noise, almost stumbling at the unreal sight.

He was there. Asleep. For one split moment she truly thought he was here in the flesh. It looked so real, the only thing giving it away was how the bed in her world did not react to his presence on top of it, the covers wrapped around his skin that did not belong here.

She could not stop the violent hammering against her ribcage as she came to stand at the foot of the bed.

He was thrashing among the covers, his bare chest slick with sweat and some of his tresses glued against his wet face…

 _“No, leave me…”_  the vulnerability in his tone made something inside Rey crack with ache, and this was the one rare moment she felt how his soul lay bare in front of her. Almost like looking through broken glass, seeing all the cracks, and crevices. Impossible to ignore once she lowered her own barriers to fully let his in.

Through the Force, she felt it all. His past, his present. The suffering he had been through, the tortures, the corruption of his mind, the longing he sought, the abandonment of his parents, his eternal regret of so many of his actions. Everything that made him Kylo Ren, and she realized when being assaulted with his every emotion, she had been so wrong.

Kylo was Ben, just as Ben was Kylo. All this time she had wanted to save Ben from returning to his former self, she now understood it was part of who he was, two halves of the same entity. With sudden clarity she could see, could understand why he had been conflicted. Why he had been so torn, why he never believed what she felt was real. Why they always ended up fighting each other.

The amount of pain inflicted in him was tearing her apart. And the hurt and her anger she felt from their previous meeting washed away so easily being exposed to his, and she silently forgave him.

He was just so…broken. His heart covered in ashes of a once bright flame but still he shone brighter than any star to her. And in the depths of his conscience lay the truth, that he was too afraid, to ever believe anyone could ever love someone as miserable as him.

It was overflowing, overwhelming and she felt tears prickle her eyes as she came closer to the bed, seeing him shake and fret uncontrollably as silent whispers escaped his lips directed to his nightmares.

She sat down on the side of the bed, watching his erratic breathing and bit her lip. This had never happened before in the Bond, and she wondered if would be wise to wake him, but watching his torment, she could not let it go on.

“Ben…” She whispered quietly, tentatively reaching out with her hand to touch his shoulder, feeling his damp, cold skin scold under her hand.

The rest happened so fast.

His eyes flew open, and she still saw he was trapped inside his nightmare, those dark depths emanating his shock and anger – feral even, for being shook awake by an exterior force, and reacted instinctively to her touch, his quick reflexes grabbing both her hands so she lost all balance, as he flown up from his sleeping position, switching their bodies, slamming her into the mattress so he was suddenly looming over her, gripping her wrists with his hands, and while she could fight him off, she found herself not wanting to. She should have felt trapped, and caged like this, but with Ben…she didn’t.

“It’s me.” She whispered, her tone raspy, not surprised how it seemed her very own heart seemed to lay naked in front of him as well – displayed in her voice.

He blinked, the savage glow in his eyes wavered, hearing her voice calling out to him, and she felt the trembling in his arms, as he loosened his hold on her skin, but she did not remove her wrists.

“The Bond…” He stated breathlessly, and she nodded slowly. “This isn’t real. You are not here.”

“I  _am_  here.” She countered, seeing he was still trying to sharpen his senses. She was watching his chest from the corner of her eyes, and as the previous times, she had been equally unprepared for how her heart fluttered at the sight of him. She saw he was protected by the thin linen sheets hugging his waist – a result from his violent sleep pattern, and felt goosebumps tickle her neck. So, she had to disagree - this felt very real. His presence was so dominating over her, in a position she had never found herself being in before.

This intimate new embrace took her breath away, her body somehow preparing itself, feeling those feverish jolts of blazing heat travel rushing through her veins as she felt both curious and terrified. Terrified because she didn’t want this to stop, because she had never been this close to someone before, and she was unable and afraid to understand it before it all crashed down upon her.

The sensation in her stomach that she attributed to nervousness, started to cramp in her wrists and throughout her body. She tried to position herself better, but she was trapped by his frame on either side, and as she tried to maneuver her legs, grazing the insides of his thighs, he closed his eyes, visibly shaking from her movements.

"Don't move." He said, his voice strained from effort for trying to remain in control.

She complied, hearing the plea rather than the command in his voice, but she did not know what she was doing that made him react so strongly, and it intrigued and frightened her at the same time.

His brows were knitted together, and he was focusing on something. She found herself lost, watching him, getting so drawn in by his features.

His eyes were closed, and he seemed to be forcing his breath down.

When his eyes opened so suddenly, he was regarding her differently, that made her stop breathing, feeling that same liquid heat pool in her lower abdomen, that all too familiar twitch that intensified the fire and froze her to the bone. That look that said so many things.

“Ben…”

“What is happening to us?” He whispered, and her voice got stuck in her throat, and under his penetrating stare, she tried to move once more, earning another shudder from Ben, that he succumbed to lean on his elbows and she felt his body so fully against her own, as his cocooned hers, fully letting go of her wrists. Her heart was pounding so fast and furiously, she knew Ben must feel it, and heat was creeping up her throat. She could not breathe for with each breath, skin upon skin touched more profoundly and it made her so dizzy. Forbidding, and to powerful to resist.

“I don’t know…” She answered truthfully, the words leaving her mouth before she could stop them, and his eyes found hers, the spoken honesty lingering between them made him swallow thickly.

He seemed to be battling for control, and she could feel with each intake of breath, he was losing that battle. She moved, her muscles starting to ache, pushing upwards making their bodies fully connect, resulting in a sharp intake of breath and a groan from him as her abdomen connected with his. His forehead kissed hers and Rey froze.

She had not been prepared to feel something so hard and rigid to touch against her thigh, instinctively knowing what it was – this was because of her, and that realization made her strangely more tempted to explore it but she didn’t. His eyes opened, the inferno in them was unmistakable, even as he looked just as taken aback as she was. He had this look of confused need that he did not know what to do with.

The hairs on his skin rose as if alit with lightning when she touched his arms, feeling his tense muscles ripple under her hands and as his palm came to cup her cheek, she shivered from his touch. And she trailed her fingers upwards to hug his face, tracing the valley of the scar that she gave him, caressing it with her finger and he stopped moving, letting her explore every curve of his face, his eyes closed as she continued to trace her mark.

“Yours.” He whispered, “Just yours.”

Her heart-rate accelerated alarmingly –accepting what her body truly wanted. What she had wanted for a long time but suppressed because of the conflicts in the galaxy, and her own tormented mind. He holds her gaze, stealing her nervousness away, igniting the wanton that magnified in his orbs.

But she could not do this. Not like this. Not in the Bond. It was moving too fast, to sudden and intensely for her and she was afraid of how this would end if she let it continue. She could not breathe. 

If she let him kiss her, which she sensed by the ever-humming Force shifting through them, it was something they both wanted. If she let him, it would consume her, and she would not be able to stop.

He sensed her hesitation, “I’m not ready.” She told him, but her hands refused to leave his face, not daring him to mistake her hesitation for something else.

“I never…” She trailed, feeling for some reason hot embarrassment arise in her, not truly understanding why. It had been her choice to not commit to someone that completely.

His eyes blinked, and she could have sworn she saw a ghost of a smile dance across his lips.

“I know.” His hand came to trace her cheek, every cell in her skin that trailed under his touch yearned for more.

“I hurt you.” He said suddenly, and she frowned. “Before.”

_Ah…_

“You did.” She replied, knowing he referred to their last meeting.

He bit his lip and she saw that tick in his jaw, that always seemed to make her heart skip a beat.

“I know…” She whispered, sensing his regret, answering before he had the time to put it into words.

Then she heard it, a voice calling her, frantically, desperately.

“Rey!”

_Finn!_

Immediately she could see Ben’s eyes darken, knowing he heard him too, a different tension crawling through him, as he sat up, pulling her up with him.

Why would Finn want to see her in the middle of the night?!  
  
“Rey! Are you here?!” She heard the desperate cry in her friend’s voice, knowing she had to go to him, something was terribly wrong for him to sound like this. And she could not hide in here. Even if he would not see Ben, he would still see the disheveled state of her hair and bed.

She saw a twitch trembling above Ben’s mouth, feeling the anger through him at the sound of Finn’s voice, and she remembered.

_TRAITOR!_

“Ben…”

“REY!” Again, Finn called out, his voice almost cracking from the effort, and she heard he was checking every crook and corner in the ship. It would only be a matter of time before he would look in here. 

“Go.” She turned to Ben, surprised at what he said, that he tried for once calm himself before letting the rage within him tilt over.

He found her eyes, “Go.” He repeated, his voice tense and thick.

She nodded, trying to convey to him through their Bond that this was not easier for her then for him, and he nodded at her, his voice barely a whisper, “go.”

“I’m here!” She answered Finn, surprised how strong her voice was, and as she got her rattled and aching body out of the bed, she felt the connection break. It took an extra moment for her to compose herself, feeling all the warmth and the devouring flame within her quench to embers.

She straightened her clothes, and combed her hair with her fingers, and quickly flattened the covers on the bed, and before she managed to open the door, Finn beat her to it.

And her eyes widened in horror upon seeing her friend. His clothes had patches of both dried and fresh blood adorning it, and his face was covered in droplets from sweat and his breathing erratic and frantic.

“It’s not mine.”  He answered quickly, reading her next thought. “You need to come back with me to camp. I will explain on the way.”

“What happened?” She asked, already starting to sprint next to him.

“The First Order happened.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this one. This was by far the most intense chapter for me to write so far, and I hope I could convey that in a good way to you, I was quite nervous writing this one, because of the intimacy between Ben and Rey. As always, I am blown away by the response at this fic. I passed 1000 kudos, and the wonderful people that review <3 YOU are all AMAZING! And it was due to that fact this chapter managed to get written this quickly. If I could smother you all with kisses, I would but instead I hope fast updates is a good thank you =) So please, read and review!


	14. Fight The Machine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before the chapter: I truly wanted to give a very big shoutout to a girl in the Reylo Trash group on FB. Jessica aka yoshica.deviantart.com for drawing the most beautiful fanart for this story that was based on chapter 3! So please go and check it out!!! She draws such beautiful art!
> 
> https://yoshica.deviantart.com/art/Rey-and-Kylo-Ren-728026894

It hit her like heavy fog once they emerged from the forest and entered the town. Her own body screeched to a halt to take in the new scenery. Lights from the ships and buildings lit up the plaza brighter than daylight, blowing the night away. The air was stale, clogging in Rey’s pores as she heard the anguished cries and wretched screaming coming from  _everywhere._

Chaos. The reality of war, and the consequences of it.

Her eyes were watching this unreal sight unravel before her eyes. How could she not have heard it? How could she have missed so many ships coming to the town?

Amid the panic, and the shouting, her hazel eyes found Leia. Her normally brown vest, and navy pants were covered in dirt and red stains, but she was relentless. She barked out commands, directing the villagers, rebels and droids at her disposal to where they were most needed. She quickly identified Poe, Chewie, Connix and Rose among the turbulence, helping to carry victims from the ships as they set up medical stations in the village.

Everywhere she looked she saw people; humanoids, amphibians, reptile and humans writhing in agony, and she could  _feel_  as life faded around her. Being so caught in the whirlwind, it hit her like strong gusts of wind; again, and again. As she once more looked around, she knew there were many more still on the ships that required immediate attention as well.

There was so much blood. So many wounded. Their constant wailing screeched in her eardrums, like howling banshees of nightmare tales, and she could practically taste the metallic blood in the very air she breathed through her mouth.

So much pain…

She knew Force was life, she had felt it around her. Always. But this was nothing of the like. Why was she being so perceptive of it? Why did she feel the hurting lifeforms around her so strongly? She had felt it before with Luke’s passing but it was different. It was peaceful and with purpose. This…this was raw anguish, suffering and so…pointless.

Finn’s touch upon her shoulder woke her up, “Rey! Come on!”

She nodded as she followed Finn, her eyes fixating and frantically watching every person to her left and right as they passed by the medical beds, when a dominant female voice cut through her like steel.

“Rey, Finn!” They both turned to the General that waved them over, standing in the center of the mayhem.

“Leia!” Rey called out and she sprinted with Finn towards her.

“As I live and breathe.” The three of them turned their heads towards an old man that just exited a smuggler transport behind them. He looked like a leader of a clan, as they saw members walking out behind him, carrying more victims on stretches while throwing curses at each other. His cheeks were puffy and red, age lines etched around his eyes. His heavier built body was fitted with a leather jacket, white shirt albeit with greasy stains, and loose fitted grey pants. His grey hair was tied into a loose ponytail, followed by a white trimmed beard, and his left eye was missing, replaced by a cybernetic one that shone brilliant red.

“Name is Gramka, if there is to be introductions. Leader of the Tao Ken clan. First order dropped a surprise attack on our town. Seems though we were not the only ones that got a visit.”

_First Order…Finn told me this, but still…_

_But that would mean…_

_Ben…ordered this?_  

_Caused all of this?_

_No, he wouldn’t…._

His red eye scanned Rey quickly, “so you are the girl we heard so much about? Hope you are worth it, kid. You don’t really look ten feet tall and to be breathing fire.” He commented drily.

Finn bristled at the insult and before she had the time to respond, he did. 

“Ey, watch your- 

“Finn, right? The trooper that defected.” The old man turned his head towards Finn, his mouth turning into a sneer and continued when the two friends looked at each other.

“Yeah, news travel quickly in the galaxy. Heroes of the Resistance. What a fucking joke. You think you are a match for the First Order? You don’t stand a chance.”

“Perhaps we don’t, but we will try. We have too. Come hell or high water, we will fight! And if you think this is all a joke, then why are you even here?” Rey responded sternly, earning a harsh bark of laughter from the old man. It infuriated her further.

What right did he have to talk to them like this? She shot him the strongest look of defiance as he took one step closer to her.

“My, my, you are a little spitfire.” 

“Curb your tongue, it is not much use out here, Gramka. Not that it ever was.” Rey’s eyes lit up, when she saw who appeared next to him, as she emerged from the same ship as the clan leader did. A face she had not thought that she would see again. A small sliver of happiness entered her chest despite this raging sorrow surrounding them.

“You would think with age, comes the ability to carry a decent conversation, but alas, seems some are beyond that.” The pirate queen added, earning a rather irritated stare from her companion.

“Maz!” Leia greeted warmly like she would an old friend, giving Gramka a look that would make most cover in fear before nodding to Maz, “friend of yours?”

“Desperate times calls for desperate measures.” She shrugged. The hues of salmon colors shimmered on Maz’s skin, giving a quick look over to all of them, landing on Rey and a knowing smile curved her lips that would normally unnerve Rey but there was a moment of unspoken understanding passing between the two women, and like on Takodana it felt she saw her soul clearer then she could herself.

“Certainly does.” Leia agreed giving the elder man a scrutinizing stare where he rubbed the hair on the back of his neck before he sighed.

“No disrespect to you, General Organa.”

“I understand your people skills must be a bit rusty from hiding under a rock for so long, but you would be much more likeable if you just kept your noisy mouth shut with your uninformed opinions.” Leia answered sharply.

Maz let out a soft chuckle, watching Gramka fluster, “if you think she is lethal with her tongue, imagine her with a blaster.” The pirate started to mutter to himself before heading back to his men, and Maz gave them all a wink.

“Now, let’s save some people. We will talk later.” She walked off with Gramka, to the wounded they still carried of their own transport, and the small moment of an illusion of calm simmered. Once more the screaming filled Rey’s ears, unable to keep it out.

Leia shook her head, wiping her arm on her brow, before turning her eyes to them, talking like they had not even been interrupted in the first place.

“There are many more wounded still on those transports. We don’t have enough medical droids that will suffice for everyone. Go! Help as many as you can, and quickly as you can.”

Rey nodded, and whipped herself into action, and as Finn went inside a small transport shuttle, she headed up a civilian cruiser.

The stench was horrible, and she put her hand over her mouth to not gag on reflex. Blood, death and bodily fluids hit her senses like slamming headfirst into a brick wall. She forced down the bile that rose up in her throat, feeling the sour aftermath tickle her vocal chords, trying to shut off the ever-present wailing.

And it stirred something else in her to feel this _pain_ all around her. Like a lullaby softly whispering inside her of the power she suppressed…she quickly tried to dismiss the feeling but once it had stirred, it demanded her attention.

These people needed her now, and there were many in the loading docks. The grey metal floor was soiled with different colors of blood, blending together with other fluids. There were people on beds everywhere as far as her eyes could see, and the dead were gathered in the right corner of the room.

Rey tore her gaze from the morbid piles of the cold bodies and scanned her surroundings to see where her help was most needed. She barely had any medical training, beyond the basic at Jakku, but she would give her best. She could not get distracted.

Her eyes found a young togruta female, laying alone on one of the stretches, still bleeding from a wound on her chest, and Rey rushed to her side. Her white headtails almost turning grey from the lack of blood, as did the colorful orange skin, and Rey was determined to make sure she would survive.

Once more that whispering got louder, the soft tune of the lullaby turned to a fiercer melody.

“Hey!” She whispered, and the female blinked her yellow eyes, when Rey scrambled for bandages and disinfection tonic, next to her to treat her gash.

“You…” The girl breathed, like she knew her, and Rey winced when she heard how fragile her voice was. Blood must have gotten into the lungs, listening to her constricted breathing.

“Shhh, save your strength.” Rey tried softly, trying to emit hope through her eyes when she anchored her gaze to hers.

“You are the Jedi. I have seen your face.” An orange finger came up to grace her cheek, and Rey stilled, giving her a bewildered look; how could she have seen her? More questions begun to swarm inside her mind, but she tampered it down. 

“I’m no Jedi.”

A weak grin grew on the girl’s face, studying Rey with an awed expression, “You are more to everyone then you think. The Savior.”

“What is your name?” Rey ignored her statement and tried to direct the focus of their conversation elsewhere.

It took a lot of her strength to answer her question. “Nova.”

“That is a beautiful name.” Rey commented with a smile, and Nova responded in kind.

“You need to stay focused, okay? I need to stabilize your wound. Just keep breathing. Can you do that for me?” Rey continued steadily, trying to keep her mind sharp, and the togruta nodded slowly. She applied the tonic to the cut, hearing how Nova bit her tongue to not scream from the pain. The brunette started to clean around it, removing some stains, before getting a large compress patch to press against her bruised skin to stop the bleeding.

“Stay with me, Nova.” Rey commanded strongly, seeing the girl’s eyes glazing over, feeling the dread fill her stomach. She did not know what else to do.

“Nova!” Rey called out, when the young female breathing became hollower by the second, and yet raspier at the same time. She was fighting for air. Rey felt that pull inside her once more, the intuitive humming from its power dancing in her bloodstream, like a coming tsunami that were at the edge of the horizon that came closer to the wall of the dam she built to quell that unpredictable part of herself.

She had read about Force healing in the scriptures; read how complex it was, and how it was a rare gift to possess, and how critical it was to not let it feed of your own emotions. And what she was experiencing was nothing like the scriptures described how it should feel.

 _Rey, breathe…_  

Almost instinctively she felt it overcome her, and she knew the source of it. Felt it before. On Ahch-To. She craned her neck, trying to keep her attention to Nova.

Darkness.

Her current state was fracturing the walls around the dam she contained it in. It was taunting her, showing her that it had everything she wished for in her desire to save the girl. She thought she could handle it, but with everything going around her, it was getting harder to shut it out. It creeped up on her when she was the most vulnerable to it.

_I've only seen this raw power once before in Ben Solo. It did not scare me then. It does now...._

She swallowed, feeling the surge of energy tingle her hand, and she sensed how it called her to use it. Wanting to use it…

She knew…she felt she could save Nova if she would give in to it.

Ben’s words from their first meeting after Crait echoed in her mind.

_I sense the darkness in you._

And when she had failed her training with Luke.

_You went straight to the dark._

Her hands were trembling, feeling perspiration in the crevices of her palms.

_It offered you something you needed._

It did. It had been a desperate desire to know where or who her parents were. It was supposed to cure her loneliness…To get answers she wanted. This was not the same.

_You didn’t even try to stop yourself._

Her heart started to pump so hard against her ribcage…blood throbbing so quickly under her skin, spreading heated warmth to her face.

 _No!_  She wouldn’t…she would not let it overcome her. 

Ben’s voice responded, catapulting her in another memory.

_Because I am the only one that sees what's inside you. The only one that would not fear what you could become._

She could barely allow her lungs to suck in more air, and as she looked down at the girl, another heart wrenching jerk tore through her, as she took her last breath and became completely still.

She was dead.

And Rey could had saved her.

 

* * *

 

 

Hours passed by, but it felt like seconds as she furiously swatted the sweat of her greased forehead, dried red splatches decorating her skin as she tended to more wounded. More had died during the bitter watches of the night. Many more would follow.

She felt it all, and it tore her apart. The deaths haunted her. It cracked her open like an unboiled egg, and she could not suppress the hopelessness she felt, not being able to save everyone. If she had been quicker, if she had more medical training, so many more would have been alive.

If she just tried using the Force, perhaps she could-

It faded quickly. There was something inside her that stopped her train of thought whenever she felt that desperation grow but the restraint was getting weaker with every death that passed through her.

It pulsated beneath her frustration, and it was hard to keep her concentration, trying to shut out that song inside her. She could have saved them, and she hadn’t due to her own fear, and it was destroying her. But giving in, she was too afraid. To emotionally raw after all the events that transpired during the night.

The moment with Ben felt so distant, like it had happened in another life.

_Ben…_

She had felt his most intense memories and terrors. He could not…He would not do this. He would not slaughter innocents like this.

But that was not true…

_You were not there when I saw him ordering to massacre an entire village in front of my eyes. He is a monster!_

Finn’s words did nothing to soothe her now and the thoughts came and went like a hurricane, changing back and forth and the more time she spent in this wretched place, the more she questioned herself.

He  _had_ changed. Hadn’t he? She felt it through the connection they had. It could not be false, it could not have been lies.

Another memory came before her, from the interrogation when she first lay her eyes on him.

_I would prefer to be honest with you from the beginning._

He never lied to her…he would not be able to hide this from her. Not with their Bond. She knew he wanted to alter the galaxy, but this…

She had been trying so hard to keep him blocked from her mind, not daring to delve deeper in what this would mean if he had ordered this. If this much death rested on his shoulders. She never sensed this in him, never thought him capable of doing something like this. Not anymore.

Had he tricked her? Had he manipulated her?

_No…_

She saw his face before her, blurring together as one of their recent encounters revealed itself before her eyes.

_You are so desperate to see change, you find it even when it’s not there._

_You are the one that chose to not join me, Rey. Did you think a few kisses would change me? Would change my beliefs? This is who I am. I cannot be changed._

_This is who I am. This is who I am. This is who I am,_  repeated itself like a frantic chant in her mind.

Could she had been so wrong?

Had her feelings for Ben clouded her so? Another twist in her gut shook through her, that so many were suffering, and she had been kissing, been intimate with the man that was the leader of the Order. The Order that caused this. And if it was not Ben, then who- 

Her thoughts were interrupted as she heard another different cry nearby and her eyes fell on a little human boy – no older than ten, alone on a bed with no parents in sight. He was deathly pale, and she saw the amount of dried blood on his clothes, and still some fresh pooling beneath his hand, it had trickled all the way from a wound below his collarbone. She ran to him, grabbing another set of bandages and tonics that were placed haphazardly across the deck area. She noticed he had been treated before, by the compress patches and bandages, but they needed to be changed, and his cut on his upper chest had started to bleed once more.

She removed the scarlet soaked covers as she heard his soft voice call out to her.

“Are you an angel?” She whipped her confused eyes to look at the boy, whose eyes glittered, the flickering lights above them mirroring in his green irises. She started to pour disinfection tonic to sterilize his wound, hearing him cry out in pain. She scanned the body, seeing another gash revealed as she changed the patch on his stomach – caused by a blaster. He had lost so much blood, and he was delirious, covered in cold sweat.

“Mama always says angels are beautiful, pure like stardust. That they are the last thing we see before we die.”

Rey forced herself to smile at the boy, shaking her head, “I won’t be the last thing you see, you will be fine. You need to stay strong.”

He  _had_  to live. She just could not bear another death on her conscience if she could stop it. If she had the ability…She just couldn’t.

“I want my mama back. Why did they kill her?” He whispered, and Rey could not ignore the pangs that shot through her heart, hearing his sadness and devastation.

“I wonder if she saw angels too.” The brunette watched as his eyes closed, that despair pulled at her deeper than ever before, sensing how he faded under her caring hands. This was a child. Too innocent, too young, and knowing he was so alone, it felt she was looking at her own reflection as a child. And it was just too much.

“No, no, no! Stay with me!” She said firmly. But his eyes blinked slowly, and that song in her erupted in a raw cry of anguish when his heartbeat faltered. 

In her rigorous attempt to save him without giving in to the tune that reverberated through her being, another memory attacked her, and Ben’s voice vibrated through her skull, telling her she would not be able to. He would not survive unless…

_You are afraid. Afraid of your powers._

“No. Please, no!” Tears gathered in her eyes. She looked at her trembling hand, swallowing the lump that felt like the heaviest stone in her throat before instinctively placing it at the boy’s wound, refusing to let him die.

_You will never be able to conquer your fears until you accept it is a part of who you are. Confront them._

With a shaky breath, not realizing she had been crying as droplets of her tears fell on the boy’s dirty cheek, carving a clean path down to his chin.

_Reach inside…Force help me…help me...heal him…mend the organs, stop the flow…_

The dam that was on the verge on breaking, exploded at her plea, and the surge that went through her was unlike anything she ever felt before. It fueled on her emotions in an energy wave that made the air crackle around her.

Like a familiar caress of a loving friend, she felt it – the roots, grass, trees, flowers, water, the people around her –as the synergy of life connected for her to use, acting as a conduit.

Warm, healing, comforting.

It was working. She felt the flow through her but then something else stirred inside her, and her own pain started to latch onto the soothing serenity that filled her. She was too unstable, too unhinged by everything she had experienced.

The whispering of her powers tickled inside her, disrupting the harmony she had achieved, and the beautiful singing of the Force did not last as her own pain and strong distraught of her own suffering tainted it, taking a stronger hold.

_I can control it…_

_I will not give in…_

_Breathe, Rey…_

It was already parting at the seams, the fragile balance she had found. Her strong desperation and desire was overthrowing the Light. 

And she lost her focus.

_No!_

Squeezing her eyes completely shut, she fell into the utter despair from the fear of losing the boy. Like a sick feeling inside her stomach that overcame her. It silenced her thoughts, silenced the Light as every muscle knotted at the realization that what she was doing had not been enough.

She let out a scream when nothing was happening and fell into the black hole inside her mind.

In the abyss, the sea of the swirling flames of her power was embraced by the spinning darkness. It was all so surreal, making her feel small, unsubstantial but the same time as that power surged through her left her awe-struck and at its mercy.

The darkness reached out for her, its cold hands wrapping itself around her, beckoning for her to give in.

And she did.

It all surged through her and into the boy, that power filled her to the marrow of her bones and made every nerve tingle with the strength of the Force, as it knitted together all the broken pieces, healing his insides.

And it shocked her how good it felt when it channeled within her. She blinked, her body paralyzed after what just had happened.

Seconds later, it came back, slamming her hard like a shockwave, as the suffering dissipated from the boy and her.

With a soft exhale she saw life returning to him like a vigorous spark. She saw heard his sharp intake of breath fill him, renewing his lifeforce, before he fell into a deep slumber. Rey fell to her knees not caring about the red liquid staining her pants, crawling inside the fabric reaching the skin on her knees.

This…was not the Light that saved him. She did not possess that ability, was not near that kind of enlightenment yet. She knew this was not the same. The knowledge she had extracted from the books did not align with anything she had just done.

But she saved the boy. Had it not been worth it? He was alive.

Rey looked at her shaking hand once more then at the kid. It scared her how much she enjoyed that supreme fulfillment. Even if it only lasted for a few seconds. 

Ben was right…Luke was right.

Too caught up into what she had just done, she almost missed the gurgling breath the boy took, and her eyes widened as the cuts on his body reopened as blood flew once more. 

No…but she had just-

She felt how he was slipping once more, and on instinct she pressed her hands again on his chest, concentrating with all she had in one more rallying cry to heal his injuries.

But it only worked for as strong she was focusing on her powers. This time she did not feel the life around her, only her own desperation, the dread, hopelessness, and everything she had witnessed during the past few hours crashed against her. She focused it all into one emotion she was familiar with: Anger.

And it helped her.

She realized quickly the boy would only live for as long as she was focusing on him.

But at a price. It grew like a festering wound inside her, corrupting her as the power grew. The depth of the dark was smiling deviously at her, as she caught a glimpse of what would happen to her if she let it continue.

She was suddenly galvanized, her body tensing as the essence inside her spiked, piercing her heart, stopping her breath and burned along her veins. Fire. Anger. Powerful, enchanting, coursing through her like a river made from an inferno. It answered the calling of the Force within her.

This is what Luke warned her about, what Ben had seen in her and in that moment of pure shock she lost her focus, stumbling backwards. The connection broke, and she was stunned for just a moment.

But a moment too long.

_No…not now. I have…to save him. The droids will come soon, I must keep him safe._

She got back up, and on her unsteady legs she reached the boy again and her world stopped.

_No…_

Seconds felt like years, as a harrowing realization made itself known to her. She shook her head, tears scratching behind her eyes as she held the boy’s cold hand.

But it was too late.

The blood stopped flowing, and she had lost him.

_No…_

Her stomach flipped over as a wave of nausea and guilt consumed her once more, and she could not stop herself as a raw howling of grief escaped her lips, her forehead resting against his chest, knowing she had failed.

She didn’t even get to know his name.

 

* * *

 

 

The first flickers of sunlight graced the village into the early hours of the morning, showing the bloodshed that had passed during the night in harsh, brutal light. Rey’s mind was dizzy, and her muscles aching from exhaustion, but she didn’t want to rest before making sure every patient had been treated.

One hundred and two had died, another two hundred and twenty were now stabilized. The dead had been gathered outside the village, and were going to be cremated, because there would be no time to bury them.

The stench seemed to have gotten worse during the night. The decaying bodies, the smell of burned flesh when the medical droids finally got onboard the ship to work their wonders. The mixture of sweat combined into a thick cloud that was awful to breathe in, and the large pools of coagulated blood, urin and excrement was permanently embedded in Rey’s nose, forever branding a memory in her brain. She could barely stomach it.

At least it was quiet – one small bitter comfort. 

“Rey…” Rose approached her, sitting down next to her, as the brunette replaced the dirty bandage on a sleeping Bith’s arm inside the dock bay. The raven-haired girl looked as she felt. Seemed everywhere she turned her eyes, blood had begun to be a mandatory accessory they all wore, and Rose’s skin had lost its brilliant lush, and her eyes were red-rimmed from ushered tears.

Finn must have asked her to check up on her.

“You have done more than enough, you need to sleep. You won’t be able to do any good in this state.”

“I’ll sleep later.” If she stopped, just for a second, that voice in her head would demand her to react to it. Of all she lost, of what she had succumbed to.

“I must say, I agree with Miss Tico. You do look dreadful.” A monotone voice filled in, as she glanced next to Rose, she saw the once golden C-3PO covered in dried brown stains and dirt that smothered the usual shine.

“Thank you for your concern but it is not necessary.”

“Ah, Leia was afraid you would say that, and she said if you did, she would – oh, dear - on quote, ‘I will come to knock her out myself’.”

There was something in the droid’s voice that made Rey’s lips quirk upwards in a small smile that did not reach her eyes.

“Of course, she did. Let me just at least…”

“Rey, go and rest.” Rose finished, not taking a no for an answer.

“I  _can’t!”_  The girl suddenly burst, her angry cry bouncing of the walls. They drew attention to themselves, and the few people that were still awake turned their heads towards them. Rose’s eyes widened at her harsh tone but stiffened when she saw the bottles of different medical properties, chairs and beds started to rattle. The volcano that had awoken inside Rey kept spitting its fire, urging for an outlet.

The scavenger exhaled quickly, visibly shaking, knowing it was because of her. It seemed with what had happened, combined with the lack of sleep and the emotional havoc inside her, she was losing control.

There was a reason why the scriptures warned of the temptations of the Dark Side and in her most desperate hour she had given in to it.... just like on Ahch-To.

It hadn’t even worked, she hadn’t been able to save- 

She was looking at her hands. Her palms were covered dried cracks of different shades of blood, some was stuck underneath her fingernails. 

It had all been for nothing. She had been so wrong.

“C-3PO, give us a moment.” Rose whispered to the droid as the vibrations around them finally subdued.

“But General Organa demanded that miss Rey-

“-I will take care of it. Please, leave.” Tico cut him off, and from the corner of Rey’s eye, she could imagine the stern look Rose must have given the droid for him to nod and walk away.

She kneeled next to Rey once they were alone.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

She looked at her sympathetic eyes, her naivety usually would brighten her day but now only angered her.

“You did more than anyone could have asked for. I know you have a lot on your shoulde-

\- You don’t know anything of what I have been through.” The brunette fired back. And her cold answer surprised her. It was not like her.

“I don’t?” Rose retorted, raising her eyebrows. She was not in the least bothered, but the flash of anguish was clear on her face with her next phrase, hugging her medallion to her chest.

“I lost my sister, friends and my parents to the Order.”

She took hold of Rey’s hands, and her body wanted to weep with the relief of having something so warm and kind hugging her freezing skin.

“But hope lives. You, Finn, Leia, Poe…you ARE that hope. Have you not seen what has happened here?”

“All I see is carnage.” Rey responded.

“And all I see is hope. In the darkest night, the dawn always breaks through. The sun always rises.”

When she didn’t give a reply, Tico pushed her lips together, and pressed on.

“People came to us for help, Rey. Because they believe in us, believe in the cause. They believe in you and Leia.”

But they didn’t know anything.

They did not know about her connection to Ben. They did not know the war that was a constant battle of wills inside her.

And the Bond…

…Had completely gone haywire ever since she lost the boy. But she hysterically shut off the connection it so relentlessly wanted. For the first time, she did not want to face him. And because she had unleashed that part within her, she had managed to concentrate enough willpower to not let it cement.

“Finn told me you were on that ship when we were.” Rose started carefully, staring at Rey for any hint of reaction, but the girl didn’t show any. She was too drained.

“That you faced the Supreme Leader and Kylo Ren.”

Rey looked straight ahead, her heart despite the exhaustion still could speed up at the mention of his name, and wild panic settled in her chest, knowing she would not like whatever point Rose was going to make. It hurled her back to that talk she had with Finn about him.

“That Kylo could be turned.” Rose’s voice turned soft and quiet to not risk anyone else hearing them. 

“Are you here to tell me that he is a monster like Finn?” Rey deadpanned, and the girl let out a hearty snort.

“As much as I love Finn, he is sometimes as tactless as a jawa trying to hug a bantha.” Rey felt a pull of her muscle twitch upwards.

“And you clearly don’t see him that way. That is all that matters really, because I trust your judgement.” Rose admitted with a small grin, and Rey was shocked by her answer.

In her tired state, her strong heartbeats started to shake her already weakened body, and that frenzy that was lodged in her chest made her already tired head spin.

“You believed he could be turned.”

Rey bit her lip, looking away and Rose’s mouth shaped a silent ‘O’.

“You care for him, don’t you?”

She felt the affectionate hand on her shoulder by the girl, fighting to remain impassive, but lost that battle with the comforting touch, and nodded, not trusting her voice.

“That is why you were on the ship.” Rose added.

“What happened?” She questioned softly.

“He didn’t turn.” Rey answered briskly, hoping she ended the conversation and got up on her feet, but Rose refused her to have the last say. “but you still care for him.”

“Rose, ple-

“You love-

“-Don’t!” Rey snapped, not wanting to hear it as she trying to sidetrack Rose, but the mechanic stepped in front of her, stopping her movements.

“You do…It all makes sense.” Tico continued slowly, like uncovering a great mystery, oblivious to Rey’s pleading look as she started to ramble hastily.

“Those longing stares when you thought nobody was looking. The fact you are barely eating. Barely sleep – don’t give me that look. Don’t you think we have been keeping an eye on you? At first, I thought it was because of Poe but then Finn told me that- 

“Rose…” Rey warned, not wanting to have this conversation.

“What happened?”

“You don’t understand.” She said through clenched teeth, her entire body straining tenfold. 

All she saw was the little boy, how he died, and it suffocated that small moment of true serenity she had shared with Ben. It clawed inside her, ripping her hope to shreds, replacing it with her own suffering of her deeds. It darkened her heart, and the astounding wish to believe Ben did not order this, swam with her own venom, clouding her judgement. 

And she was constantly angry. It was the only way for her to deal with any of this.

“Make me understand then.”

“What would you have me say?! I can’t explain this to myself. How can I ever try to make you understand?”

“By  _trying!_  We are your friends, we care about you. Finn is constantly worried about you. We all are.” She insisted, furiously swatting her black bangs away from her face.

Rey shook her head, fighting back the scream that lodged in her throat. “What difference does it make? He is there, and I am…here.” She sighed in a scratchy voice.

“That is not all that happened.” Rose said, locking her eyes to her, taking in her appearance and Rey could barely hold the mask of indifference on her face and right now, it felt like Rose could read her like an open book. Why of all times, did her friend insist to talk about this now?

“It doesn’t matter.” Rey repeated, and the growing desire to end this conversation became urgingly strong.

“Then it shouldn’t matter to tell me.”

“Look around you, Rose. Look at what happened here. The Order did this. This is the reason why it does not matter what I feel.” She yelled.

“Love knows no reason; it defies it.” Rose responded quietly.

“I’m not…” She sucked the inside of her cheek between her teeth, teasing the skin, closing her mouth before she would respond something foolhardy. 

“Does he feel the same?” Her friend pushed brashly. Somehow Rey was continuously stunned that Rose talked about Kylo like he was like any other person. That he was not the Supreme Leader. She knew Rose held no love for the Order, and what it stood for, and she ought to hate and question Rey for her loyalty to the Resistance and her very sanity when admitting with a nod that she did care for Ben. Instead she seemed…hopeful. And that alone was baffling.

And if she was stunned before, she froze completely at her question, unwanted flush heating her cheeks, glowing through the dirt and blood by the girl’s constant prodding. And memories of Ben swirled before her and the expression on her face was all Rose needed. 

“He does…” Rose answered slowly, her eyes almost bulging from their sockets.

Something inside Rey snapped like a twig. Everything that had happened during the night now fully starting to consume her.

Nova, the kid…and all the others that died during the bitter chill of night.

But the child…marked her the most, and to have Rose trying to make her confess her feelings for _him_  was just too much for her mind to handle. Her heart could not allow to be further tested. Whenever the cracks started to heal, something always happened that made the wound etch deeper.

The truth of her parents, losing Han, losing Luke…and Ben choosing to stay when he should had left with her.

“It doesn’t matter. If he does or not.” She exclaimed, and Rose looked at her, sadness etching inside her tired eyes.

“And why are you trying so hard?” The scavenger asked, her hands folded across her chest. 

“How can you try to turn this into something good when you see what has happened here?” Rey whispered sadly, her voice breaking.

“Because I have to believe that good can win! And from the intel we have received, Kylo Ren was not present on any of the planets that the First Order attacked!”

“Doesn’t mean he did not order it.”

And there it was. The strong fear she didn’t want to give a voice to. Because of what it would mean if he had. What she had been telling herself this entire night that she should have sensed if he had such motives, but she could not trust her own feelings – not when she was infected with so much of her own torment.

“Do you believe he did?”

“He  _is_  the Supreme Leader.” She answered somberly.

He killed Snoke. For  _her_. The intimacy that followed, the kisses, the talking. To come to this. How could she had been so naïve?

 As soon as she said those words, the prickling heat inside her chest twisted into a hard ball, knowing it was not that simple. She had to face Ben, she had to talk to him, to know the truth before…making her choice.

But she could not do this with Rose anymore.

“I can’t, Rose. I can’t talk about this.” She murmured quietly, feeling her throat constrict painfully as the cot of angst wanted to burst, and this time Rose didn’t try to stand in her way.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just really wanted to thank my lovely and reylo bestie Bianca for being such a frikking huge support to me in this story and especially this chapter. I think she had to read the chapter like 11 times, poor thing) and to be a solid rock for me to cling onto when I feel so insecure. And if you have not read her story; DOO IIT! It’s called The Galaxy Is Ours and available on both AO3, and ffnet. Without her, I would not have the courage to even post this.
> 
> This entire chapter was way out of my comfort zone. Writing gory bits, and so much misery and death was a challenge in itself, and I hope it felt real. And I rewrote this chapter like 20 times…and was just about to give up on it :p And I did soooo much research regarding Force healing/dark transfer when writing this chapter, and then doublechecked it. Also one of the reasons why this had to be rewritten.
> 
> Thanks to everyone for the huge support I have gotten for this fic, you can’t imagine how much it all means to me, and sorry for the slow update. This chapter was the toughest one yet (seems I say that with every update, lol), and bit too much for me to even to write. I had to walk away so many times from it because I got too emotional. But hey, longest chapter yet. Almost 16 pages!
> 
> Also hope people did like the small tribute to Anakin in this chapter :)
> 
> Until next time.


	15. Opposing Tides

Rey could barely walk a straight line back to the Falcon. The trees blurred in front of her, and her muscles burned from the lack of sleep. The harsh sunlight almost blinded her eyes, and her first inhale of the fresh air was like drinking the coldest water on the hottest day. She could still hear the screams.

Being alone was probably the best solution for everyone. Her anger bounced off in turbulent waves, and she could barely keep it under control. Underneath it, there was a lingering temptation to see how far she could go with her powers. And that alone told her that she really needed sleep.

Most of all, she needed a shower. The essence of death was sprayed all over her body, ingrained in her clothes. She would have to burn them; the blood would never come off it. Her bare skin was itching from all it was exposed to. The red marks and the dried stains a taunting reminder of her failure.

She just wished she could just shed her skin, and somewhat free her body from the remembrance.

The boy’s face was permanently imprinted in her brain. All she saw was his face, and it made that anger spike in a millisecond. His faint whispers thrumming in the back of her head.

If she had been stronger, if she had not been so afraid, she could have saved him, and so many more.

She failed because she doubted herself. She failed because she was afraid. Most of all she failed _them._

With a little sigh, she emerged from the forest saw the Falcon in the clearing, with the ramp down – just like she left it. Which the porgs had taken total advantage of – oblivious the horrors that just lay beyond the ship as they scuttered around, building more nests and playing with each other.

She stopped for a little while, leaning against a tree, simply staring at the famous ship and the small creatures surrounding it.

Not for one second did she imagine…this would be her fate when she first boarded the _Falcon_ – that it would alter her life forever.

If she had just sold BB-8, she would not have been here.

_No! I am **not** my parents…_

_But if I had just…_

_But then I would never have met Finn…_

_Never met Han…Poe, Rose…Leia._

_Never met Ben…_

_But Han died because of me. Because he wanted to rescue me!_

_He died because of…_

_He would never have died if I had not left…_

Everything around her seemed to want to swallow her whole, and she was not able to make her legs move. They were shaking, and she almost crumbled under her own weight.

Once more that tantalizing desire passed through her like a wild flame. The burning fire wanted to succumb the guilt inside her core. She could almost feel how easy it would be. How easy it would be to _use_ it.

She felt a shift in the Force behind her that managed to momentarily lessen the agitation building within her.

“Hello, Rey.” Her eyes widened, her body despite its current state, tensing as a crawl of familiarity tingled across her back.  
  
_That voice_ …. she recognized it from the _Falcon_.

Using the wooden bark against her body as an anchor to steady herself, she turned around, and once more she was stunned, rubbing her heavy eyelids to sharpen her sight, thinking it first to be an illusion.

She had no idea what she would expect. This was not it, for certain. For one split second she thought it was Ben and held back a gasp.

But it wasn’t.

What was he?

He was shimmering a translucent blue color that illuminated around his body. Her eyes quickly inspected his face, and clothes. Almost the same scar…almost in the same place as Ben. She recognized that wavy, wild hair, although a much lighter color. It was hard to determine with the strong blue aura around him.

A ghost?

He was clad in a simple brown robe with a white vest, and maroon pants underneath – reminding her of the one Luke wore on Ahch-To when she first met him, and his hands clasped together in front of him.

She felt like she knew him, but that was impossible, and he chuckled as if reading her thoughts.

“Don’t be afraid.”

“What are you?” She asked, still shocked by the presence in front of her.  
  
He cocked an eyebrow amusingly, “Well, I _was_ an exceptionally gifted young man with an excellent sense of dramatic timing, always got myself into trouble, but that is something that seems to run in the family.”

She pursed her lips together, and he continued in a bit more serious tone, the smile on his lips drifted. “Your anger could be heard from across the galaxy.”

Rey pushed herself from the tree, taking a defensive stance, and squinted her eyes at him, “who are you?”

 

* * *

 

 

Same time a ghost from the past visited Rey so did the memories from Ben’s overwhelm him.

Ever since her visit, it had torn the veil between his dreams and memories to his awakened state, and it completely unbalanced him. He had wished to keep them buried in the past but being shaken awake the way he had been, it was not working.

And now…he had begun to see Rey in his dreams too.  
  
Sitting in a hut, in front of a burning furnace with _his,_ belonging to his grandfather's and Luke's broken lightsaber, hovering in the air.

There was someone else there with her, and whispers. Hard to hear but it felt like it was his own voice…But the image never lasted long before the dream always shifted before he could dissect the contents.

Kylo was overlooking the skyline of Coruscant. The constant traffic was passing by the huge glass decorated windows from his throne room, the spires looming over the megacity. The rays of the sun started to bask the ashen colored room in what one would deem a joyous light, and the dark shadows around him became smaller.

The Knights stood at their designated spots, forming a half circle from the huge doors – acting as his Royal guard without the red attire that usually decorated such a standing.

Red was a formal color but not a practical one.

The hours he spent since she left him this night had been most of the bizarre experiences he had gone through.

 _Ben…_ Her voice…had acted like his beckoning light in the black abyss he had been in. But then to be awoken in his most fragile state, he knew he had been the ultimate prey for both the Bond and her.

She had been so close but so far away at the same time. In a position he had only imagined in his wildest dreams. A position she had been willingly in, when he had lashed out on pure instinct as he woke up. She would never let herself be trapped underneath him in that way if she had not felt his memories or nightmares flow through her.

And he could never anticipate how she would have felt beneath him. He had not been able to contain the torrent that ravaged his insides when that _twitch_ erupted in heat beneath his navel, churning through every nerve in his system when she had wriggled below him. It had taken every ounce of his already weak mind to compose himself even if his body had not.

He had not been prepared…for how much he wanted her. _All_ of her.

She had been so…different.

Her every emotion came crashing upon him that both confused and intrigued him.

Pity…no, not pity…something else.

Empathy…compassion?

Could it be?

_You have compassion for her._

Snoke knew. Snoke _always_ knew.

And then she was gone. Again. Like always. Taking a piece of his soul with her as she disappeared.

This could not go on…He could not do this anymore and be ripped from her like this at every turn just when he was regaining some sense of self. And yet he could not go to her because of his duties. It felt like he had his one feet on solid ground while the other was sinking in quicksand.

It had been impossible to sleep after that. And he needed an outlet. He had been training with his Knights for hours to utilize his focus once more. Gaining some control over himself.

During the training, a memory formed before him, the veil that had been ripped was desperate to maintain its hold over him, and it took him back to his very first lesson.

_He was crying. He shouldn’t, but he was. Watching his mother leave with the cruiser, seeing it turn into a little black dot on the horizon. It felt like she was holding his heart and for each second that passed, it tore it apart until he could no longer see her ship._

_He wiped his tears away, his back stubbornly turned to his uncle. He heard him approach and put a comforting hand on the boy’s shoulder._

**_Mom, come back…please…_** _He thought desperately._  
  
_“Ben. Come with me.” His uncle’s voice deep voice called out to him, but Ben didn’t want to go. He wanted his mom. She left him here, and he had no idea when he would see her again. If he ever would. His uncle would not understand. He had been alone so many times, but to know this would be the final time shook him deeper than anything else had._

_Another voice, like a whisper in the wind came through to him, like it had since the first time he displayed his power at such a young age._

**_I sense fear and anger in you, young child. You should do well to learn that sentiment, affection is fickle and dangerous._ **

**_No…She loves me._ **

**_Does she?_ **

_Another raw splitting jerk passed in his heart as a new wave of unushered tears threatened to spill from his eyes, and he knuckled his fists together. He felt the Force vibrate around him, as the small rocks on the ground started to resonate, and he knew it came from him. Like it had done before._

_He would never forget the first time he accidentally had thrown his father against the wall in their kitchen. Ben had just wanted him to stay, but he never did, and that time, he lashed out. His dad never understood, never cared to see why he was so upset with him. He left so many times on the Falcon, not knowing what it did to his son._

_As the vibration grew, another force shifted through, instantly ending the tremor and Ben stumbled by the impact. He finally turned, seeing the elder eyes of his uncle staring at him with a pensive look as he had just slammed the boy’s powers to the ground. He had fine aging lines in his face, and the thick brown beard seemed to twitch as he continued to inspect his nephew._

_“The pain will fade.” He crouched on his knees, coming slightly below the height of Ben. He was quite tall for his age._

**_You are destined for great things; the pain will make you stronger…_ **

_“She didn’t leave you here to cause you pain. She did it because she loves you. Because you need to learn the ways of the Force.” Luke was not telling the entire story, but Ben knew this was not the sole reason. His mother knew about the voice in his head. The fleeting shadow of a whisper._

_Ben’s brown eyes met Luke’s. “Dad left too.” He knew it must be because of him, of his prowess to anger, where he could not control the powers he had._

**_It will shape you into a weapon of untamed fury…_**  
  
_Something skimmed in those blue orbs, “not because of you. Never because of you.”_

_“But they both left me. Because they are afraid of me.” He persisted, and Luke stood up._

_“Come with me.”_

_Ben hesitantly followed his uncle. The sun lowered its rays in the sky, the heaven glittering in the twilight hours, the faded pink casting a soothing embrace. If not so torn up from feeling so alone, the raven-haired boy might have even appreciated it._

_It was oddly peaceful, only his own misery seemed to shake the very foundations of the forest around them. Luke felt it, keeping it at its leach. Soft mists seemed swirl around them, the soft mossy ground felt like pillows beneath their boots among the pine branches. The rich smell from the forest filled his senses as he followed Luke._

_“What do you feel?” He asked, when they emerged on the open field and Ben frowned. What kind of question was that?_

_He didn’t answer, and Luke turned around._

_“Everything is connected to the Force. It exists in all of us, passes through us. If you would reach out-_

_Luke face turned still, filled with concentration, and Ben’s eyes widened at the calming warmth settling inside him, put there by his uncle, and he felt it. The roots of the trees, wings of a flapping bird swooshing nearby before landing in its nest where it comforted her babies, the waves of the water, and the gentle breeze of the wind._

_“It’s bigger then all of us, Ben.” Luke continued, that deep voice seemed to drop an octave, as he saw how Ben let everything Luke was trying to show enter his mind._

**_Your power is what they will come to fear_ ** _…_

_“The Force is strong in our family. If you learn to-_

“Enough…” He whispered to himself, not loud enough for his knights to hear him, feeling his already cracked sanity crumbling further.

Family…

Meditation was used to find peace, balance. But Luke was wrong. Meditation for Kylo was used to sharpen his focus, harness his anger which fueled his powers. But without the pain and inflicted with the absolute havoc Rey left him with, it was difficult. So, he trained, welcoming the fight, because it was there his connection to the Force strengthened, the anger quelled his confusion that made his resolve stronger with each strike of his lightsaber.

He became singular, drawing upon the energies from his Knights temporary freeing him from his memories and his desire for the girl.

It was here where his clarity took its ultimate form. The very existence of the Force dictated his powers, and it was crystal clear how order worked. The stronger the Force was with you, the stronger your domination was over others. And Kylo made sure his surpassed.

Existence without proper rule was disarray, chaos, confusion. The first steps had been taken to reform his new Order. Luke had once said that peaceful coexistence, and harmony was the way to create balance and never using the Force for selfish needs. A foolish way. A way he himself betrayed when trying to kill him.

The Force with its raw power that sang through Kylo demanded that his rule was not the approach of the Jedi that Luke taught him but through submission from the weak with a strong firm hand to lead them all.

This was the only way.

He would bring peace, by imposing order, ending corruption, the terrorism, and he will rule. Just as his grandfather.

_And where is that new beginning, Ben? When we are all dead? When your mother is dead? When there is no one that can oppose to the tyranny of the First Order?_

His eyes widened, watching the sun rise on the horizon as the pink rays turned into a warmer yellow glow, not prepared for her words to sink into him once more. That meeting that made him question himself, almost to the turning point.

Tyranny…

Rey…would see, she would come to see what he wanted was the only way the galaxy would function.

Amid the training, there were waves of anguish, desperation and crying that entered relentlessly in him, only to disappear as quickly as it came. But he knew what it was, or who it was.

Rey.

Something was wrong.

The Bond had been quiet. Too quiet except for milliseconds of her torment that passed through him.

FN-2187 had come to her in such a frenzy. What if something…

No, he would feel if she had been in trouble. He was sure of this. What he felt was her emotions, not physical harm. But something was terribly wrong with her, and his own distress for her rendered his training moot when his resolve turned into a growing concern for her.

He was not himself. And he was just waiting for some sign to feel the Bond, even trying to reach out to her but it had been useless. Something was blocking it. It was there, he felt it like an invincible wall he was unable to push through.

Kylo was waiting for another update from Hux, trying to distract himself. In their last debriefing he had been informed that they had successfully eradicated the pirates, and criminal activity in two systems with minimal casualties, and was now awaiting to establish overseers from Kylo’s choosing from his military over said systems.

He also received word that Phasma had recovered well and was on Hux’s ship. He didn’t object, but a disturbance from the Force settled in his chest, knowing the close relationship between Hux and Phasma. He would have to monitor that. But Phasma was loyal to their cause, and ultimately to Kylo. How she had escaped Starkiller base proved just how far she was willing to go to return to the Order. He had no reason to distrust her. Yet.

There were things that had to be done. Laws needed to be reinforced, communication with the new overseers, inspecting the new vessels that were being constructed on the spaceport hovering above Coruscant. _Supremacy_ was now fully repaired, and he would prefer to make it his home despite the memories. He would rather be there than in the city, surrounded by the never-ending traffic and busy activities in Coruscant. He missed being in space.

The huge oval shaped doors opened, a loud resonating sound echoing across the walls and Kylo slowly turned his head and saw his Knights standing straighter, almost in an attack position, their hands ready at their weapons as one elderly male human nervously entered the room.

His own advisor for Coruscant – Orica Hemz. The old man’s white, thick moustache jerked, as he kept massaging his own hands before standing before Kylo, giving a formal bow. His decorated robes made tinkling noises as the pearls caught the sun, reflecting the light across the room. His appearance held the same arrogance as the old politicians and senators did and it disgusted Kylo. But he let him wear it all the same. Orica Hemz had lived here his entire life, deeply involved in the politics and trade for the longer part of it. And he was loyal – somehow escaping the claws of the bribery and backstabbing.

Ren waved his one hand, and the Knights fell in quiet submission to their relaxed stance, and the advisor nervously looked at their intimidating masks and black armors.

“Supreme Leader.” He greeted and Kylo felt his sweat stained attire from his training which fouled his temper further not particular in the mood for this kind of meeting. But it was scheduled, and he was still awaiting a status report from Hux.

“Advisor.”

“I will not take much of your time. But as your advisor, I must implore that the trade that…have been suspended when you, _rightfully so_ , ended the control the senators had.” He stressed out as Kylo stood perfectly still, his impassive gaze stressing Orica.

“The food trade suffered greatly both here and on the farming planets as a result when no one else picked up the communication, until your rule was fully established. And there are rising riots in the lower levels of Coruscant that…do not agree with the current circumstances. And there is also the spice trade from Rylot-  
  
-That is what you are here for, is it not?”

The green eyes in Hemz birthed fear at Ren’s clipped tone, “of course.”  
  
Kylo quickly realized he did not have the time nor patience to deal with the small matters when he had people loyal to him that could. He had meant every word he had said when he returned to Coruscant from Byss, that he was the sole ruler. But he needed people underneath him, and overseers directly from the Order to keep utter control.

“Orica Hemz. You were appointed as my advisor. With that position comes the resolve of trade and to handle every nuisance; ensuring the loyalty of the citizens. Ensuring that those loyal are well fed, and that economy flows as it should without the influence of crime lords that had the upper hand far too long. Are you telling me I misplaced my trust in you? Because that would be most worrisome.” His cold tone carried strongly throughout the room.

Orica blanched, and shook his head furiously. “No, of course not. Supreme Leader.”

“I just need to be sure.” He rose his hand, almost making a pinching gesture with his fingers as he probed the Orica’s mind, searching for any doubt or disloyalty. The advisor did not resist the intrusion to his memories and feelings, and Kylo was done a moment later, satisfied with what he saw. The male slumped forward, his palms resting against the table from the small sudden physical discomfort he had experienced. With willing minds, probing was easy.

The intercom on the round table chimed, and Ren approached it, standing next to Orica, pressing a few buttons and saw that the security code was from _Tora_ – the Star Destroyer Hux commandeered.

Transmission begun a moment after and Kylo Ren saw the familiar figure of Armitage appear before his eyes.

“Supreme Leader.”  
  
“General.”  
  
“I bring news of utter importance.”  
  
“Speak.”  
  
“We found the Resistance. It seems they established main base in the Dominus sector, on Ruac and spread minor bases across the Rims. They will be easily taken care off once their leaders perish. We have enough Star Destroyers, TIE fighters, and armed forces to end it quickly and prevent any escape.”  
  
Kylo hands were stressed with sweat as he clasped them behind his back. He had to remain impassive while the turmoil inside him was about to break loose, a million thoughts racing through his mind.

He found them.

He had never ordered Hux to actively find them, but nor had he forbidden him either. He couldn’t without arising suspicion. He just never thought he would manage too when he had directed his focus to something else.

He had underestimated his resolve. Too wrapped in his own thoughts and confliction, he had let Hux own desires slip between his fingers.

Kylo stared dispassionately into the blue hologram, waiting for the General to continue.

“Some escaped when we rooted out the criminals and scoundrels that infested the planets. They were tracked and led us right to them.” Even through the transparent figure, Kylo could clearly see that Hux barely kept the smirk from rising on his lips – evidently proud of his achievement.

Rey…he had found Rey…his mother…

“With your permission, we are ready to snuff out the last embers from a failing fire that is the pathetic Resistance. It has been long overdue.”

The news should make him excited. Happy even. This was the final piece. When the main base would be exterminated, the last flickers of hope would subdue. There would be no one left to question the First Order. He could finally execute his revenge on the traitor, the Commander – the very image of Poe Dameron made the tightened grip on his hands clutch even further…and capture his mother and Rey.

He could finally have her with him…make her see.

Still…

Rey would never forgive him if he killed them. She would never join him if he did this. And he could not bear to have her hate him as she once had.

_Had the father killed the son, the empire would have prevailed. And there would be no threat of Skywalker’s return today._

He was taken back about the teaching Snoke tried to pass on to him. About sentiment. The dangers of emotion. How one crucial moment of affection could ruin an entire empire. And just how he was about to break what he learned, what he had been continuously breaking since meeting Rey. What he couldn’t break with own father.

“No.” The words slipped out before he had time to contemplate his next move.

Armitage rose a shocked eyebrow on his forehead.  
  
“The Resistance will be wiped out by my hand. Certainly not by you, Hux. The matter is personal.”  
  
“But, Supreme Leader. We have them in our grasp. If we stall any longer, they will scatter like the rats they are.”

 _Exactly._  
  
“And you failed, Hux. By letting some escape to them, you have already diminished our strength.”

He could have sworn he saw Armitage’s already pasty face turned a shade whiter.

“Supreme Leader, I must -

“You must what, General?” Kylo’s voice was icy calm and cold, and Hux had to everything in his power to not retort and Ren withheld the urge to sneer.

“Are they alerted by your presence?”  
  
“No. Things have been quiet planetside. We have scrambled their scanners, so we can pass without detection. For the moment.”  
  
“Do not engage in _any_ combat until my arrival.”

“You…. are coming here?” He asked in disbelief.

_I must…it is the only way to stall them._

_Rey…I have to talk to Rey…warn her. Make them leave._

It all made sense.

Why the traitor had visited her, why he had heard that heart wrenching cry when the Bond had slammed in his face. There had to be wounded aboard those ships. And knowing Rey…she would do anything to save anyone. And those waves that had almost shattered him during the night must be when she failed to do so.

Criminals, pirates and scum…people had escaped to the Resistance who idiotically welcomed them with open arms, giving up their secret position, and made it easy for Hux to find them. Of course, he would not let an opportunity like this pass.

Kylo shifted on his feet, his word laced with venom. “We will tear this disloyalty to the Order and let it wither and die for everyone to see what happens when people continuously defies us. We must set the example, inspire fear to not let another rebellion rise in its wake. What better way to do this if not by the hand of the Supreme Leader himself?”  
  
He could almost hear the angry noise in the back of the general’s throat that he managed to still his tongue. “Of course, I was foolish to think otherwise.”

“Until my arrival then.”

With a twitch in his eyes, and something between a smile and a snarl appeared on Armitage’s lips, he ended the conversation. “Until your arrival, Supreme Leader.”  
  
Kylo shut the intercom, padding furiously to alert the captain onboard the Supremacy who was not expecting this call. Seems this day was full of surprises.

“Supreme Leader.” He greeted hastily.

“Captain, have _Supremacy_ ready to depart within the hour. Set the coordinates to the Dominus sector.”

“W-Yes, of course, sir.”

“I trust everything is prepared?”

“I assure you it will be.”

He turned his head to his advisor that stood perfectly still as the hologram faded, “During my absence, I will leave two of my Knights with you to make sure you do not overstep your position. You will report to me of all matters, advisor Orica.”

Hemz blanched – hearing the tales of the senators Kylo utterly so despised and how it had ended for the few remaining ones Snoke had let live. Failure was not an option.

“Of course, Supreme Leader.”

“Now, leave.” The advisor bowed and hurried out the doors leaving him alone with his Knights.

“Master…” Monk spoke first, gripping his long staff, his amplified voice reminding the one Kylo used to speak with. He approached his tense form along with the other five of them, his cape casting a menacing shadow across his mask, and it looked like death itself stared at him. Their black armors, adorned with the chrome plates, and the silver linings across their intimidating masks shone from the sun that had risen higher on the sky.

“Something is troubling you.” Sentinel filled in, his vocoder making him sound dark and robotic. The blaster gun hanging by his chest almost blinded Ren’s eyes when the rays from the sky reflected upon it as he twirled his pike staff in his hand – the red fractured crystal humming inside its sheeted core, and the different types of vibro blades each of them had seemed to fall in chorus. He wore the heaviest armor of them all, and it rustled as he walked. He wore such plates because of his allure to be in the deep of battle, enjoying the pain the custom made armor would cause as it protected him with electrical current that absorbed enemy fire. To a limit.

Sniper tilted his head, and Kylo could almost see his own reflection in his black lenses when he turned around, the big sniper rifle hanging in its holster at his back made a metallic noise. “You do not agree with this.”

Kylo could almost forget at times that as attuned he was with his soldiers, so were they with him when he let his guard down.

“Is this not what you wanted?” The familiar female voiced filled in as Rogue came to stand next to her brother, Sniper. He not thought of the family bond the two of them shared until the memories swirled inside his head, reminding him.

“For it all to end?” Bulwark added, also his helmet was like the one Ren use to wear, but with spikes expanding at his cheeks. The black boots made a scrunching noise as he walked and wore a braided heavy cloak that covered most of his front. He was the broadest of them all, and almost as tall as Kylo.

“To start anew?” Scythe finished, getting his name for his preferred choice of weapon, the broad vibro sickle singing to its master as it hung over his shoulder, as the sheeted saber at his waist shone when another reflection lit it up. His cloak was the same as Monk’s, and so was his mask. All their names were based on their separate skillsets that worked to their different fighting techniques, and thus they had named themselves after it, leaving their birthnames behind.

Kylo shielded his thoughts, and while he held his Knights in high regard, it was never to the level he would share his secrets.

Rey had to be protected.

Kylo refrained himself to answer their question. “Monk, Sentinel. You two will stay with the advisor. Do not let him out of your sight. Go.”  
  
The Knights shared a look through the masks, as the two he mentioned bowed, pounding balled fists to their chest, the clang resonating in the huge circular room. “Of course, Master.” And both left the room.

He felt the Bond tingle in the back of his neck, and stubbornly pressed down the instinctually joy that made his heart leap to know…she was alright, and he would be able to warn her. If they evacuated now, they could be gone before his ship made it to the system.

“Head to _Supremacy_. I will meet you there. Leave.” He ordered the remaining four, and without hesitation they did.

The doors resonated loudly as the Knights left, and he was all alone.

He forgot to breathe as the familiar energy around him wailed, frizzling the air around them.

His eyes searched for her, like it was the only thing in the entire universe worth looking for and when he found her, he was stunned.

She froze, feeling his presence behind her and turned her head, and he had no words to express the strong emotions that flew through him to see her after worrying about her the entire night. His gaze wild and frantic, heavy with concern as he took in her appearance, searching for wounds as he instinctively walked towards her.

He didn’t even stop to think the surroundings that shaped around Rey. The Falcon. In the worn-down lounge.

Had Hux-

No, it would have been too quick.

“It’s not mine. I’m not hurt.” She told him, feeling his worry for her, taking one step back as he halted his approach, and their eyes found each other.

He remembered how she had been underneath him mere hours before, how she had felt towards him. It was all gone now, replaced with something else.

She looked so tired, exhausted even. Her clothes splattered with dried stains of different shades of blood that showed on her face, hands and even in her hair. Her usual glistening tresses was a mess of matted straight locks.

But what worried him the most was her eyes. Gone was the vibrant spark full of life, instead he only saw grief inside in them, as she stared at him.

“Just tell me the truth. Did you do this? Did you order this?”

“I have never lied to you before, Rey.”

“Then tell me.” There was a raw desperation in her tone and it hurt to know he would not be able to provide the comfort she needed. He was the cause of it.

“Tell me you didn’t do this. Tell me you didn’t order your people to kill innocents.” The pleading made him feel anew with a static charge of stress.

Innocents? She considered bounty hunters, pirates, criminals innocent? The question alarmed him, making him doubt of the clarity he had gained. How could she, after all she had seen and been through on Jakku not see this was a necessary cause?

But the hurt in her tone made his mouth twitch and for some reason he didn’t reply which only infuriated her.

The silence was her answer. She shook her head, as if in denial – denial about what he confirmed, denial because what it would it say about her feelings towards him, about _her_ , or denial because she didn’t want to be wrong about her belief in him.

And he felt it all. And slowly but surely, unwanted guilt creeped up his spine.

Her breaths were quick and shallow, her eyes turning hard and cold as she faced him. Her lips, dry and cracked thinning into a grim line, and she harnessed all that agony and despair into anger.

“How could you?”

“How could I what?” He took another step towards her, as she started to tremble. From tension or from his approach was hard to say. He was close now, almost close enough to touch as she did not budge from her position against the wall, staring defiantly at him.

“You know what you did! Don’t you dare stand there and act like you don’t!” She fired back. Despite her worn-out state, a new wave of anger channeled through her emotions that renewed her energy.

“Tell me, was it worth it?! To have this much death on your hands? Does it make you feel complete? Happy?”

It was no more then what the clan leaders, and scoundrels had on theirs. Why was she this upset about this?

“Just how far will the _great_ Supreme Leader go?” She asked, unable to hold back the contempt when he remained quiet. “Will you never be satisfied until everyone bends under your rule?”

He almost sneered then. “Don’t forget that I could have ended your pathetic Resistance long ago!”

“You are tearing the galaxy apart!”

_Tearing?_

“I have never hidden my goals from you, Rey.”

“No, I was just too naïve to believe you would not continue down this path.” She answered and asked him in a quiet tone. “Why are you doing this? I don’t…understand. Make me understand.”

He was getting aggravated, was it not obvious?

“Because the Republic didn’t work; the Empire didn’t work. Everything always fell into chaos! Don’t you see that? No more. The galaxy needs a firm hand to restore order! To restore peace!”

“Don’t you dare to talk to me about peace!” She responded heatedly.

“I never gave up that you would find your way back to m-…to us. But if you have no regret in what you have done…” Her entire body seemed to shrink together, her face crestfallen and her eyes reeked of guilt and disappointment as her mouth formed words that if he had not paid attention to her, he would have missed it.

But he heard the whisper all the same, _then you truly are lost._

The words stung more than it should.

The anger that spiked from her was unlike anything he had felt before as she staggered from the lack of sleep was taking its toll on her and the ever-present fury she tried to suppress was something he was familiar with.

After all, it was always in him.

Anger, fear, conflict, darkness.

“How is killing civilians, killing children a way to restore peace?! Innocents that have no part in this damn war!”

Hearing her voice turn dark and bitter was like a kick to his stomach, punching the air out of him.

_Civilians? Children?_

He never ordered deaths of civilians or children. He had before, when wanting so fully commit to the Dark Side, when the pull to the Light had started to whisper to him. But not now, deeming it unnecessary, just like he had with obliterating the Hosnian system. He was not-

Thoughts ratcheted in his brain, with both confusion and frustration to suddenly become abundantly clear. And he remembered what Snoke told him.

_You wonder why I keep a rabid cur in such a place of power?_

It dawned on him, his mind worked at a blazing speed, and as he connected all the dots, that swell of rage overtook him momentarily.

Hux.

It had not only been pirates that sought refuge at the Resistance. That would have been too easy. For the Resistance to welcome them in their midst…there had to be civilian casualty, and people in need of medical attention. Children…

Hux had been more liberate with how his orders were supposed to be handled. And Kylo knew without hesitation it had been on purpose. To test him.

Again.

His entire body seemed to clench together from the fury he had to contain. And for a second all he saw was red.

He would deal with Hux later.

She was studying him; the flaring of his nostrils, the twitch in his mouth, how his entire jaw set like stone.

She had felt it. He knew it.

“You didn’t know.” She breathed in relief.

He didn’t want to admit it. It made him look weak. If he could not control his General, what did that say about him? Rey may have found solace to know he was not the one that issued the command, but he did not share it.

“It doesn’t matter.”

She didn’t believe him.

“Tell me that seeing this makes you happy. That it makes you feel like you have found everything you have wanted, and I will stop, okay? If I can’t convince you that this is wrong, then nothing will. I want you to find yourself because I feel everything you do, and I know deep down that this isn’t you, and most importantly, you know it.”

 “I can’t.” He admitted through gritted teeth. How could she not grasp that his entire world had turned upside down ever since he met her?! That everything he had known, everything he had been taught was left in ruins that even he could no longer decipher?

“Why?”

It came as series of incoherent whispers. Violent, painful images and sounds.

Seeing Han Solo at the bridge. Echoes of his voice drummed in his skull. When Kylo knew what he had to do to fulfill his destiny.

_The face of my son._

_Your son is gone. He was weak and foolish like his father._

He blinked, looking at Rey and the response came quick before he could protect his impulsive thoughts.

“Because then it has all been for nothing! Everything I have done, everyone I have killed has been for nothing!”

_My father…then I killed him for nothing._

_And how do I face that?_

His death would be without purpose. And he had buried himself to far too deep in that cold, hostile well to ever be able to climb out of it. He couldn’t…he wouldn’t. To face what he had done was for nothing….it was too late, echoing the words he told his father.

_It's too late._

_No, it's not. Leave here with me. Come home. We miss you._

_His ignited blade might as well have gone through him as it did his father. Seeing his face, feeling his hand on his cheek split his soul to the bone._

_Then Rey’s screams, feeling her hatred towards him magnified._

_You’re a monster._

He took a deep breath in attempt to shut down his thoughts, feeling her small hand upon his gloved one.

She was the one that stood in front of him so close now, and ultimately too tempting. Despite how she looked with her clothes and dirt, she was always the light. His light.

And again, that wave of understanding, compassion soared from her and into him.

He didn’t deserve it. What he thought was clear before, became embarrassingly unbalanced around her. As her feelings gut him, he felt that tantalizing pull. The pull he always fought, the pull that he could not go back to. The Light.

He would never be forgiven for his actions, and to turn back to the Light would make him lose the life he was currently living – if you could call it living when always stuck in a hurricane, without another life to follow. Rey, perhaps even his mother could forgive him, but no one else would. Rightfully so.  
  
How could anyone forgive him, when he could not do it himself?

“What happened?” He asked, trying to hold some composure, wanting more information, wishing to quieten the disturbing thoughts that stirred.  
  
She had not been telling him everything. Something else happened this night that affected her so deeply. He had felt her strong misery in short waves throughout the night, and he was sure there was a bigger reason for it.

And she begun to talk. The more she talked, the angrier he got with both himself and Hux.

“I never seen so much death…” She whispered, reaching the worst part of the horrible events she had witnessed. “A boy died in my arms, Ben.” Tears begun to gather in his eyes, and all he wished was to ease her suffering.

She looked down on her hands, involuntarily shaking as her mouth contorted into a pained grimace.

“A boy…” She repeated in a quivering whisper as she tried to hold back her tears, and right there he felt his heart break.

He raised his hand slowly towards hers, wanting her to stop trembling, but she shook her head, “Don’t…I can’t...”

But he felt what she wanted. What she needed. And how she tried to remain strong because she shouldn’t.

“He died, and I could not save him.” She choked out and her crippled body that screamed for rest could no longer support the emotional or physical stress she had been through and her legs quaked.

He did not even think about what he was doing but he caught her into his arms when he felt her shatter before him. Physical contact had never come easy for him, but with her…everything was different with her.

Her face was buried at his chest and she let him hold her, too tired to fight him, too tired to deny herself what she wanted. The brave front she had shown did not seem as important as before when feeling his warmth soothe her fractured soul, taking comfort in the little way he could provide. She completely broke down, and he knew she was witnessing it all over again.

No words were needed and just having her smaller frame tight against his was what she needed. She clutched her hands around his waist, digging her fingers into the fabric, as if she could draw his body closer to hers as she held onto him so tightly, crying, unable to contain her raw grief against his thick tunic.

His one hand held the small of her back, rubbing small circles, as the other made its way through her lifeless hair and his chin rested upon it. His arms managed to cocoon her shaking frame to his, and it could almost make him smile, to know she felt safe in his embrace if the situation had not been so twisted.

“I couldn’t save him.” She repeated.

He felt it all, like he had been transported back in time to be there with her during one of the most horrific experience she ever had in her life.

Hux. Will. Pay.

He had to control the violent thoughts he held towards Armitage. Right now, in this moment it didn’t matter. Rey was all that he could focus on.

“Why couldn’t I help him? I thought the Force- I _felt_ it but nothing worked.”

He knew this, as another moment of clarity made itself known when searching her feelings, puzzling together with the small waves of her emotions he had felt during the night.  
  
“You tried to draw upon your feelings….in the deepest part of you.” He finished, knowing why the darkness was so profound in her.

But she lacked understanding, and control in what she had been doing. While she had gathered some knowledge from him when she entered his mind at Starkiller base, from the books, and from Luke…effectively harnessing it when in combat for her life or mind.

This had been a different experience when she had been desperate and driven by passion. But she hadn’t be able to hold her focus. Lost between Light and Dark, unable to anchor it. He could help her.

He had wanted this. He had wanted her to see that there was more to her powers then just the Light, because she held so much passion. To feel more connected to her and be less alone. But when it was so close to the surface, close enough to taste, it even astonished him that he did not feel happy about it. Because he now saw how much it would destroy her if she completely fell to the Dark.

It would destroy her spirit. Destroy everything that made her Rey. She still had so much to learn, and without a teacher, the temptation to only draw on her feelings would inevitably lead her down that path.

She looked up, “isn’t that what you wanted? What you always wanted? For me to turn, to give in?!” She demanded bitterly.  
  
Not like this.

“I wanted you to realize your potential. That there is more beyond the narrow view from the teachings Luke tried to impose on me.”

“Well, it is realized!” She snapped.

“Rey. You need me to tea-”  
  
“Don’t!” She let her arms fall, backing one tiny step. She was still so close, that their breaths mingled together, and he saw more clearly the dirt, blood. He could smell that metallic scent of death in the air.

No matter how he twisted or turned this to be Hux’s fault, the truth of the matter, it was his. He had ordered this. He had underestimated his General. If he had not been so preoccupied with his own war inside his head, it would never have gone this far. He would have sensed it.

A mistake that he would never repeat.

Hux will pay.

“Rey…” He started, his voice soft and sincere placing his thumb under her cheek when her gaze faltered, and her cheeks trembled from the touch. She pressed her lips firmly, straightening her neck to look up in his eyes.

Kylo exhaled deeply, remembering the main purpose he had to talk to her, and he let his hand drop.  
  
“Hux has located your base. You need to mount an escape.”

She was shocked, the red rimmed eyes glistening, her otherwise brilliant mind not truly listening to what he was saying. “How?”  
  
“A trap. He knew that the Resistance would never turn away... They led him to you.”

Hux will pay.

She nodded in understanding, knowing there was no time to discuss other matters and cut to the chase.

“How much time?”

Dominus sector would not take long to reach, it was a system frequently visited by the both Empire and Republic in days long gone, and there was a hyperspace trade route for it.

“Four hours. That is all I can give.”

She nodded again, and another silence hung between them. She had to go, they would have to be separated. Again.

“Ben…” She started, and he waited for her to continue.

“Once we have evacuated, I am leaving the Resistance.”

He had not expected this. Why would she want to leave? Leave the rebels she considered friends?

“Why?”  
  
A ghost of a smile formed on her lips, “there is something I must do.”  
  
Now she was being vague, but he didn’t have time to press the matter.

“Come with me.” She blurted, “Leave the Order. You don’t belong there. I feel your conflict, your regret. You don’t want this.”

How he wished he could agree.

“We don’t have time for this.”

“You are not the same person that you were.” He bit his tongue at her words, knowing she had seen so much when she had felt his nightmares and memories. How she thought she understood him more clearly.

But she had no idea what she asked of him. He couldn’t just leave. If he did, who would take control over the Order? Hux? No one would be safe. A new super weapon would be built, and he would destroy entire systems again to just prove how he was not afraid to inflict cataclysm upon worlds. And if it would not Hux, then it would be someone equally fanatic.

Hux would never let him or Rey just leave. He would stop at nothing to kill the Resistance. Kill his mother.

It didn’t matter.

He couldn’t leave.

“Mount the escape. Leave as fast as you can.” He said instead, and once more was impaled by her unyielding resolve.

“I understand now. More than ever.” He felt her memory attack her of the boy at her words, and she looked at him with so much hope in her eyes.

“Your darkness is a part of who you are. But so is your light. Perhaps there is more room for Ben Solo inside Kylo Ren than you realize.”

He was left paralyzed but on shaky legs she started to sprint, leaving him alone and the Bond closed. He was once more in the throne room, his entire body trembling as he fell deep with the Force.

 _You are not the same person that you were._ It posed only one question. A question he was not ready to ask himself.

He had heard similar words before. From Ziva. At the temple, days before Luke tried to kill him.

_I’m worried about you, Ben. You are not yourself._

_And what self am I supposed to be? The good Padawan, doing what he is told? Or the constant disappointment I truly am?_

No, no more memories.

_Do you? Do you believe you are worth saving?_

_There is good in you._

_But you won't destroy my hope for you. I won't ever give up on you, Ben._

She was everywhere, every touch, every kiss, every scent, everything she was doing to his spirit. The memories begun to weigh heavily on him, and with each one that flashed before him fast like bolts of lightning, he felt her burning touch consume him.

_Come with me. Leave the Order. You don’t belong there. I feel your conflict, your regret. You don’t want this._

He was perspiring, his heartrate palpitated, vibrating through every muscle. Everything he had done, all the choices he made, everyone he killed shaped into images before him.

_I want you to find yourself because I feel everything you do, and I know deep down that this isn’t you, and most importantly, you know it._

_I understand now. More than ever. Your darkness is a part of who you are. But so is your light. Perhaps there is more room for Ben Solo inside Kylo Ren than you realize._

Kylo let out a feral snarl as his fist shook uncontrollably, the outcry of the Force raged around him into an energy blast that shook the impregnable window, cracking the glass entirely.

Hux will pay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So first of all, I AM SOOOOO SOOORRRY for the slowest update but hey! Almost 21 pages! Woop, never believed I could write such a long chapter, so I hope that makes up for the long silence. And yeh, what a rollercoaster chapter it was. Lot of emotional stuff happening, lots of back and forth, and I really hope it all makes sense. I have been reading this chapter soooo many times, so I can no longer really judge.  
> Thank you all for all the wonderful reviews and support you have shown me and thank you all for the subscriptions and the general awesomeness you guys provide.  
> And hope, as always you enjoyed this chapter :)  
> And oh! Snoke's quote about the empire in the chapter is from TFA novelization :)  
> Until next time.


	16. Flight Of The Silverbird

The second Kylo Ren’s face dissolved in the in Armitage’s private chambers on _Tora_ , Hux let out a curse. His face a mask of hidden fury but for those that knew Hux could easily see the rage in his eyes. But then the muscles relaxed, and a soft scoff escaped his mouth with a simple shake of his head and he embodied the self of the fearsome General everyone knew him as.

“Captain Opan.” The elder man in question straightened his back to approach the Hux. Tritt Opan had worked with Hux for years, and both knew well where his loyalty lay. Tritt was the one of the very few Hux trusted – perhaps _trust_ was overstating it, but Opan knew very well that Hux could have him easily discarded if he didn’t live up to his standards. So, he _trusted_ him well enough and Phasma to carry out the more gruesome aspects of his command, and this was a mission Opan fitted perfectly for. And that was the reason he had them both gathered in his quarters for this specific message to their Supreme Leader, and not on the official channel at the Command bridge.  
  
Armitage’s face was emotionless as he continued in a controlled tone.

“Travel to Canto Bight to see our mutual friend.” Tritt rose a knowing eyebrow on his lined forehead, very aware who this mutual friend was.

Hux interlocked his irritated gaze with his Captain, “see that he is done with my request. If not, _persuade_ him to be done faster. Leave with a small squad.” Opan’s lips showed a knowing wicked grin and with an affirmative nod and a “yes, sir. Right away,” he left the room to head to the docking bay.

He looked behind him to see the chromium armor adorned by his other Captain staring at him through her visor. Her newly polished and repaired plate shining brightly in the otherwise dull Control Bridge.

“Sir.” She started slowly, her armored fingers clutching the gun at her waist.

“Do you see now, Phasma?” He asked in a whisper and she stepped next to him.

“The Supreme leader is powerful.” She stated. “I find it strange he would not seize the opportunity. If he craved to finish the scums for himself, he could have us take them captive – to have them executed by proper means. To remain idle sends a wrong message.”

Phasma believed Armitage when he told her of what had transpired after Crait, but she wasn’t as convinced as he was of Kylo Ren’s allegiance. Not surprising. She had not been present during Crait, and she did not see him when he awoke in the throne room. He did not expect anything less of his Captain. She needed facts to base her decisions. And here were her facts.

“He is unstable, unbalanced. A spoiled little brat that has no idea how to rule.” Hux let some of his personal feelings fill the air.

“Keep quiet about this. If this is the Supreme Leader’s orders, we will obey until his arrival. If this proves I am right, I want the troops to see it for themselves the utter little shit of a Hutt that he is when he will be unable to fire at the _precious_ rebel ships.”

If Kylo Ren truly had the intent of wiping out the Resistance when the opportunity presented itself, he would have ordered Hux to do so, and _oh_ , it was tempting to defy him, but it would be reckless.

He did have a plan. Something he knew Kylo Ren would never see coming if it all would come crashing down. He smiled at the thought while brushing his hands along his freshly pressed uniform.

He knew that Kylo Ren was one with personal vendettas - having shown that throughout his time since he joined the Order. There was a small chance he wanted to watch the final remains of the Resistance burn for himself, but Hux highly doubted it. The girl was there. Hux knew that she was.

The girl that killed Snoke according to official records.

Hux knew better.

Kylo Ren would not kill the girl.

“I remain loyal to the Order. And if that means replacing the current ruler to bring order to this galaxy, you have my loyalty, General.” Phasma said and it made a smirk crawl up Armitage’s lips.

“I never doubted I didn’t, Phasma.”

 

* * *

 

 

Rogue was walking along with her brethren in arms next to her brother by blood as they approached the shuttle that would take them onboard the _Supremacy_. She did not like being separated from her Master, not even for a short time. She was used to be close by his side since he retrieved them all from Byss and she felt a great disturbance in Force ever since she saw the General appear on the hologram.

The Force throbbed around her, weary and restless. It was all too calculated, too planned. And her Master had been too unbalanced to see it himself. It all testified when she sensed the small confliction inside him that he rarely let slip, but she was in fine attunement to him. All her teachings made her that way.

“I feel it too.” Sniper told her, and she looked up at his mask through her visor, that showed his steady heartbeat and calm hormone levels, while aiding her to always assess the weak points in his armor. It was an unnecessary accommodation. The Force helped her, willed her way through on the battlefield but she could appreciate the technology behind it.

“But our Master is strong and powerful.” He told her, and she felt his unwavering loyalty come of in waves for the Supreme Leader. The bond they all shared surpassed the traditional role of Sith. The Knights were not interested in power in _that_ way, but understanding they were stronger together, fueling each other in their powers. This is how they were trained. And she knew they were all apprehensive that their Master seemed so distressed with his own goal when he had been so clear about it when he landed on Byss.

“He is. I do not doubt his powers or his wisdom.”

She didn’t. She would never betray him, nor would any of her comrades. There was no distrust, no questioning where their allegiances lay. They owed their Master their lives, sparing them to join his side that fateful night, and they would follow him wherever he leads them.  
  
“But you doubt something.” Sniper added, his dispassionate voice ringing through his vocoder, his telepathic nudge in her head was quick and swift. She immediately answered by pushing him out before his ambush could manifest, feeling his scorn behind his mask.

“Remember your place, _sister._ ”  
  
“I have not forgotten, _brother._ ” She replied just the same.

Rogue shielded her mind as they boarded the shuttle, standing in the loading area while the officers bristled some commands and at the same time shooting them fearful glances when they thought the Knights were not watching.

As the shuttle took off, Rogue let herself fall in the Force, searching for the disturbance it had called to her.

It was strange. She had been on Byss for so long with her brethren, deeply in tune with the Dark Side of the Force, but she could barely remember most of her time there when her mind shifted through blurry memories.

Byss had been…a torturous way of life for those not dedicated for something more purposeful then themselves. But the Knights had to leave Kylo Ren because the old Supreme Leader ordered it so. Their Master had to fulfill his destiny, and Snoke wanted to ensure the loyalty of his disciples with true discipline. For both his sake, and Kylo’s when the time came for them to come home.

Then Kylo Ren came for them.

It awoke something inside her. Something left over from the days under Luke’s training.

He had changed. The rage had been palpable when he had come for them. It howled like crashing waves against solid rocks but there was something else buried deep within. She searched for it. Her brethren didn’t. Conflict, hurt, rejection entangled in the web of unrelenting fury.

Memories of the life she had was something she rarely pondered on. But the images could sometimes find their way.

The first time she introduced herself to Ben. How she had felt that ghost of compassion filling her, sensing his distrust to anyone having an interest in him. Besides the lessons they shared, he spent most of his time in solitude; training, reading or writing calligraphy. He was one of the most educated students Luke had, driven to become the very best, trying to morph the darkness to the light. Most of the other students were careful around him, feeling his connection to the Force was beyond raw and powerful, but also felt the anger that could sometimes surface.

She could count beyond her two hands how many times he had blown things up.

While it feared some, it only intrigued her. She had always been fascinated by the passion of the Force instead of remaining passive to its cravings.

The Force _demanded_ more.

His loneliness shone like a beacon to her, and the past version of her did not wish that upon anyone. Being an orphan herself and stuck in a slave market with her twin, she knew all about abandonment. Then Luke had come for both when he had taken his nephew as an apprentice, and their lives forever changed.

She wondered why her memories plagued her of so many events at the temple since she left Byss. The other Knights were not bothered in the slightest by it.

Why was she?

But the memories came swiftly and violently before dissipating into nothingness.

Luke’s teachings about Darth Vader and the person he was before his transcendence.

Her first and last kiss with _him_.

The night when Kylo accepted his true calling she and her brother joined him, along with her other brethren, feeling the same sting of betrayal that their Master kept them in the dark, wanting to follow Snoke’s goal to eradicate the last Jedi.

Wanting more then what Luke could offer.

She could still hear the screaming, smell the smoke, and feel the deaths of her fellow students, remembering the hollow lifeless eyes staring at her.

Meeting Snoke, becoming Ziva Ren, a Knight until they were left on Byss – forgotten by the galaxy, until she simply became Rogue.

She had left her entire past behind.

Or so she thought.

_“Ben! Wait up!” Ziva laughed, her golden curls bouncing of her shoulders, and Ben threw her a sideways smirk, before sprinting off once more earning an eye roll but a determined grin from the blonde-haired girl before she started to chuckle, following the boy in his stride to run through the forest they entered through the open fields. Crickets could be heard everywhere as the slight buzzes from the insects flying around and the bees landing on flowers, spreading its scent everywhere. He skillfully maneuvered the roots, twigs creaking under his boots as he climbed rocks, jumping over branches and hearing the beautiful melody from the creek next to them._

_“You know, we will get in soooo much trouble for this.” Ziva shouted behind him, but Ben didn’t care._

_He was always in trouble with Luke._

_He stood still, turning his head towards her before overlooking the nature before them, and the looming mountains in the small distance._

_“Already tired? I expected more.”_

_The stare he got was challenging and holding the same mirth, “you wish.” She held a stick, and Ben unknowing to her intent was knocked down as she swept his legs with its blunt force with her extremely fast reflexes. She enjoyed the small times she could still surprise him with her agile attacks. As he fell to the soft grass, she could not help but to laugh as she ran across the meadow._

_“Last one to reach the mountain will clean the kitchens.” She shouted, and Ben rose quicker, sprinting after her, determined to not lose that challenge._

That memory was the one that somehow was dearest to her, not really knowing why. Not knowing why chasing him through the woods was more precious than the kiss.

Rogue stilled her emotions, closing that sentimental side. She felt her brother’s eyes on her yet again. She had thought on some naïve level, that Kylo Ren still had that hint of affection she had felt at the temple but had found herself wanting something that didn’t exist.

It never had.

Her Master had expressed more emotions with the disturbance she had felt when they had trained then he had ever done with her.

A fierce protectiveness that rivaled her own to ensure his survival.

It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered any longer. Their past was dead and buried, and whatever may come, Rogue would protect and serve her master to the end. They all would.

* * *

 

Poe was standing in the bathroom stall in main hub in Rakka, washing his hands and splattering water on his face. It felt like he hadn’t showered in months. He smelled and tasted sweat mingled with blood and dirt as the cold water drained it all away.

He took one moment to look at his face, massaging his tongue against his teeth, his palms clenching the sink as he withheld the urge to punch the mirror in front of him.

Everything was going straight to hell.

Everything had been going to hell ever since The First Order formed.

This was war. There are causalities, sacrifices, and fighting. Then a moment to breathe for the cycle to just repeat itself.

He knew this, this wasn’t the first time he had seen consequences of the horror the Order forced upon the galaxy. But it always scarred him when it did before he tucked it away in his memory, using that pain to remember why he was still fighting.

What he had seen during the night only fueled his resolve.

His clean hands raked through his greasy curls that was still in dire need to get cleaned. He kissed his mother’s ring, tucking his necklace inside his shirt before heading outside.

The warm rays of the sun shone on the sand, already dusting the coagulated pools scattered on the ground. It was quiet – compared to the constant screaming they had to endure during the night. But he could still feel it. Looking over the small stations scattered along the pavement, he noted some were still sleeping. Poe allowed himself to feel a bit relief to know they had managed to save some. The morbid piles of cold bodies had been cremated just as he had seen Rey leave, and the stench of charred flesh lay heavily in the air, and those that were unlucky to smell it, worked hard to not throw up.

He was looking for Leia, wanting to talk what they should do next. Knowing that with so many seeking their help, it would definitely attract attention. The First Order would not be far behind.

“Poe.” He snapped his head to his right, seeing her sitting on a bench, the past night’s events had stained her clothes and her face tired and pale, but her aura strong and confidant.

“I know what you are going to say, and I know.” Of course, she did.

“I just wanted people to have a moment to breathe before we will plan our next move.”

She slowly tried standing up, using her crane for support, and Poe rushed to her side, “The way you act makes me feel frail as a fly. I may be old, but I am not dead. Yet.” She mused, and Poe gave her a scowling look, when she just threw him a knowing grin. “Too soon to make jokes?”

“Please. You will still be barking orders and pushing recruits around until I sport a white beard and curls. Now that would be a frightening sight.” She almost chuckled, but then her gentle eyes looked over the victims spread across in the village. Poe followed her stare and the situation turned instantly somber.

The pilot knew. He had known for a long time.

_We all eventually die at some point, Poe. I just choose to do it with grace, not with a fanfare and bombs shooting in the air. Do not mistake this for defeat. You will not get rid of me that easily._

How angry he had been at her at first, accusing her for giving up when she simply accepted her sickness with elegance, that of a true princess. While they had bots, bacta tanks, they had no access to any medical facility that could help her. He had been frustrated, angry and sick of it all when Leia had first confided in him in secrecy. But he also understood it. The Resistance needed hope beyond the young Jedi in their midst. To lose Leia or knowing they would lose her would diminish their spirits.

 “You are ready for this, Poe.”

He thought he was before Holdo had taken his attitude and stomped on it, making him realize that he was anything _but_ ready. Now he started to feel that confidence grow once more at Crait but more importantly when Leia took him under her wing yet again since they landed on Rakka. He had been promoted to Commander once more since they escaped Crait to show that she trusted his judgement again. She taught him so much, and he had learned from himself along the way. Poe was determined to not disappoint her.

A disappointed Leia was the worst kind. That was the kind that would haunt him from beyond the grave – He got a momentary weird mental image with a ghost Leia slapping her crane over his head whenever he would do a bad decision before getting rid of those thoughts.

“What about Rey?” he asked, worried about her. Worried how the girl that saw Leia the closest thing to a mother after all the losses she had endured would react to losing someone else she loved. While Rey had shut down his advances, he was still concerned about her, still caring about her as a friend, and he wondered if she would ready to mantle an even bigger role once Leia passed.

Leia’s eyes flashed a glimpse of worry but was quickly replaced with a joyous glint in her eyes, “she is stronger than you give her credit.”

“Oh, I give her plenty of credit but that is not my worry.”

“She will be ready. Her part in this surpasses ours.” Poe got the feeling that Leia was not telling him everything.

But she was right. Rey was stronger than he probably could ever give her credit for. That was part of her allure that drew him in.

Leia wavered a little, her face tightening and her eyes closed. His keen eyes did not miss.

“You shouldn’t have exhausted yourself.” He told her quietly, worried she was hastening her inevitable fate.

“What would you have done in my position?”

He stood silent, and Leia smiled at the unspoken answer. The nausea disappearing from her tense form as quickly as it came.

“Now, we need to start get mobilized. The Order won’t be far behind with their hyperspace tracking. We need to be prepared for when they do.”

“I got a bad feeling about this.”

She chuckled, her mind drifting to a memory and replied in an encouraging voice.

“At least we got some more ships. Big enough to transport these people. We need to move the rest of them onboard. Preferably before the Order drops by.”

“Do you really think the pirates will let us use their ships out the goodness of their hearts?”

She gave him a look that told him they would not have a choice and he chuckled. “What would I do without you?” He joked before catching himself.

“Take out another Dreadnought, no doubt.” She joked, earning another amused chuckle from him before Leia pulled him in a hug which he responded in kind.

They had one moment of comfort, before they let go of the warm embrace.

His eyes caught Rey then behind Leia’s head, emerging from the forest and he frowned.

“Have we invented a new type of sleeping that I am not aware of? That does not look healthy.” He commented, and Leia turned her head as Rey approached them with hastened steps.

“Poe, give us a moment.” Leia said, her eyes set on the girl and he felt it in the air that whatever they had to talk about did not involve him. He nodded, giving a wave to Rey who returned it before heading to the ships, seeing if he could find his friends.

 

* * *

 

 

Kylo Ren did not know how to feel to be in the throne room again when he boarded _Supremacy_. He watched the throne. He still felt Snoke’s presence linger in the room as he regarded the chair with contempt. This room held nothing but pain and broken promises.

He had gotten a new suit from Orica Hemz as a gift before departing. One that would fit his reign. It was still a bit uncomfortable, but he could not deny the respect it showed. Black, thick plates across his chest and back, designed to be fluent in motion and deflect fire from most guns. It harnessed an electrical deflection technology to harness the energy waves and while it would sting being shot upon, it would require much to break the armor. His legs, gloves and arms were made of Acklay leather, dyed black as well – known to be strong and resilient while made it easy to move. New black boots, made from a Zillo beast, that ended under his kneecaps, adorned with a weaved, dark grey cloak that dragged along the floor. Kylo had refused the purple one.

Still watching the throne, he felt the past tug at him and he scowled. He did not wish to revisit the memories of what had happened here. Not now when he had to remain fully focused on what had to be done.

The Knights stood below, guarding the elevators, waiting for his orders. Everyone on _Supremacy_ was. But he wished to be alone here before going to Dominus sector. This was his seat of power now when the ship was repaired and able to navigate in space once more. The mobile capital and headquarters of the Order.

And the place he should be occupying was the throne in front of him.

The purple robed navigators Snoke had kept were gone, but he did not really care. Now that they had charted several hyperspace trails in the Unknown Regions, and to the bases located there, he felt there was little need for them. They must have perished when the ship took the heavy damage at Crait.

Try as he might, he could not shut the door to the memories that transpired here when watching the room.

And thinking about her catapulted him back to the last words Rey spoke to him.

It caused another crack in his already fractured conflict, wedging it completely. He could only compare it as when the earth shook beneath him and Rey on Starkiller base, leaving them on opposing ends.

Kylo Ren approached with slow steps to the throne. A foot away he heard a voice behind him.

“So, what’s the plan, Ben?” Kylo turned his head and saw Luke standing there in his black Jedi robes. His blue aura shimmering around him.

He had a plan. He felt no desire to share it with the dead.

“Leave me.”

“You are having dreams.”

Kylo remained still, “what do you know about them?”

“That you need to listen to them.”

Luke turned his head to watch over space. “They are about her, aren’t they?”

Kylo felt the blood drain his face.

“And about your father, and all the choices that you have made that led you down this path.” Kylo whipped his head towards his throne, leaning against the armrest.

“But the ones about Rey are different.” Luke stated and continued slowly. “You know the differences between visions and dreams.”

“Why should I listen to you? You tried to kill me remember? And you _lied_ to me.” Kylo gripped the chair tightly before letting go, whirling around to face his uncle.

“You lied, my mother lied, and my father lied. You all lied to me about my heritage. Under all the _wise_ training from Luke Skywalker about Darth Vader and the person he was before, did you not once mention that he was my grandfather. Why should I ever listen to you?”

“ _Anakin Skywalker_ was your grandfather and I taught you what was essential about him. Your mother wanted to tell you when you were older and ready.”

He scoffed, almost sounding somewhere between a chuckle and a cackle, “and was this before or after you tried to kill me?”

“You still have some of your father’s charms alright.” Luke replied before he turned serious yet again.

“I did fail you, Ben. We should have told you earlier before it became public knowledge. We all should have understood this would only further Snoke’s manipulation of your mind.”

Kylo’s eyes flared dangerously, “I’m done with this reunion.”  
  
“Listen to your dreams, Ben. They are trying to tell you something.”

“Lea-

He didn’t even get to finish the sentence to see that Luke was already gone. Taking a moment to recollect his mind, he called his Knights to his chambers. When facing them, he told him of what will happen. To prepare them for what’s to come.

 

* * *

 

 

They barely made it in time. Three hours had gone by as swiftly as three seconds since Rey had rushed to Leia, hurriedly explaining what was happening and it whipped the already tired rebels into action. They – much to Gramka’s dismay taken his grand pirate ship, _Revenant_ as their commanding one – it was the one most well equipped for war, and quickly boarded the wounded people on every ship they could among with villagers that did not want to wait around and see what their fate would be once the rebels left and the Order would punish them for harboring them.

Poe and Rose had helped along with others to load the X-wings into the hangar of the ship, and soon enough the town and the old abandoned Rebel base looked like a ghost town.

Another forty-five minutes passed, and all the ships were ready for takeoff.

This was the calm before the storm.

“Hmph.” Gramka said, caressing his white beard when they gathered in his command deck, pressing a few buttons, his cybernetic red eye scanning furiously the holo screen. “They are there alright. Hiding behind the moon. They must have scrambled the signals. Luckily for us, they did a shitty job at it for someone like me.”

Leia shot him a bored look and he bristled, “well you don’t get into my line of work without a few tricks up your sleeve. How did you know they were here?”

The General sighed. “call it intuition.”

“A better question is why they have not attacked us yet.” Finn added, looking at the screen with a confused stare. “They could have surprised us in the middle of the evacuation. Why didn’t they?”

Leia quickly looked at Rey, but to their surprise Maz answered before any of them could.

“Let’s thank our lucky stars they haven’t and let’s get out of here. We can send a thank you holo card later.”

“Couldn’t agree more.” Gramka nodded, and opened the com channels to the other ships, and Leia took the initiative.

“Battle stations ready, people. We are getting out of here all in one piece. Set your course to these coordinates and we will rendezvous there. Be prepared for a battle once we emerge in space. Disengage and get into hyperspace as fast as possible.”

They heard a chorus of confirmation from the other ships as they got the right coordinates from _Revenant_ , and Rey heard Chewie howl onboard the _Falcon_. Once they escaped she would pack her things from the freighter before she would leave the rebels.

“General. With their tracking tech, we should make additional jumps to throw them of their game before we gather the fleet.” Finn added, and Leia nodded.

“I agree. We will meet up and then scatter.”

Rey felt the vibrations more strongly due to her overworked body running on fumes as the engines revved forcefully to lift them above ground.

They left the atmosphere quickly, feeling a pull in gravity as they did. The screen blinked furiously, still showing the ships as small dots behind the moon. But they were not approaching them.

“They haven’t moved.” Rey commented, and her eyes interlocked with Leia, and they saw the bewilderment among the crew.

The hairs on Rey’s arms spiked like static when they saw the _Supremacy_ jumping out of hyperspace.

It was far away in the opposite direction as she turned her head, amazed how far these windows stretched around the circular room. Even at the distance, the large war vessel looked threatening and ominous.

They had managed to salvage the ship, and repaired it, like the damage Vice Admiral Holdo caused never happened.

Memories flooded her for a moment. And so, did his presence.

Everything around her slowed down. All the voices barking commands, the frantic running around her seemed to pass in another time and she could only hear her own breathing. Heavy, and loud and she took a step towards the grand window in the direction the grand warship loomed like something otherworldly.

“Ben…” She could not help the whisper coming from her dry lips as she touched the glass as if it would bring her closer, not caring how it made her look.

She had not been this close to him since Crait, and she called out in their Bond, his overwhelming throbbing in the Force suffocating her.

 

* * *

 

 

They were close.

Kylo stood on the catwalk of the Command Bridge, removing himself from throne room, his aura carrying an indomitable sense of self, but inside he was worried. He had to proceed carefully. He ordered his Knights to move in Snoke’s old chambers to not have them sense his conflict that would inevitably rise.

What if they had not evacuated? What if they were still on the planet when he arrived?

He had a plan. A plan he would nonetheless carry out despite the circumstances.

Since Luke’s hasty visit, he spent the hours before coming here in battle meditation with his Knights, but he was not focused. And watching the blue light in the hyperspace dimension minutes before they would reach Ruac was the only thing that barely soothed him. He was sweating due to the stress and anxiety, not knowing what to expect, but most of all…anticipation.

He had not been so close to Rey since Crait.

“Supreme leader, T-minus five minutes before we will emerge out of hyperspace.” Captain Yago informed him, enjoying being back as the Captain of _Supremacy_ once more since Hux had snatched that position before the failure at Crait happened. Kylo Ren acknowledged it by a small nod.

“What are your orders?”

Steeling himself and with a bored tone he told Yago, “prepare the battle stations. And have the pilots prep to launch.”

The minutes went by so fast as commands were shouted left and right.

They jumped out of hyperspace. And what he was met with Resistance ships in the far away distance.

People under his command started to bristle louder, moving faster but for him everything slowed down, and his eyes was fixated upon the largest ship in front of him that he even could ignore the eyesore of seeing his father’s freighter next to it. Losing himself in the moment he walked the bridge, leaving Yago behind him, until he almost reached the glass of the grand window.

Rey. His mother.

They were on that ship.

He didn’t hear anything, didn’t see anything, and as the Force connected them he saw her disheveled state and he lost a moment to breathe, hearing her own echoing and bouncing around him like the loudest cannon fire. She was in front of him still with her hand raised, and he realized…she was standing by the window at her ship, facing him.

“Ben…”

“Rey…” He answered without thinking, his voice barely a whisper but he knew she heard him.

Their eyes locked gazes, and again he heard her plea, _Come with me…_

“Where are General Hux’s forces?” Kylo Ren asked.

“They are… behind the moon, Supreme Leader.” Yago answered, confusion evident in his voice.

So, Hux had withheld himself from moving. Perfect.

“Contact his ship immediately!” He snapped, “Have them move towards the Resistance!”

“Yes, right away!” Captain Yago immediately opened the holo transmission to _Tora_ and the other Star Destroyer, _Devastator._

“Prepare the cannons. Withhold the fighters. They are too far out of reach.” Kylo Ren said to the confused gunnery chief that immediately started to bark out other commands and firing up the cannons.

Kylo could only watch the girl in front of him that held her breath while he talked, and how her eyes roamed his new attire before anchoring her gaze with his. Rey knew he would never go through with it, he knew she sensed it. He was just buying them time.

_I’m leaving the Resistance. Come with me._

_You don’t belong there._

Then where did he belong?

He felt her emotions through their Bond as the Force sang in that rapturing melody of belonging they both had sought their entire lives. How strong the Bond truly had grown since they fought the Praetorians. To be this close to her again. The mere weight of the Bond almost crippled him. He had that fleeting thought coming and disappearing that he just wanted to board his TIE fighter and head like a blazing idiot to the ship that she was on.

_Get out of here._

“Supreme Leader, they are preparing to jump!”

“Get those cannons ready!” Yelled Captain Yago while Kylo shot a look of contempt to his side.

“Are the people under my command incapable of carrying out a simple order? Should I be concerned with replacing you?” He said in equally dispassionate tone, seeing his Captain blanch. Yago steered right to yell out another command and got a reply from the female gunnery chief.

“Guns at the ready, sir!”

“Don’t let them get away! Fire!” Kylo used the Force to keep that furious heat sheeted inside the Ion cannons. There were several of them in the midsection that could fire at the ships right away while the ones at the wingtips still needed time to readjust their aim. The Force pulsated strongly around him, and the pain to withhold that raw firepower only made his power grow. He did not recognize the bearing of the ship they were in and had no idea how good the shields were to withstand the fire from their guns.

Watching the vessel with a scrutinizing stare, he doubted it could.

“It won’t fire! The cannons are overheating!”

“Then redirect to the turbo lasers!”

“They are far out of reach for that, sir!”

“Then move us closer! Don’t let them escape!”

“Where are General Hux’s forces?! They should be closer!”

He saw the cruiser she was on turning, preparing for a jump and seconds felt like years. He heard people calling out in all directions, desperate to get closer.

He only saw Rey.

And then…

Another voice. His mother.

_“Punch it!”_

His world tore apart for a second.

It was like a black hole forming around his heart, sucking it viciously inside its depths when he felt them jump away and she disappeared from him. He was left with nothingness and the shocked faces of the people underneath him, as if paralyzed from what had just happened, fearing whatever punishment he would bring upon them for failing their duty.

He felt the peering stares from everyone in the room, and he knew he had to compose himself for what is to come. From the distance he saw the two Star Destroyers approaching them.

“Get the maintenance crew to check on the cannons. Give me a report of those that served them before we disembarked. This is inexcusable!” Yago barked to one of his officers that nodded hastily and left to provide with what the Captain ordered.

Captain Yago cleared his throat while his hand adjusted the tight collar of his suit around his neck.

“Supreme Leader. Should we commence our hyperspace tracking to locate the rebels?”

“I am afraid I have a more pressing concern.” Kylo answered coldly, watching the ships in front of him get even closer.

Balling his fists, he turned around and saw everybody staring at him. Kylo looked straightly at the General, unflinching and unwavering through the hologram.

Now is the time.

“General Hux. You have once more proved your inability by allowing the remnants of the Resistance slip between your fingers.”

The corner of Armitage’s eyes twitched as he answered coldly, and the tension aboard the catwalk of the _Supremacy_ was static between their exchange.

“I was refrained from action, Supreme Leader.”

“You were refrained from attacking them, General. But you should have had the sense to pursue their ships as they left the planet. What you should have done was to incapacitate their ships.”

The General’s face was set like stone, but he saw his pulse bulging in his neck as Hux tensed his shoulders.

“Your orders specifically stated to not engag-  
  
-Snoke deemed you fit the role that of a General, but I find that praise severely lacking. As a General and a warfare expert you surely knew you had more then one method of detaining the ships. But alas, now the Resistance escaped yet again.” Kylo interrupted, remembering very well what he had ordered. He also had to assure nobody questioned _how_ he ordered it.

“Supreme Leader- _gurgl!_ ”

He saw the eyes of the General widen and Kylo sneered, making a pinching gesture with his hand as he willed the Force to grab tightly around Armitage’s throat aboard the _Tora._

“Enough of your pitiful excuses.” He said in a menacing tone, adding a little pressure, watching the figure in the hologram gasp for air.

“You failed me for the last time, General. You will face your punishment in Coruscant.”

He wanted to personally make this _hurt_. But it would have to wait. Besides it would be good to make the General sweat in a prison cell for a while.

“Rogue.” He called out on his personal com link that he had attached to his wrist, and the Knight in question approached him after a few minutes, falling to her knees, bowing before Kylo Ren, while Hux still fought to get mere slivers of breath in his lungs next to her. His fight for survival was the only constant noise heard on the catwalk.

“Take the Knights. Board the _Tora_ and detain General Hux. Bring him back to Coruscant to the prison at the palace and await further instructions. Hux’s command will fall under Captain Peavey’s control with your temporary supervision.”

He did not want Hux to remain near to the fleet or his troops, knowing that the General could probably sway people to stand with him. Coruscant would best suffice the means needed, and nobody would dare to cross his Knights to get to Hux if they treasured their lives.

He sensed a distress in Rogue, feeling that she did not like to be separated from him, but she answered with unquestioning determination through her vocoder.

“Your will is my command, my Master.” She said, bowing once again before leaving the Bridge. Her thick cape making a rustling noise as she walked out, and her aura oozing terror to the eyes that followed her.

“Take the _Tora_ and _Devastator_ back to Coruscant.” Kylo said, and he saw the frightening stares from his command to still have Hux hanging in the air until Rogue along with his Knights would board the ship.

“Captain Peavey. You are now in command of _Tora._ Inform the crew at _Devastator_ to follow you back to Coruscant and I will trust that you treat my Knights with the utter respect when they board your ship.”  
  
The Captain had been the commandeering captain on the _Finalizer_ before, but since Crait he had been left without a purpose and acting under Hux’s charge when he set out with _Tora_. Right now, _Finalizer_ was under Captain Pirco’s charge in the Nembus sector.

Peavey emerged in the hologram, standing next to the General, seemingly unperpetrated and while his face was impassive, his eyes did have a satisfied gleam in them. Ren was aware there was some rivalry between Hux and him and Kylo knew this would push Hux just a little further.

“Supreme Leader, I thank you for the opportunity. I will await your Knights to remove the General.”

“The _Supremacy_ will remain. Start the hyperspace tracking.” He ordered Yago, still watching Hux fighting for air in the air which everyone blissfully ignored.

“Very good, Supreme Leader. And what about the civilians that harbored the rebels on Ruac?” Captain Yago asked.

_Sir, the villagers…_

_Kill them all._

A choice easily made then, but this time the words could not escape his lips.

He reached out, sensing only wildlife in the area in which Rey’s Force signature remained and he continued a clear, dominant voice.

“It was the village Rakka that harbored the Resistance.”

He turned to Yago, “Burn it to the ground.”

“Yes, of course Supreme leader.”

This time they found that the cannons worked, although the damage Kylo caused made them jittery and in need of a maintenance check, but the ones at the wingtips worked without a hitch. But there were none left to meet the raining fire of agonizing flames of the _Supremacy’s_ cannon fodder as it fired upon the village from the vast emptiness in space.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woho! I feel my excuses fall short but sorry once more for a slow update, but I guess most have been plenty engrossed in the TLJ novelization that came out. I know I was :P Hope you all enjoyed this update, and I really want to say thank you all once more for the love and support I get for this fic! It is truly amazing! And the comments =) they really help me to find that inspiration to keep going. So you are all amazing! <3  
> This chap was pretty interesting to write. So many POVS, and I hope you liked them all.  
> And I can understand if some of it confused you, but everything I write is for a reason, that I can assure to those that read. And everything will make sense!  
> Sooooo, what do you all think is gonna happen next? ;P


	17. Surrender To Hope

Tritt Opan was a man of action, and not afraid of ruthless methods. Being under Hux’s command for many years, acting as his hitman, he had committed actions that would make most men quiver. This was no different, and he felt no compassion for the little child who was the latest victim under Holt’s care. He was a means to an end. A tool, used for the purpose to propel the Order to its rightful place.

He had arrived in Canto Bight, hours after departing the fleet. Leaving the troopers to guard the shuttle until they were needed, he approached Holt’s estate with unyielding determination to see this through.

Holt had been surprised to see him, but he had been working tirelessly on the solution Hux wanted. Beneath that grandeur and the stick up the ass that seemed to accompany rich folks, he took Armitage’s threat seriously, knowing very well what would happen if he didn’t provide fast enough. And he had his own personal motivation for providing this. Holt did not care for Kylo Ren as the current Supreme Leader.

Adjusting his teal uniform, Tritt watched Holt with an academic fascination as the elderly man had a young child with black hair, and fiery brown eyes strapped to a metal bed in his very expensive laboratory. Temiri Blagg was his name apparently, abandoned on Cantonica due to gambling losses, like the rest of the urchins that lived here. A stable hand that worked in the Fathier stables under Bargwill Tomder’s management.

Opan looked at the procedure behind an impenetrable window, taking Holt’s advice to not be in the same room as the boy. In sudden impulsiveness, the child could use his sorcery to make things explode or move when not sedated – which was rare but had to be done for Holt to see the effectiveness of the different potions he experimented with. Holt had added this laboratory for his own fascination with biology to his lavished estate. Opan could not remember the last time he smelled such sweet fragrances of the different flowers and trees Holt had placed everywhere in his home with the exception in this small sterile room. It had been momentarily overwhelming until his nose adjusted to it. His eyes had not been as favorable to the brilliant mixture of bright, colorful and rich colors that seeped from the walls, paintings and floors however.

This was a pure contrast to the Order. This represented a foolish dream while the mundane neutral colors of the Order represented well, order. Red was their most stark color, and with every right. Red was power, red was dominance, red was the blood of their enemies.

At least,  _human_  enemies, he corrected himself.

The Captain was told the boy had been here for days where Holt had taken several samples and injected him with different syringes and cross-referencing the different results. The little child threw several curses in his own crude language at Tritt, glaring at him through the window. Tritt let out a scoff while the boy was fighting the restraints with a fire that almost exceeded that of the disgusting Resistance.

“The boy got spunk.” Tritt commented dryly to Holt who smirked back.

“They all do. Until their spirit is broken. This one is no different.” They watched in comfortable silence as the boy tried avoiding the needle of the syringe that one of the droids approached him with. But it was useless, and a satisfied sneer triumphed on Opan’s lips when he saw the results it produced.

Holt ran a hand through his slick black hair and walked to one of his screens that monitored the vitals. His blue eyes gleamed with excitement. “Now these are the results I wished to see.” He mused as Tritt came next to him.

“So, it works then?”

“Of course, it works. You can tell the General that he will be more then pleased with the results.”

“Well, you know what will happen if he isn’t.”

“What is with you people and making threats?” Holt sighed dramatically, brushing some imaginary dust of his burgundy suit.

“It is what we do.” Opan shrugged like it was the most obvious thing in the galaxy.

“And you wonder why people don’t like you.” Holt dared to joke, and Opan viciously turned his head so their eyes met.

“I find your attitude most lacking, Holt.” He warned in an icy tone.

“And I find your uniform most appalling. We are in Canto Bight, Captain. For all the secrecy you really do not blend in well with the crowd here.”

Opan scoffed, and Holt continued as if he had not insulted him. “I need to make some contingency tests still to see how long the effects last and if there are any uncalled side effects. It should take another day.”

Tritt nodded, “be quick about it. Armitage Hux does not take kindly to waiting.”

With an elegant snort, Holt said in a clipped tone, “When does he take kindly to anything?”

One day later, the Captain remained in Holt’s sterile office while the man worked over the results and a clear liquid was placed in several small vials, inside a case.

“Three drops from this was enough to contain the child. I believe I don’t have to tell you what will happen if you overdose?”

Tritt rose a thick grey eyebrow in a boring manner, “I think you made it quite clear.”

“What of the boy?” The Captain asked, nodding towards the child, not wanting to leave loose ends. The mere thought made him grip his gun tighter hanging by the holster at his waist.

Holt chuckled watching his movements, “as enjoyable and  _civilized_  it must be to shoot younglings, I will have him returned to Bargwill.”

“And he can be trusted?” Opan spat.

“I wouldn’t have him returned otherwise. Plus, Bargwill can have a nasty temper and I would prefer to stay out of his way – can you imagine having that odor he oozes cling to my clothes? The absolute horror! I would not be able to leave my home for days! And I already missed several parties because of--” Hold waved his hand at the child, “—this.” He made a foul grimace before shaking his head. “The child nor his keeper have any idea what we wanted from him. Who is he going to tell? And who would believe him?”

“Hm, you have a point.”

 A chiming noise and a beep called his attention to his wrist where he saw an incoming message from a secure channel. He recognized the code, but still surprised to who was contacting him.

“Captain Phasma, what a pleasure.” He drawled.

“Time for pleasantries is over, Tritt. Hux is detained, and we are back in Coruscant. He was right. Our leader double-crossed him. The rebel scum knew we were there. They evacuated just as the Supreme Leader arrived. They survived.”

Opan stayed silent, letting the information rattle his brain for a moment before Phasma continued.

“Do you have it?”

Tritt looked down the case where the vials were tucked in. They had much more then they needed, even. But it was good to be prepared. “I do.”

“Good. Return here. We need to start as soon as possible.”

 

* * *

 

 

There had been two days since they escaped the Dominus sector. Leia had made several lightspeed jumps to get the First Order off their trail in case they were still tracking them. She was having the other ships take alternate routes before they arrived in the Gaulus sector, cloaking their approach to the Ryloth system that most of the populace were secret sympathizers of the Resistance while under the Order’s control.

And while they could not land on Ryloth, they had been able to make a quick landing on one of its moons where the Order had not been present during their arrival. They were distracted by a commotion in Lessu, created by the Twi’lek sympathizers. People that were tired of the war. That had survived many destructions in its wake. Both from the Clone Wars, and the Empire. The Resistance had managed to stack and refuel their ships before heading to another location in another system where the Order would not know of. As of now, hours later, they were somewhere drifting in space planning their next move.

Rey was standing in her temporary quarters that Gramka had given her, and even provided her with new clothing. She wondered for a moment who could have worn these before her. The long slim tunic was a deep scarlet color ended below her hips. The red color…was hard to bear. She was reminded of the boy, Nova and the many others that stained her soul and hands that night. Blood, blood,  _blood_. But she had nothing else to wear so she gritted her teeth. Below the tunic she wore black linen trousers that ended right under her kneecaps. She had discarded her discolored arm wraps and gotten new dark grey ones. She cleaned her leather belt and cuffs and let her hair feel freely across her shoulders, strapping her belt around her waist.

Chewie had brought her belongings as he also docked the  _Falcon_  within the  _Revenant_ , and she had gotten the scriptures and Luke’s broken lightsaber back.

Rey had finally gotten some much needed sleep albeit plagued by nightmares and visions, much time to think and a much-needed shower.

While she was used by now to wake up in cold sweat, it did not help that the darkness that now seemed to press into her soul was eager to devour her when her dreams took her back to the events that night.

But she had one small comfort. Anakin. Finally having moments to think, to  _truly_  think of what he told her. Of what she had to do, of the path she had to follow. She thought back to the unprecedented meeting when she had been heading to the  _Falcon._

_“Search your feelings. I think you know who I am.” Rey’s eyes widened, and there was a whisper from the Force that indeed confirmed who the presence in front of her was._

_Ben’s grandfather. Anakin, the voice had whispered. Millions of questions raced through her mind, wanting to know so many things. But in her weary state she had only managed to ask;_

_“But…how are you here? Why now? Why me?”_

_“Because you are heading down a path that I once did.” He told her simply, giving her a penetrating stare that reminded her so much of Ben. Her stomach twisted at his words. The darkness. It felt branded upon her skin. She could not discard it. Anakin smiled, sensing her tiredness, confusion and fear._

_“If there is something I know a lot about, it’s anger. And what it can do to you.” He continued as he proceeded to sit down on a rock, his hands still clasped in front of him as Rey held a shaky hand to the tree she had been leaning towards for some sort of support._

_When she didn’t answer, he let a sad smile play across his lips. “I spent my life more as Darth Vader then I ever was Anakin.” She remembered what she saw through Ben when he interrogated her. The little Luke had told her of his father._

_“Then why aren’t you with your grandson?! If anyone can make him listen – to stop all of this, it is you. HE worships you!” She all but shouted at him, still seeing the boy’s face along with everyone else she lost simmer in front of her eyes._

_He looked away, staring in the distance before letting a sigh escape his lips. “What do you think would happen if I did?” Rey flared her nostrils, as anger started to coil through her._

_“You found your way back to the light. Your son saved you. Do the same for your grandson. It is the least you can, what you should do!”_

_“Snoke poisoned his mind for so long. If I came to him, testifying that everything Snoke made him believe in was a lie, a twisted perception of my fate and end, how do you think it would affect him?” Even in his ghost form, his eyes seemed to see into her soul._

_Rey stared dumbfounded at him, “the guilt would consume him wholly – something he would never return from. And you would fall to the dark as well, and you both would try to destroy each other. You feel it, don’t you? You have always had that fury, that rage within you, just clawing to get out? Those whispers that haunts you?” She began to shake anew._

_“I know the feeling.” He said somberly. “And if it that happens, the balance would never be achieved.”_

_“Balance?”_

_“Light and Dark must have their reckoning. You two are the pieces both the Jedi and Sith failed to see. His destiny had to happen.” Anakin said, standing up from the rock, walking towards her. “Just as yours had to happen. You need to understand that the Dark is not to be feared. It is all part of the Force, just as the Light is. Your fear of what it can do to you would make you succumb to it, to become a slave to it, just as I was. Learning that it is just one aspect of the Force is different.”_

_Rey just blinked while he cocked his head to the side, an aura of natural arrogance seemed to fog around him._

_“Which I never did. I was so afraid to lose the love of my life…I gave into the power thinking it would save her,” He trailed, “and I failed. I lost everything, and that rage, that never-ending hunger was the only thing keeping me alive. Until…” Another sad twinkle showed in his eyes, “until I met my son.”_

_“My fate will not be bestowed on you or him. I would rather be chased by the mother of all gundarks for all eternity, followed by Obi-Wan’s tiresome ‘I told you so’ speeches.”_

_“What are you talking about?”_

_Anakin interlaced his fingers, “You two are intertwined in the same destiny. What do you think your visions were telling you? Your dreams? Do you truly believe you share a Bond because someone told you that he bridged your minds together?” He asked, standing close to her while raising a questioning eyebrow, and amusement that danced in his eyes. She saw so much of Ben. She saw the scar, the same kind of hair, the same posture. Even in this form, she felt his power. That mighty Skywalker blood. Ben’s blood._

_He just smiled at her confused stare. “I know many things. Perk of being dead and all that.”_

_“But nothing has worked. He chose to stay. He chose power.”_

_“He doesn’t know anything else.” Anakin explained quietly._

_To that, Rey had no answer._

_“What do your dreams tell you?”_

_“My dreams?”_

_“Yes.”_

_She scrunched together her eyebrows in contemplation, her tired mind going awry. “About a place…in the desert.”_

_“Desert? This desert doesn’t by any chance have double suns?” He asked. Her eyes widened and then he chuckled._

_“Got to pose the question why the Force loves Tatooine and us desert people. Must be a thing. You do know you must go.”_

_Tatooine? Rose had told her, but now Anakin had as well. It felt like it was unlocking some parts in her mind where it became so clear it was the place she had been dreaming of._

_She shook her head. “I can’t just leave the Resistance.”_

_Anakin gave a little sigh, his eyes peering into hers intensely. “Your destiny awaits you. Or the dreams will continue to plague you. They will only grow worse. Believe me, I know.”_

_He looked as Rey tried to stay upright. But with the weariness burning through her legs, it was proving difficult. “Besides, my daughter is truly her mother in every aspect. She will lead them the way. As she always has.” Rey looked up in his eyes and could not help to let a little smile tug at her lips, knowing that he was right about Leia._

_“Who was their mother?”_

_Anakin’s eyes shone with pure adoration and love but also such broken sadness, “that is a story for another time.”_

_Rey remained quiet. This was just too much, too much to take in after the night she had, and he understood that and continued in a soft voice. “Take heart, little one.”_

_She was trying to keep her breathing under control and then Anakin continued, giving her the final push. “He has the same visions. But if you won’t go, he will never be able to fulfill his part of the role the you two play.”_

_It was like some parts of her mind kept fragmenting the pieces of the puzzle that her visions had shown her, and her eyesight became blurry._

_“Trust the Force. Do what I couldn’t.” The ghost said._

_The books, the knowledge she had gotten from Ben, the visions, the dreams and now Anakin. Her final training, the final piece lay in a desert on Tatooine. She saw it now. The more Anakin told her, the more her visions were unleashing hidden fragments she could not understand before._

_“I was far more gone and broken then my grandson is. Just as I had Luke to come back to, he has you.”_

_She had to go. She knew that now. She felt it in the raw pounding in her heart, in the Force thrumming through her veins._

_“The Force is talking to you, Rey. Do you have the courage to listen?”_

Rey blinked her eyes. Anakin had told her so much that he probably broke some Force Ghost code by being blunt with her. He said as much before he left her to her already heightened emotional state. She let out a hearty scoff, much like Han, and Luke…and especially Ben. To be blunt seemed to run in the family.

She had seen so much death, devastation, still feeling it prickle in the marrow of her bones. How inadequate and angry she was. How she had failed. How it had fractured her sanity and heart. She had no idea what would had happened if she had seen Ben before Anakin talked with her. Even  _after_ having seen Anakin, she still had been too upset, too emotionally fractured to have her remain calm after all the destruction.

Rey let out a sigh, once more looking out the window, hugging her knees to her chest.

“Light and Dark must have their reckoning,” She whispered to no one in particular, feeling the words Anakin told her sink into her soul. All the havoc they had all been through, all that anger threatening to break loose within her, she did what she always did.

What Luke told her to do.

_Just breathe._

She would never forget, but she would not let it consume her either. She would refocus those feelings to follow the path of her visions. She would use the remembrance of the dead to propel her in the right course. Their deaths would not be in vain.

Rey continued staring out the small quadrant shaped window, watching the stars adorning the black emptiness of space. She didn’t fear leaving the rebels after what she witnessed what Ben had done for them. For  _her_  sake. She understood, she had been naïve when asking him to come with her. She had been too emotional that night. Too raw and upset in her grief that she lashed out. She expected too much, too fast. Just like on  _Supremacy_. But for him to do something like this. It proved beyond anything how much he was changing. But even as she understood, she also knew she would push him even further, either making or breaking them.

She would do what Anakin couldn’t. Trust the Force. Trust herself. Something inside her purred along her nerves knowing what she must do.

The Bond had been silent since she saw him on  _Supremacy_. By her will. She had concentrated to not think about him, to not call out to him because she had to be ready for him next time she saw him and halted any form of connection that wanted to seep in her world. She knew if the Bond had wished for it, it would have taken shape. But just like Ben, it seemed compliant to her will. And she thought of Ben. He must have felt it was her doing. To her surprise, he had not tried to push through. Just a gentle tug, just to know she was still there. But it was becoming more insistent, more desperate today.

Rey exited her dark painted grey quarters to walk through the narrow dank hallway. She was passing by pirates, some civilians and rebels on her way to the blue and black striped Command Bridge and saw Gramka, and Leia engaged in a heated discussion, with Maz and H’mrsac watching the exchange. Gramka’s crew were at the controls and occasionally scratch their heads awkwardly, trying their best to ignore the fighting.

“Lady, this is not your ship! I am still in charge and you should just thank whatever magic you call the Force that I even let you tag along this far!”

“We are in middle of a war, are you sure this is the road you want to take?”

“The road I will take is mine and my crew. I do not want to get caught up in this bullshit. I just want to get as far away from the First Order as possible and live merrily ever after!”

“You are already caught up in it! Just how far do you plan to run?” Leia exclaimed.

“We always find a way to survive. But it is my choice and my crew’s choice. Not yours! So, go on your shitty civilian freighters to whatever forsaken rock you will land on, take the refugees and get another damned war ship!”

“Oh, there is a limit to stupidity and you just surpassed it. You won’t get far. Let us make this right!”

“Make this right?!” Gramka bellowed in a fit of sarcastic laughter, “You represent peace and justice, all that buttered up shit. Where does pirates align with that? If we say you do defeat the big bad?! I don’t really see a rainbow ending here.”

“This is bigger than you.” Rey said as she went to stand next to Leia, feeling Maz’s stare at her.

“Leave this to the grownups, kid. You have no place here.” Gramka expressed heatedly.

Ignoring his jibe with a pointed look, she just continued, “what kind of a pirate runs away from a fight? Han Solo didn’t.”

“And look where that got him!” Gramka finished angrily, staring daggers at the Jedi who stared back, anger evident in her hazel eyes.

The silence that followed clouded the room in a thick static mist.

“At least he had much more backbone then you will ever have.” Rey finished and could feel the anger coming of in waves from the older man.

“You got some nerve.” He walked around the table, circling towards Rey and she met him, so they stood close, stuck in their eye contest. She refused to drop her gaze from him.

“I learned from the best.” Rey answered.

He scoffed, but his harsh features did soften. “I have nothing to prove to you.”

“Gramka. You know as well as I do what will happen. You are just stalling the inevitable.” Maz said for the first time. “Always such a dramatic. The other ships have agreed to stay with the Resistance. You know you will too.”

“Maz…” Gramka said then, turning his head to the little alien that just rolled her eyes at him. Once the fight settled down, they saw the entire crew looking at them, but then an unspoken conversation seemed to take place between the captain and his crew.

Gramka sighed, rubbing his non-cybernetic eye, raising his hands in mock surrender.

“Fine. But let’s get one thing straight. This is still my ship. I command it.” Leia didn’t acknowledge, and the elder man just grumbled as he left the bridge.

“He is a handful that one.” Leia sighed, leaning against the table as the chatter returned to the room.

“He is, but he has his good sides.” Maz said.

“I would sure love to see them some day.” Leia commented dryly then turned her eyes to Rey.

“You look better.” She said with a smile.

“Do you have time to talk?” Rey asked, and the General nodded as they bid goodbye to Maz, feeling her eyes follow them until they were out of sight.

They reached Rey’s quarters and got inside. Leia immediately noticed the bag and staff on her bed, and she sat down at the edge of the hardened mattress.

“Going somewhere?” Leia asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Yes.” Rey stated, with a more confident voice then she felt when having Leia’s eyes pierce hers.

“I had dreams. Or visions more like it. I had them for a long time, about a place in Tatooine.”

“Tatooine? Out of all places…” Leia chuckled, looking at Rey’s bag, seeing the books stick out.

“And I assume it has to do with these?”

“Not only.” Rey answered, sitting down next to Leia.

A melancholic smile graced the older woman’s lips as she touched the old covers, “I feel its power. As much as he gets on my nerves, have you asked C-3PO to translate the texts yet? He does have his uses.”

Rey’s eyes blinked, she had not even considered that he would be able to perhaps to a better job then she would. “I had not even thought about it.” She admitted a bit sheepishly. Leia just chuckled, “well you are not the one that has heard how well versed he is in over six million forms of communications for over several decades.”

“I believe…the scriptures are so ancient, and I feel guided by the Force whenever I read them. I don’t think it is meant for a droid to understand the contexts.”

Leia seemed to ponder and agreed. “True.”

There was a moment of silence before the General broke it.

“So Tatooine?” Leia asked, not letting them get sidetracked. And Rey prepared herself to hear how it was important for the morale and spirits of the rebels that she would have to remain. That she was their beacon in the darkness. And without their Jedi, they would feel lost.

“Fate is a funny thing.” The General continued and turned her head towards Rey.

“When will you be leaving?”

“Wait, what? I had a whole speech prepared about why I needed to go, and you will just let me? Just like that?” Rey asked, stuck somewhere between relief and amazement.

“Just like that.” Leia answered with an amused grin, that amusement sparkling in her wise eyes. “If there is something I have learned in my years is that you don’t fight the Force on these things. If it is calling you somewhere, you need to follow it.”

“I just…expected a different reaction.”

Leia took hold of the younger woman’s hand. “I felt my son on that ship. And he didn’t fire. He let us escape and he warned you about everything.” She paused before adding, “he is really changing, isn’t he?”

“More then he knows.” Rey answered. “That is also why I have to go. I have to trust that he will follow.”

Leia smiled, “this connection the two of you have…I have all the faith he will. He spared the entire Resistance. He would not do that if he did not care about you.”

“He cares about you, as well.” Rey added, and saw the little shake tremble in Leia’s body. “He loves you. I know he does. He is just…confused and hurting.” Leia held her hand more firmly, and Rey could have sworn she saw her eyes fill with tears.

“He will always have that darkness. But I have it too. I know he is stronger than he thinks himself to be.”

“Because you give him something to be strong about.” Leia answered, and the room fell into a silence with both women thinking about the same man. For different reasons.

 

* * *

 

Kylo Ren felt the ship make a slight vibration as they exited another hyperspace jump following one of the trails, without any signs of the rebels. They had gotten smarter. As he got the report from Yago, there were several hyperspace signatures after their second jump, in pairs of two, to break into another two separate trails by the third jump. They split up their ships to stall the Order.

His mother was clever. Not that it was surprising, but it helped the illusion of that he wanted to hunt them down. And a part of him did. There was still a part that wanted to get rid of the Resistance, the final hindrance to the Order, but then  _she_  interrupted those thoughts.

Without Rey however, as she told him she was leaving them, what was stopping him from accomplish his goal? But he knew the answer even if he was still stubborn to delve into those thoughts. He could not kill them without losing Rey, and if he captured them, well…He knew what would be expected of him. If he didn’t live up to it, he was certain the Order would turn on him.

And his mother was still there. Just the mere thought added pressure to his chest that made it hard for him to breathe. He felt he was going insane, not really knowing what he was doing. One part wanted to find the Resistance, while the other was relieved whenever they exited a lightspeed jump to find themselves alone.

He had more dreams these two passing days, and he knew they were telling him something. Luke was right. He knew the difference between dreams and visions, and his patience was skating on thin ice. There was a frustration bubbling underneath his fingertips that he really could not place either. Perhaps it had to do with being so close to Rey and being ripped away from her too soon.

Or was it because what once was so clear was now muddled, or that the Bond had been quiet, and he felt it was her doing. Why she suddenly chose to do this baffled him, but he didn’t want to push through if she was not ready to see him. He had tried, the Bond had tried but had complied to her will for now. But now it had been two days, and his worry and confusion for her cascaded. It didn’t do anything to ease his current irritation.

Kylo sat on the throne, watching the exterior of space to his right, alone in the large circular room. The former red curtains Snoke was so fond of were gone by the fire and Ren preferred it this way. Kylo favored being able to watch his surroundings. He gripped the armchair tightly as the elevator opened and Captain Yago made his way to him across the long walk.

He had gotten another report yesterday from Rogue that Hux was placed in a prison cell as per his request. At least that was satisfying to know. Hux would suffer once Kylo returned from this tiresome chase.

“Supreme Leader.” He said, giving a small bow and Kylo Ren waved his fingers for him to stand up.

“I contacted our bases, no one has seen or heard of the Resistance ships in their sectors.”

“That is most unfortunate.” Kylo answered slowly, his dark eyes roaming over the Captain.

Yago craned his neck, rolling his shoulders. “This trail has run cold; would you want to return to the previous trail and follow another route we charted from the first jump?”

“Do it. If it proves to be another misfortunate chase, we return to Coruscant.”

“Very good Supreme Leader.”

Kylo watched the Captain exit the room and the second he did, he leaped from his chair. The muscles around the nose twitching when he walked to the edge of the circular room, enraptured by the darkness in space, and he closed his eyes. He tried once more to break the wall she had placed. He couldn’t take this anymore. He had to know why she was keeping him out.  
  
“Let me in, Rey.”

 

* * *

 

 

“She is doing what?” Poe exclaimed.

Leia had gathered the ex-stormtrooper, Chewie, Rose and Poe in a small room to prepare them for Rey’s departure. The girl had so much on her shoulders. The least Leia could do was trying to lessen it, and she knew this would not settle well with her friends. At least not until the initial shock was over.

“And you wonder why I decided to gather you all before Rey told you herself.” Leia commented.

“But she can’t go off on her own. Tatooine is controlled by the Order. There is nothing for her there.” Finn stated, and Leia’s eyes landed on Rose and Chewie. The only ones that did not seem shocked by the news. And Leia felt the Force envelop her, looking at Rose, sensing that the girl knew much more then Poe or Finn did.

“It will be suicide for her to go.”

“Poe, I know it won’t make sense to you, but she is leaving. Today. There is nothing you can do about it.” She saw that spark of defiance in his eyes, and how she usually loved it. It reminded her how Han would sometimes look when faced with impossible odds, but this was not the time.

“Oh, yeh?” He asked, “we will see about that!” Poe stormed out of the room. Leia sighed, expecting this reaction. Finn was ready to follow his friend but was stopped by Rose tugging at his arm.

“Let him go.” She said, and Finn turned his head towards the girl. “Rey has a bigger role to play then we have. If Leia says she must go, she must go.”

“But she is my friend. We just got her back.” He tried to explain, and Rose pressed her lips together. “I know, Finn. But you need to trust her judgement.”

Finn scratched the back of his neck. “I do.” He squeezed Rose’s hand. “I do.” He repeated, exhaling deeply. They both looked at Leia and Chewie, “thank you, General. We will be waiting downstairs.” Leia nodded as they bid each other farewell.

The door closed, leaving her alone with Chewie.

The Wookie made a grumbling noise and Leia chuckled, “I know, Chewie. I know.”

He nodded his head and let out another howl of argument. “I just hope Lando is ready.” Leia agreed. Then a distant memory replayed in her mind, “and I also hope for his sake, he kept my mother’s dresses safe.”

 

* * *

 

Rey heard a firm knock on her door and calmed her mind as she opened the door to find Poe there. She guessed Leia had briefed him, watching his ruffled hair and anxiety rolling of his shoulders.

“Can I come in?”

She nodded and let him in.

“So, you are really doing this?” He asked, looking over her packed belongings.

Rey followed his eyes, watching how he placed his arms at his hips until he turned his head towards her. The scavenger had been prepared to have this conversation with Leia, she had not thought about how everyone else would react to her departure. And while it had been good between her and Poe since he tried to kiss her, she sensed different kinds of emotions reminding her of that moment coiling through him.

“I am.” She replied calmly, standing in the middle of the room, watching his stubbled jaw clench at her reply.

“And you decided the best time was now? In the middle of the war? When we are on the run, again?”

She locked gazes with the pilot, “it is something I have to do.”

“I don’t understand, Rey.”

“You don’t have to understand, Poe. Just trust me. I wouldn’t leave if it wasn’t important. I won’t be gone forever. The Resistance managed without me before, and it will again.”

He ran a hand through his thick curls, starting to walk towards her. “But it’s different this time around. You know that.”

“I am just one person, Poe. I can’t be what you all want me to be.” Rey said, remaining still as he advanced to her.

Poe looked at her, standing close. Too close. Rey held her ground as his eyes scanned her face. He was searching for something, some piece of information. When he didn’t find what he was looking for, he bit his lower lip.

“If Leia…trusts this, I should to. But I don’t like it.”

Her lips quirked in a small smile. “Thank you.”

“When Leia told me, I knew you had already made up your mind. But I had to come here. I had to try. I could not…” He let out something between a sigh and a chuckle.

“So why are you here, Poe?” She asked in a quiet tone.

“Because I suck at saying goodbye. I don’t know how to handle the fact that you will be off in enemy territory doing whatever it is you have to do. Alone.” He exclaimed in disgruntlement.

“I can take care of myself.”

Another sigh of frustration as he clenched his teeth, his gaze focused upon her. “I know. I know you are more than capable. That is not why…” And again, his voice faded, struggling to find the right words. For a man with his natural charms and quick wit, it was strange to see him so fragile in front of her.

And then she understood.

_He still cares about me…_

There was a silence hovering between them. Thick and unrelenting. She could not help but be taken by the compassion that soared through her every cell too see him so shaken, by what he was feeling. Towards  _her_. He was fighting to keep control. To not make a fool of himself, and to not make her uncomfortable.

“And I don’t really know what to say. But I would like to limit my embarrassment to just the two of us rather than doing it with eyewitnesses.”

“Then don’t say anything.” Rey said, and his eyes glittered by the reflection of the lights in the ceiling.

“Didn’t know you were a fan of awkward silence.” He tried to deviate with a joke, but she saw through it and put her hand on his arm, feeling his muscles tense underneath her touch.

“Don’t do that.” She chided with a playful smile.

“I thought I was okay with just being your friend. I  _want_  to be okay with it. But I’m going to miss you, Rey. More than I should.”

She closed the final distance and pulled him into a friendly embrace, hugging her arms around his neck. They both knew it was their own goodbye. Just for them alone, and he tentatively placed his own arms around her waist. Containing himself to not become too intimate with her, knowing how she felt. And she knew it was hard for him.

_Let me in, Rey…_

She felt a shiver in her spine, hearing Ben’s words through their connection, feeling it thumping against her heart and the walls around her seemed to shrink.

Not now. Not when she and Poe were sharing this moment.

“Take my ship.” The pilot whispered, still holding her.

She thought she could not be hearing right.

“What?”

“It is the only ship the Order won’t recognize. Tatooine is under their control. What do you think they will do when you show up in a X-wing or in the  _Falcon_?”

She had considered that, but she knew she would find a way. She would never ask for Poe to give up something he built.

Rey leaned her head back, to watch him in the eyes. “I know how important it is to you.”

His lips pressed tightly, and he broke their eye contact, and the hug. He was trailing his hands down her arms now. “It’s just a ship.” He was looking at her arm wraps like they were the most fascinating thing ever.

He was deflecting the issue, and they both knew it.

“I can’t accept it.” Rey said, her voice becoming strained.

She felt Ben’s connection to her trying to break through the walls she put up. She was fighting its pull, but her willpower had weakened. It was already hard enough to do it when she was alone. But sharing such a vulnerable moment with her friend, saying goodbye to him, fighting was proving impossible. Especially when Ben’s resolve became stronger.

“Let’s make a deal then. You take the ship, because you promise to come back.” Poe argued.

_Let me in, Rey. Please…_

The Bond prodded in her brain, and she could no longer push him out when he was pushing against her so fiercely for a connection to take shape.

And it did. She had to bite back a choke in her throat when Ben’s emotions hit her like violent waves against static, motionless cliffs.

“Promise me, you will come home.” Poe added in a quieter tone. She could only manage to nod back, feeling Ben’s piercing stare upon them. The raw shock and confusion made her legs shake.

“You know, I was serious that I need someone to slap me over the head whenever I make a bad decision.” He said, still holding onto her arms, before reaching for a lock that had cascaded in front of her face to tuck it behind her ear.

Ben’s rage and torment was feral and strong when Poe touched her hair. Even if it was innocent, she knew how Ben would perceive this.

It was not supposed to happen this way, but now it was too late for any regrets.

“I don’t want to lose you.”

Rey fought every muscle in her neck to not turn around to look at Ben when another wave of anxiety slammed into her.

“You won’t lose me.” She said firmly as Poe’s brown eyes sought hers, the smile on her lips genuine, trying to comfort him with that small gesture.

Ben’s entire presence was profound. The more Poe’s hands lingered on her arms, the more did his hurt manifest.

“Thank you.” She said quietly to Poe. “For the ship.” She added, and he smiled, letting his arms fall to the sides. “So now that that is all this tense stuff is over and done with, I can walk you down to the hangar. If you are ready. Everyone will be waiting for you.”

“I’ll be there soon. Meet you downstairs?” She asked with a grin. Poe looked around the room, feeling the shift of tension in her shoulders but nodded slowly and left her quarters.

She wondered for one moment if it would be wise to face Ben in these circumstances, but she had to trust her instincts. Closing the Bond now would wreak havoc.

With a snap of her head, her eyes met his. Memories flooded her, of what had happened the night, of all those victims, how he held her when she had broken down before him, how she saw him on  _Supremacy_  before jumping away. What he had done for her. How it had been two days since she last laid eyes on him. But she would have to be strong for this.

She had to trust the Force. Most of all, she had to trust herself.

_Snoke poisoned his mind for so long. If I came to him, testifying that everything Snoke made him believe in was a lie, a twisted perception of my fate and end, how do you think it would affect him?_

Anakin’s words hammered in her head, and she knew this was not the time nor place to tell him about her meeting with his grandfather. She saw his eyes, the liquid heat pooling inside the darkened depths, and sensed his panic. His fear about what he had just witnessed. To add Anakin to the equation now would be foolish and cause a greater rift between them.

“Why?” He asked, a lethal swift caress to his tone and she took in his tired appearance. The wild waves of his soft, black hair. The curling of his fists, the anger that seemed to bounce from his core. His eyes became hungry and filled with dread as he stalked towards her.

“This was not the Bond. This was  _you_ allowing me to come through. Why now? Why with  _him_ there?” He continued as he stalked towards her, his every move calculated, swift and foreboding.

He actually thought she’d let him see her and Poe on purpose. To hurt him. That was the furthest thing from the truth.

“He is my friend.” She said with a steely voice, crossing her arms. “What you saw has nothing to do with you.”

“With the way he looks at you, I beg to differ.” Ben snapped. She didn’t answer.

The muscle above his lip twitched, “I had to know you were safe. That you were alright.” He told her slowly, but she sensed the quiet wrath beneath, “I have not seen you for days because you kept me out. And I let you.  What am I supposed to think when I see you with him the first time you allow me to break through? To see…”

He could not finish his sentence, but Rey felt everything. And it wrecked her just as much, but he was so caught up in his own emotions to realize hers.

Ben continued to approach her, and she started to back away to keep the same distance, knowing it would infuriate him, until her back hit the cool metal wall behind her.

“Is this why you kept shutting me out? To be with him?” He asked. But beneath the anger, there was an uncertainty, as if he did not know how to proceed if she would say yes. She felt the distress as if it was her own.

All she saw was the pain, and the fear of being alone in his eyes that made her heart break, feeling it twist achingly beneath her ribcage.

“No. But he is my friend.” Rey repeated, “And as I friend, I was saying goodbye to him, because I am leaving. Why does it bother you so much?” She asked.

Now it was his time to be silent.

She held her gaze to his, and his jaw shifted.

“Then why?” He asked, ignoring her question. She stared at him and did not answer.

Rey saw the tension in his throat when he swallowed and how he pierced his cheek with his tongue. She found herself getting lost watching his face, as she usually did when he came to stand before her. Even angry, he was still breathtaking. All his beauty marks seemed to form the map of the galaxy and she wondered how many constellations out there matched them.

She still hadn’t answered him, and he was trying to hold on the little patience he still had left. Which was not saying much, and her defiance, the challenge in her eyes finally let it snap.

Ben let out a snarl of frustration, slamming his palms against the wall, effectively trapping her. Normally this would anger her, but she was provoking him, and she knew where his feelings were stemming from. She also knew how reckless one could be when feeling unfamiliar worry mingling with anger and fear course through them. What he felt now was what she had felt with his female Knight and that had made her equally impulsive.

The brunette smelled him, that exhilarating scent that messed with her head, felt the raw power pulsate within him, and it made the air crackle with energy. She had to remember how to breathe as that all too familiar twinge of heat started to throb inside her body. How it made her come  _alive_.

The air between them felt suddenly too hot, too intoxicating.

“Why?” He repeated, this time his voice much softer as he lowered his head above hers so they breaths became unified. Her heart pounded so loudly, hammering in the back of her skull, she was sure he could hear the furious thumping. It did not ease the tingling sweet heat that prickled her muscles and nerves to have him so near her at all.

“I needed to be alone.” She almost choked on the words, stumbling on her nervous tongue.

“You didn’t look very alone to me.” He responded heatedly. His eyes flared in that enticing way, that hungry way that almost made her knees buckle. If she had not placed her arms on the railing against the wall behind her, clinging to it for dear life, she was sure she would have.

But she remained impassive as she repeated her words. “I had to be alone, because I had to think. About this, about our connection and I can’t do that when you are always here.”

He looked shocked, his eyebrows knitting together, “what are you saying, Rey?”

“That I love my friends. That I believe in Leia and her cause. That they matter. Their lives matter. By allowing this connection, I put them all at risk.”

“It was this connection that made you able to save them!” He retaliated thickly, and she bit her tongue to respond something impulsive. He let his tense, powerful arms slacken so he could come even closer to her. Their clothes brushed against each other and Rey’s mouth went completely dry.

Their lips inches apart, she sensed the surge of want churning within him  _for_  her. She knew what he wanted, what his heart desired because she did too.

She wished to tell him about his grandfather. She couldn’t. But she would also not lie to him. 

“The Bond is something we didn’t choose. It chose us but that doesn’t mean I can keep doing this. I can’t keep pretending that the sides we are on don’t matter anymore.” She breathed, gasping for air, and it was burning her lungs.

He removed his hands from the wall, looking at her as if she suddenly turned into a ghost.

“I spared the Resistance.” He said, “for you.”

“Am I supposed to say thank you that we did not get captured by the Order, that you didn’t destroy our ships?”

She saw that blatant fear in his eyes at her words, and it didn’t lighten when she continued to speak. “This is becoming too much, Ben. We just keep fighting. Keep dancing to the same tune. What happened two days ago proves this. We can’t be enemies, but neither are we allies. We are stuck in the middle.”

“There is something between us. I know it, and you know it. But this is bigger than that. It’s too much. I need to find myself. And for me to do that, I can’t keep trying to convince you to do the right thing.” She continued, feeling the ache in her heart wanting to swallow her whole.

 _You must remain strong. You must remember why you are doing this, Rey!_ She chanted furiously in her head.

Barely an inch between their lips, her gaze met his and she was fixated on those hauntingly, ancient dark eyes. And how it made the hairs on her neck buzz with static rising to the shell of her ear.

“What happened to _, ‘I’m never giving up on you’_? What about,  _‘come with me’_? When you said,  _‘I can’t stop this. I can’t stop feeling what I do’?”_  He asked, using her words against her. She was stunned he had memorized her sentences perfectly.

“This has become more then what we can handle. Don’t you see that? What about the next time something like this happens?”

“You might have been able to shut me out now because I allowed it, but this is permanent. The Bond can’t be severed.”

“I know.”

“You wanted me to come with you.”

“I know.”

“Was it all a lie?”

She shook her head her head in response. He fought to keep his already jarringly emotions under control. He leaned even further so she could feel the warmth of his breath caress her face.

“You asked me why it bothers me, why  _he_  bothers me.” His breathing uneven, and she held her own awaiting his answer.

He turned his head, and again that fear shot through her, “because you smiled.” He rasped.

Her heart skipped a beat, and he met her eyes once more, “he makes you smile.” He admitted, and she could have sworn her heart stopped beating that very second.

She could see it written on his face and sense it in his feelings what he did not want to voice aloud _, and I haven’t…_

“Ben...” She tried but he shook his head.

“You won’t find what you are looking for.” His voice was strained and fearful. “No matter where you go, no matter where you run, we are intertwined. You are as much a part of me as I am of you. You can’t find yourself without me. You can’t shut off this connection. I can’t- I  _won’t_  let you.” There was a raw desperation to his voice. He was afraid. Of being alone. To be ripped from the one comfort that made his world bearable. This is what she had been aiming for.

She hugged his face with her trembling palms, closing the barely existing space between their lips. They both let out a gasp as the electricity from the touch seemed make the very room shake. The fire she had been trying to suppress with him slashed through her body with an otherworldly consuming flame. To feel his lips join hers again after so long, it was impossible to stifle the shaky moans that escaped from them. The Bond rippled through them, purring with that symphony only they could hear. It would be so easy to just let him hold her as his hands snaked around her waist, hugging her closer to him, to let the world just disappear around them when their mouths danced with each other. But just as they deepened the kiss, her hands travelled to his chest, his new plated armor foreign to her skin, she gave him a gentle push, breaking it. With her damp lips ghosting against his, she looked up in his eyes, mustering the willpower she needed for what she had to do next.

“Then come and find me.” She whispered and then she snapped the connection shut, leaving her alone with a hand dangling in the air, and an uncontrolled fire howled through her, desperately wanting more, turning that heat into an unbearable cold that made her want to hurl. Closing her eyes, she barely registered the single tear that traced a pattern down her cheek.

But she had to trust the Force. Trust Anakin that he would follow. He had to come to her. Of his own want and will. She knew he didn’t know where she was going but it was another thing she had surrender to the Force.

And if he didn’t find her…She didn’t want to think about that yet.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay first of all, I need to shout from the mountaintops how much I love Biekewieke for being my rock, my safe harbor and my strong comfort for reading my edits before I post. She helped me so much with this chapter, you cannot believe and she is just the most wonderful person ever for putting up with my anxiety and always holding my hand whenever I update. So big kisses to you darling <3
> 
> And then to all of you wonderful people that follows this story and always taking the time to comment. Seriously whenever i read them (and I know I can be so slow in answering sometimes) they make me beam with happiness and joy, and more then a few has actually made me cry (happy tears, I promise) I really hope you all liked this chapter! I want to shout out to ReyandKyloforever as well, that kiss was for you ;) I originally did not plan to have one but well it kinda happened after I read your comment. :P Hope you liked that addition!
> 
> And yes, I know I have been so slow with updates and I am really sorry about that, I really am :( But school is extremely intense right now and have so many personal problems that just keeps piling up :( But truly, for those that comment, you are my SPARK that lights the FUEL to this story, to finally, and soon to bring our space babies together and I can't be more grateful and humbled for the response to this story. It means beyond words, and with everyone I get, I always find so much encouragement and inspiration to keep going because I know I make you feel something by reading this. So I love you all that always take your time to do that <3
> 
> Also I am supernervous about what you think about the Anakin moment. My inspiration when writing him is more from AoTC, the Clones series, and first half of RoTS. I was talking to a friend how one would think his force ghost would be like and according to him and to some little research, they are the embodiement of their best selves, so I tried to have that Anakin here if that makes sense. :)
> 
> EDIT: I already noticed the next chapter will be a very, VERY long one and probably take some time for it to be updated due to exams coming up in school. I hope you will enjoy this chapter and all that it is, and don't forget the comment button ;) It really does fuel the passion to keep going even when faced with overwhelming work from RL and will make me write faster. Every review spurrs my motivation! :) Until next time!


	18. Across The Bloodwater: Part 1

In Coruscant, the sun was setting. The pink rays shone through the grey clouds scattered across the horizon and the traffic buzzed through the tall buildings. Beneath the palace, far underground were specially crafted prison cells. Made during Palpatine’s reign for those…of a personal interest to the Emperor. After his demise those constructs were never used again and remained untouched. People did not want to venture there willingly. It was left to gather dust and cobwebs. Not even the maintenance crew nor droids ventured down here. Until now.

The Knights of Ren met up with Monk and Sentinel who eagerly awaited their arrival. They exchanged a short conversation with Orica Hemz to give a hasty recollection of the events that transpired, and to plan guard patrols around the prison block and food routine for the General.

Far beneath the palace, on those lowest levels reserved for the most dangerous sort, Rogue and her brethren walked through the dark hallways. The sensors above them triggered lowly dim lightning to guide their way through the small labyrinth of corridors. The air was dank down here, and everything relied on the soft, almost non-existent lamps in the hallways. Rogue knew it would drive someone mad to be derived of natural light and be trapped in total darkness – as it was when the lights shut off when the sensors were not triggered. If one was not strong in the Force, one would not find peace, but go mad and suffer from panic attacks from feeling blind, alone and trapped.

Their boots echoed throughout the crammed space, as they advanced towards the cell they would leave Hux to stew until their Master returned.

Rogue decided to walk behind the General, burning her gaze into Armitage’s neck. That disturbance she felt was lit anew. Through her visor, and through the Force she could feel that he was calm when he should be panicking. His heartrate steady and strong when it should be elevated. His entire posture relaxed with military grace when he should be stressed with sweat and anxiety. Something was off, and it bothered her.

Since she arrived on _Finalizer_ , and the communication with her Master ended, Hux always wore a subtle smug grin – despite being choked by the Force for long, agonizing minutes. She tried to peer into his mind – even if it had never been her strongest suite, she should have managed to probe it with ease. Even so she found his mind guarded. Like he was deliberately opening and closing doors to his memories. Almost as if he was the one choosing what she would and would not see. It confused her, he was not a Force sensitive. How was it possible? And from sensing her comrades, they did not share her worry. They obeyed the orders given, leaving Hux unharmed and without trying to delve into his mind until Kylo Ren arrived from his rebel chase.

The Emperor must have loved to torture his subjects, Rogue pondered as they passed the many abandoned cells. The very air was filled with memories of despair and agony. That combined with lack of food and no interactions with the outside world would make the sanest person go crazy. Slow, but an effective method. They surrounded Hux in union before pushing him inside a room where a small quadrant shaped cell was placed in the middle of it that did not hold anything beyond the basic needs. A bench, and a small toilet by the corner.

Sniper took hold of Hux’s shoulder and pushed him inside the open bars, and snapped the lock shut. The only light now shining in here was the small lamp that automatically ignited as they entered the room. Armitage’s normally combed hair was in a disheveled state, and his black uniform wrinkled.

Still, she felt nothing.

Inside his cell, he turned his body to face them.

“How utterly uncivilized. A General deserves better treatment.” He said.

“You no longer bear the ranking of General. You are nothing but what the Supreme Leader wishes you to be.” Sniper answered through his vocoder.

“Hah! Well, I suppose that is true.” Hux cackled. “But then again, I don’t really care what the _current_ Supreme Leader thinks of me. But I guess I must be important enough to gain such an entourage to escort me to a prison cell.”

He just smiled at them deviously before he shifted his gaze to her, like he knew she was the only one that was suspicious of his dispassionate state.

“Rogue, is it?” He asked, clicking his tongue.

“Now you were the most fascinating subject.” He said as he walked towards the bars, tilting his chin, and she saw the small stubble gracing his face – something that proved he was denied his daily routine of keeping it completely shaved. “I knew you as Ziva Ren, or what was your name before you were whisked away to the temple? Do you want to know?” He asked.

He tried to bait her. She would not take it.

“I am Rogue. My past does not matter. My life is dedicated to the Knights, to my Master. I do not care for your trifle attempts-

-What about your brother then? Do you speak for him as well?” He turned his head towards her brother, “Sniper… I knew you as Fresk. Or well, you did have other names. All of you did.”

Rogue shifted her weight, regarding the General with a penetrating glare. The words he spoke did not prevent the uncomfortable notion tingling down to her very bones that he knew both their names, or the fact that he knew Sniper was her brother. The alarming question as to _how_ he knew these things did not leave her mind. But she refused to let it show. Most logical conclusion is that that he knew because of Snoke. Or that Kylo Ren had told him at some point. She tried to shake it, but like a tic festering on your flesh it wouldn’t budge.

Sniper stood impassive for a moment before taking a step towards the cell, “trying to make me question my allegiance? Don’t even try it. My mind is too dark for you to handle.”

“At least, you are passionate about your cause. I wonder why. What has Kylo Ren ever given you to be loyal about? Except for sparing your lives when he had a temper tantrum that night when the temple burned.” Hux tsked, flashing a small grin, his hands clamped at his back. Even now, he held the pose of arrogance befitting a General.

“Brother.” Rogue implored making him snap his head towards her, and she could feel his stormy gaze reflect her own through his visor.

“Do you ever wonder just why you don’t remember much of your time before you were sent to the temple? Who you were?” Hux asked.

Rogue snapped her eyes towards the pale man behind the bars once more. They were orphans, suffering poverty and humiliation on the streets, begging for scraps to survive the day. Luke had picked them up. Dread stroked her spine like ice at the words. Because something rang true to them.

That there were pieces missing from her past. But she had assumed that the vigorous training she endured on Byss had affected those memories as well. She had spent much of her time after Kylo Ren retrieved them thinking about her past at the temple or her Master to give her childhood much thought – because it did not mean anything to her anymore. But the question remained. How did he know that?

“I always thought I was a Wookie in disguise, can’t you tell by my non-existent fur?” Rogue rose an eyebrow at her brother for joking in times like this. She had not heard this side of him since…before the fall of the temple.

“Ah, yes, deflect reason and truth with humor. Let’s see how far that gets you.” Armitage answered, not finding the joke funny at all.

Monk stepped forward and put a hand on Sniper’s shoulder, his mask turning to face Hux, “we are done here.” Even with his distorted voice, his sturdy voice left no room for argument.

Hux scoffed smugly before turning his back towards them.

“Well then, until next time.” He spoke softly and sat down on the dusty bench – the pathetic excuse for a bed - after wiping away the particles to not sully his uniform further. Rogue looked at him one final time before they shut the door leading to his cell, only to be met by an arrogant smile.

The door closing was the most deafening sound that she would remember that evening.

 

* * *

 

 

“Then come and find me.” And then she was gone. Gone.

Kylo blinked, his lips still haunted by the kiss she had given him, causing a tremor to ripple through his body. His jaw was so tense, clamping his mouth shut, that even his teeth hurt from the pressure. He blinked again, his eyes burning and his hands curling into fists, momentarily seeing the _Supremacy_ enter lightspeed.

_Then come and find me._

His nostrils flared. She knew he could not leave the Order. That he could not leave it behind, in fear what would happen if he did, the choices he would have to face for himself if he admitted, if he gave it a thought that he was on the wrong side. But now she had thrown him in the wolf’s den, leaving him only with two options. Continue down this path – without her or find her and not know what the future would bring.

She was gone. She had snapped the connection with such determination it had left him open, and raw. Like a gaping wound with more salt pouring into it. He closed his eyes, trying to reach out in the Bond but it was like slamming himself against a brick wall. Nothing. There was nothing.

_Then come and find me_.

He couldn’t breathe. His armor felt too tight. Too constricted.

With a roar, he ignited his lightsaber ready to wield it to just lash out at something - at someone, but the second he let his blade ignite with energy, he found himself dropping to his knees instead, letting the blade burn into the smooth, polished black platform.

The frizzling embers from his saber were the only company he had as his heart began to pump at an alarming rate. Would she continue to shut him out if he didn’t come to her? What if the Bond would now comply more to her will rather than his? Because she would not want to see him? The thought itself was unbearable.

Everything hurt. In his cells, his soul and in his heart. Just seeing her again after two days was supposed to calm him, not tear him apart. But then seeing Dameron, hugging her, touching her as if she was _his_ to touch made him see red. He knew, with the little rationality remaining that she was telling the truth. She did not care for him beyond friendship, but in that moment, it didn’t matter. Because it was agonizing to know he was there in the flesh, to actually be there, and not having to rely on the Force to be with her. And to see her smile. If he could make her smile like that, could he also sway her heart eventually?

Kylo let out another groan as his heart twisted, like a knife had been dragged through him. He should be grateful even for her not wanting this connection anymore. It would only clear the muddled fog around his mind and focus on what had to be done. Kill the Resistance and rule the galaxy as it should be ruled.

But without Rey.

Without having the one person that seemed to still care about him despite his errors, despite his flaws, despite Crait.

Even if he had his Knights back, it would not be the same. They could never replace Rey, and if they sensed weakness in him, he would not hold it against them if they turned on him. It would rather be expected.

Kylo hung his head in defeat, terror clawing inside his gut instead of comfort.

His mind, traitorous as his heart, began to picture his life without her, without the Bond, and what his life would look like. And the more flashes shifted through his mind, the less it made sense. There was just emptiness, darkness, and anger. Most of all…loneliness. He had not realized, not truly thought how much this had meant to him, or he had not _wanted_ to see it. Even if they spent most of that time fighting, he never had to hide himself from her. Except about his feelings when she began to see something he was not ready to face. He never understood until now how alone he had been before meeting Rey and how much…how much it had changed for him.

More than he wanted to recognize.

He somewhat knew, had always known they were living on borrowed time while he was with the Order and she was with the Resistance. But perhaps, this would be the way for her to join him again. But the thought slipped into the shadows before fully taking fruit.

_Don’t do this, Ben. Please, don’t go this way._

He had offered her everything he had, and she had rejected him, and had pleaded him to not offer it. But he had been too enthralled by his new freedom to hear her. And when she turned on him, like everyone had, it had not been easy to recover. He still felt that bitterness, that betrayal cling to him to like a shroud.

_Because you offered something you **knew**  I could never accept._

If she had joined him, he would have been willing to listen to her then because it would be the two of them. But the cost had been too high for her. He had not been willing to save the ships that escaped the _Raddus_. He had just wanted a new start. A new beginning, free from his past, free from it all. And he had felt unexplainable freedom in killing Snoke and his guards. All his torment finally coming to an end, only to be replaced with another one.

Still, she wanted him to come to her. What if that meant she was willing to see things his way? Willing to listen, willing to see it was there she belonged, by his side, together. That they were _stronger_ together. That their power would be unquestioned, unparalleled. Nobody would ever dare to challenge them, and with his Knights, they would be the most powerful force in the universe.

_I need to find myself._

But knowing Rey, it was a wistful thought. And power was never something she craved. He looked around the throne room, his saber burning the floor by his side, at all the power this room represented to the Order and to him. And how it meant absolutely nothing if he could not be with her.

_I can’t keep pretending that the sides we are on don’t matter._

He gritted his teeth, feeling droplets of sweat cascade from his temples. No, he could not pretend either anymore. But there was only one way, one way to make this right.

_Come and find me…_

Waves of all the visions he had of her before meeting her, all the images when he finally _did_ meet her, of all the times the Bond connected them, crashed against his ribcage, crumpling him to a kneeled mess on the floor.

_You know the differences between visions and dreams._

_The ones about Rey are different._

He heard Luke’s words add insult to his already troubled mind but knew reluctantly that it was the truth. Those dreams and visions _meant_ something. He knew…he knew he had to find her. He would make her see. He could not lose her, not lose their connection when her existence was the only damn consolation his wretched life had. He could not leave the Order, and he wouldn’t. He would find her, and he would bring her back with him. To be by his side.

Strategically, Kylo knew the smartest choice would be to return to Coruscant. To execute Hux before he could do any more damage. But, to know she was out there, wanting him to find her…killing Hux paled in comparison.

Hux would pay. He would make sure of it. But it would wait. Everything could wait.

Kylo had to find out where she was going, and he knew the key to them lay in his dreams and visions that had been a blurry mess. Shutting of the blade, he headed to his chambers with a determination that vibrated through his core.

 

* * *

 

 

Rey needed to take a few minutes to gather her wits about her, guilt clawing in her chest for what she had done. For what she had said. But it had to be done, even if it devastated her to do it. If he came for her, she promised she would make it right. Tell him the entire truth that she couldn’t now. A part of her was terrified that she might have pushed him in the opposite direction. That her sudden change would make him see the world in crimson. But she had to trust the Force, and Anakin and trust Ben’s feelings for her were stronger than wanting to remain on the _Supremacy._ With still shaking hands, she strapped her bag to her belt, attached the gun she got from Han in the holster and hung her staff over her shoulder. With one fluid movement, she flung the cloak she had worn on Ahch-To and headed downstairs.

When the hangar bay doors opened, she could not help but feel overwhelmed by everyone that stood there. Her family. A tug in her heart told her it was not complete. But even so, she had none to call that before. She was so used to be so alone, and it was still baffling to see how much she had gained by joining Finn and BB-8.

Standing before them now, she did not really know where to begin.

“BB-8, prep my ship.” Poe said to the adorable little droid before turning his head towards Rey. An unspoken eye contact passed between them and a sad smile flashed across the pilot’s face. The astromech droid squealed happily in response, while Rey rose an eyebrow.

Poe chuckled as the droid continually chirped next to him. “You know you are going with her buddy.” The droid whirled his head to Rey and back to Poe then back to Rey again, a confused beeping directed to the pilot and Rey flashed BB-8 a warm smile.

“Only if you want too.” She said to the droid that let out another series of happy beeping.

“He will know the ship better than anyone. Besides, you will want some company.” The pilot answered in a way that left no room for argument before Rey could even question it. So, she didn’t and watched as Poe and BB-8 walked away from the group towards the beautiful, carbonite slim ship Poe had built.

Chewie was the first one to approach her, breaking the silence and exclaimed in some different howls and grumbling, “I will be careful, I promise. Take care of everyone, and don’t eat the porgs. They need you to look after them.” He made another noise as they hugged, and she smiled. And he said something else meant for her ears alone, which made her eyes widen and she whispered so only he could hear, “how did you know?”

He gave her a wink that reminded so much of Han in that moment. The Wookie was much more perceptive then she had given him credit for before as heat crawled up her cheeks. But she dismissed her thoughts as Finn walked before her and embraced her tightly to his chest.

“We just got you back, and you are leaving. Again.” He said. “I wish I could come with you.”

“I wish you could too. But we both have our roles to play.” She answered.

“Ye, ye, the Force and all that.” He chuckled as they disentangled their arms.

“Take care of him.” Rey said, turning her face towards Rose who grinned. “Oh, I will stun him if he makes bad choices.” She joked, waving her stun gun around and Rey could see Finn’s eyes follow that weapon with weary apprehension.

“Hey, we really need to talk about your fascination with stunning people.” The dark-skinned man replied with a shake of his head.

“Baby-face.” Rose said cheekily.

“You love this baby-face.” Finn said proudly.

Rose hugged Rey, “I hope you will find everything you are looking for.” She whispered in her ear, and Rey knew the deeper meaning behind the words. And the fact no one else had questioned her about Ben meant that the raven-haired girl had kept their conversation to herself. And that meant the world to Rey and she smiled as Finn and Rose backed away, throwing his arm around the girl’s shoulder.

Rey turned her head to see Maz and Leia watching her. Both with knowing grins on their faces and as the orange skinned alien made her way to Rey, she got on her knees to be at the same height. Maz took her face in her warm hands, peering into her eyes.

“The Force is strong with you, child. You have come a long way since I met you in my bar.”

The brunette nodded. Maz’s pupils grew wider and bigger as her glasses made a tinkling noise to shift the gears to enhance on Rey’s face.

With her enlarged eyes, Maz continued a hushed tone, “you found your answers. I know they were not the ones you were looking for. But I also see you found the belonging you searched for. Your eyes, dear girl…your eyes tell me as much.” She said knowingly, and Rey felt the Force buzz strongly around the little woman. Her words made Rey’s pulse quicken, knowing the intent behind the words.

The girl stood up, facing Leia as the older woman held a graceful grin on her lips, and handed her a small bag and the binary beacon she had taken to Luke. “To light your way home when you are ready.” Leia told her, hugging Rey’s hand with her own before Rey wrapped it around her wrist, hiding it under the leather cuff.

“The bag contains some credits for rations, and a blanket for the nights. Tatooine is not a kind climate for most, and while it is hotter than most planets – even Jakku, the nights can be cruelly cold because of it.” Leia said, with a wink. Applying more gentle pressure on Rey’s hand, she gave the girl one of the warmest smiles she had seen.

“I know I will see you again. May the Force be with you.”

Rey smiled, “and you. Always.”

“Miss Rey. Artoo and I just wish good luck on your journey. Be careful of the Jawas, uuuugh.” The golden plated droid shuddered, “the memories are to dreadful to even comprehend, and the Tusken raiders, dear, oh, dear. Tatooine is really an awful place. I don’t see how anyone sane would travel there willingly.” Threepio spoke, his plates shining brightly in the hangar while Artoo chimed in.

“I will be careful.” She answered before letting looking at the group. With a final nod she walked towards _Viper_.

“Happy beeps, buddy. Happy beeps.” Poe smiled to the droid, kneeling before him, and both turned their heads to her. “I wish I could come too but this is her journey. You promise to take care of her for me, alright?” BB-8 answered with in different tones, happy and sad ones.

They butted heads as a farewell before the droid rolled underneath the ship to be holstered up, to sit behind the cockpit of Poe’s custom-made ship.

Rey stood still but could not help how her lips quirked upwards, even as Ben’s words haunted her as she did so, when Poe turned his head towards her, “and you take good care of my droid.”

“I thought he was the one taking care of me.” She attempted at a joke, and he laughed. “Rey?”

“Yes?”

“Take care of my ship.”

She grinned. “Not a scratch. I promise.”

“You know, a part of me is itching to fly as well. I miss it.” He sighed before he continued, “Tatooine is under the Order’s control. Before Kylo Ren becoming their leader, they collaborated with the Hutts to keep gambling, slavery and illegal trade alive, as long it benefited the Order. I don’t know if that has been changed since that lovely announcement about the change _he_ was about to bring. I’m just saying, be safe and don’t trust anyone. Land in Mos Eisley. It is your best bet to go unnoticed. To blend in with the rest.”

“Thanks for the tip.”

“And, Rey?”

“Yeah?”

“Be careful.” He told her quietly and she nodded. He quirked his lips upwards as he started to walk away to join the rest of the group.

Rey let out a sigh before climbing the small ladder and boarding the cockpit. Placing her bags, and staff neatly next to her, she proceeded to sit down. The seat was extremely comfortable, and she sucked in a breath, smelling the rubber, plastic and different metals fill her senses. She scanned the controls and the interface, already conducting how it worked. Poe had showed her once with an X-wing when she had helped him with maintenance. She touched the joystick, smiling at the feel of it. Below the seat, she felt something hard rub against her leather boots. She pulled up a pilot helmet Poe must have left for her.

She was taken back to Jakku, with the old dusty helmet she used to play with when dreaming of her life as an adventurous pilot.

It felt like another lifetime that happened to another person.

This helmet was newly polished and a little big for her as she adjusted it onto her head before pulling down the small yellow visor.

With a final wave to her friends, they cleared the bay when she started the engine, enjoying the vibrations of the powerful machine beneath her hands. She could count on Poe to make this ship a force to be reckoned with. Pressing a few buttons and taking hold of the joystick, she hovered in the air and maneuvered with ease out of the hangar doors.

“Alright, BB-8, you ready for this?” Rey asked, opening the communication channel to the droid, as she flew out of the _Revenant._

The little droid chattered happily, and Rey smiled at his response, “Okay then. Set the coordinates to Tatooine.” Waiting a few moments, she saw the location pop up on her screen. She could not help but twirl the ship and BB-8 let out a surprised squeal while Rey chuckled. “Had to take her for a spin, sorry about that.” She let out a heavy sigh, “well, let’s go to Tatooine.” _And let’s hope Ben will follow…_

She pressed another few of the buttons and felt impressed by the impressive power roaring in the cockpit as they made the lightspeed jump.

 

* * *

 

 

Tritt arrived in Coruscant several hours later, while finishing up the business he had in Canto Bight. It took little explaining as to why he had not returned with the _Finalizer_ crew when talking to the Tower control in Coruscant. Landing the shuttle on one of the hovering platforms, he was met by Phasma, and a small squad of stormtroopers that he knew must be loyal to her, or rather feared into submission by her.

“Tritt Opan.” She greeted and nodded towards the troopers emerging from his ship. The white armored soldiers immediately saluted when they saw their most revered Captain personally greeting them.

Opan knew how her mind worked, as his gaze travelled to how her finger danced around the trigger of her weapon, “they are to be trusted.”

“We shall see soon enough.”

One of the troopers approached them and put down the case Tritt brought with him from Canto Bight. “I assume this holds the key to our answers then?” She asked, and Opan nodded, picking it up to hold it close.

“Good. We must keep it safe and away from prying eyes until the time comes. We need to head to the academy first.” She began as she started to walk towards her own ship with Opan’s crew following them, leaving the pilot to navigate his own shuttle back to _Finalizer._

“The academy is still active?” Tritt asked, not hearing about this before. But then again, it did go above his paygrade, and he knew Phasma and Hux had an even closer bond considering Hux’s father. Ironic, considering what he, himself did for Armitage that no one knew about.

“After the destruction of Starkiller Base, and _Supremacy_ hiding in the Unknown Regions, our previous Supreme Leader thought it best to have one in the center of power for training and acquiring new recruits, rather than confining it to _Supremacy_ when it would be chasing the Resistance. So did the previous command with the clones. This one has remained untouched since the fall of the Empire – until recently. As it is, it will only benefit our cause.”

Tritt nodded, as they boarded her ship. Overlooking the city, they headed to the center of it where a grand building lay, not far from the palace. It had four peaking towers at the corners, and a huge banner of the First Order insignia adorned the otherwise grey massive construct.

As the shuttle landed, and they disembarked, Phasma dismissed the stormtroopers by their side, and they headed inside the building. When alone on the landing plateau, Tritt turned to Phasma, holding the case even tighter.

“Where is Armitage right now?”

“In a cell beneath the palace, guarded by Ren’s pets. We will not strike. Yet.”

“Why are we waiting? The opportune moment is now, when _Supremacy_ is far out of reach and Kylo Ren is not present. Not even his Knights will be able to defend themselves against our forces.”

“The General has other plans for the Knights, and we need to assess the loyalty of our troopers before that. To separate the weak from the strong.”

Tritt blinked, knowing very well what she meant. “That could mean genocide among our own troops! How do you expect to keep such a task from reaching the Supreme Leader?”

“Do I sense mistrust, Tritt?”

“Do not mistake my logical reasoning for mistrust, Phasma.”

“The troopers, most of them at least, were not happy to have their training doubled and since Crait most have felt restless and in doubt of the new rule. There are already signs of nonconformity. Confusion and contempt are spreading like a virus among our soldiers since Kylo Ren stepped in power. All they need is a push.” Phasma said in a bored tone, like this conversation was beneath her.

Tritt scoffed, “a push of a cliff or a push to commit murders on their comrades that only know blind loyalty to their leader because we bred them that way. They are programmed from birth to be unquestionably loyal to the Order.” He stated.

“They are programmed from birth to be loyal to the Order, not to Leader Ren by default. The Order is in danger because of him. We are merely restoring the glory to what it should be. Power where it should be. Leadership to where it should be.” Phasma answered slowly.

“Those not willing to follow are not worthy to wear the uniform. I will not have another insubordination occur under my nose.” She seethed, her knuckles hugging her gun a bit too close to her chest.

Tritt always liked to push Phasma’s buttons, to the point he wondered if he had a death wish but wisely kept his mouth shut regarding FN-2187.

“Are you going to question my methods?” She proceeded to ask, taunting him.

“I have done things you would have nightmares about.” Tritt growled. He was older than Phasma, and while she was lethal in all aspects, he refused to be schooled by her.

“That I sincerely doubt.” She answered, her chrome plated helmet seemed to glare at him.

“I don’t have a problem with your methods, merely how you plan to execute them.”

“First of all, we need to assess the situation to see how we will proceed in the short future. Kylo Ren will return soon enough.”

“And how do you plan to stand against _Supremacy_ when he does? Even if we do gain the entire fleet that is present, it is no match against it.”

“Hux has already prepared for that outcome.” Phasma finished the conversation by walking up the stairs, her black cape following her with grace, while Tritt shook his head, grudgingly walking by her side to the academy.

 

* * *

 

 

Rey had almost drifted to sleep from the hours spent still in the ship, but an incessant beep from BB-8 woke her up. They were about to exit lightspeed. “I’m awake!” She exclaimed, and she could have sworn the droid giggled at her. She turned her attention to the screens and not a second later, the ship exited the shimmering blue skies of lightspeed and was met with the vast darkness of space, adorned with stars and saw Tatooine in front of her.

She could not help but lose herself when staring at this remote planet, and again be reminded of Jakku. By the distance she only saw sand and different shaped mountain and cliff formations from space and could only imagine the people here struggled in a similar way she had done on Jakku. The difference here, there was one First Order Star Destroyer hovering in orbit. If Poe was correct, it was probably to show their dominance over the Hutts. Well, she would find out soon enough, and right now it did not matter.

“BB-8, we are going to land in Mos Eisley.” She heard a worried beep in response and chuckled, “well I think we would get more attention by avoiding the standard protocol. We will be fine.”

When she entered the atmosphere of Tatooine, she watched the double suns in the horizon. She closed her eyes, remembering her dreams and visions, feeling them fill her. The suns were majestic, and warm. Leia was right. This was no doubt hotter than Jakku.

Her attention snapped to the intercom as it started to chime, and Rey exhaled while BB-8 beeped into the comm channel. “Thanks for the encouragement,” She joked, and said to herself, “here we go.” She pressed the button, opening the ship’s channel to the Mos Eisley Control Tower.

“Unscheduled traveler. State your business.” The male voice barked authorially.

“I’m R-,” She bit her tongue, her brain working faster than lightspeed to come up with another name. “-Kira. I come from Jakku to seek trade.” Rey answered on the top of her head. Using Jakku was good as any.

“Jakku?” The voice asked in disbelief, and there was a moment of silence before the voice talked once more and Rey could sense a warning in the Force which she expected. She wasn’t travelling in a civilian cruiser. She knew it was bound to bring up questions to arrive in a custom-made carbonite spaceship – packed with powerful weaponry.

“It is forbidden to fly an armed aircraft in Tatooine’s atmosphere. Land in bay D-236. You will have your coordinates momentarily.”

_Why I am not surprised_ …she thought begrudgingly.

“Will do.” The intercom ended, and she heard BB-8 made a worried noise. “Trust me, BB-8. I did not come here to be taken by the First Order at first sign of trouble.”

Maneuvering the ship with ease, she approached the spaceport and looked down to see the city below her. At least Tatooine seemed to be more civilized in that regard compared to Jakku. The life buzzing below her had her by the toes. She had not seen a city this scale before, and it made the adventurous and curious side in her bubble with excitement. But she had to remember her purpose.

Following the coordinates, she successfully landed the ship in the port ordered by the person that talked with her and noted the bleached orange walls must have been made from synstone. Emerging from the ship, she pulled the cloak over her head to hide most of her face as BB-8 was let down by _Viper._

She could taste the trepidation in the air as the doors before her opened and in came an First Order officer wearing a teal costume, followed by a squad of stormtroopers, all pointing their guns at her.

“Is this how you normally greet travelers?” Rey asked, adjusting so her backpack was placed at her back, shielded from unwanted eyes underneath her cloak.

The officer ignored her remark and walked until he was a few feet away from her, staring down at her with contempt in his brown eyes. His suit freshly pressed, and the grey hair that showed beneath the cap perfectly combed, and some neat age lines adorned his sullen, thin face.

“A simple trader from Jakku. What exactly _is_ your trade, miss Kira?” He asked, his scowl telling her that he knew she was lying. He was scanning the ship and the droid, obviously noting she didn’t have anything with her as well, which put the entire trade fraud to a halt. The obvious distrust was radiating from him, and she was not surprised that they were extremely suspicious of her.

Rey willed the Force as she looked in the man’s brown eyes, feeling the same power overcome her as it had on Starkiller base, “you do not need to know my trade. Only that I am simple traveler seeking fortune in Tatooine.”

The officer blinked, as she felt her command penetrate his mind. “I don’t need to know your trade. You are just a simple traveler.”

“Sir, she looks a lot like the Jedi girl. And that BB unit, wasn’t it one exactly like that we searched for before?” A stormtrooper commented and Rey’s heart pumped a bit harder against her chest, still holding the officer’s gaze.

“I am not the girl you are looking for, neither is the droid. Now, let me go about my business and forget you ever saw me.” Rey answered the officer that answered in a monotone voice.

“You are not the girl we are looking for. Go about your business.”

“Sir?” The same trooper asked, and Rey tore her eyes from man in front of her to hold her gaze to the squad, and repeated what she just told their commanding officer, and now she felt their compliance through the Force.

The officer turned to the troopers, “let her pass.” The troopers didn’t argue this time, but she felt their hollow stares at the back of her neck.

She turned to the officer, “the ship is not to be vandalized. It will stay here for as long it is needed. Untouched.” The man repeated her command and Rey exited the building.

Rey allowed herself to catch a breath she didn’t know she was holding, leaning her back against a wall as soon they left the hangar. “I need to find different clothes. And a transport.” She murmured, and the droid agreed. She knew the place she was going was far out in the desert, and only an idiot would travel that distance on foot.

And even if she had now tricked the First Order for the moment, it would be good to remain under the radar as much she could. If she had not been able to use her powers, she knew they would have taken her and the droid captive and she could not risk that perhaps someone else would be able to see who she was by the vast masses that were here. She thought about that night with all those civilians and how Nova had recognized her when never seeing her before. The thought sent cold shivers along her spine. BB-8 however blended in well in this town’s colors and he was so small. At least, she was far from the only one that had a droid companion when she quickly scanned the town.

Rey was taken by the hectic activity on the streets, pulling the hood of the cloak over her face. There was such a mixture of aliens and humanoids. Some were arguing at the marketplace for the different prices over the wares, some were fighting and others just minding their own business. She smelled unrecognizable spices in the air from several restaurants across the street that made her abdomen churn from hunger and the sun felt familiar against her skin. There were so many people here, and she felt the familiar energy of _life_ from the Force in all of them and smiled for a second.

Somewhat being here, unnoticed, away from the Resistance, and the Order, she was free. She knew it was an illusion, but still…it was a heavy temporary weight leaving her shoulders. And she also knew how selfish it was to think this way when her friends were out there fighting. There was no war here, even if it was under First Order’s control. She was not under any pressure, no eyes watching her every move to see her crumble. Here, she was anonymous.

Nobody paid her or the droid that much attention, but her attire did. Black, grey and red was a notable contrast to the sea of beige, brown and blue colors most seemed to wear here. She looked for a clothing store and finally found one after several minutes of scanning the different shops.

A human female tended to the shop, “hello. What can I do for you?” She asked, her emerald green eyes taking in Rey’s appearance, as she twirled a golden lock between her fingers. She looked so young and could not have been older than sixteen. Her tanned skin made a lovely contrast to her hair, and she was completely alone. Her accent was also different. More delicate.

“Uhm…I need clothes.” She didn’t really know what she was looking for and she looked about in the shop. There was an extreme variety of different attires, suits and clothes in the little shop.

“I assumed as much.” The girl answered with a small grin and proceeded in the same light tone. “You are not from around here, are you?” Rey’s obvious fascination must have given her away.

“No. I don’t have much to spare. But I am willing to trade.”

“How much money do you have?” The blonde proceeded, popping from her chair to come and greet her and the excited droid, that bobbed his head while he stood behind Rey’s legs. She was wearing a brown dress that ended at her feet with long sleeves and chuckled at the droid.

“He is a cutie.” BB-8 responded with a small, happy beep.

“That he is.” Rey answered affectionally.

She had not come with much credits. The little Leia had managed to give her were credits the Resistance could not afford to spare. She knew it had to go to food, but she really had to change her clothes as well. But she was a scavenger. She would manage.

“This is all I have.” Rey answered, showing the little credits she had in the bag and the girl’s face scrunched, clearly not impressed and rose one sleek eyebrow, “that will not be enough, and we don’t run a charity here. It wouldn’t really be good for business.” She bristled, and Rey knew that. She knew very well how life did not give any handouts. She learned that on Jakku. For a fleeting second, she wondered if she should persuade this young woman’s mind as she had done with the officer, but before the thought could cement she knew it would be the wrong thing to do. This was just someone trying to survive, just as she had.

“Have I seen you here before?” The girl asked, squinting her eyes at Rey.

_You are the Jedi. I have seen your face._

She was taken back to the blood, the massacre. Nova that touched her cheek and died in her care. The blood, the same color as her tunic. She really did not want to wear this color any longer. Tampering down the thoughts, she answered, “just have one of those faces.”

“Hmph.” The shop owner answered, not really believing her.

“Don’t you have anything you want to get rid of that I can simply trade for what I am wearing?” But the girl was scanning her staff, that peeked behind Rey’s head, “what about that?” She nodded towards it and it felt like a rock hitting the bottom of her stomach.

Rey bit her lip and removed her cloak to pull the staff over her head.

“It is a fine piece. Did you make it?” The blonde-haired woman asked, and Rey nodded. It was made from the scraps of Imperial ships at Jakku. It had been her only faithful companion in the desert. It had helped her to survive against so many threats in her old life. 

“I think I can find something if you trade this. And you can keep your credits. I feel generous today.” The girl said, holding the staff.

“Why do you want it?” Rey asked.

On Jakku, that staff would have probably been worth one, or perhaps two days rations if Unkar had been in a good mood. She could perhaps sway her to trade for the gun instead but that hurt even more. It was the only thing she had of Han, and also the first gift she had ever been given without anyone expecting something in return.

“You don’t always have access to a gun, now do you? Also, it would save many repairs to solve conflicts with this rather than shoot all over the place.” The girl said, like it was a daily occurrence that people caused trouble in her shop. It twisted Rey’s heart to see someone else holding her weapon. But she gritted her teeth. She still had Han’s weapon and the Force to defend herself with. This girl didn’t. And she clearly needed it. That is what should matter.

Yet another piece from her past she had to give up. She should know that dwelling on these things or on the past was useless.

“Fine.” Rey answered in a clipped tone.

“So, what are you searching for….” The woman prodded for her name, placing the staff behind the counter, and Rey answered, “Kira. Something subtle. Easy to travel in.”

“Your clothes don’t really scream subtlety.” She remarked eyeing her black pants and red tunic.

“You don’t say?” Rey retorted, rising an eyebrow and the blonde chuckled.

“You know, you would look lovely in a dress.” The girl remarked, watching her figure, her attitude lighter and warm after the trade. Rey could feel her excitement to introduce the scavenger to the fashion she must be accustomed with herself. She, herself did not share that same excitement. Clothes was practical for her, not to make her look beautiful. “And almost all the girls here wear dresses, at least the locals. Want to blend in, then you should get one.” Rey blanched. She had never worn a dress before. Ever.

What was the point? They seemed to constrict fluent movements rather than adding to them. And she felt very uncomfortable with the thought of wearing one.

“I was more thinking of pants and a tunic.” Rey tried but the girl just scoffed.

The shop keeper scanned her hazel eyes with her green ones, “you’ve never worn a dress, have you?” She asked.

Was it really that obvious?

“I have never really seen the point.” She answered, and the girl’s face seemed to brighten at the thought to put her in a dress, the more Rey looked uncomfortable by the thought. “I will make you see the point. Now come, we have a lot to do! Oh, and I have to braid your hair as a bonus! Then you will see what the fuss is all about.” She exclaimed happily while Rey and BB-8 shared a look.

“Not a word.” Rey said to BB-8 while it almost sounded like a laugh emerging from the little droid as they followed the girl further inside the store.

 

* * *

 

Kylo sat still on his bed, with his legs crossed upon the hard surface. Deep in his meditated state, he tried to shift through his dreams and visions. Drawing from the source he felt the most comfortable in he tried to propel on his anger and hurt to gain power from the Dark side. After hours, he had not been able to decipher the images that were clouded. He was exhausted. He had been meditating for hours. And he was not used to meditate in this manner since he had retrieved his Knights, and the effort was weighing on him.

Withholding the snarl wanting to escape his throat, he took a deep breath and took on a technique he had no used in a long time.

_Young Solo, a fractured vessel. Too weak for the light, too weak for the darkness._ Kylo shut out the inner monologue of Snoke’s voice cackling in his brain.

Emptying himself, he extended one arm, reaching out, remembering what Luke had once said.

_Be mindful of your emotions. Reach out in the Force, trust its energy. Let it all flow through you._

Kylo felt himself drift, letting the Force carry him through the dreams and visions, becoming one with it instead of trying to manipulate it through his own resolve. Like a key unlocking a door, he let himself be pulled to the source he was so afraid of, but it guided him beyond his own mind. And it was lighter, brighter.

He heard something. Like a distant echo from faraway. Laughter. He let himself move towards the sound and listened intently around him. It was not Rey, but he felt her presence. Smelled her. In his mind, he saw sunlight, he felt the sand, tasted the dry air and felt surrounded by many lifeforms. He shouldn’t be able to envision all these things, even with his concentration more focused then it had ever been ever, but he knew their Bond was guiding him as well, like a red string leading him through the masses.

Following the string, he saw himself enter a store, even if everything was blurry all around him. He heard that laughter yet again, followed by a sweet-sounding sigh and he froze. She was here. His focus dropped for a moment while his heart leapt in his throat, but the string was strong, enough to keep him anchored.

Rey.

She was the only thing that was crystal clear in his vision.

Only, not the Rey he was used to see. It took everything to not let his jaw drop at the sight.

Her hair was pulled back from her face. The dark tresses were manipulated into several small braids, not even half an inch wide. Three of them were wrapped around her head like a band. One half was pulled up into a thick bun, the other half trailing down her neck, intertwined with loose locks. The style reminded him of something, of someone, but he could not remember how

But then he could not hide the raw fascination at the sight of the dress she wore. It was a simple creamy white long-sleeved dress that seemed to make that golden skin of hers glow in contrast of the crescent shaped neckline that ended below her collarbone. There was someone else there with her that helped to strap the belt she always wore around her waist, and it hugged her form in such…feminine way. He never pictured to see his scavenger dressed this way. She was a warrior like him, not the typical female. But he could not deny that such clothing suited her.

Rey froze in in the middle of strapping a gun around one her thighs, which made him forget to breathe to just see so much of her skin, his eyes fixated on her thigh, as her calves was covered by her leather boots, until she frowned and pulled the dress down. She looked around her, her focus sharpened, and gaze concentrated.

She didn’t see him. But she felt him.

Then he heard another voice, and a blurry bundle of blonde hair came into the vision, “So what’s a girl like you doing in Mos Eisley?” She asked.

Mos Eisley.

Kylo’s eyes snapped open and his meditation broke. He breathed and collapsed on the bed. He was covered in agonizing heat and felt a pounding headache coming about.

Mos Eisley. Tatooine. She was on Tatooine.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAY, an update. *Happy dance* !! So exams are done, have a final one due now in June but it is a while until we are there! =) And I just started my internship which has been super hectic but now I finally got the time to update. So sorry about the wait and I know it is a slightly more boring chapter. This WAS supposed to be much longer. The original cut ended at almost 28 pages but I felt it was to long and I was not done with my final edits at the other half but wanted to do an update so I hope you like it :) But the good news mean the other one is probably coming a lot sooner :) AND I LOVE YOU ALL! So, so, so much for everything! All your comments make me smile brighter than any sun and I really hope you enjoy this one. So don't forget the comment button :) It does mean so much for every fanfic author out there!  
> Another shout out to my lovely Bianca for being sooo awesome to proofread my work before I post it <3  
> Hope you liked the references I put in this chapter ;p
> 
> And oh, a final note: Don't forget to check out my other story "Chosen for a Purpose". Will be posting the second chapter very soon :)  
> Big hugs and kisses to you all <3


	19. Across the Bloodwater: Part 2

“So, what’s a girl like you doing in Mos Eisley?”

The scavenger blinked. Like a wind, the Force had enveloped her. She had smelled him, she had felt him, she was sure of it. But it had not been the Bond, or had it been? The blonde was looking at her with an inquisitive stare, as Rey’s entire posture changed and she was looking around her with quick movements with widened eyes. She realized quickly she must look quite the idiot.

“Miss….” The girl prodded slowly, and Rey let out a breath she didn’t even know she was holding and realized she hadn’t answered her question. Her heart was pounding as if she had just run one hundred miles, and Ben’s distant scent still tickled her nose, and unconsciously she inhaled deeply as if to make the scent last longer, to not let his ghost slip away from her. The slightest recollection of him drove her into a frenzy. And she was slammed with the memory of how she left things. She absently licked her lips and felt a crippling hotness rise to her cheeks. Deliberately ignoring the question, she asked one of her own.

“Do you know a place that sells speeders around here?” Rey said, surprised how hoarse her voice was, but the other woman didn’t seem ponder about it, still fussing over her hair and dress. Rey knew she had to calm down, but how could she after this experience?!

“Well, you can try Watto’s shop. His great grandson is the owner now of it, if you don’t mind sleazy slime balls. His name is Wizu. Came from Mos Espa, selling secondhanded parts, ships and speeders. But he is the cheapest.”

Rey nodded, flattening her new attire with her hands. This was so unusual to wear, and her hair fixed this way was even more strange. The most abnormal part was to feel the wind between her legs. She tried to manage her breathing, but her heart wouldn’t rest as it hammered wildly against her chest and pounding just as fierce against her temples. At this pace it was sure to burst any second.   
  
_Get a grip, Rey!_

“If you are heading outside Mos Eisley, beware of the Jawas and Tusken raiders. They are drawn to travelers like flies to bantha poo.”

“I thought this planet was under the Order’s control?”

The shop owner let out a bitter bark of laughter, “It is. But even so, they do treasure their connection to the Hutts and this planet was under their control for a very long time before the Order showed up, and they don’t care what happens to people in the desert. As long the moisture farmers bring what they are due.”

An hour later, after she had gotten something to eat, and bought some rations to fill her bag even more, and most importantly getting her raging emotions in control, Rey tracked down the shop the blonde had mentioned and BB-8 followed her faithfully. With her new dress, she became unnoticeable in the masses. She had still kept her cloak, stuffed inside her crammed bag, and had given her old clothes to the shop owner, not wanting to wear those ever again.

Stepping inside the building she saw a little creature with big belly flying in the air, cursing in Huttese throwing away a wrench at two humans that ran away. His skin was flickering between blue and green hues, and the snout was almost hanging at his upper lip, while one hand started to caress one of his facial tusks beneath his trunk-like appendage.

“Humans. Disgusti-Oh, hello there. Did not see you.” Rey shared a look with BB-8 before looking over the small creature, flapping his wings as he moved towards them. His voice was as rough and sleazy like his appearance and Rey almost wanted to wrinkle her nose by the odor he emitted. “Wizu, is it?”

“Yesss, that is my name, girl. Don’t wear it out.”

“I’m in need of a speeder.”

“You sure you don’t need anything else, hmm?”

Rey looked at him, “No.”

“Well, show me the money.”

“You don’t need money.” Rey said, once more trying to get help from the Force. This creature just oozed all the bad things that reminded her of her life in Jakku, and she did not feel as bad as she perhaps should when she tried to make him comply to her will.

He just gave her a bored look, “Yes, I do.”

Rey blinked in surprise and tried again, “No, you don’t.”

“Yes, I do. What, you think a pair of big fawny eyes will make me grovel at your feet?! I am not a weak-minded idiot. I am Toydarian. Only money works on me.” He scoffed at her insolence and Rey registered that in her mind. Mind tricks don’t work on every species. Good to know.

“Buuuut, I have another deal. See, I can gamble for it.” Rey crossed her arms, knowing she would not like where this was going. She had heard the world gamble to last her a lifetime on Jakku and knew that rarely ended well for the losing side.

“Your ship. The black carbonite beauty that landed here, is really one of a kind.” He continued, a small sleazy laugh accompanying his voice.

Rey rose an eyebrow, while he let out a low chuckle. “I keep tabs on the ships coming and going. Your ship is something never seen before, the hyperdrive engine alone is worth a lot of money. Did _you_ build it?”

“The ship is not for sale.” Rey said firmly.

“Well, no gamble, no speeder, no nothing. And you won’t get far on Tatooine on foot.” He laughed again and made her body shiver in disgust.

She had no other choice, but she would not lose Poe’s ship. He entrusted it to her, she would not break that trust.

“How do we gamble then?” She asked as the Toydarian turned his back on her.

“You must be desperate to change your mind so quickly. It is so….human.” He gave a haughty smile and she refrained herself from punching him in his face, or the urge to rip off his wings by that sneer.

He pulled out a very small cube from his pocket, “this was my great grandfather’s.” She followed his movements, registering the blue and red colored dice.

“It is very simple, really. Blue, you win. Red, I get your ship. It is all up to fair chance.”

“If I win, do I get to choose any speeder? Or will I be stuck with a piece of junk that won’t even be able to start?” She asked, quite used to this sort of people and how they worked on Jakku.

He chuckled again, “Come with me.”

She followed him through what looked like a junkyard and her eyes landed on an old speeder that looked like it had not seen the light of day in at least thirty years as Wizu removed the dusty sheet covering it. An old X-34 model, with four built-in seats. It was rusty, and she could imagine the bright orange plating it once had. She walked up to the vehicle, watching the interior inside before crouching to look underneath the hovering speeder. She counted at least ten different things that needed immediate attention.

“This is junk. No, junk is actually too kind a word. This is garbage.” Rey said, feeling the dust tickle her throat and nose. And BB-8 chimed in agreement, doing a scan of his own.

“Garbage is a matter of perspective.” Wizu argued.

“It looks it will fall apart any second.” Rey crossed her arms. “Well it is that one or no deal.” Wizu shrugged.

“So, you want me to bet my ship that is worth at least ten times the amount of your speeder and think that is fair?”

“Oh, naïve girl. I never said anything about it being fair. It is what it is.”

“With me who has everything to lose, and you have everything to gain.”

A wicked smile tugged Wizu’s lips. “Want to gamble or not?”

“If I win, I get access to the tools needed to fix the speeder.”

“Deal.” He said smugly, like he was confident he was not going to lose.

Well, he was going to be sorely disappointed.

Wizu threw the dice and Rey closed her eyes, letting the will of the Force guide the small object. With her hand, she quickly foresaw the dice was going to land on red. With a subtle move, she made it flip to the blue.

She could not help the big, innocent smile play on her lips as he faced her, seeing the heavy knotting of the eyebrows, and the twitch that showed on his upper lip. His entire face contorted to an ugly grimace, those tusks almost poking his eyes. “You cheated.”

“Now, how would I cheat? As you said. It is all fair game. I guess luck was on my side today.” Rey said and BB-8 make a sniggering beep.

“It was supposed to land on red!”

“Are you telling me the odds were never in my favor? I would consider that poor sportsmanship.”

He pointed an accusatory finger to her chest. “You did something. The bet is off.”

“Or are you just a sore loser? Now how would that look for your future partners that you undoubtedly make bets with? I’m sure they would love to hear you are not a man of your word.”

The wings seemed to flap more quickly and persistent as the Toydarian and Rey shared a small glaring contest. He seemed to want to kill her with his eyes and she knew she had him. Not that she had any idea how much this man did gamble, but she could only guess it was a lot by his attitude to her threat. And that is also how she knew this was not worth the trouble for him.

“The tools.” Rey said firmly and could have sworn the bobbing vein in his throat wanted to burst.

“Fine. I was going to throw this speeder away in any case.” He muttered. “The tools are in the shop.” And proceeded to curse once more in Huttese, and Rey could just imagine the things he called her. She smiled though and she and BB-8 got working on the speeder.

 

* * *

 

 

Kylo stormed out of his room, an hour later battling his own internal conflict.  His posture rigid and stiff that inflicted fear and awe by his subjects, to be met by Yago before he reached the Command bridge. Good, less time spent here, the better. Even the grey lit hallways seem to want to chase him out to the hangar.

“Supreme Leader. We have just emerged from lightspeed. Still no sign of-

-Return to Coruscant. I have had enough of this chase. I want my ship prepared to leave immediately.”

“You are leaving, my lord?” Yago asked delicately.

“I have a personal matter that needs resolving. I have no need of any company. I will do this alone.”

“But, Supreme Leader, the rebe-

-Yes, I _am_ the Supreme Leader.” Kylo finished with a firm tone, leaving no room for continuous arguing. His irritation kept rolling of him in waves as he balled his fists together to at least give the impression to himself to not altogether snap at his captain. He had to get out of here, he could no longer breathe here when robbed of Rey’s scent.

Yago was at least smart enough to not ask what personal matter and nodded with conviction. “Of course. Right away, sir. I will let the crew know to have your ship prepared. What are your orders while you are away?”

 _I don’t care!_ He screamed in his head before realizing what he had said. He just had one sole goal in his mind. Rey. He did not give himself time to ponder about it.

Instead he expressed himself calmer than he thought he could possess. “Return the ship to Coruscant. Keeping Hux alive is the most important mission until my return. He will suffer by my hand alone. Anything else can wait, tell our remaining fleet to remain in their current positions.”

He saw the confusion clear as day on Yago’s face, knowing that his previous command about cleansing the galaxy was not something easily forgotten, nor was the importance to catch the real threat of the Resistance that was somewhere out there. It showed he was not consistent in his rule, sending out mixed messages. That the iron fist he intended to rule with was melting at the tips. He wondered for a brief moment if his rule would be clearer or more muddled once he found his scavenger.

“I will bring the order this galaxy needs, once I have returned. Starting with Hux.” There was no conviction behind his words, but he concealed it well enough for his Captain. He had no idea why he even felt the need to say these words to Yago. It wasn’t like he questioned his rule. It had been for himself. Almost…as if he was trying to convince himself that he wasn’t changing. Why was that?

_I understand now. More than ever. Your darkness is a part of who you are. But so is your light. Perhaps there is more room for Ben Solo inside Kylo Ren than you realize._

He wanted to shake her echo away from his mind but no avail.

“Very good sir.” Yago bowed his head and Kylo swept by him and changed his course to head down to the hangar.

The walk to the docking bay did not take long. He swept by saluting technicians, soldiers and higher rank of his command as he located the mechanics, already informed by Yago, tending to his TIE silencer. They stood rigid as he approached them. In fact, it seemed the entire docking bay fell into a deadly silence by his presence. Kylo did not even bother to acknowledge their salute.

“Is it prepared?”

“Yes, Supreme Leader. We were just making sure there are no malfunctions, like the unfortunate incident with the Ion cannons. But the ship is fully equipped and ready for departure.” A young girl in a grey overall with an orange vest adorning it, answered him with a slight tremble in her voice. He knew she must be terrified for admitting the mistake about the cannons. Kylo would not hold it against her. It was his own doing, after all.

“And the stealth systems?” He inquired, wanting to make sure he could fly undetected to Tatooine and on the planet’s surface. Nobody could know he was there.

She nodded. “We have tested all the systems, my lord. Everything is in order.”

“Then leave.” He said, his eyes darkening, and they scurried away, happy to get away from him. He boarded his ship and set out to hunt down his scavenger. 

 

* * *

 

 

Rogue found herself restless. There was uneasiness dwelling within her, prior from the meeting with Hux. She had tried everything to not let his words fester inside her, but without success. There was just something...some inexplainable need to see him again. The seed had been planted, and she hated him for succeeding. She had always been curious by nature, but this was different. Like it would unlock the memories she lost or find answers to questions she didn’t even knew she had. She had not cared about her past before…but ever since she joined Kylo Ren again – ever since leaving Byss…there had been something gnawing in her mind. Something that made her question herself. Or was it Hux’s skillful manipulation that did the trick? She wondered…was she weak, or suddenly inquisitive about a past that did not matter to her before? Why was she feeling this way?

She had just finished training with her brethren and removed her helmet, and her loose curls were happy to be freed of their prison – also damp from her exercise. Rogue wiped her brow crested with sweat before sitting down with the rest to eat the food that had been brought before them in the grand salon inside the palace. The sun was sparkling by the reflection of the patterns that adorned the grand windows, basking the room in an almost otherworldly glow.  Her fellow Knights proceeded to remove their masks as well.

The blonde woman rarely saw her twin without his helmet on, but they did share almost identical physical features. He was pale like her, had the same grey eyes.  His hair almost white as death cascaded in soft waves to his shoulders, framing his sharp cheeks and chiseled jawline. Like he was carved from steel. Again, that shiver shot through her, thinking of Hux’s words. 

_Do you ever wonder just why you don’t remember much of your time before you were sent to the temple? Who you were?_

_What about your brother then? Do you speak for him as well? Sniper… I knew you as Fresk. Or well, you did have other names. All of you did._

“Can I ask you something?” Rogue asked Sniper. He turned his head towards her. His grey eyes pierced her own, like two clashing storms trying to win over the other.

“What do you remember from our childhood?”

A platinum eyebrow rose, “Why?” He asked skeptically.

“Because I ask.”

“Do not let that weasel of a man get in your head.” He stated vehemently. He knew exactly why she was suddenly asking these questions. And he wasn’t bothered by them in the slightest and she knew it was because her brother and the rest of her brethren didn’t consider the General as a threat in his cell. And that in due time…he will be dealt with by Kylo Ren.

“He doesn’t. But, the fact remains. He knows things. Our names, Skywalker…” Rogue said.

Sniper rubbed his forehead and gave an irritated sigh, “It doesn’t matter. He will be dead soon enough when our Master returns. Why are you being so persistent about such trivial matters?”

“My memories have not been…coherent. I have the feeling he knows about it. More than he should.” She explained carefully.

“Coherent?”

“You must feel the same.”

“No. Because I don’t care, sister.” Sniper snapped at her, turning his eyes towards her. “Neither should you.”

“So you remember?”

“Dwelling on the past is dangerous, Rogue. Remember our training. It will guide you.” Monk interjected quietly, and she looked at him. His crooked nose stood out from the rest of his thin face. He had a large scar crossing his left cheek – courtesy from Kylo Ren when they had trained in the temple once. He had short hazelnut straight hair and simple brown eyes like mud – devoid of any emotion. He and Sentinel were already done with their meal, having to return to their duty to follow Orica Hemz and track his activities.

“It _is_ guiding me.” She snapped with a growl, “Should I be worried it is not guiding you?” She fired back, and Monk stilled his movements, his eyes hardening as they slowly anchored to hers.

 _Ah, at least he isn’t completely emotionless,_ she thought as a small smirk crawled up her lips.

He stood up slowly and Rogue mimicked his actions, her hand ready at her saber. There was always an underlying sense of competition and rivalry among the Knights. Even when they knew they were stronger together. But she was frustrated, and she was taking it out on Monk, and even if they were undoubtedly loyal to the same person and cause, there was always a need to prove themselves to one and other. A constant battle who was the alpha when Kylo Ren was not among them. Maybe the aftermath of the training was getting to her because she felt a thrill going through her nerves. A thrill her brother felt as well as his cold hand clasped the one clutching to the hilt of her saber.

“Not while we are eating. Burnt food does leave the worst aftertaste.” Sniper snorted. “No doubt you will cut your way through the table.” He added as Rogue rose an eyebrow at him.

“He was the General closest to Leader Snoke. That should answer your concern.” Monk said firmly.

Rogue bit the inside of her cheek, feeling all of them eyeing her intently. She dropped her hand from the hilt, and saw Monk relaxing a little.

“I sense your turmoil, Rogue.” He said, his eyebrows knitting together, “if this does trouble you this deeply, you should talk to our Master before doing anything…rash.” She bit her tongue to not respond to the taunt behind his words.

She was the only one deeply troubled by Hux and his comments, none of her brothers were and all were regarding her apprehensively. Contemplating her. Sensing if she was weak. She wasn’t. She knew there was something more behind the General’s words. But Monk was correct in one thing. If she was this troubled…contacting her Master would be the best way to go about it. He would guide her and calm her stressing thoughts and will make her see clearly again. He would set her straight and alleviate these churning, devious thoughts that so suddenly overcame her.

“I can’t see why you are so focused on this.” Sniper said, and she felt his aura mingling with hers, sensing her feelings.

 _I don’t know why I am either_ …she thought drily.

“If in any case what the General says is true, that he knows our past, that he knows everything about us – it doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t change our loyalty or our cause or our Master. Who we were doesn’t matter, it’s who we are now that does.” Sentinel added, already putting on his helmet but she felt his gaze burn on her all the same.

_Because there is something else... something we are missing…._

There was something about the calmness emanating from Hux, like he knew exactly what he was saying, and even just awaiting his death, he was suspiciously calm about it. He knew something, or he was planning something. And they were all missing it. Perhaps his words were to inflict doubt….to be focused on something minor so they would overlook the real intent. Dread creeped inside her, and she was battling the nauseating fluttering in her chest.

“Talk to our Master. He will put you to rest.” Monk said, gesturing to Sentinel and without further ado they left the room to proceed with their duties.

She glared at their backs, and heard her brother sigh next to her, “or we can train again. Perhaps a few blows to your head will erase your thoughts.” His bad joke didn’t make her laugh at all.

“Sister, listen to Monk or let it go. Thinking about it, is giving Hux all the power. Which is what he wants. He knows what is coming to him. It is only natural he will try to say something to make us either question ourselves or Kylo Ren.” This was the first time in a long while she heard a hint of brotherly concern in his tone. He was so detached since Byss. She didn’t comment on it, but maybe…leaving Byss was changing them all, more then they knew.

“You are wrong. But I will let it rest. For now.” Rogue said in a clipped tone, returning to her seat. She already gathered that her answers would not be found here.

Hours passed, and queasiness that made her stomach turn over multiple times did not rest. Hux’s words played in her mind, and she hated the fact he got under her skin. Just like he wanted but it was because she _knew_ he was not lying, and she knew there was something more behind his words. She had been pacing, meditating, and trying to do everything in her power to not listen to that incessant voice in her head but in the late hours of the night, her desperate need for answers won her over. She had to talk to her Master.

Letting out a frustrated sigh, she headed to the communications channel in the throne room in the evening, finding it empty. Pressing a few buttons, she tried contacting her Master in his private chambers onboard his ship, but she got no response. She tried again with his personal comm link, but the signal was only static and unable to form a connection. This was strange. Was he in danger? No, she would have felt that, but it only spurned the uneasiness inside her. She had to talk with him. She contacted the _Supremacy_.

She saw Captain Yago’s face appear in a blue hue as she contacted the bridge, “I need to speak with the Supreme Leader.” She spoke in a cold tone. Yago seemed surprised by this call, and clasped his hands in front of him, “The Supreme Leader is not present.”

“What do you mean, not present?” Rogue asked slowly, her heartbeat accelerating.

“He left on a personal errand. Should I inform him to contact you when he gets back?” The captain asked.

Rogue blinked, and she had the sudden urge to hit something or someone. Where was he?! Where would he go without telling them?

“He left alone?”

“Yes. And as I said, he told me it was personal. I do not know where he is for the time being.”

This hit her full force, like something had punched the air out of her. What was he up to? And why didn’t he at least ask for one of them to come with him, if it was so important to head out alone without informing anyone where he was going?!

She shut off the transmission, having nothing more to add to the conversation. Her restlessness only doubled since this new piece of information. There was just something she had to know – and she didn’t even know why this was so important to her. Worst case scenario, it would prove Hux was playing with her and she would easily detect if that was the case and then she would leave him to rot until Ren returned. Best case... well, that remains to be seen. But knowing that her Master was absent and beyond reach for communication, she couldn’t wait any longer. She wanted these feelings to go away, and to quiet her mind. She easily avoided every trooper and snuck her way downstairs.

She went inside the former General’s room and saw him sitting down behind the bars. His face was buried in his hands, but at the noise his gaze snapped to hers and a small triumphant grin spread across his lips.

“Out of all the visitors I thought I would see in my confinement, you are the most expected one.” His barb was not lost on her.

“Shut up.” Hux rose his eyebrows ever so slightly at the small passionate snap of her tone. “I suppose you came here to ask me questions.”

“How did you know our names?” She asked, not able to shake the remarks he had made, trying once more to get a hold of what the General was feeling. She tried to feel his emotions through the Force but there was nothing beyond that smirk he had plastered on his face. But she could have sworn a glimmer of satisfaction in those intense eyes of his.

“I know many things, not that I am currently inclined to provide them to you.” He answered, the frustration made her clench her fists. He was not making it easy for her. Fine, he will have it his way then.

“How?” She persisted, taking one step closer to the bars and Hux proceeded to do the same.

“You are asking the wrong questions.”

 Her nostrils flared, and her nerves tensed, twitching with the urge to hit the man in front of her.

“Answer me.” She said, her tongue stiff and hard against her teeth.

“Why are you here?” He asked.

“You said you knew who I was, who we were before we were sent to the temple.”

He took another step towards the bars, his face inches away from the metal, “If I knew you would be this easily influenced, I would have said something sooner.”

A sudden flare sparked through her body and she whipped out her red faithful saber and ignited it, perfectly aligning it between two metal bars, aiming at Hux’s throat. He didn’t move an inch and it seemed that subtle smirk tugged even wider. Almost as if he was adoring her violent nature.

“My brother and I were orphans. We were nothing before Skywalker took us in. I remember the hunger, the poverty, the chill of the night when we had nowhere to sleep.”

“So it would seem.” He answered cryptically, “If you think that is all there is to your _tragic_ childhood, why are you here testifying it? Who are you trying to convince?”

“I wonder what you are playing at. Whatever lies you try to concoct, it will not work.” That didn’t even sound convincing to her…much less to him. She already regretted coming here. Why did she had to know these things or prove that he was right or wrong?! Why did it matter to her?! Why did Kylo Ren’s absence trouble her so? She should know better than to confront Hux when these emotions rose within her. She had trouble controlling these new, intense and impulsive waves of strange feelings.

Her visor showed that his heartrate had intensified to a quicker pulse, but registered it was not due to their conversation, but because how he stared at her. The sight made the long-forgotten goosebumps on her neck ignite to life. Because he stared at her as if he knew her; as if he _owned_ her.

“But you have doubts.” He said slowly, his voice a silky caress. And her eyes widened, and her heart skipped a beat.

_Doubt…._

_But you doubt something_. Her brother’s words rang through her head…He had said the same thing.

She didn’t answer, and a malicious smirk crawled its way up his lips. He tilted his head, the small light reflecting above them in his grey irises as he stared at her pensively.

“Because you are here. Unlike the others. I’m guessing it has something to do with female intuitiveness?” He inhaled sharply through his nostrils as he clasped his hands behind his back.

“I do not doubt my Master.” Rogue said firmly, feeling the loyalty for him burn through her core as she took another step towards the General, having to bob her head upwards to stare at his face through her visor, but still keeping the blade perfectly still. She wondered if it had to do with this place; that it was somehow cut off from the Force? But she knew that was not it, but she felt weak in her powers. Irritated that she could not truly sense what was going on in his head.

“Then why are you here?” He asked quietly but there was venom accompanying his words and he kept leaning towards her that almost the tip of her saber reached his throat.

She gripped the hilt even tighter that was still pointed at the unflinching General.  “I came here to get answers. But I do not know why I even bothered. You are just a snake, slithering around, waiting for the right moment to bite, and I almost let you. You will die soon enough by the Supreme Leader.”

“Do not call that sniveling child that. He is not worthy of the title.” Hux sneered.

“But you are?” Rogue retorted.

“Oh, and so much more.” Hux said, his voice dropping an octave.

Rogue shook her head, biting her lip inside the helmet, “I am just guessing my name and my heritage was no secret to Snoke’s most _trusted_ General.” She said flatly, seeing if she provoked him with her answer. A slight twitch was detected above the right corner of his lips.

She lowered her weapon, and turned it off, still looking at Hux. That unsettling sense of fluttering in her stomach did not subside. Perhaps Monk was right…What if this was all a ruse to get them to distrust her Master, to question things that should not be questioned, and therefore cause distrust within the Knights? She had always been impulsive when her mind had been set on something. She should have known that Hux would try anything to gain their trust or cause a rift between her, her brethren and their Master. But still…She had been so sure. And she didn’t even know what it was she was so sure of. She was beyond confused…coupled together that she could not reach the person that mattered most for her, that was the only one that would give her honest answers.

 _Or would he?_ A small nagging voice quipped in the back of her head. He had shown he didn’t trust her fully by leaving without informing them. And that hurt more deeply then she wanted to admit. She thought once he had come for them, they would be united. That they would be by his side. She accepted he sent them back, but that he went off alone somewhere... that was a different matter altogether.

Shaking her head, she turned her back to Hux with the intention to walk out. She should never have come here.

“He killed Leader Snoke, did he ever tell you that?” Her steps screeched to a halt and she turned her head, “If he did, it only proves his power. And proves that Snoke was not worthy.” She answered, but another thought raced through her mind. Why had he not told them? Did he not trust them; did not trust her enough to tell them? Or was this another lie?

Hux scoffed, “The collar around your neck is tight indeed.”

“I do not see why you thought this would diminish my loyalty.” She started to walk away again.

“Loyalty becomes recklessly stupid when it ought to be questioned.” Hux hissed.

“I would call your pathetic attempts of trying to weaken mine recklessly stupid.” She retorted.

“He did it because of a girl. A scavenger.” Again, her steps faltered, and she could feel his smug grin dig into her neck.

Rogue turned her head to watch him, “He was obsessed with her since the moment he brought her to Starkiller base, that even the simplest reasoning was beyond him. The girl clouds his mind so much that he killed Snoke because of her.”

“You lie.” Rogue growled, balling her fists so tightly that they started to hurt.

“He told me she committed the act, when the evidence proved quite the opposite. How does one girl, one simple scavenger manage to not only kill our most powerful leader, but also manage to kill all his guards who excelled in combat to become the vicious killer machines that they were, and to render Kylo Ren unconscious?” Hux grinned when he saw he had her utter attention.

“Even Skywalker would never have managed such a feat. He turned on our leader, undoubtedly when Snoke wished for her death. Afterwards I guess the girl no longer had any use for him and knocked him out. It explains his fit of rage when his personal agenda once again controlled his actions at Crait, rather than his head.” Rogue listened to every word, feeling them stab at her chest, and Hux let out a low, menacing chuckle, “I assume you never questioned how Leader Snoke died, being the obedient dogs that you are to the very end.”

He killed Snoke over a girl? Been obsessed over her? Rogue then recalled another memory. The one-on-one training, she had with her Master. When she had felt that strange disturbance in the Force. How he had instantly changed, and how his eyes glowed with longing. How he rejected her afterwards when she had waited for him. Had it been that girl in there with him? How was that even possible?

Knowing this and adding the fact that he was now gone did not alleviate this confusion inside her. Had he…gone to see her? It would explain why he didn’t want anyone to follow him, or not wanting anyone to know where he was. All because of a girl?

Her limbs suddenly felt stabbed with needles, almost making her stumble, because she felt that Hux was not lying. But she would not let that show, and right now she wanted nothing more than to get out. It had been a mistake coming here.

“It changes nothing.” She was thankful that the mask did not convey the shuddering through her voice as her throat tensed beyond recognition. She took two steps and the door opened, and when she was about to exit the room, she heard a silky voice call out to her.

“I think we will be seeing each other again. Very soon.” Rogue slammed the door, shutting her off from the General, and started to run as if chased by demons, regretting for being so foolish to approach him in the first place.

 

* * *

 

 

It took longer than she thought to fix the damage to the speeder. It had taken most of the day, and she had to stay at the inn before resuming her work the next day. But somehow it had been liberating to do something that she had spent most of her life doing. Fixing things like she was used to. There was something comforting and soothing to be focused on something else then the war, her friends or Ben. It aided Rey to keep her inner turmoil at bay. By nightfall, Rey and BB-8 were done with all the repairs. Fueling the speeder, she started the engine. By the gasses emitting from it, she could only guess it had not even been ignited once in the thirty years it had stood here gathering dust. It vibrated heavily, and Rey cleansed the pipes once more before even daring to jump inside the ship. As the motors warmed up, the noises lessened, the engine was revving like it should, she trusted it enough to take her where she had to go.

With BB-8 by her side, she exited the junkyard, and sped her way through Mos Eisley. She felt the Force guiding her, even if she had no idea where she was supposed to go. The moonlight was her only guide in the vast rocky desert. It had more cliffs and mountains then Jakku but a desert is always a desert.

Her speeder was the only noise in the now chillier wind as she navigated through the narrow mountain passes and open planes. An hour later she arrived at a cliff, and she knew it was here she was supposed to be. Looking around her, she noticed a mountain to her side, and at least a fifty-meter fall below the cliff.

Rey frowned, looking around here. This could not be right. There was nothing here, and even so the Force told her this was the place she had to go.

So why was it leading her here? She had so much hope, so much expectation into arriving here. But then just faced with nothing. Was it all a cruel joke? But she felt the power here, the Force was strong in this place.

But then a whisper came to her and she looked to her side and there was an abnormal amount of sand piling into a small mountain in its own right, next to the cliffs it was located on.

“Just like lifting rocks, right, Luke?” She spoke to no one with a small chuckle, followed by a sigh, and extended her hand. Closing her eyes, she reached out. The sand began moving, until the particles came together like a tornado, and she concentrated harder to blow the sand out of the way and she began to see the top of a hut buried underneath all the sand.

As more sand began to shift around Rey, the more she recognized the building. But it looked different from her visions. The top had completely caved in, destroying the interior of the building. There was only rubble left, and she did not see anything of value when most of the sand was out of the way.

She began to stumble through the old wreckage and fell to her knees in the middle of the fallen stones and broken synstone. Her visions had told her to come here, and so had Anakin. But for what? She felt that tendril of hope, that she would come to understand even more of her powers, to get answers to her visions, to the Bond, but here she was alone, in the middle of abandoned rubble.

_I pushed Ben….for this?!_

Was this to show just how much of a nobody she was, how little part she _did_ have in this story? To sit in an old home, long forgotten by anything and anyone?

“Is this some sort of joke?!” She shouted, her cry echoing against the rocks and the winds in the night sky. BB-8 came next to her, his beeping soft and comforting.

No, she refused to believe that. This would not be another dead end.

“There must be an answer here. There has to be!” She shook her head, one finger pad tracing the dusty stone. The droid had begun scanning the wreckage and as she thought, he found nothing of value. This place had long ago been ransacked by fortune seekers or pirates and left to rot.

The wind enveloped her, and once again she heard those soft whispers carrying her upwards. Rey stood up, and with newfound strength and resolve, she began lifting the rubble to push it outside on the sand.

“All, right, Rey. You were sent here for a reason. Let’s put those scavenger skills to use.” She spoke while BB-8 let out a small cheer of encouragement. “BB-8, you got some lightning?”

 

* * *

 

 

Kylo was fiddling with the joystick in his TIE fighter as if it could relieve some of hard, and fast beating of his heart. Being alone in a tight space, felt stifled and crammed after a while. His body started to wail for being still for so many hours going through lightspeed, but it was easily deterred by the fact he was getting closer to his scavenger.

And…well, the fact that he would see her in the flesh was making his chest tighten, and his clothes feel much more constricted, and he didn’t even want to begin to think how damp with sweat his body was from the constant nervous fretting. Everything was muddled, and even though he had a singular goal for making her see...the closer he got to her, the less sure he felt of anything.

He had no idea what to expect, except the need of wanting to soothe insatiable craving of having seen her after their last meeting. Just having left things, the way they had, had been frustrating him ever since. If he had to be honest with himself – everything about Rey had been frustrating on many levels ever since he first laid eyes on her.

But he had to see her…and let everything finally fall into place.

Staying away didn’t work, trying to remain detached didn’t work, constantly having to fight each other didn’t change the fact that she got under his skin. What first started as curiosity due to visions became an unhealthy obsession. The Bond…was partly to blame for that.

But without it…what would his life look like?

He had to get out of this ship. He was suffocating in here with his thoughts.

Kylo got to Tatooine eventually. Emerging out of lightspeed, he made sure his stealth systems were intact so the First Order ships around the area wouldn’t be alerted to his presence. He did not want to draw any attention, it would inadvertently lead to Rey.

He saw the two suns orbiting around the planet and a sense of melancholy filled him. After finding out the true origins of his grandfather, he had wanted to know everything about him. While much was erased about who he was, he did know that Tatooine was his birthplace. He, himself had never visited this planet but to know…this was where his grandfather was born. And with everything else that had happened in his life, he would stupid to think that was a coincidence.

Then it hit him. Full force.

He was here and so was Rey.

His heart seemed to beat impossibly faster by this realization. It was pounding so fast, threatening to explode right there; the blood was thrumming against his eardrums, giving him a headache he was all too familiar with.

Swallowing thickly, he exhaled a shaky breath. The image that haunted him was Rey in a dress. Seeing her in the shop, looking so…radiant, glowing. She looked so different and yet very much the same. In reality, it didn’t matter what she wore but it had been…shocking nonetheless, awaking that…. _twitch_ that made itself reminded all the time nowadays accompanied by a sudden sense of urge to be fulfilled…with something…no with someone…and he already knew who that someone was.

Closing his eyes, he willed the Force to pinpoint her position as he hovered in his craft in space.

“Show me…the girl…” He whispered as if trying to get the Force more compliant to his will but there was nothing except a low humming that was calling to him, and he knew what he had to do to find her.

“Please…” He finished softly, pressing his eyelids together even more tightly and he felt that familiar warmth fill him up when he had first found her in the shop and allowed himself once more to be guided by this long-lost way of Force.

 

* * *

 

 

Rey looked for anything that could provide her with clues while her fateful companion that was busy shining a bright light, so she could see her surroundings even more clear. If this is all that was shown on the surface, there must be something hidden here for her to find. With a logical conclusion she began to touch the ground, looking for any cracks or a switch.

For several good minutes, she looked and felt the worn-out tiles, before she began knocking on the remaining carvings of the floor.

Three taps. Solid. Rey moved to the next platform. Solid. She did that for a little while until she reached a corner. The brunette tapped it and felt a little smile work on her lips. It was hollow. There was something beneath. A trapdoor. She shared a look with the droid that just popped his head while making another chirping beep.

“BB-8, can you scan what is beneath this?”

Just as the droid was starting the scan, Rey’s heart suddenly leaped. Her skin suddenly became hot and tingly and she stood up quickly and peered at the sky and forced down the sudden lump in her throat. The Force enveloped her, and it heightened everything around her. Something was calling her. Like a missing puzzle piece trying to find its match. She could not explain it but remembered she had felt similar when…she had been so close to Ben before they jumped away with the ship.

Could it be…

No…it must have been her imagination playing a trick on her!

She looked more intensely around her, ignoring the curious beeping from BB-8 as the sudden infusion of nerves connected in an inferno that made her entire being burn.

Then it hit her again like a shockwave of palpable energy of something…or someone trying to reach out to her. Her mind was fried, and her body was hit like lightning and she had a hard time to even breathe.

BB-8 nudged her leg, but Rey could not tear her eyes from the sky. There was nothing there, but still…the sensation that was coursing through her, that made her heart beat at such an erratic pace, did not subdue.

Could it be…truly…she allowed herself to think so just for a moment, a sense of hope and dread filled her.

“Ben…” She whispered his name to only have the howling of the wind answer her. Had he come? Had he found her so quickly?!

Her body was buzzing, filled with an unnatural energy that just wanted to burst around and inside her. The calling, that feeling, the Force – it grew stronger with each passing second and she knew the answer despite a scared part of her didn’t want to admit it.

Ben.

It had to be him.

But he had not appeared before her, so it was not the Bond trying to establish a connection.

Which could only mean….

Was he here? Was he trying to reach out to her?!

As quickly as the thought rooted in her brain, her already tethered heart hammered even more viciously against her chest. Did he listen? He managed to find her? She remembered what had happened in the store when she had been putting on a dress where she had been so certain of his presence, of his scent invading her very being.

_Oh…sweet heavens…he tracked me down._

Then she saw it forming before her, first like a small dot in the blue night sky that grew larger and defined as it drew closer. It was a ship. Resembling the TIE fighters, she had seen before, but this was more…ruthless in its design. Sharper, more dangerous. But it was only one ship. He had come here alone. He didn’t bring a squadron to force her back with him when he easily could have.

BB-8 let out a wail of terror and started to wiggle frantically next to her but Rey did not share his feelings. She felt him….and thousands of different thoughts drifted through her mind. If he was here…was he willing to give up the Order? Change it? Or was he here to kill her, or convince her to join him? The thoughts turned wilder, more unbelievable and crazier with each passing one.

Her mouth was as dry as the dusty robe she wore, and something swelled inside her to know he had come all this way for her.

Panic and adoration.

She could not move as the ship came closer and closer to eventually make a smooth landing fifty foot away from her.

“BB-8…don’t question me. Please go back to the speeder.” She said roughly, and the droid bobbed his head to her and the ship back and forth, and Rey put up a hand for him to not to argue with her,

“Please, BB-8, just trust me on this. He won’t hurt me. Please…go to the speeder. I will come for you,” the droid let out a small whine of worry, but he looked at her again and Rey guessed her expression settled the score. Her companion reluctantly left her side and she found herself alone with the menacing TIE fighter in front of her.

Time seemed to freeze as the ship was now firmly stable on the ground, and Rey could do nothing else but to stare at it.

 

* * *

 

 

With the cockpit facing towards the scavenger, Kylo just looked ahead at her through the tinted glass. He knew she could not see him or the pained expressions that he knew was clearly shown on his face and for the small moment before everything would crash around him – for better or worse, he was glad to have one moment alone to just drink in her presence. To let his eyes feast on her tanned complexion, or that dark hair that was beautiful in the set of braids, and the dress she wore. How she made everything around him disappear to only be left with…her.

And to finally be so close was doing things inside him he didn’t dare to delve deeper into, and he was still frozen. Somewhat unable to move. He just looked at her, as if afraid that if he would even blink she would be gone. That she would regret what she said and run away.

Why she had come to Tatooine…of all places…he wanted to know why but it all paled in comparison that he had found her. And the fear of losing her again finally propelled him into action.

His legs were shaking from all the tension rippling through his body, but he finally opened the hangar to head outside. Walking a bit quicker then he would have liked, he came to face her now.

So far away, yet so close.

She was there. Unmoving, and just looking at him. The Bond between them seemed to have awoken by their proximity and he could have sworn the second his eyes landed on her beautiful face that his ribcage would burst. There was so much that had happened between them since Crait. It almost felt like every interaction that had occurred due to their strange connection was a distant dream.

But…like only she seemed to manage to do…the world drifted away when his eyes fixated upon her. It was only her and that otherworldly glow of her face and body he could focus on. The dress she was wearing was a victim of the night breeze and gently flew to the side, and…she was…. She was…so beautiful.

No words were formed between them. Both seemed stuck on the spot, but once his gaze plunged into hers, he heard his scavenger let out a shaky breath. The look they shared conveyed everything he had to know.

It was the same look she had given him in the elevator, and Kylo swallowed the lump in his throat that seemed to be a fateful companion whenever facing this girl.

His body seemed to finally wake up and he took one step ahead and saw how Rey tensed by his movement and stilled himself and looked down, thinking of anything – something to say but it seemed every reasoning or simple logic was left in the TIE fighter. His brain might as well be splattered against the wall of his ship for all the good it was doing now.

“Ben?” Her voice shook him out of his stupor and his eyes interlocked with hers again and the pleading look she gave him is what gave him courage to move towards her.

Damn everything. Damn it all…the most important person in his entire life was standing before him, asking him to come here. If there was any time to act…it was now.

He didn’t care anymore. He already crossed so many lines to take this route. He was afraid that being this vulnerable would hurt even more if she rejected him. But she had wanted him to come.

He had nothing else to lose.

It seemed forever before he came before her, and he saw the tears in her eyes that he was there.

But why was she crying?

“Because…I never, I didn’t…some little part of me was afraid…that you wouldn’t...come.” She said, answering his inner thoughts.

“And now…?” He was surprised he even was able to speak. Her fragrance filled his nose, and he closed his eyes momentarily to let it fully fill him which only increased the urge of wanting to take her in his arms.

She was barely an inch from him, their noses almost brushing each other, neither really knowing how to proceed, but somehow _knowing_ what was about to happen which he felt her anticipation kick in like a defense mechanism.

His self-control was ripping at the seams because all he wanted was to embrace her, wanting to know how it would feel in the flesh and not having to fear to be separated. She was truly breathtaking, even more so when this close to him, remembering the only time she had been this close before.

_When we touched hands, I saw your future. Just the shape of it, but solid and clear. You won’t bow down before Snoke. You’ll turn. I saw it. I’ll help you._

Her honeyed scent.

_There is good in you._

Her face.

_You are so close. Don't give up now._

Her touch.

_I never felt more alone when I am without you, and never more alive than when I am with you._

Her words.

_Leave the Order. You don’t belong there._

_I want you to find yourself because I feel everything you do, and I know deep down that this isn’t you, and most importantly, you know it._

It was too much.

Her eyes anchored to his and he saw the same confusion, the same lust swim in her dilated pupils and her uncertainty on what to do next. He could practically hear the wheels turning inside her brain.

The world darkened around him and the only thing that shone was _her._ His voice sounded like he had taken a fist of sand from the ground under them and stuffed it down his throat.

His voice was deep and husky – overcome with the indescribable sensations of what he was feeling to be with her again, not truly believing it still.

“Rey…”  
  
Her response was first a meek stutter and he held his breath, waiting for the judgement. Still fearing she was regretting this. But instead she whispered, “You found me.”

“I will always find you.” He answered without pause, and a little smile showed on her lips, as he saw tears glistening in her eyes and he frowned but she shook her head.

“Ben…” And she stood on her tippy-toes, and threw her arms around him, closing the small space between them in a desperate hug. He was frozen for a moment, but it was like his body had a mind of its own when grabbing the small of her back tightly, pulling her to his chest as tight as he could, almost making her melt against him. Just to make sure she was in fact real. He couldn’t let go. Not now.

“I’m so happy you are here.”

And he realized those tears that gathered had been of joy and he had no idea how to react to that. He had never been the joy of anyone before.

It was beyond words, to have her in his arms, to smell the skin of her sunkissed neck. That devious and delicious aroma that shot sparks through his core and he found himself not ever wanting to be rid of, and he slid up his fingers to feel the silken touch of her hair against his hands as the locks seemed part ways like liquid between his fingers. He couldn’t begin to describe that tingling warmth that was shooting through his nerves when he removed his gloves to truly savor the feel of her hair. To feel how her body molded into his. The way his heart crumbled to know she was here with him.

She was perfection. His perfection.

He was home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So where to start? HIII, I am back. Without going into details, life has been a freaking rollecoaster with both good and bad stuff happening. And I won’t bore you by going further into that! I know it has been such a long time since I updated and I hope some people are still reading this and will enjoy this update. I missed you guys so, so, so much and coming back to read so many lovely comments and having such awesome support has just been mindblowing. Thank you all for your understanding and patience. Hope you like this update.
> 
> THEY FINALLY REUNITED!!! Only took 19 chapters :P (believe me I did not plan for it to take as long as it did xD but we are finally at that point :D) So what do you think will happen now?


	20. I'm Only Human

She was walking down the dark hallway. The only sound accompanying her was the echo from each step she took along the narrow path. How did she get here? Why was she here? What was her purpose? Her heartbeat quickened its pace as panic started to seize her being, sending waves of adrenaline along her veins. She couldn’t breathe as she whirled around, looking for an exit where none could be found. The only path was either going forward or back, both looking like identical small corridors that seemed to continue into infinity.

“Ziva…” She almost jumped at the voice whispering from behind her as she turned quickly, trying to grip her saber just to realize she was not carrying any of her weapons.

Her eyes widened, almost popping out of their sockets when she saw her own reflection as a child, staring into the wall, with her brother holding her younger self tightly.  
  
“Don’t worry, sis. We will get out of this.”  
  
“But the old lady said we can’t sleep there no more. It is so cold here.” The little girl sniffled louder, wiping her cheeks from the cold tears that adorned her already frozen, pale cheeks.

Rogue swallowed the heavy lump that formed in the back of her throat. This was a memory, and this was not a fond one.

“Look, I earned this today!” The little boy with the almost white golden hair said happily, hoping to cheer the little girl, his hands filled with small cubic formed coins. “If I can make this much tomorrow, we can sleep anywhere we want for the night!” To see her brother this protective and so full of hope for their future almost made her break in two. He was so different today and this was a heavy reminder of it. They both have changed so much, and she shouldn’t care to see her past, she should be distanced from it. She should be proud of what they both had become, finally being where they belong…so why did this hurt? This was beyond confusing and the more she tried to quiet the profound ache pumping through her body, the harder her heart pounded with terrifying force.  
  
Rogue released a breath she didn’t realize she was holding, and when she exhaled, the memory vanished like a gust in the wind. What is this?! The blood throbbed violently against her temples, as she tried to get a grip on herself, but she couldn’t.

She heard a whisper surround her, repeating itself around her, like a mantra she had forgotten. _Weakness suffocates strength. Fear cripples the mind. Emotions will paralyze your duty. Kill the heart, eradicate your soul and only then_... the whisper faded away and she jumped when another voice shouted behind her, bouncing of the walls

“Hey, you girl.” Rogue turned swiftly to locate the voice behind hers, her brows knitting together. What?! She saw herself holding a weapon she never remembered holding, and she seemed to just be a few years older than the previous memory from the looks of it. But how the hell?! That could not be! How could that be?! The Knight did not know what to do with this and did not trust the scene that unfolded before her. She looked at her younger self with trepidation. At her silvery blond hair that was tightly knitted into a pony tail and how her face and arms marked with bruises and covered with sweat and blood. The clothes…were so different than anything she remembered wearing. No, this must be something else.

“You are not holding your weapon right!” The man’s voice was like a thunder in a silent night, so threatening and callous. Like she was a fly that annoyed him immensely that he was ready to squash at any second if it just buzzed a little louder. Who was he? She could barely make him out, his silhouette was foggy and unclear.

“You stupid child! I will show you that without discipline, without proper training, you will get killed! And then you are useless to me. Useless to your squad! I will show you true obedience” He growled, drawing in an irritating hiss of air in his lungs before he lifted his arm high in the air to slap her. Rogue stepped forward protectively to sway the man but in vain. For an instant she forgot where she was, that this was not her world and the slap was loud and quick like a bullet and she winced at it, but the younger version of herself stood her ground, as her face whiplashed to the side, her eyes empty of life or any willpower. Like a robot. Her grey stormy eyes showed nothing.  As another blow was coming, Rogue was surprised to another voice yelling, and the echo of it rumbled through the hallway.

“Father! Stop!” A young boy stepped in front of her, looking at his father with anger in his eyes. She could not remember him. She could barely see his features.

“You insolent whelp! You want to protect her? Let’s see how long that will last! You care that little about your own self-preservation?!”

An anger rose in her at the words of this man, and it hurt like a dull knife twisting her insides for the boy who protected her that she could not remember either, as the man’s hand lifted once more to hurt the kid, but before she could even wrap her head around this scenario, the scenery vanished again.

“What is this?!” Rogue whispered quietly. Her head started to hurt from all the thousand thoughts that worked in her brain, her entire body stiff and tense, and the fast beating of her heart was almost deafening. But again…she was not given any pause. As the scene formed in front of her eyes, this was a night she did remember but why was she seeing this?

“So Ziva. If you could, whooo of all of us would you kiss if you know, you were allowed to?” Rogue saw Zaat asking her this question, and her heart squeezed tightly at how different they all looked. All her friends that are her brethren today. How times changed from this innocent gathering when they had snuck a bottle of liquor from a trader that visited the planet when Luke was away on business, to today when their mindset are completely different. This was the night she... kissed Ben, and as she recalled that, she saw the boy in question, sitting in the circle. He was slightly apprehensive to this gathering and not indulging in the alcohol and keeping quiet. He was…simply observing.

“Hey, that is my sister you are talking about!” Fresk sharply cut in, his eyes suspicious and narrowing on Zaat.

Rogue watched herself and she remember how nervous she was by this question, just hoping Ben would not notice that she did her best to not look at him as she answered in a strained voice, “I think you had enough.”  
  
“It is an innocent question.” Zaat said innocently watching the girl’s blush deepens.

“And I think I need to drink a lot more before I would answer that.”

“Please don’t.” Kaol muttered, putting his hands between his head.

“Come on, loosen up a little. Just one night when Luke isn’t here. Can’t we indulge just a little.” Zaat insisted.

Ben abruptly broke the conversation when he suddenly rose to his feet and stormed out. The younger Ziva sighed and shook her head, glaring at Zaat.

“What?” He whined innocently while a dozen eyes lingered on him, “it is not my fault if he is that stuck up.” He shrugged his shoulders.

Rogue sighed, why was she seeing all of this? What was the point of reliving past memories? Or of events she didn’t even remember that can’t even be true.

Again, her surroundings transformed but again she was taken by surprise when she saw her master in front of her. Looking like he looks now. Was this still a dream? He looked so majestic, his wavy hair was brushed, and he wore that chrome breastplate and black cape that made him look all the more regal.

“Rogue…” His voice was soft, imploring and she was immediately under his spell, taking a step forward. A small voice inside her head told her not to be so careless but her judgement disappeared when she saw him in front of her. She was immediately hypnotized by him, by every move he made.

“Master…” She whispered. Was he truly here? Was he trying to communicate with her? Would he finally be able to talk to her?

“Rogue…” He repeated himself, tilting his head to the side, his captivating eyes never leaving hers.

“Where are you? Why did you leave?” She asked. He didn’t answer.

“Wherever you are, I am there. Wherever you go, my training will guide you. Without it – you are nothing. You are my…sol-night…” The image before her distorted, twisting itself along with the voice. One that was her master, the other…. different, cold, detached…mingling with the forceful bass of that of Kylo Ren.

Rogue stepped back, not trusting this new vision, but she had nowhere to go. But she felt it, this was unnatural. She turned to run but the moment she did, he was in front of her again. Her breath hitched in her throat, as she automatically took a step back, concentrating her power in the Force to find she had none to draw it from. Everything became louder, intense, and that any given moment, her ribcage would explode from the immense pressure.

“Weakness cannot be found. Feelings cannot grow. The only devotion is to me. To the cause.” He spoke, but the voice no longer belonged to Kylo Ren. It was completely gone. Replaced by the other one. And she found herself trapped, and that she could not move when he took another step towards her.

“This is the truth of your life. You are mine. You can never betray me. No matter where you, no matter where you are, you are always mine.”

“Always.” The answer came automatic, as if she was a drone. She didn’t even comprehend it until the words escaped her lips.

Kylo Ren came closer, gripping her chin with his gloved hand to draw her face close to him and she could not fight it. She had no will over her own body anymore.

“Say it.” The voice boomed, making her body vibrate and she didn’t want to. She tried to fight this but no matter how hard she fought, the words that came were not the ones she wanted to say.

“I am yours to command.”

His hand clenched tighter around her face, tilting her face upwards to look into his eyes. They were so black, as his face came closer and closer. She knew this was not her master, but she could not do anything to avert what was coming. Her eyes drifted to his lips and before she could think anything else, his lips caressed hers tenderly, inviting her to open her mouth for him. She did without question, not understanding anything. But the lips of her master were something she had yearned for since they kissed at the temple and her mind was not functioning anymore.

The kiss turned heated, more intense as his tongue clashed with hers and Ziva moaned which made him growl lightly in return. Their lips battled for dominance and as her hands travelled in his hair, it had changed. But the kiss felt so good and devouring that she barely noticed until her arms slipped down his shoulders. His scent, and taste changed, so did his body build. She opened her eyes and they widened in chock at the orange hair that belonged to the man she was kissing so passionately. Their lips parted slightly, and he gently shushed her gasp of surprise, and held her firmly in place. “Still don’t remember?” His husky voice asked, and her heart thumped loudly in her chest.

Rogue snapped her eyes open and sat up, gasping for air in her bed. Clutching her chest as a futile attempt to calm down her heart, as cold beads of sweat rand down her forehead. Her nightgown was glued to her damp body and she burrowed her head in her hands. What the hell was that dream?!

 

* * *

 

Kylo didn’t want this embrace to stop. He knew if it did, they would have to talk.  This small moment of peace, of shutting out reality, would end. There was so much that had happened, questions that needed to be answered and decisions that had to be made. The spell of being reunited would be broken. And he had a feeling it would not be easy. He had no idea what he wanted either. It had been obvious before he came here but during his flight… it made everything muddy once more. Kylo just wanted to stay here and hold her forever and just forget the galaxy. At least for a while. But Rey’s hands touched his tresses, dragging slowly downwards to cup his cheeks as she let her feet fall to the ground, so his larger frame hovered over hers, and her face was so close. And her hopeful eyes, those eyes that made his heart beat faster while simultaneously instilling something else. Something cold and nerve wrecking, like small needles that jabbed at his gut. She had so much hope because of him being here, and he felt unworthy of it. What was this feeling?! His gaze drifted unconsciously to her slightly parted lips, and he forced down the lump in his throat of how much he wanted to feel her lips against his. Would it be devastatingly sweet as it had been before or even more addicting when he could fully taste her? Would it ruin him completely?

The Force whispered around them, reflecting and repeating that purr of want and their desires around them. His mouth twitched, and he found himself lost counting her every freckle. This scared them, but it was undeniable and futile to prevent as the Bond made it apparent of how they felt through the energy waves crashing between them – even if it was too confusing for them to understand the complexity of it.

He locked his gaze with her again, and again that dizzying cold shiver coursed through him. “Ben…what is it?”

The way she said his name, the way she looked at him, the way she held his cheeks was overwhelming all of a sudden. He didn’t deserve her. He had treated her so horribly. Pressing his lips together, he knew he didn’t deserve her kindness. And that hit him like he just been punched. Whatever it was, that was going on inside him destabilized him completely. How could he think for one moment anything would be clear here? That he should be here?

His walls were slowly rising. All his life, he had trained with great discipline, had done what was expected of him, had learned how to act with cool detachment, and not have feelings cloud his judgement. But the girl in front of him broke them down, brick by brick every time he tried to erect them. She had not been the only one. It came and passed like a breeze. The memory of seeing his father for the last time, his mother when his thumb was on the trigger when he attacked the _Raddus_. Everything was collapsing, and he had a hard time to even control his breathing and Rey knew this.

“Don’t…don’t do this, not now. You are here. Please…” She implored softly, and he was reminded once again how she could feel him so forcefully through the Bond. And as he was trying to suppress it, Rey wasn’t, and let it flow through her. Understanding him more plainly than he did himself.

She held his cheeks firmly when his hands dropped as he tried to move away, but she wasn’t letting him.

“Rey…I….” He tried, stumbling over words.

“Stop it. Stop hurting yourself. Stop thinking about the worst.”

“It was all so clear….” He mumbled softly, “I thought…everything would make sense if I came here.” He let out a bitter bark of a laughter.

“It _is_ clear. I have so much to tell you.”  
  
“Get your head out of the clouds, Rey. I’m still with the Order. I’m still the Supreme Leader and I still do not condone anything your little rebel friends have done. Who are we fooling by meeting like this?” He snapped suddenly, and her hands fell to the sides.  
  
“Then why did you come?” She asked softly, but he could feel the anger accompanying her tone. She was not fooled by his sudden change.

He sneered, “I had hoped you would come to your senses and join me at your rightful place.”  
  
“No, that is not it. You know I would never join the Order or what it stands for. So why are you here?”

He bit the inside of his cheek, not knowing what to answer. He could not make sense of anything anymore. He wanted to come here, he wanted to see her so desperately and now he was punishing himself for it without knowing why.

“You want to know what I think?”  
  
He really didn’t.

“You came here for me. Because you know what we could have, and I think that terrifies you more than anything. Because you would have to face all the terrible decisions you ever made! And you don’t think you deserve the forgiveness of anyone, your mother, or me.”

Every word was like being blasted with Chewie’s bowcaster all over again. He stiffened and looked around him. Anywhere but her.

“There is a word for it, Ben. Guilt.” He closed his eyes at her words. No, she couldn’t be right. That would break the dam completely. He didn’t want to see it, didn’t want to face it. It was all in the past. Where it should be, gone and buried. It was dead to him, meaning nothing. But that is not what the damn organ hammering against his chest said. With every beat, it twisted and hurt, confirming what he had been denying all along.

Rey took a step forward, invading his personal space entirely, and his inner reasoning went out the window.

“Ben…” Her voice as a soft caress, a sweet melody to his ears, to his battered soul. He knew why he was here. He knew why he had come. He knew it all but still…he attempted to ruin it before he even tried. Her hand caressed his cheek, tracing his scar, her breathing was shallow and shaky, “Please…for once…in your life, do what your heart tells you to do.”  
  
This made the said object she mentioned furiously thump against his chest, and Rey’s other hand slowly placed her palm against his clothing on his chest. “I feel it, Ben.” Her fingers on his cheek left their caress, making his skin crave for more until she grabbed his hand and placed it below her left breast, and he could feel her heart. And it was beating so fast, so ferociously and he felt every pulse against it and exhaled deeply.

“I’m terrified too. I never been this scared of anything before.” Rey spoke softly but he felt her trembling. Kylo was haunted by the beating of her heart, like it was a melody he was completely captivated by, and every pulse shot like an electric current through his nerves, making every part of him buzz. It was beating like this for him, because of what she felt for him.

“What does your heart tell you?” She asked, out of breath as if this proximity was clouding her head, and he was enveloped by her scent and her never ending compassion. How could she be so forgiving? So kind?

He didn’t deserve it, he knew it but…she already tore down his weak inner protest before he could firmly convince himself, and right now he couldn’t even figure out why he was even trying to. If she was the sea, he was the waves bending to her will. She was too powerful for him to deny her.

What did his heart tell him?

With each beat, the warm sensation inside him intensified and spread throughout his body, as the answer came when all his eyes could do was to take in the contours of her face. A sudden desire to give it all up. For her. A reckless and foolish thought, one only the heart could be capable of. And he wanted to be here with her, far away from it all. Realizing that, he knew he had no desire to go back his role with the First Order. Right now, he was here with Rey, where…he should be. He anchored his gaze to her again and swallowed thickly.

Her glittering, hazed stare returned his look, and he saw lust, panic, and something else burning in those deep brown orbs, nearly making him lose his balance with their intensity. Her hand still on his chest, her touch as oppressive as it was loving and exciting. And then his eyes fell to her lips. The most obvious answer lay there, for he saw and felt her inhale sharply, brought on by his gaze on them. No, he didn’t want to waste another second by being a victim of his traitorous mind.

“You…” He whispered, “I want you.” He continued, laying his heart on a silver platter. But he didn’t give her time to answer or to do anything else. His fingers started to travel upwards to her cheeks and his lips descended upon hers.

The rapture that overtook him knew no comparison. Sharp jolts of awareness shot through his every muscle, his nerves and veins seemed to be hit by lighting. The soft sigh of surrender that escaped her lips was intoxicating, the effect to his soul inexplicable. It made him soar and fly higher than ever before, feeling every emotion through the Bond. That longing, that belonging they both had so desperately wanted had been with each other all along. Her lips responded to his with equal abandonment. Her taste… her sweet taste that was intrinsically hers alone was intoxicating, thrilling, and spurred him into frenzy.

The world around them disappeared when their touches became more frantic, more desperate. They both suddenly found themselves craving more of that roaring fulfillment frizzling around them, the moment felt frozen in time just for them alone.

And when she opened her mouth to grant him more access, he did not hesitate once before delving deeper. He relished the feeling of how her tongue danced with his and let out a groan as that twitch that was throbbing beneath his navel wanted even more. His one hand begun to caress the tresses that hung loose before cupping her neck, holding her steady as the other held her waist.

_This must be a dream. This cannot be real._

But it was. Rey was here, in his embrace, kissing him with equal passion, and while the sensation he had felt through the Bond when they had kissed had been intense. This was different. It had no comparison. This was so powerful as if they could burn the air around them with one breath, set the sand ablaze with flames. He was simultaneously terrified and craving more of her tantalizing touch

His hands were pressing her to him, as if wanting to mold her to his body. Kylo refused to let her go, even more so when an irrational fear sprang inside him that she would regret this or disappear.  Those lingering sensations of abandonment and not being wanted were still so strong in him that he couldn’t release his hold, and it seemed Rey felt the same, holding on to him for dear life. He took one step forward, catching Rey off balance, still drunk by their embrace. They stumbled, clumsy in their movements as they only saw, felt and smelled each other, having very little care for their surroundings.

He had no idea what would happen, but he could only think of what he _wanted_ to happen. He was not a robot, he had felt these urges a long time since meeting Rey, remembered them from his youth. Those thoughts and desires he had been punished for so much by Snoke and Luke when he had been a teenager, having to suppress them and utilize them for his training. It all resurfaced once more. He had not been blind to Ziva at the temple, his hormones had shot through the roof, but he never acted upon it except for that one kiss.

But here…. for the first time, he was truly free to feel whatever _this_ was. This tension had been building up ever since he met his scavenger, and this time he did not have to hide it. And he had no idea how to handle it but found himself lost and doing what he thought was right.

And he wanted to do right by _her_.

In this moment, he was truly alive. She had managed to chase away his demons. Both of their thoughts of the past and future; of their duties, and obligations melted away with each kiss.

All he felt, wanted and needed was her. When his mouth caressed hers, it felt so right and he could do nothing then be swallowed by the tornado.

“Ben…” She said breathlessly between their desperate kisses.

A sudden animated shriek suddenly pierced their eardrums. It rattled them both and Rey jumped away from him, her breath still heavy as she looked to her right.

 _So much for being in tune with my surroundings_ …He thought sarcastically as he couldn’t tear his eyes away from her even with the disruption. Seeing her flushed cheeks and her damp, bruised lips, hearing her labored breathing was addictive. He had to force his eyes from her to look at the source of their interruption and his eyes widened. The droid. The very droid that he had been hunting for. The droid that made him meet Rey.  
  
BB-8 let out so many accusing chirps and tones that he had a hard time following but Rey seemed used to it. Kylo stayed silent as he watched his scavenger, but he could not help tracing his finger across his swollen lips and licking them to savor her taste while he saw her crouch and getting closer to the little ball that kept wobbling back and forth.  
  
“I know – yes – I know who he, yes – I know he tried to chase you – BB-8 calm down!” Rey’s voice was drowned by beeping that only got higher and higher.

“He is not who you think he is – yes, I _know_ he chased you. You already said that. Hey! that is not – I told you to wait – No! - You’re the one that did not listen – Wow, take that back!”

She sighed as the chirping continued and her already red cheeks flushed deeper as she snapped her head to the droid, “we were _NOT_ doing that! – No, he did not use any tricks – Do you really – Now you are just being silly!”

The entire scene displayed in front of him was just so surreal. To see his scavenger, a girl that bested him twice, who was a fearsome warrior was being scolded by a tiny orange white balled droid. It was almost comical. Almost. But what she invoked in him made him rather restless and that tension that had been crippling him every since he laid eyes on her that first time was now on the verge of making him snap in two on the spot.

His trousers felt excruciatingly tight around him, and he was sure that anymore friction against a certain area would make him implode. He just wanted to kick the droid away like the ball that it was for interrupting them. Without realizing it, his fingers balled into fists and his entire body was so rigid he mused that not even a lightsaber would be able to cut through him at this point.

 “BB-8, can you please just calm down? Well – no – yes – no, I have my reasons! He is not who you think he is! Moof-milker?! Seriously? No – Bantha poo is not better! You spent too much time in the shop!” She scolded, rubbing her closed eyes.

Kylo couldn’t help the snort that escaped his pressed lips when the droid made another insulting remark about him. It made the two of them stop the bickering and turn their heads to him. “You are not helping.” Rey said.

BB-8 rolled to Rey’s side, his tone still accusatory while his big eye didn’t leave Kylo and he started to chirp again, looking at Kylo up and down.

“I didn’t know you brought company.” He commented dryly, not dropping his eyes from the astromech that stared at him.

“Well, Poe didn’t let me…” She trailed and winced at the mention of the pilot’s name. Kylo didn’t know he was able to, but he tensed even further.

“He didn’t want me to go alone.” She finished and Kylo held his tongue for the moment, not wanting to add more fuel to the fire. Poe was still a sore topic to discuss.

He finally took a moment to see where they are, which is apparently in the middle of nowhere. “Where is your ship?” He asked tentatively, and Rey looked at him. “In Mos Eisley.” Another obtrusive silence followed, and he looked around, not knowing how to ask the next question. He felt her stare pierce him, as memories of Han piloting the Falcon flashed before his eyes. With their Bond so statistically charged, he had left all the gates to his jumbled mind open, and she must have seen or sensed the haunting memories.

“I didn’t…I didn’t take his ship.” Rey said slowly as his eyes met hers again. “It is rather well known.” She continued with a hint of a smile and Kylo nodded. Another minute passed and that painful, throbbing ache inside him was whining but he put all his training into focus, trying to subside the need of grabbing the girl in front of him in his arms again. But now when they were so close, it was hard to ignore that little nagging voice in his head. Especially when she was the one silencing all the ill-minded thoughts that corrupted his very being.  
  
“What is this place?” He asks her, desperately wanting to focus on something else once Rey finally calmed the little droid down. She stood up sighing, and avoided his gaze, “I don’t know, yet.”  
  
He searched her eyes, and he felt an old residue linger here. Some powerful energy that had been permanently etched into the air, and the ground.

“This place has been calling to me. I’ve seen it. There is something here for me – for us to find.” She said, rubbing her forehead, looking to the rubble and Kylo followed her gaze.

“The Force is strong here.” He mumbled in agreement and took a step towards her, earning another high pitch chirp from BB-8 that no doubt tried to sound threatening, “if I wanted you destroyed, droid, I would have done it long ago.” He grumbled, and Rey patted its head and the droid purred at the contact, “Don’t mind him. He is just grumpy that you interrupted us.”

She looked back at him with a lopsided grin and his mind went blank. Did she just make fun of him? He blinked, not really knowing how to react. All the conversations they ever had had always been serious, and he had never seen Rey…so relaxed as she was here. Even if relaxed is perhaps too loose a term after the exchange they had but she seemed…. happy. This was new territory for him altogether and he had no idea how to respond. There were many things he could not wrap his head around at the moment.

“I’m not grumpy.” He sounded embarrassingly much like a child, and it made Rey’s smile grew even wider. She stood up again and gestured towards the debris in front of her. “The answer to my visions is here. Beneath the ground.”

Kylo came closer to her and now the droid remained quiet but followed his every movement. He withheld the urge to roll his eyes.

“So this is why you are here?”  
  
“Yes.” She avoided his gaze again, and he felt there was something she wasn’t telling him. He knew her expressions well enough by now, and he sensed her hesitation through the Bond, but he didn’t want to push it. Not now at least. Not when they finally had some common ground and they weren’t tearing each other’s hair out.

“Very well.” He started to walk to the debris, not needing further explanations. Besides, there was still the matter of… having to distract himself from the incessant rubbing against his trousers that was driving him crazy.

“Wait, what? That’s it?” She asked, astonished.  
  
“If your visions led you here, there is a cause for it.” He said, not bothering to look up but he could feel her smiling.

With that Rey caught up with him, clasping his hand, “You never cease to surprise me.” He looked in confusion at their folded hands, and his heart did that stupid leap again, like it always did in her presence. He could not fight the grin that stretched across his face. This intimacy was so different from anything they had experienced before. He was used to their fighting, bickering, or the stolen kisses they shared but just the simple gesture of her holding his hand delved deeper in his core. And just like that he was reminded of when he offered her his hand once and she refused it. But now… she happily and readily took it. He was continuously thrown by this sudden change. But he found himself loving the warmth of her touch. And his eyes dashed to her lips, and the urge to feel them again burned through his soul like a roaring flame, but with their current audience, he tried his best to keep that thought to himself.

He heard the droid following them apprehensively, but he was quiet, probably as bewildered as the two of them were.

Rey lead him to a tile. “Here. There is something underneath here.”  
  
Kylo touched the tile, feeling the dust and sand beneath his palm. As his fingers brushed against it, a cold shiver ran through him. This friction was appalling, something he had forgotten. He lifted his hand for a moment, seeing the tiny grains stuck against his skin. He rubbed his hand together. Sand was course and rough, and each move irritated his hand, and made him tense. He did not like sand. How Rey spent her entire life on Jakku was still beyond him. The brunette was looking at him with a raised eyebrow at his new-found fascination. “Uhm, Ben. What are you doing?”

He didn’t look at her, but felt a heatwave rush to his face, “Observing.” He said smoothly. Or at least he thought he did but Rey let out a muffled snort. “Observing huh?” She leaned closer to him, “you don’t like sand?”  
  
“How can anyone stand it? It gets everywhere and serves absolutely no purpose.”  
  
She turned her gaze away from her, a sense of nostalgia attacked him through their Bond, “You get used to it. At least it is fun to slide down.” She murmured.

He shook his head lightly and started to push the tile to see if it would open. Rey let out a small sigh and turned to the droid, “BB-8, can you scan beneath it?”  
  
The little droid approached reproachfully and let out another series of beeps, and Kylo let out a small sigh but bit the inside of his cheek to not make a snide remark at the obvious distrust. Well, it’s not like he hadn’t earned it but still. But the little ball of wires came up next to him and started his work and Rey let out a grumble at what he found.

“An old, nonfunctioning generator and water conciliator. There must be more to it.”

“Is there a switch to this?” She asked the droid, who then scanned the area around the trapdoor and let out a wail indicating what she guessed. There was no power converter left for her to open this by attaching wires.

“Well, this is tedious.” Kylo said, and pushed the trapdoor open with the Force, and looked at Rey with a mischievous twinkle in his eye at her expression, “It is quicker this way, or would you still prefer to do this like a scavenger?”

“Let’s just go.” She huffed, crossing her arms over her chest, and he had to concentrate to not look at the sudden cleavage that was very visible through the crescent shape of her dress. He forced down a gulp, and the little respite in his loins was instantly rekindled. He was once again painfully aware of her power over him. Kylo tried not to think about it and looked down in the pitch-black hole. The droid shed light, and the puff or air was moist and dank and got stuck to his tongue as he leaned to peer down.

“I’ll go first.” He said without waiting for her answer.

He jumped down gracefully, using the Force, earning another wave of dusty air that swept like a gush of wind around him.  He looked around. This had not been opened in many years, and he looked up to Rey. It was not that far down at least.

She jumped in after him and her eyes focused on the generator once her sight adjusted to the light streaming from the moon and the help of the droid, who nervously shrieked at seeing her so close to him again and wiggling back and forth in protest.

“Stay up there, BB-8.” Rey said, looking up and sighing as the droid beeped again, “He is not going to hurt me. He tried that and failed, remember?” She looked at him, and he narrowed his eyes at her teasing tone.

“That’s because I never wanted to kill you, remember? Otherwise it would have looked very different.” He retorted but it only made her chuckle.

She looked at some wires along the ceiling that led to to a light source, finding a metal box a bit further in, and opened it. Rey bit her lip, and Kylo couldn’t stop watching her. Her intense gaze and concentration at the electronics in front of her intrigued him. “Hm, I think I can get this working again.” She went to the trapdoor and yelled to the droid, “BB-8. Throw me some tools, please.” As soon as she got them, she went back to the box and Kylo just silently observed her. He could never tire of looking at her.

And watching her doing something she was comfortable with, seeing her with such finesse and adeptness while attaching old wires, and working with so many tools was almost enchanting. Soon enough, the dim light above them made a noise as it flickered to life. Rey smiled at the accomplishment before her eyes fell on his.

“Growing up on Jakku did have its advantages. Although they were few…” She said quietly, but there was another tension rising of her sentence. About her past, her parents, and his brisk declaration of who they were.

“This can’t be all there is.” She murmured, looking around their dusty environment, inhaling deeply. He looked at her amused as her face contorted strangely.

“What are you-

He didn’t have time to finish his sentence before a loud sneeze vibrated through the air. “Ugh, I forgot that this happens sometimes.” She breathed loudly, rubbing her nose to shake the particles tickling her. Kylo just stared at her astonished, as another little sneeze escaped her mouth, and her face turned red, and he just found her…adorable.

She snorted once more, and her entire body relaxed, and she just stared at him. And then he realized he was still looking at her and it was making her uncomfortable. She frowned slightly, “What, you’ve never seen anyone sneeze before?”

“With you, everything is new.” The reply came without thinking and the little blush that already decorated her cheeks grew even deeper and the silence that followed was filled with the memory from what they had done a few minutes ago.

Rey cleared her throat and Kylo averted his gaze to look around. He still felt the energy waves from the Force here and he felt a strange allure to the far corner, obscured by the old generator. Rey followed him tentatively. “I feel it too.” She murmured, and Kylo easily moved the object slightly out of the way with the Force.

As he touched the wall, he felt a surge of power going through him. Rey placed her hand next to his and she let out a small gasp. “It’s here. It must be. Behind this wall.”

“You are right.”

Suddenly Rey seemed to pale, and he knitted his brows together, watching her expression change from the excitement of finding a clue to her visions to sadness, and he felt it in waves, coiling and twisting inside her.

He called her name and she swallowed thickly before she locked her gaze with his. “I…just remembered…”

“What?”

“I thought I would get answers on Ahch-To as well but it… What if this is the same? I’m afraid all of a sudden. It’s silly, really.” Her voice faded to a whisper and he remembered as well. Extremely well. That night. He clasped her hand with his own and it seemed to bring her out of her stupor.

“You are not alone.” He said quietly, and he saw it then. An understanding in her brown irises and the memory they shared of that evening. And she truly smiled at him. And it was different than anything he had seen before. Even different from when she had been with Poe. This was radiant, exalting in a way that took his breath away. Her smile reached her eyes and made her complexion in this dank place shine like a beacon. She nodded and let out a shaky breath, squeezing his hand in comfort as they joined together in the Force to create a blast that tore the wall down. They both started coughing by the many dust particles that seeped in the air from the impact. Rey waved her hand around and squinted her eyes. Just when she was about to take a step forward, Kylo tugged her backwards, her back gently colliding with his chest, sensing the danger of just stepping inside here. They had to be careful.

“There can be traps.” He murmured quietly as a whiff of her scent reached his nose once more, his voice deeper…rougher then he intended, and he felt her tense against him, her breathing growing heavier with each exhale.

“You don’t think I have dealt with traps before?” She hummed with a sigh, still leaning against him. He closed his eyes at the soft tone she used with him, and again his lower body was throbbing with ache, and his heart was beating so fast simply by feeling her against him. He was going mental, his body acting like he never been close to a girl before. It was disconcerting as it was torturous. Well, Rey wasn’t any girl, but it was truly embarrassing how his urges were skyrocketing through the roof.

“If this person was a Force user, it would be very different.”

“Well, there is no time like the present to learn about new things, is there?” She said, turning her head slightly, her eyes searching his, and he read the challenge in them and regretfully let go of her wrist.

He watched her as she extended her hand, her eyes closing in concentration as she breathed in slowly. Kylo felt it around them, the energy swirling everywhere, bending it to her will and little by little that power rose in her like a whirlwind before she took in the environment in front of them. And that residue that lingered in here hummed in response to her, answering to her lifeforce and just like that the ominous sensation Kylo had felt before disappeared swiftly. Rey felt it too. Her hand dropped, and a smile curved its way on her beautiful lips. They didn’t say anything as their eyes met. Kylo simply nodded at her, knowing it would be safe to enter the room.

It was very different in here. It looked like they had stepped into a large cave and the smell that accompanied it was dank, as caves usually tended to smell. And it was darker in here. He extended his lightsaber and ignited it. The red light bounced of the cracked stone walls and he saw a chest placed in the middle of the room and something further in. Rey gasped when she focused on it and Kylo knew why.

“This is…it is so obvious now.” She murmured as she stepped before said object, leaning down. She touched the object. “It’s a furnace.” Kylo nodded as she turned her head towards him. “For constructing a lightsaber.” He murmured, and he sensed the emotions in her coiling. “I was meant to fail…” She said. “I tried to build one. For Luke’s, no matter what I did, it didn’t work. I couldn’t understand then…but it makes sense now.” She smiled, not noticing how he tensed at the mention of Luke’s name. “Ben. Do you realize what it means?!” She quickly stood up. “I can fix it. I can repair the lightsaber.” She sounded so enthusiastic all of a sudden, filled with newfound energy. He could feel how her mind was already working at high speed to get started with it all.

But something felt wrong. Like they were missing a piece of a puzzle. But instead of listening to his instincts, he answered Rey.

“It broke, Rey. The crystal-

“-Yes I know but the scriptures dictated that a synthetic one can be made. What if I can somehow make a new one or merge it somehow with Luke’s.” She looked at him with hopeful eyes.

“The making of a synthetic one…is a long process. And normally used by dark side users.” He explained. She rose her eyebrows in confusion and mumbled, “That is not what the scriptures said. I think it’s the intent of what the person wants that forms it.”

She looked at his red lightsaber, “How did you make yours?”  
  
“I smashed it.”

“Smashed?”

“The crystal in my saber. I smashed it. I defiled it to my will.” He really didn’t want to explain further. The process of making his weapon had been painful when he came to Snoke.

Rey sensed this **,** and simply nodded as her eyes fell to the small chest in the middle of the room and approached it with Kylo in tow. It creaked loudly at the hinges as she carefully opened it. Kylo held his lightsaber above the opening and his eyes widened at the contents.

A small rectangular object shone alone in the chest. And he knew what it was. His confusion grew along with it.

“That’s a holocron.” Kylo whispered, bending his knees to sit next to her, “I thought the Empire had all of them collected or destroyed.”

“A holocron?”

“Data, simply put. Memories that are stored in the object, recorded by a person – typically a Jedi.” He murmured, and Rey looked in fascination as he mentioned the last word.

“Whoever lived here, whoever made this must have had the knowledge, and hid from the Empire then.” She stated quietly and Kylo nodded, his eyebrows knitting together. Not many survived once the Jedi were declared traitors of the Senate.

“I wonder who he or she is.” She added in a hushed whisper, eyeing the object thoroughly as if it would answer her.

Something prohibited him from touching the object, something foreboding that chilled him to the core. This small thing was troubling him, and he had no idea why.

Rey extended her hand towards it, and Kylo quickly grabbed her wrist before she could. “Do you know how to open it?”  
  
She nodded to his surprise, “I just…feel it.” She answered with a small smile and he nodded. Kylo set his own disturbance aside, he felt this was something she had to do. Reluctantly he let go of her hand and she exhaled deeply before closing her eyes and her fingers hugged the holocron.

The second she did, the whole room around them violently changed its surroundings. Triggered by her fingers touching the holocron. Like a vision, because he knew that a holocron did not have this power. Flickers of different lights passed like a thundering maelstrom and both Rey and he stood up quickly, trying to grasp what was happening.

Rey’s eyes widened as realization dawned on them both. Being part of it so many times, they felt that the Force was trying to tell them something.

“You see it too?” She asked in wonder, turning her head towards him. He nodded, trying to follow the rainbow pattern of the colors, feeling the vibration shooting through his body as the scenery continuously changed around them. Rey clasped his hand, and he squeezed it in return, and then they saw it. They heard it. Something that would change everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, woop woop! I realized I broke 100k in words written for this fic! Don't remember if I mentioned that last time! And second, yes, slow update, AGAIN and yes it sucks. =( It will probably be slower updates until December cause of the studies and all that fun stuff, and there is more than one reason for slow updates. I won't bore you with it except for this one: I actually also started my original fic as well that is taking a little time now to get in order. But yeh, that is also super exciting!
> 
> I have also been super nervous about how to write these two when they actually finally met after spending so much time apart. But yeh, and thirdly, a huuuuuuge shoutout to my wonderful beta Bianca that is just the best <3 and my rock for everything I do! Without her, i would no have the courage to post this story =)
> 
> And lastly but surely not the least, THANK YOU, all of you that leave kudos, and takes the time to write such wonderful comments on this story. You have no idea how much it inspired me to log in after around 3 months to find them <3 So thank you, all of you!  
> Anyways hope you enjoyed the update!


	21. Pandoras Heaven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up before the chapter. I did a trailer for the 2 upcoming chapters that my lovely beta Bianca uploaded on Reylo Trash on FB or you can see it on her tumblr :) And here is the link:  
> https://biekewieke.tumblr.com/post/179800072145/oh-my-god-silmea-is-working-on-her-next-chapter?fbclid=IwAR1M0CqlAX9Pe0YaILycN-GBw_YhWxlXn4lFGlSkkI7YyvEIj-I-eehUGfI#notes  
> Hope you like it!  
> Song recs for the chapter:  
> A Day To Remember - If it means a lot to you  
> Poisonblack – Pain becomes me

Today Supremacy returned to Coruscant. The huge battleship loomed above the planet, narrowly breaking through the atmosphere. The powerful vessel covered most of the sky, and its very presence was ominous and foreboding. Rogue stood with her brethren, fully dressed in their armor and helmets, gathering to meet the Captain and troops with Orica, along with some of the troops in the city. In front of them, and behind the row of the Knights of Ren, Captain Phasma shone among the cloud of white soldiers, standing next to an elderly man. Despite the usual chaotic traffic that enveloped the planet with the loud noises and millions of hovercrafts, it felt silent today. As if everyone knew what it meant that Supremacy returned in full force to Coruscant.

What nobody knew except for the Knights and those on Supremacy was that the Supreme Leader was not coming home today. Rogue tried to control herself, but after the dream she had, her mind has been a battlefield. She had no idea what to make of it, even when she tried to meditate on it in the early hours when she was awake, but no relief or clarity washed over her. The blonde didn’t even remember how she got dressed today or how she even arrived here on the grand plaza. She knew her brethren sensed that something was wrong about her, and there was a limit to her abilities to conceal it. Everything was falling apart; her entire world was off and all she wanted to do was to lock the dream away and pretend it never happened. But she couldn’t, and that was not all that worried her today. The Knight felt the Phasma’s stare burn into her neck, so intense that it made her skin crawl. Rogue sensed her wariness, and contempt to all their presences. She knew from all that she had learned that the woman behind her was close to Hux and held him in high regard. So, it shouldn’t be confusing that that woman would very much like tear her head off for keeping him locked up.

Unable to resist the challenge, Rogue tilted her back with one slow move, just a little to look at Phasma. The Captain remained unflinching as the Knight stared her down. Ziva’s gaze hardened behind her visor, and every second that passed only spurred on the raw hostility from Phasma. From all she had read and heard about the Captain, she knew the woman was equally as ruthless as Hux, and not to be underestimated.

With the ships approaching them swiftly and the sound of the powerful engines reaching their ears, did Rogue turn her head back to gaze upon their arrival along with everyone else. Sniper was observing her, he too, quickly looking behind her to watch Phasma, then to his sister and ahead after that. She knew her brother also sensed Phasma’s contempt, so must have the rest of her brethren. But it was not the time nor place for such a conversation.

Everyone was silent, gazing at the smaller cruiser ships speeding towards them. Orica cleared his throat, looking less nervous then he usually did for once, straightening his back, and held his chin a tad higher to give an air of arrogance, his eyes following the aircrafts as they now slowed their descent. With a loud hiss in the air, the ships landed gracefully on the landing pad in front of them, and while Rogue knew she should be alert, knew that she should not disregard her duties, she couldn’t stop thinking about _him._ As soon as she lowered her guard, that taunting smile, and those eyes, that held no warmth, that vivid hair that could make her think of a blood red sunset came flooding back in her mind. About the dream, about what it meant. It was too strange to be … just a dream. But at the same time, how could it not be just that?  
  
Rogue tried to turn her focus to the troops, and the higher rank of command that now exited from the vehicles, marching towards them like a steady drum beat. The Knights spread their legs a little, standing taller and entered their battle stance, their coordinated move made a clashing noise, while Orica took a step forward, greeting the Captain that she recognized as Yago.

“I did not expect such a welcome.” Yago said, looking at the huge gathering behind the politician.

“The Supreme Leader is not among you?” Orica asked a bit hesitantly, already passed the useless formal greeting.

“No.” The answer was short, but there was no denying that Orica would not get any further information by the tone Yago used.

“But…I was not informed of this.”  
  
“Nothing changes for the time being. You are still in charge while I’ll take command of our military until the Supreme Leader returns or informs us otherwise. The Knights will remain with you as he left it.”  
  
Her brethren nor herself made a response to this. They could not contradict it, but it did not feel right to leave all the military to a man they barely knew. But he was making the best of a strange situation. None of the Knights were second in command when it came to Coruscant nor the military. They should talk with their master about all of this.

“I think we need to talk in private.” Orica whispered quietly, and the Captain nodded.  
  
“Sir…” Phasma intervened subtly making Yago’s face turn towards her, and his eyebrows rose a little in surprise, but his voice remained callous and dismissive. “Captain Phasma, Captain Opan…” He added as he noticed the other apparently familiar face, standing next to Phasma, as they approached, coming next to them. There was a volatile energy between Rogue and Phasma as the two women stood next to each other.  
  
“We have matters to discuss regarding our military facility and our recruits.” Her voice made the hairs on Rogue’s neck frizzle immediately. Something was not right, and she gazed at her brethren subtly, noticing they sensed this too. But through the Force there was a calmness emanating from Monk, that told all of them to keep quiet and wait until they were alone.

Yago nodded after a few seconds of staring at Phasma, “and the Gene- Hux?”

“Secured.” Sniper answered. Again, Yago bobbed his head up and down. “Good. The Supreme Leader was very specific that he would handle the… prisoner once he returns.”

After a few more words of exchange, the huge party began to walk towards the palace, before Yago and Orica parted ways. With a fixated look upon the male Captain, the knights stayed with the politician. “Can he be trusted?” Sniper asked, his voice meant for their ears alone, sounding more muffled then usual through his vocoder.

“For the time being,” Monk said as all their gazes followed the Captain, now in a conversation with Phasma with a squad behind them. He nodded subtlety towards Phasma. “That woman however is an entirely different matter.”

“Agreed.” Rogue listened to them as they talked, her eyes never leaving the chrome armored stormtrooper.

“We need to get in touch with our Master.” Monk said as they walked up the stairs to the palace, following the politician.

She sensed her brother’s eye on her ever since they arrived in the grand throne room, listening to a dull conversation between Orica and Monk. They were not needed for this and Rogue used this an excuse to be dismissed. Her mind was still so overwhelmed by what had happened that she barely noticed that Sniper followed her and as soon as the doors closed behind them. He grabbed her arm to stop her movements, but she predicted it, and as soon his hand brushed against her clothes, she clutched her fingers around his palm, twisting it as she turned her body to propel him against the wall. But he easily blocked her blows with his own.

“Don’t touch me!” She snapped. The vicious dance between them continued and their grunts and parring were the music to their perfect synchronized steps.

“You are not yourself!” He hissed in response.

“What would you know about that?!”

“Because I am your brother!” His tone was venomous, accentuated by the rage and disappointment with her current whirlwind of emotions battling against each other, as he twirled her arm to lock it her back. Rogue fed off the pain, feeling stronger by it as she used the back of her head to smash against his face. He pushed her forward before she managed, and she roughly turned around to look at her sibling.

His voice sank into her heart and nested there like a leech, spreading contempt through her veins, as her frustration was reaching its peak.

“Really now _, brother_?” Her tone was harsh, accompanied by the violent breathing that just aggravated her. She could feel his steely eyes narrow at her words.

“Look at yourself.” He answered just as coldly as his gaze scanned her appearance.

“I talked with him.” She had no idea why she just shouted that out, but with so much bottled up inside her, it felt good to scream.

Sniper froze, “Not with our master.” He assessed quickly as she felt his power taking hold of her mind and she was too rumbled, to disoriented to fight of the intrusion.

Rogue laughed, but it sounded like a bitter cackle, “I couldn’t! He left.”

“You went to see the General then instead of talking with us.”  
  
Rogue didn’t answer but turned her head away to give herself some countenance from her brother’s unwavering fury. She didn’t have too, he already knew this was the truth.

Her dream had set off a chain reaction containing lost memories she didn’t know she had but she could not make sense of anything. They were short and devastating like lighting on a stormy night. But Hux was there. Hux was the man she kissed. He had answers and as much she wanted to deny that, it triggered something inside her that she did not know existed. And it made her angry, confused, reckless, and as much as she wanted to deny _that_ , she couldn’t help to want to face him again. To make sense of what was happening to her.

Her brother snarled at her silence. She heard him draw out his saber and didn’t budge when that familiar buzz from his weapon flared to life, the red tone basking the hallway like embers. Rogue turned her head and eyed it wearily, before mimicking his actions as her own sword came to face his.

“Why?” He asked.

Hearing the familiar energy and buzzing from it always made her feel stronger, as if the weapon in her hand was an extension of her own arm.

Finally, she opened her mouth to give a reply to her brother’s question, “I have dreams of him.”

Their combined energy cackled in the air, as Sniper pointed his weapon at her, visibly affected about what she said. “What poisonous words did the General use to weaken you so?”

Once again, she didn’t answer, but advanced on her brother and welcomed the fight once their weapons met.

Her connection to the Force strengthened, as the anger quelled her confusion, making her resolve stronger with each movement, and every strike just made her smile. She fed on it, honing it all and in this battle, she knew that her anger, her frustration, her confusion would give her the edge that would beat her brother easily. Call it arrogance, but she knew her opponent’s every strength and weakness – he was her brother after all, and while he was an excellent fighter, he could not match her ferocity. And this…this was a soothing escape from insanity’s clutches on her mind.

Out of all the knights, Rogue was the most aggressive one. In physical combat she relied on pure strength and agility with her deft fighting skills. She came at him, forcing him into a defensive position as she never tired in her assault.

He ducked her blow, deflected her attack from underneath, and used the Force to push her into the wall. But she stopped herself mid-air, her own power stronger than his, and she smirked at her brother, when she landed swiftly upon the floor, as she launched upon him again.

Minutes felt like seconds as they both were enthralled by the melody that sang in the air from the constant beating of their lightsabers clashing against one and other.

Captivated by their fighting, she did not foresee when another combined energy separated them to the opposite sides of the wall.

“What is the meaning of this?” Monk’s voice bellowed loudly, as the rest of the Knights kept the siblings separated with their combined powers.

“Explain.” Monk hissed through his vocoder as he let them both drop to the floor once they calmed down.

“Ask our perceptive sister.” Sniper said without any remorse as he pulled himself on his feet, joining Monk’s side, staring her down.

Monk slowly turned his head towards her, and she stared at him defiantly through her helmet, and his energy suddenly enveloped her as if a bucket of cold water was thrown over her.

“What did you do?” He asked silently, but the phrasing was masked with hostility, as he roughly pulled her up to her feet when she didn’t answer. His strength shouldn’t surprise her and unlike with her brother when the mere touch made her see red, she hung limply as Monk slammed her body against the wall, trying to shake out a response.

“What did you do?” He repeated his question more forcefully, pressing her already stiff body against the wall, his hand around her throat tightening his grip as her feet dangled from the ground.

She didn’t answer and was impaled by her fellow Knight’s power in her head and she bit her lip so hard it drew blood, just so she would not scream. She didn’t have time to turn the pain in her favor, so quick was his intrusion.

Once he saw what he wanted, he briskly let her go. She fell to her feet, not caring to hit back nor wishing to prove anything as she leaned her head against the cold, hard material behind her, her sore throat trying to get the much-needed air as a cough escaped her lips.

“You went to see him?” Monk asked in disbelief. Rogue slowly tilted her head towards them, her distorted labored breath echoing through the corridors, while all her brethren stared down at her as if she was a puny stain that needed to be wiped clean.

His energy sizzle around her, “You seem to have become a liability.”

She stuck her chin out in defiance, slowly pulling herself upwards, glaring at the knight, remaining stubborn as she still did not answer. What could she answer that would make sense to them? She knew, if the situation had been reversed that she would consider herself a dangerous threat.

“What did you expect to gain by granting him an audience?”  
  
She saw that taunting grin of Hux appear in her mind before ridding herself of the memory and lowered her head. “I can’t explain it. I needed clarity.”

“Clarity? What clarity could a traitor possibly show you?”

“Because I sense something! Something is coming. Something is going to happen, and he…is the catalyst of it, I am sure of it. I don’t know what, I don’t know when, but I feel it in the Force as sure as the sun is bound to rise at dawn.”  
  
A tense silence fell over the hallway, and the Knights shared a look with each other, “then why have we not felt the same guidance from the Force in regard to him?” Scythe spoke quietly, his dark voice vibrating through her skull. The others agreed in silence, and she knew this was an argument she could never win. Her lip twitched, as she snapped her head upwards to look at their ominous presence, ready to kill her on the spot if she made one wrong move.

“You have always been to impulsive, sister. Too reckless.” She looked at Monk as his words reached her ears.

“What did our Master have to say when you spoke to him?”  
  
She clamped her mouth shut, “She didn’t.” Sniper answered before she could. She glared at him in response while Monk’s posture slackened.

“Return to your chambers. Do not leave until I tell you too.”  
  
She took a step towards him, but he didn’t budge, “You dare to disobey after what you have done?” He whispered, but there was no mistake in the hostility of his tone that fueled the anger she already was feeling.

There was a time and place for everything, and this was not it, so she held her tongue, and put a whip on her emotions. With a reluctant nod of her head, she just turned on her heel, and left her brethren staring after her.

 

* * *

 

Rey stood still, completely frozen in place. Her breath was erratic and beads of sweat trailed down her temples and spine. The dark cave they were in felt much more cramped, almost claustrophobic after what they just had seen. She stiffly turned her head to look at Ben, who seemed completely lost. She didn’t need the Bond to notice how much this had upset him.

“Ben?” Her voice was hoarse like dust had permanently latched onto her vocal cord, as she called out to him, but he didn’t react. He seemed completely absorbed, and so tense, as if he would break in a thousand pieces if she dared to touch him.

“BEN!” She shouted to get his attention, her voice bouncing of the walls, ringing in their eardrums, and he finally snapped his head to look her in the eyes.

“Ben…” Rey said his name a third time, her heart pounding fiercely against her chest, when faced with those haunting eyes that just had everything he believed in crushed. She sensed his pain; his confusion and she was helpless to lessen it.

He didn’t answer her, but stormed past her, and she remained rooted to the spot. A single tear dripped in a shaky pattern down her cheek when she heard him jump up to the exit of the trapdoor, enforced by angry and accusing chirps from her little droid.

What had she expected? The little salty drop that cascaded from her chin landed on the holocron, making it shine through the smeared spots, and she squeezed it tightly in her palm, wiping it clean.

Rey couldn’t focus on herself right now. She had to focus on Ben. There was a part that was terrified that he would snap, or lash out, or revert completely to rid himself of the rising guilt that was already suffocating him.

She had no idea how long she stood rooted to the spot, but finally she shook herself free from her own mind, putting aside her own worries to find Ben. Stuffing the holocron in her bag, she slowly turned towards the exit. He had been alone far too long, and she knew…even if he denied it, that he would need her.

The brunette came above ground with the little droid attentively awaiting her return, asking all sorts of questions but she could not provide him with any answers for the moment.

“Where did he go?” His chirps quietened immediately, and he bobbed his head with his large mechanical eye fixed on her, and with a slight move of his circular body, he pointed towards the mountain formation ahead of them. She nodded, “Don’t worry, just stay here a little longer, okay? I will explain later. I just…I just need time with him, alone. Please.” The droid was confused but it didn’t argue with her. Rey gave the astromech a little smile before running to the direction BB-8 pointed to.

Rey saw him sitting on a small boulder, holding a tiny rock in his hands, focusing all his attention to the little object. The moon was still high up in the sky, and while she was strangely warm, she noticed Ben was slightly trembling, forcefully keeping his mouth tightly pressed. The brunette bit her lower lip, just gazing at the troubled soul in front of her.  
  
The little respite they first had met was gone, and she knew the worst was yet to come. She would still have to tell him who she had met, and that was a conversation she knew would either break him or bring them closer.

“I know you are there, Rey…” She heard his tired muffled voice speak, but he didn’t look at her.

Her eyes couldn’t tear themselves from his profile. He had bags underneath his eyes, and his hair was a mess. It seemed his hair followed his temper. The worse it was, so was his mind. Unlike the first time she ever laid her eyes on him, and he had looked so…groomed to perfection. Which had surprised her. Who could have known such beauty could be hidden behind the beast she had believed him to be?

She took a few steps closer and started to rummage in her bag, making Ben turn towards her.

“You look cold.” She answered his questioning gaze. He turned his head away, looking at everything and nothing. She quietly took out the blanket and unfolded it. She made her way up behind him, as stealthy as she could and draped the soft quilt across his trembling shoulders. He immediately froze by the contact, his gaze landing on the outline of the fabric and a scowl replaced the detached look he was wearing, and she immediately sensed this wasn’t just any blanket Leia left her with. This meant something for him. His eyes found hers, and he quickly brushed the blanket off him as if it had burned him, and shot to his feet, taking a few steps to ensure there was enough distance between them. Rey bit her lip, feeling at loss at what to do besides silently picking up the blanket, stuffing it inside her bag once more.

He let out shaky sigh, that turned to a frustrated groan, throwing the rock away. Without looking at her, he summoned more stones into the palm of his hand, grinding them against each other. And once again, he was shivering, even more forceful when not under her gaze and his hand came to wipe something of his face.

Rey opened and closed her mouth several times, no words able to escape her lips. Anticipation began to crawl through her veins, and with it, an excruciating tickle that she could only describe as a sense of foreboding settled in her gut.  Ben’s own confusion and resentment was palpable in the stiffness of his shoulders, in the way he rubbed his fingers together, the shrill clang from the stones’ friction becoming the only noise that proved that none of this was a dream.

“Ben…”

Her voice made him quickly turn his face and what she saw made her hold a breath. There were tears - actual tears falling freely from his eyes. They glistened in the stark reflection from the moons, and his eyes looked like the depth of the galaxy, the twinkling of the light making it look like his dark orbs were bathed in glimmering stars.

“I can’t make it stop…” His lower lip twitched, as a hand came to violently rub the stains on his cheeks like it burned his skin.

Rey took a step towards him, but it was the wrong move.

“Don’t!” He snapped, his eyes taking a harsher tone. She was too close. Rey could sense this, that the more she tried to approach him, the more his self-defense mechanism rang like an alarm in his head.

“It’s okay.” She said softly, trying to sound as soothing and light as she could. “It’s only you and me here.”

“NOTHING IS OKAY!” He suddenly roared, his attitude swiftly turning just like the cold wind that brushed against her.

His palm squeezed the rocks so tightly, that his knuckles turned white, but Ben didn’t even seem to notice, not even when the crimson liquid began to leak between his fingers, dropping on the ground.

Tears still fell from his eyes, and she could see he was disgusted with himself for not being able to control it or conceal it.

“I killed people…” He stated, leaning his head slightly to the side, catching her gaze, prisoning her with their intense burning fire.

“I tortured them…” He clicked his tongue, his voice trembling with unadulterated rage that laced his already rough tone, making her freeze as he took a menacing step towards her.

“I let entire planets meet their deaths. Innocent men, women, children…”

He stood before her now, towering over her, his haunting eyes challenging hers to stay anchored to his, as he told her all these awful things he had done. As if to confirm to her what a monster he is. Rey clenched her fists, it wasn’t him anymore. The regret he felt was enough to prove that.

“I killed my own father! And _for what_?” He seemed to be asking himself this question rather than to her.

“What am I?”

“Ben…”

“You know what I am. You know it. Say it.”  
  
“It is not you anymore!”  
  
“SAY IT!”

She flinched at his aggressive tone, but she didn’t break their eye contact, knowing he desperately needed it. Breaking it would prove what he thought he was.  
  
“NO! I REFUSE!”

He snarled like a wounded animal, unleashing all the rage he held into the stones he had in his hand and threw them away.

He panted heavily and as Rey reached out to touch him, but Ben saw it and he backed away in a blink of an eye. “Don’t touch me.”

His blood-stained hand clenched and unclenched by itself and he shook his head in disbelief.

“For what, Rey?” He asked again, and she held no answers that could calm him, nor did she think it was what he actually wanted.

“Because you believed in it then…Snoke manipulated-

-Don’t. Rey. Just, don’t.” He hissed through a jerky breath and turned his head to face her.

“I can blame Snoke, I can blame my parents, I can blame Luke, but in the end, I am all alone with the choices I made. This is my guilt to bear. My responsibility. I should have seen it…I should have faced the lies. I didn’t! I was too damned stubborn, too damned proud, too damned angry at my parents, at Luke…Because they saw me as a monster, that I wanted to prove…that they were right!”

His wheezing faltered as he exhaled deeply, his face a bitter mask of resentment.

“And my grandfather…was the only one that could possibly understand. He chose his side, and he excelled in it. People revered him for it, they feared him because of it. He prospered because of it, and I thought I would too. I believed in the Order – that it was what the galaxy needed to bear the good fruit.”  
  
“Ben…” She reached out with her hand, but he lunged away, withdrawing again to escape the gentle touch of her fingers.

“I don’t want your pity!” He said haughtily.

She sighed and quipped back, “Good. Because you don’t have it.”

His full lips press into a thin line and he looked straight ahead, and she saw the cold was taking a hold over his body, but he did not pay it any attention.

Rey sensed all his teachings, every conviction he had, crumbled like an earthquake. All he had known was shaken to the core of the fundamental belief he held of so many things. He was hanging by a thread, and she knew there was a part of him that wanted to forget all of this, wanting to return to Coruscant. Forget about her and how he wanted to turn off all his emotions. So, he would not have to face that part of him, the light that was calling him for a reckoning of every choice he had done. And what was terrifying was that she sensed the darkness had a much safer hold over him, a cocoon that allowed him to forget, and she couldn’t allow that to happen.

“Stop this, Ben! If you turn back, if you turn back to hating everything again, because it is easier than facing who you are now, you will lose it all. What you feel-

He interrupted her fiercely, “Oh, I feel, Rey…I feel it all. And it is unbearable! I can’t be what you want me to be.”

“But you already are. How can you not see that?” He shook his head, not believing her and she pushed on.

“You are a changed man. You have changed. Maybe you can’t see it. But I do!”  
  
“And what does that say about you?” She was surprised by his question, the devious tone that snaked into his whisper.

“What do you mean?”  
  
He let out a choked sigh and took a step towards her again, his voice chillingly cold. “You experienced firsthand what I am capable of. What I have done. What I did to you…” He did that lip twitch that made her heart flutter, “how can you kiss me after I’ve hurt you? How can you even let me touch you after all the death I have on my hands?”

“Because when I am with you, I feel…no…I AM complete! I’m whole…. Because you are not that person anymore. You are not a monster, you are not a creature in a mask. You are Ben…And that is the person that I…” She suddenly froze at her own words and Ben stood so completely still. She was not ready for this, not ready for baring her heart so completely. Not yet…a sudden fear gripped her heart, and she was conflicted by what she was feeling. She knew…she knew what she felt was real, so why was it so scary to admit it to the man in front of her that truly needed her to say it…

“That is where you are wrong…It would be too easy.” He flinched slightly, looking like he did not know what to do with himself.

“I killed people. I killed my own father.” He repeated himself as if stating once more how horrible he was.

“How can you forgive me for that?”

“Your father loved you.” Rey said forcefully, believing every word she said to him.

“And I killed him.” Ben spit the words, and his hard eyes snapped to hers in a fierce glare, and she felt all the resentment he harbored for himself, for his upbringing rise like a tidal wave inside him. “I almost killed my mother as well.” He whispered, his voice trembling like a leaf on its way to break from a twig.

Rey felt her own emotions were getting hard to control, and it seems like the plenty of oxygen around her was getting harder to force in her lungs. The prickling heat in her stomach rose uncomfortably and nestled in her chest making her heart thump loudly as it started to hurt behind her eyes.

“But you didn’t.” She stated, “and you are by far not the only one that killed people. Everyone has, including me.” She remembered what she thought had been her very first kill on Takodana when she had shot that stormtrooper. How it had made her feel. Invincible, powerful, and for the first time – in control of her own freedom of fate. It had been such a shocking, thrilling adrenaline rush that she never admitted to anyone.

“Do you remember what you once told me?” Ben asked quietly, his eyes challenging hers to stay locked in his gaze as he told her all these awful things he had done. As if to confirm again and again, to her what a monster he is. Rey clenched her fists, it wasn’t him anymore. The regret he felt was enough to prove that. “That everyone you love keeps slipping away from you?”  
  
Rey blinked her eyes, that moment felt so far away now, and how it hurt when Luke had passed away. But it was in the past, and apprehensively she nodded.

“I am the reason why the people you love are gone.” He stated without any hint of emotion in it. Rey closed her eyes, trying to gain some courage, “Ben…”

He started to walk towards her, “I am the reason they are all dead. So, I ask again; How can you even consider forgiving me after all I have done?”

“Because there is good in you. Because you deserve to have someone fighting for you. Because someone very wise once told me that forgiveness is an act of compassion. It is not done because people deserve it, but because they need it.” His eyes widened slightly, and she somewhat knew he had heard these words before from his mother but with the storm that was tearing him apart, suffocating him, he couldn’t accept it so quickly.

“STOP DEFENDING WHAT I AM!!”

“WOULD YOU HAVE MADE THE SAME CHOICES TODAY?!” Her voice ricocheted against him. He was stunned by her yelling and frowned, the tears staining his cheeks had gone dry, mingling with the dust from the cave. It combined into a cracked illuminated glow from the moon, and in her eyes, it showed his fractured soul.

“Would you have tortured people? Would you have killed your father today?” She asked again, lowering her tone to a throaty barely-there voice, and he straightened his back, taking a step back, but he didn’t answer her.

“That’s why, Ben…Because…you’ve changed.”

“Then I wonder who of us is more insane.”

She wanted to say again that he was good person, and the words she hoped would make the final turning point but just as she was about to open her mouth, she was interrupted by a beeping noise coming from his sleeve.

He reluctantly stepped away from her and she saw a troubled frown decorate his face when he looked at the little device on his arm that called for his attention.  
  
Reality was already knocking on their door.

“What is it?” Rey asked quietly.

Ben retreated another step, wiping his face with his clean hand and his gaze never left his sleeve. “My Knights.”

He swallowed thickly, then looked at her. “I can’t ignore them.”

She realized sooner or later that their little bubble would get pierced by the outside world. They could not stay isolated forever on Tatooine no matter how much she wished for them to have as much time as they could have alone. A gnawing sense of doubt began to spread through her spine. Goosebumps travelled on her skin and she was shivering from the cold.

“Do you want to be alone?” She asked, her voice carried by the wind. Ben shook his head, but he moved away so she would not be in line of sight. She was thankful for it and observed him as he was staring at the device like it would ruin him. His bloodshot eyes took on a harder shade, and the impassive mask graced his exhausted features as he answered the call.

An illuminate shade of blue appeared, and she saw one figure fully clad in armor, with weaponry and helmet appear in the hologram.

The menacing figure saluted Ben, as he bowed formally, and addressing him. “Master.”  
  
“Monk.” Ben confirmed, and asked with an impassive tone, “What news do you bring?”  
  
“Supremacy returned today.” Ben nodded, his strained body high on alert. Monk would not contact him just to state that the ship was back at Coruscant. Even Rey listened attentively for whatever might come next, wanting to calm the nerves in her stomach.

 “There is…a disturbance in the Force.” Monk spoke heavily, and a lump formed in Rey’s throat at his words.

“What have you felt?”

“Something is happening here, something oppressive and ominous. Something that does not favor your presence nor ours.” Rey watched Ben’s reaction but with his Knights he was as unreadable as the rock he held in his hands not long ago. The transformation was something that reminded her of how he used to be.

“If your mission will take much longer, I would suggest that Hux meets death sooner rather than later. His very presence is like a snake hiding in the shadows, waiting for its prey, for the right moment to strike.”

She observed every twitch, every tremble in Ben’s face, his eyes hard and vivid as he answered in a surprisingly detached tone, “I see. All of you sense this?”  
  
The other Knights appeared in the hologram, “We do, Master.” She saw Ben frown for a second as he looked over each and everyone one of them, but it disappeared as quickly as a gust of wind.

Ben looked deep in thought. Rey knew that the former general was the bane to many of his problems and he knew he wanted to be rid of him, and knew he wanted to do it personally for all he had done.

“Then see it done.” Ben answered stiffly after what seemed like a lifetime, and her eyes widened that Ben had let such a huge matter – that of Hux’s fate – land on his Knights. When he had been so adamant to seek revenge for the general’s transgressions himself.

They saluted him, but the transmission did not break, “There is another matter I have to address to you, Master.” Monk spoke quietly. After a long silence, he addressed Ben and Rey held her breath for what was coming.

“It is about Rogue.” At the mention of Rogue, every nerve in her body was stabbed with uncomfortable heat. She had not forgotten when she saw him training with that girl and what she had felt then. In all of the chaos, she hadn’t thought of the female Knight, but the memory came back tenfold.

“I noticed she was not among you.” Ben noted, his tone slightly cautious. “Where is she?”

“Our sister is changing. Your absence has destabilized her resolve considerably.” Rey pressed her lips together of hearing this. She knew that this woman had been part of Ben’s life longer then herself and that there was an undeniable connection between all his warriors. This woman must hold him in very high regard to be this affected by his absence if Monk was to be believed.

“She is having strange dreams, gone against direct orders. She is unfocused, unbalanced. Her mind is fragile, making her weak. What is to be done?”

Ben’s lips disappeared into a thin line, and he answered after a moment’s silence. “Let her prove herself.”

He continued in a steadfast manner, “Let her prove her loyalty to her master. Have her kill Hux. If she shows the slightest hesitation to the task, lock her up until I return.”

Monk nodded in approval, “Very well. I will keep you updated, Master.”

Ben closed the transmission after his salute. There was an oppressive silence hanging in the turbulent air, the wind grew harsher and colder. The storm was brewing at the edge of the horizon, but she turned her focus back to Ben. She watched him as he walked in a circle, like a beast trapped in a cage. His mouth kept doing that special twitch that only he was capable of as he dragged a hand through his messy hair.

“I need to go back.”

Rey stood silent, knowing he was battling against what he wanted to do, and what he felt he had to do. She knew he had to stay here, they still had much to do here, to talk about. But he was already on edge after this emotional ride he had been on since he arrived here on Tatooine.

She swallowed the lump in her throat as he paced quicker and quicker. Suddenly he turned to face her, disturbed by her silence.

“I should never have left. I didn’t think of what the consequences could be! I never _think_ when it comes to you!”

His eyes almost shone with raw desperation, and Rey didn’t lower her gaze from him. She had nothing to say, and the best course of action was for him to get everything of his chest, and all she could do was listen.

“What if Hux escapes? He will take control. Do you understand what that means?” He continued, his worry started to mark his face, starting to walk towards her with slow steps, “For us?” Another step and Rey’s breath hitched when he came so close that a whiff of his scent reached her nose as she tilted her head upwards, “For your precious rebels? He will not stop.”

Rey grabbed his cold hand, letting her heat calm him in the little way she could when his worries rose to the surface. “Your Knights are beyond loyal to you, and you alone. They would never bow down or let Hux escape or take control.”

“All except one. If there is a weak link in the chain, it needs to be broken.” He answered, and Rey was taken aback by the coldness of his tone, “Did you not hear what he just told you? From what I heard it sounds like she is unbalanced, because you are not there. That proves she feels something for you, something that goes beyond the master – apprentice relationship! And she doesn’t know how to handle it. You of all should know what that feels like!”

“That is exactly why I know that she is dangerous!” Ben retorted quickly, his scowl hardening at her tense expression.  
  
“Rogue is the most vicious, aggressive of them all. If Monk feels there is reason to worry, it is not without precedent. If Rogue turns, there is not a single doubt in my mind, that she can kill every one of them. What happens if Hux still lives by then, or if he manages to be the one that turns her?”

“Have faith in her. She is loyal to you.” She pleaded in response, seeing his expression softening a fraction by her words but it was soon replaced by a stern knit of his eyebrows, a mixture of curiosity and disbelief swirling in his dark eyes.

“Why do you even care? Last time she was mentioned, I seem to remember a different tune.”

“Why don’t you care more?” She snapped back, her tone matching his in its insistence. It is true, the first time she felt Rogue’s presence, she felt threatened, but she could just feel from what she heard that the girl seemed to go through something troubling because Ben had left her, and that meant that she was so much more human beyond the façade of being a Knight. Call it naïve, but she could not help but feel sympathy for that. And she couldn’t explain. She just knew…. just knew as clear as her own heart would beat that the girl would never betray Ben, like a calming presence within the Force.

“Stay away from me…” He ripped himself from her almost-touch with her hands, and Rey felt her heart leap in her throat, as his dark and trembling words stabbed at her like hot needles. His forehead was damp, misty with sweat, and was shaking with pure self-loathing that made her bones tremble. Rey was desperately trying to speak but it was like her brain refused to cooperate. She couldn’t move and could only watch as he slipped away from her. His chest heaved with shaky breaths, and he backed away another step, shaking his head.

“I just can’t…”

She wanted to yell at him, scream at him, provoke him, throw something at him, to do _something_ to get his attention, but she remained frozen, unable to act, so she just stared as he stalked away, disappearing into the night, like a shadow accompanied by the howling of the wind following him and once he was gone, the gap wedged between them was mocking her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprisingly, I uploaded this one faster then I normally do, even though I’ve been going through a bit of a rough patch. Also - I was a bit worried about posting because the last chapter got the least comments then any chapter I could remember recently, and since this was a very big game changer story wise (they are finally together, yay), I got this funny nervous feeling posting this one. I just still hope you like the journey on where I am taking these two.  
> And to those that always review and give so much love, you know who you are <3 I love you, without you and my fantastic beta Bianca, I would never have made it this far. So big love and hugs to you all.  
> Hope you liked the chapter, and a penny for your thoughts =)


	22. Apassionata

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiii, long time no seee! Lets hope this work because if it does then you should be able to see this WONDERFUL and such breathtaking moodboard that the adorable, lovely, GreyForceUser did for these chapters as well :D I am soooooo humbled and thank you again sweetie for the time you put into this! Soooo if you click this awesome moodboard, you get directed to the trailer I did for these chapters as well =) 
> 
> And now onwards to the chapters and more notes from me below :)
> 
> [ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1y_IB2sZ-0)

The Knight returned to her own quarters lost in her own thoughts, her body aching from the aftermath of warring her brethren. She had said too much, she had shown too many emotions and she knew she would be supervised under a scrutinizing watch from them all. She kept walking but stopped when approaching a corner, sensing a presence she recognized to be threatening. She took out her lightsaber, igniting it, the noise bouncing of the walls as the red light flashed the dark lit corridors.

“Show yourself.” Her growl was menacing and through her helmet, it sounded like a hiss that promised destruction.

The shadow appeared, and she recognized the plating, making goosebumps at the back of her neck spike all the way down to her back.

“Knight.” Captain Phasma acknowledged.

Rogue tilted her head, wondering what the hell she was doing here. She pointed her lightsaber at her direction, but the Captain didn’t flinch once, nor was she scared or angered by the hostile move. Rogue felt that the woman in front of her was in complete control over herself and for some reason, she was fascinated by it.

“What brings you to the palace, soldier? You have no business here.” The only thing at the palace that could lure the trooper in front of her was Hux and that made every sense in Rogue’s body curl.

“You are my business.” The woman answered with such chilling calm that it made Rogue stiffen even more.

“We have nothing to say to one another.” Rogue switched of her saber, making a point that this conversation was over. As she turned away, the Captain spoke silently.

“I bring a message from Hux.”

Rogue froze in her tracks and turned her head. _Is this a trick? How could she have a message from him? What was this?_ Her dream crashed into her mind again and spread throughout her body with the reminder and the images that came with it, and her legs began to shake a little.

“That would be disturbing if you do. The consequences of meeting the prisoner are severe. Either you are lying, or you are risking your neck thinking that a message would pique my interest, which is equally idiotic.”

Rogue turned around to get a sense of what Phasma was feeling but she was cold as ice. It made the blonde wonder if she was truly human underneath all that armor. But the more pressing issue: how had she managed to meet him in the dungeons? Was the security that lacking?! She had been able to sneak downstairs to him as well, but she was a Force-user…and a person in charge for him. This woman…how had she done it?!

The Captain took a few steps in her direction, walking with such impregnable focus her armor would provide for her that made said Knight peak an eyebrow. “You and I have a common interest.”

“I could have you arrested for visiting him.”  
  
If Phasma was moved by what she said, she did not show it. “You won’t.” The words were spoken with utter confidence that deeply annoyed Rogue. Who does she think she is?!  
  
“You are risking a lot by talking to me.”  
  
“The true Supreme Leader wishes me to. Who am I to deny him?”  
  
“The true Supreme Leader?”  
  
“And the fact you are not drawing your weapon on me proves that you think the same.”  
  
Rogue backed a step, and once more lit her weapon. She pointed the tip of her saber to Phasma’s helmet that made the entire chrome plating reflect the red lightning from her saber. The Knight angled her hand and the melody from her saber sang throughout the empty hallway. She wanted to prove how wrong Phasma was to jump to conclusions.

“Watch your mouth unless you want me to burn a hole through your helmet.” The woman didn’t flinch once.

“I was thrown into a sea of fire and it didn’t kill me. Do you think your weapon frightens me?” Phasma answered coolly, not once backing away or showing any signs of distress.

“I advise you to stay the hell away from me. I have no interest in any message.” Rogue uttered her words carefully and threatening, and once again she lowered her weapon before she closed of the light to the handle.

But Phasma’s voice called her throughout the empty corridor, “He has all the answers you seek.” Her steps faltered but she didn’t stop. Instead she picked up the pace like she was hunted by an army of demons on her tail. Phasma didn’t follow but her voice was still loud in Rogue’s head, disturbing her the rest of the day.

 

* * *

 

Kylo didn’t know how long he walked, he did not know where he went; All he knew was that he had to get away from that place and from her. He was drowning in his own revulsion and panic, and with every frantic beat from his heart made him feel like a fish on dry land, gasping for air. Looking at Rey reminded him of every failure, every wrongdoing, everything both the vision and holocron showed them and he couldn’t deal with it all at once.

He should leave, return to his Knights and forget everything. It would be the easy route. Remaining here seemed to split his soul into more pieces more than it already was. Guilt was hanging over him like a shroud, tearing at him in all directions. His hand pulsated from the wound, but he could not care less. The storm was coming on strong and fast, but it didn’t slow him down. Being swallowed by sand would be a most fitting punishment. His legs felt like lead, and he couldn’t take another step. But stopping allowed his mind to see bits and pieces that pierced his skull no matter how much he tried to prevent it.

The images the holocron had produced played again in his mind’s eye.

_Kylo was reeling, his breaths came in short, shallow gasps and the firm, iron grip that had its claws around his fast beating heart was on the verge of bursting from what he and Rey had seen from the vision. When the voice began to speak, they both jumped to see a person before them, clad in simple Jedi robes. It took some time before he could focus on what was happening in front of him, his eye field still cursed with vivid images that they both were still recuperating from._

_“…By the time we understood what was happening, it was too late. We were betrayed. The Jedi fell, and along with them, the senate, and democracy...it was the start of the dark times. So many deaths, so many innocents slaughtered, and we could not stop it and the galaxy were forced to bend the knee to the Sith. The hope now lays with the children. That the light will find its way back.”_

_“In my isolation I have considered the events that transpired that tragic night. What came as a shock was in truth a long-awaited reckoning of our own hubris. In our insolence we chose to ignore the most dangerous threat among us. We chose to rely solely on our own deluded power, and that was our downfall and Anakin…I realize that the Jedi – for all its teachings, and wisdom, lack empathy when it comes to those that are closest to us. Being stripped of that humanity, we couldn’t help the one person that needed it the most. The way of Jedi needs to change to have any chance to survive.”_

_“My greatest regret, and my greatest sorrow was that I could not save them. I was his brother, he was mine. I failed as a teacher, I failed as a friend, I failed as a brother. And Padmé…she…Her death will not be meaningless…her children, I must do right by them. I will watch the boy. I sense he is alike Anakin in many ways. He is strong with the Force, they both are, but the same tenacity of that volatile energy swirls in him like his father.”_

_“Anakin was a hungry and conflicted soul. He had a good heart, he was a good person, but he was weighed down by the injustices he faced as a child that tormented him throughout his adulthood. Being trained as such an old age…I should have seen the signs. The brutal way his mother died, Padmé…it was always there. I just…remained naïve.”_

_“And the Emperor manipulated him, feasted on his weakness, on his fear to lose Padmé, his impatience with the Council…and I did nothing, only pushing him further away and it drove Anakin right into his arms. I always hoped for the best, I always…believed he would remain true to the Council, to our cause. He tried to warn us, we didn’t listen.”_

He flinched at the mechanic words from the holocron that had replayed what had happened…the truth to what happened with his grandfather and the fall of the Jedi.

“Stop it…” He seethed when he felt his head being invaded again by the recent events. He slammed his hands over his ears in the vain hope that he could shut the voices out, but it was not working. He remembered it all too clearly.

And the reminiscences of an old man’s failure as a teacher of the Jedi Code and sorrow had not been the only thing that weighed him. The second Rey had touched the object, it had triggered a vision beyond what he thought was possible. It had been the most vicious assault on everything he had tried to believe in.

He remembered the vision with even more clarity, the things he had seen so clearly ingrained in his head, it might as well have been a memory instead of a vision. Breaking and picking his brain into splintered pieces where he had no solid ground to stand upon.

_“Ben what is happening?” Rey asked as they felt the ground below them shake violently, as they found themselves in what looked like the days of The New Republic in Coruscant, as they were hastily thrown into a chamber, that looked so damn ancient, filled with men and women of all species, dressed in robes. These were such blurry images, and he felt the peace but also so many emotions of subdued anger and confusion…._

_A soft, melodious voice spoke like it was tethered from dreams._

_... **First comes the day…**_

_Different voices broke through as they mingled with each other and hasty images of different people, different places changed quickly that they never could pay attention to what was happening._

_…Rey…_

_…The Force is energy…_

_…it is in all living things, it binds us…_

_…Ben…_

_…Without the Jedi, there can be no balance in the Force…._

_…it guides us…._

_…Often difficult to see, the future is, like searching for raindrops beneath the surface of water…_

_…Flowing through all…_

_A little child came into their view from all the rumbling, and his breath got stuck in his throat seeing the child.  Kylo knew who the child was, he just knew, and his chest could barely contain his heart. All his life…all his life he wanted to see his grandfather and to see him so young…so innocent…it awoke something in him, he could not explain it._

_…I had a dream that I was a Jedi…I came back here and freed all the slaves…_

_Another shake; another tumble and the scenery changed again. They were in a chamber with the same little child standing in the middle of the circular room, with the sunset basking room. Many people were watching him, studying the child. Old Jedi masters…_

_…Be mindful of your feelings…_

_…Afraid to lose her, I think…_

_…What has that got to do with anything?..._

_…Everything…fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. I sense much fear in you…_

_Everything became blurry, and the ground beneath them vibrated, and Rey gripped his arm to keep them in balance as the voices seemed to come from all directions._

_…Obi-Wan, promise... Promise me you will train the boy…_

_…He is the chosen one. He will bring balance. Train him…_

_…Attachment is forbidden. Possession is forbidden. Compassion, which I would define as unconditional love is essential to a Jedi’s life. So you might say, that, we are encouraged to love…_

_He saw a man…and that same emotion when seeing him as a child came tenfold now. His grandfather…speaking of love and compassion… This was not the same man that Snoke had described him to be. Not the same man that Kylo had seen in his dreams. He sensed the emotions from his grandfather for the blurry woman in front of him as if they were his own. So strong, overwhelming, and he knew that he loved the person in front of him passionately and unconditionally._

**_…Then comes the night…_ **

_They were swallowed in darkness, before standing on a plaza, surrounded by thousands of troopers. Kylo immediately recognized them as the clone stormtroopers the Empire had used. They saw so many deaths, and many lightsabers filled their eyesight, flickering like a rainbow with all the different colors, before the Jedi that held the weapons were killed, one by one. A sinister cackle filled the room that made both shiver as an image of an old, deformed, wrinkled man with penetrating yellow eyes came into their sight, along with the mechanical breathing that could not belong to anyone else besides his grandfather, looking completely defeated, and his aura was filled with pain and such profound sadness that was harnessed into anger and yet…he was hollow, like he was missing a huge part of himself._

_The cruel laughter finally calmed down as the old man flashed an even more devious smirk…_

_…The Dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural…_

_Again, it felt like a thousand voices echoed around them that they could only hear a few of them, as the eerie whispers and sinister shadows haunted their vision;_

_…You were the Chosen One! It was said that you would destroy the Sith, not join them! Bring balance to the Force, not leave it in darkness!..._

_…A prophecy misread, could have been…_

_…I won't leave you! Not this time…  
…Then you will die…_

_…You bore all the responsibility for what happened. You went over and over your mistakes. You must know this, Obi-Wan - it is Anakin who chose to turn to the dark side. Grief did not push him there. You **did** not push him there. He made the choice…_

_…you must accept your regret the way you accept your mistakes. Then move on…_

_He saw two figures, shrouded in mist appear before them, one looming over the other._

_…Savior, conqueror, hero, villain. You are all things, Revan… and yet you are nothing. In the end, you belong to neither the light nor the darkness. You will forever stand-alone…_

_The two people disappeared like a blow to the wind, fading into nothing, as a mixture of different voices, residues of a long gone past appeared before them._

_...You've carried on, dragging the remains of a body that should have long since faded to dust. Hatred fueled cunning but burned out all wisdom. Without me, you could not see…_

_…It should not have surprised anyone that Revan turned Sith. He knew you cannot fight the dark side without understanding it…_

_…trying to wrench me apart, to unleash my anger and hatred… I detached myself from the pain. Focused on the Force…_

_…The Sith must be ruled by a single leader: the very embodiment of the strength and power of the dark side. If the leader grows weak, another must rise to seize the mantle. The strong rule; the weak are meant to serve. This is the way it must be…_

_The raw, melodic tune of his former master suddenly called out around them, and every nerve in his body screamed of pain from the mere recall and then he saw himself and Snoke._

_…I never had a student with such promise – before you…_

_…It is your teachings that make me strong, Supreme Leader…_

_…It is far more than that. It is where you are from. What you are made of. The dark side—and the light. The finest sculptor cannot fashion a masterpiece from poor materials. He must have something pure, something strong, something unbreakable, with which to work. I have—you…_

_Kylo’s breath hitched in his throat and he felt Rey’s eyes on him, but he couldn’t tear himself away._

_…I watched the Galactic Empire rise, and then fall. The gullible prattle on about the triumph of truth and justice, of individualism and free will. As if such things were solid and real instead of simple subjective judgments. The historians have it all wrong. It was neither poor strategy nor arrogance that brought down the Empire..._

_The voice faded, so did Snoke and his past self. Kylo’s lips trembled and his hands clenched violently, and his Force aura was bubbling, peaking to unstable heights. Seeing this, seeing his past so vividly, remembering everything Snoke had done to him, his teachings, and how he so desperately wanted a strong teacher, a place of acceptance, a place where he didn’t have to feel alone._

_A piercing scream ricocheted around them, a scream that devoured all other noise. So much pain…agony…darkness…. They stood in a dark, metallic room, smoke was around them, droids hovered in the air, needles, medical equipment surrounded them, and that low, guttural scream echoed again, and Rey gasped while Kylo completely froze at the person they saw lying on a grey, cold stretcher. A face so burned, and that pain… it was overwhelming, and he could feel it all. But it was not the broken body that was hurting the most – it was all he had lost…. only one sliver of hope of a woman remained. Plates with strange technology began to cover his body and robotic parts replacing the human parts that were gone. As soon as they saw the helmet being lowered upon his face…this was the true birth of Darth Vader…and the sight made Ben completely crumble._

_…Is she safe?..._

_…It seems in your anger, you killed her…_

_The Supreme Leader fell to his knees, he felt it all. The crippling guilt that tortured every nerve in his body. He saw his grandfather detach himself from his bindings and how the entire room began to vibrate from his power as his sadness, and anger consumed his very soul._

_And Kylo understood when he heard his gutwrenching cry paralyze everything around him. He understood why. The woman he loved died, he believed his child to be dead, and he had nothing else to live for and nothing to go back too. He embraced the dark side there and then. This time it had not been for power. This time it was for all else is dust and emptiness. And that realization gutted Kylo more than anything else had, but the vision disappeared yet again and that melodic soothing whisper – for all it gentleness echoed like a tremor._

**_…After the darkness…_ **

_…Revan wore the mask during his time as Darth Revan. To me, it symbolizes his dark past - a relic from a time before he became the man I loved. I was afraid that if I showed it to him, it might trigger something inside his mind. It might awaken some dormant evil, rekindle the spark of the dark side…_

_…Love doesn't lead to the dark side. Passion can lead to rage and fear and can be controlled… but passion is not the same thing as love. Controlling your passions while being in love… that's what they should teach you to beware. But love itself will save you… not condemn you…_

_The blood in Kylo’s veins were screaming at him, like all these mementos were specifically meant for his ears to listen. To already make the turning knife deep in his chest dig deeper into his soul until he could no longer breathe._

_Everything suddenly went quiet, the subtle whispering around them blew life to another long-lost memory and they saw a man and a woman, standing on a platform. The woman dressed in grey and a man in black, surrounded by lava. Rey gasped, the girl…she was so beautiful, and she was pregnant. Her cheeks glistened with the tears for the man before her and the man…it was him. His grandfather. There was no mistaking in that. He felt it through the instant kinship in the Force when seeing his face. But gone was the innocence, that pure will to do good, the love inside him had festered into something else that Kylo recognized in himself that night when Luke tried to kill him. The desire for power._

_…At what cost? You're a good person, don't do this!..._

_…I won't lose you the way I lost my mother. I've become more powerful than any Jedi has ever dreamed of. And I'm doing it for you, to protect you…_

_…Don't you see? We don't have to run away anymore. I have brought peace to the Republic…_

_…together you and I can rule the galaxy. Make things the way we want them to be…_

_…The Jedi turned against me, don't you turn against me…_

_…you're breaking my heart. You're going down a path I can't follow…_

_…Because of Obi-Wan?..._

_…Because of what you've done! What you plan to do. Stop, stop now. Come back. I love you!..._

_Rey stared at Ben, her own eyes glittering with such intensity, that he couldn’t help to be enchanted by her gaze, and he knew she was reminded of a very similar event and it made a cold chill crawl up his spine that he could no longer bear to look at her. And when he saw his grandfather…that loved this woman so much begin to choke her because of his anger, because of his rage…it frightened him to his very core._

_The scenery changed to a misty fog with voices echoing around them, blurry faces that appeared around them, but it happened so quickly, they could never figure out who these people were or where they are._

**_…Shines through the light…_ **

_…Know you will when a vision is what will be. Feel it by the Force you will. Know you will whether to chase raindrops before they fall or remain where you are. Stay where you are and move you will anyway. Always in motion the future is…_

_...The Force always finds the way. What is meant to be will come to pass…_

_…you will be tempted…._

_…You opened yourself to Dark Side for a pair of pretty eyes!..._

_He saw Rey’s eyes widen and how she stiffened when Luke’s voice broke through all the rumbling. And he turned to her as the blood inside her skin burned her cheeks._

_…you will not be able to control yourself…._

_…Don’t do this, don’t go this way…_

_Now it was his time to turn his head in shame, Rey’s voice sounded even more sad, more disappointed when coming at him from all directions and he could not do anything else but try to swallow it._

_The Force is not a thing. It is…a tension, a balance between everything. It is everywhere and in all of us._

_…Become what you were born to be…_

“STOP!” He shouted to himself. He didn’t want to hear the rest. He didn’t want to be reminded.

Kylo’s one ear was now smeared in his blood as his arms fell to his sides, and he gulped heavily as he flickered his gaze around.  His eyes shimmered with the residue left from his tears. His shoulders sagged with fatigue as he could only listen to his own pulse throbbing in his eardrums.

He froze when a male voice repeated that soft melodic tune that rumbled through their vision.

“First comes the day. Then comes the night. After the darkness, shines through the light.”

Luke paused, he heard a soft exhale of breath as if he knew that Ben didn’t want to remember the rest of the prophecy.

“The difference they say is only made right, by the resolving of gray. Through refined Jedi sight…” Ben hung his head, vividly recalling flashes of what had been shown to them, his hand shaking like it was on the verge of snapping.

“Prophecies, visions, the past…it can be quite taxing.”

Kylo’s neck felt like he had cold chains tightening its hold. He knew who it was behind him. That all too familiar voice that usually made him go furious whispered behind him. His lips pressed together. Did everything want to torment him right now?

“The time for half measures and talk is over. You have nowhere else to go, Ben. This is where you will make your final stand. How you will want to be remembered. You can’t escape it anymore.”

He turned again and came face to face with Luke. He tilted his head softly, “she won’t let you have any more chances if you leave. You do know this?”

“Why are you here?”

“Because you don’t seem to understand. I could hit you over your head with a stick and you still would not get it. You are drowning in guilt and shame and yet you run away. You are many things, Ben, but a coward is not one of them.”

Kylo balled his fists and glared his uncle, hoping somehow his stare would burn the ghost from his eyesight.

“Everything I have done…everything was based on lies.” The words were hard to say. His entire throat might as well be stuffed with all the sand from this planet.

“And I believed in it. I refused to believe in anything else.”

“Snoke infected you like a putrid fever.”

“No…I did it to myself. Because of my anger.”  
  
“Truth mixed with lies is the best way to confuse even the strongest mind.” Luke said simply and then scoffed, “and so what you were wrong?” He turned his head towards his nephew. “Failures are our greatest teachers.”

“You make it sound so easy.”

“Because it is. You can’t turn back time, but you can choose what you will do with what you have left in front of you.”

“I will not join the Resistance. I can’t join it.”

The truth of the matter, the only way he could go back even if he did consider it, would be to have his head sent there as a gift. They would never accept him.

“And the beauty of it all is that you don’t have to. It doesn’t have to be either the Resistance or the First Order. There can be a middle ground. You are here, so is she. And you now know the entire truth.”

Kylo’s eyes narrowed at his uncle for sounding so lighthearted about the entire situation which only made his eyes shine with mirth, “What? I need to remind you since you are bent on wallowing in your own self-despair.”

He cocked his head to the side, and Kylo could see many emotions vibrating in his eyes. Determination, nostalgia, guilt and hope.

“Do you think this is funny, old man?”

“Well, let’s just say, you gain a certain perspective when you…you know, die.”

Luke sighed, and his merry grin turned somber as his blue eyes darkened. “You will never be able to forgive yourself for what you have done, Ben. But you must accept it. Live with it, just like I had to live with my failure as a teacher for you. Atone for it. You will never move forward unless you do. Rey…she can help you, but you must first allow her too. You cannot do this alone. Don’t repeat my mistakes, or the mistakes of my father.”

A whistling sound churned past his ear over the deafening silence that was between the ghost and him, until Luke let out tired sigh, filled with nostalgia.

“You know, I made my very own lightsaber here.” Luke said, “before Ben’s house was looted by vultures and treasure hunters. I’m not surprised he built an underground compartment to keep the most important information from falling into the wrong hands, and a furnace – I thought he only had the one that was stolen. And now I know why I never sensed it myself when being here. It was never meant for me, but for you and Rey. The Force is indeed mysterious.”

“His name was Ben?”

“He was more known as Obi-Wan Kenobi.” Luke’s eyes twinkled by the reflection from the moons.

“You were named after him.”

Kylo nodded slowly which proceeded to him shaking his head, feeling his shallow breath being swallowed by the harsher wind around them. The sand around them started to move and ground vibrated harder than before that it even tickled his feet.

“Do you realize this is the first time we had a civil conversation?” Luke pointed out, raising his eyebrow a bit and look at his nephew.

Kylo couldn’t help the small smile stretch his lips. “I must be off my game.” He was so exhausted, there was no energy left to feel anything else. Luke would not go away, and for the first time in his life, he wasn’t bothered by it like he should be.  
  
“Yeh, that must be it.” Luke joked.

A melancholic silence filled the air between them and the young man pressed his lips together. “I must go back. Something is happening in Coruscant. My Knights…they need me.”

“She needs you too.” Luke reasoned, “she needs to forge her weapon and that cannot happen without you.”

At this, Ben frowned, “she doesn’t need my help for anything.” And especially to not for making her own lightsaber. She had all the tools she needed, and her brilliant mind did not need his assistance to construct her own weapon.  
  
“She needs it more then you know.”

“You are meant to be here. All that is happening, all that will come to pass is meant to be.” There was a subtle urgency in Luke’s tone. “And you know this. You feel it, don’t you?”

He did, but he was torn.

He didn’t deserve Rey, all these devastating truths, and visions, were hammering his head as well as his heart. And it wasn’t like he didn’t had doubt about his beliefs or the Order after he had met Rey but he always pushed it aside when it came to fast, to close for his heart. He knew this. And still…there was no more denying. He didn’t know how to look her in the eye, when he could no longer justify anything he had done in his life.

“That girl loves you, and you love her.” Luke deadpanned and that made the ticking machine inside his chest skip a beat. He was unexpectedly riled by his uncle’s words, and he was unable to agree or disagree. But the evidence was obvious as it flared a sudden hot flash inside him. The blood thumped inside him, spreading this strange warm and nervous stinging sensation across his body, screaming at his cells that this must very close to the truth. But the word itself was so dangerous and something he considered himself to be uncapable to feel towards another person when he didn’t remember how it was to be on the receiving end of it. He had never had an interest in such feelings, knowing how much it could weaken you. Love complicated everything, it comprised everything…Love changes everything. The word was already knifing its way through his steely barrier and he wasn’t ready for it yet.

But…if he had to be soul-baring honest with himself, he knew a life without her would be impossible. Rey had become such a huge part of himself…she had melted into him, warped his unstable mind, making him face some truths he would never had listened to if it had not been for her.

“So stop running away from her.” Luke whispered and in the corner of his eye, he saw Luke fading into nothingness. He was alone with his thoughts and the impending storm that was getting closer.

Flashes of all his encounters with Rey travelled like lightspeed through his memories like the visions had. How her lips had marked his, how her words had dug into his soul. That when he looked at himself, he saw her there, branding his skin and mind, and the question that she had asked still rang through his head.

_Would you have made the same choices today? Would you have tortured people? Would you have killed your father today?_

His lower lip trembled, and he hung his head, rubbing his eyes as another assault of hot piercing tears wanted to break through. He saw, like so many times before, the last look on Han’s face before he fell to the abyss, and how it broke him.

He looked down at the sand, moving like tantalizing wisps in circles around his feet, and with a whisper that almost didn’t reach his own ears did he finally confess;

“No…” The muscles in his hands flexed tighter, and he slowly tilted his head upwards, looking to the stars decorating through the broken cloud pattern above him. Letting the words out, he could feel his shattered soul mend together – one fragment at a time. Slowly and achingly, he could feel that gaping wound hurt more than it ever had. But it was different. It was…something he had never experienced before. He exhaled a shuddering breath, his lips trembling on their own accord as that hotness stung his eyes

He repeated the word, more loudly this time, and again he was hit by the same growing ache and for the first time, multiple memories of his father struck him, and he did not try to shut them out. He let himself feel it all, and like gravity, the broken pieces inside him were coming together, scraping and clashing and he never felt anything of the like.

He couldn’t breathe, and salty tears broke free from his eyes as a guttural cry escaped his lips.

Time passed. Seconds and minutes felt like a decade as he was trying to compose himself. He tightened the grip on his blood specked hand as his resolve grew stronger.

He needed her, he needed her more than anything else in his life. Being the Supreme Leader did not heal him, did not fill the void inside him. He had never felt so alone as when he had been stuck in Coruscant. Without her. He had no desire to go back, to rule, to have to do anything with that life anymore. He had wanted to flee, using his Knights as the excuse he needed when she had been too close, when the truth had been too close. But Luke…he had been right. He could not run away from it anymore. He could not bear being separated from her. Not now, not ever.

It dawned on him then, the whistling and colder wind brushed his hair violently when he turned his head. The storm was almost here. He had once more run away from her, and he had no idea what would await once he returned.

It didn’t take him that long to find his way back, he felt her life force and it led him right to her through the weather that blinded his path. Sand hit him like sharp thorns and he found himself detesting this cursed planet more with each passing second.

He saw her then, walking in worried circles with the droid hounding her every step as she covered her face to protect herself from the rising sand.

The astromech noticed him first and squealed loudly which made Rey turn abruptly to face him. He saw the evidence of what she had been doing in his absence on her cheeks and it made him want to kiss those tear stained cheeks away.

“You…you came back.” She choked as he approached her delicately without stopping.

“You can’t do this anymore, Ben. You can’t just disappear whenever you feel like it!”  
  
“I know…” He admitted but she wasn’t hearing him. “I can’t take it anymore. You can’t act like this doesn’t matter to you! Like all of this means nothing! If you leave, I won’t-

-I know.”

He cut her off in her rambling as he took steady steps, not once lowering his eyes from her. How could he? She was the only thing that shone in this damn, blistering storm.

She didn’t seem to notice however, hellbent in her own disappointment and anger righteously so directed at him, that she didn’t see how close he come to her, and she stuttered with frustration as she whipped a loose curl hanging in front of her face. “You…argh, you are so, so, so stubborn, thickheaded that you can’t even see-

-I know.” He finished softly as he cupped her cheeks, enjoying how she seemed shocked that he was there so suddenly that her rant died in her throat.

“I’m sorry…”

“Sorry isn’t enough anymore.” She bit back, trying to escape his hold, his blood already creating its own stain on her subtly golden flecked cheek. He caressed her tears away, and the hard truth of the guilt of what he had made her go through almost made him choke. It chewed inside him like maggots, and he realized then that what he was feeling for Rey boiled harder into the marrow of his bones. He didn’t want to see her hurt, ever again. And he never wanted to be source of her pain. Seeing all the expressions dance across her face, he couldn’t help but admire her, and be so grateful for her patience with him. However right now, he felt that she was ready to snap at any given second and he was trying to speak, trying to give voice to all the muddled thoughts inside his tired brain but the stubborn silence lingered.

A strong wind came from the side, blasting them both with its hard, relentless strength and he was reminded that they truly needed shelter soon.

“I didn’t even know if you were coming back! You are so…” Her voice was quivering, and she was angry at him. But it was a feeling he could relate to. Anger is what he had been carrying all his life.

“I know.” He admitted in a husky breath, staring at her confused face as her lips parted just a little.

“But you don’t!” She screamed, “this is what you do, Ben! You…” She fumbled with her hands, looking to the side, biting her lip, as she squinted her eyes slightly to protect herself from the sand, and by all that exists in this universe, how this simple action made his insides scream with the desire to kiss her.

“You lash out! When things don’t go your way, you get angry. You destroy whatever you can hold, and you ruin it. You…you…always find a way to find all the reasons why you can’t be here, why you don’t deserve anything good. You always try to sabotage your life!” New droplets fell from her beautiful eyes that mingled with her dried ones and it made him crumble to be the source of it. His thumbs rubbed her soft skin, and his dried blood on her cheeks glistened when the tears mingled with it.

“I can’t be that punching bag anymore. I…”

Kylo locked gazes with her and she lost her tongue when he regarded her with uninhibited desire and guilt. His own eyes fixated on her lips and she didn’t move a muscle and the strong breeze made her hair blow to the side, made him realize that his patience run out. He didn’t want to waste another second, hoping to convey his desires, and his wish for her forgiveness with his body that he couldn’t with his words.

With his hands, he strengthened his hold on her face slightly and kissed her – both ignoring the droid’s inane loud chirp in protest that was drowned by the loud howling by the storm – and that static that pulsated already with high ardor burst into raw, energizing flames, buzzing through every nerve and muscle that he forgot to breathe.

It confirmed everything.

That he could not run away.

A soft moan escaped her lips that vibrated in the back of his throat as her hands grasped his hair and her fingernails scraped his already sensitive skin, making him let out a groan against her as their tongues danced with each other. His lower abdomen practically screamed for more, and that tickling in his fingers that wanted to grab her against him urged him forward as his lips began to kiss her cheeks, chin, and throat. Her pulse was just erratic as his as he felt it throbbing against his skin and she almost choked on a gasp by his bold move when he breathed against her neck.

“Rey…” He started, resting his head against the slope of her neck, inhaling her essence, “I’m sorry. I won’t…”  
  
He poked his tongue at the insides of his cheek, lifting his face to look at her again, his hands digging into her hips, “I won’t run away anymore.” This admission made her go limp in his embrace and the anger inside her diffused like fire to embers.

She huffed but she didn’t try to break free and he repeated a sentence he never thought he would say to any living, breathing person, “I’m sorry for causing you so much pain.” He admitted, leaning towards her that their sweat rimmed foreheads touched each other, and he could sense her guards lowering slightly.

“I’m sorry.” Once it was said, he repeated this sentence in hushed whispers that faded in the violent wind, as their breaths blended together. She didn’t say anything, and she didn’t have to, but her own hand came to cradle his and she squeezed it gently.

She sniffed loudly, and her gaze anchored to his, “what made you change your mind?”

“You…” He didn’t realize what he said before the words hung in the air and a curious flicker dimmed across her eyes.

“But you said…” She expressed in bewildered hushed words. “I know what I said.” He knew that he must look like a raving lunatic, blowing left and right but it had been overwhelming. While Rey could reserve a more analytical mind, and a clear head despite being affected, Kylo had sucked everything inside his chest that had combusted.

He wanted to devour her mouth again, that burning desire to feel her against him was driving him insane. But the storm with its loud shrills and sand blowing in their faces, reminded them that this was an ill-timed embrace and they could not stay where they were. The droid beeped loudly to get their attention and reluctantly they parted from their embrace. This resentful breeze thrashed and warped around them, growing more intense by the second.

“We can find the shelter below the trapdoor.” She said, her voice worryingly quiet that he wanted to say so much more. But he didn’t know what could make anything better. He had hurt her. Again. He disappointed her. Again. And a kiss would not make it go away.

No matter what he tried to formulate, his brain might as well be shot by a rifle for all the jumbled thoughts scrambling inside that turned him mute.

Rey followed BB-8 and he kept his distance behind them. The vibration on the ground and the ominous howling in the air told him the storm would be here any given second. He was hesitant to return downstairs but where else could they go? Even if they both would fit in his ship, he would not be able to fly it in the storm without destroying the engines, and the speeder in which Rey arrived in would not be able to outrun this weather.

Ben let out a tense low rumbling growl in defeat, and the sand grains cutting his skin was not easing his already rattled mood. Once they hurried below the trapdoor and closed it, Ben leaned against the wall next to the old generator while Rey sat next to BB-8, both looking at their opposite walls, without really focusing on anything. The storm raged above them, and the lights Rey got to work, flickered like lightning bolts. The chill was getting more intense, which caused her to hug herself, rubbing her arms to create some heat. There was a tense, awkward silence lingering between them.

For a man that did not back away from a challenge, he was tongue tied. Rey looked nervous and cold, like she did not know how to act, the infuriating ball did not say anything either, and everything was just a heinous silence that he desperately wanted to break. Being confined in such a tight space at this time was not optimal.

He watched her, and her moistened eyes flickered to his at times as well. But she did not say anything, waiting for him to continue whatever he should had continued saying when he held her precious face in his hands.

Ironic, they were finally together, they had seen so many things and look where they were now. He had completely broken down, cried, and the guilt had torn a wedge between them. That bitterness inside him had always been there, everything that had been plaguing his mind since his birth, all the actions that called for his conscience had all hit at once. Even the walls seemed to pulsate with his inner turmoil seeping in everywhere. His brain was filled with all the voices from the vision, mingling with that of his father, Luke, his mother, Rey, Snoke, shouting at him, making the very cilia in his ears wobble. The wound was created at birth, and only gotten deeper with each passing year.

Added to that – he was worried.

Worried that his knights were worried.

Worried about Rogue.

Worried about Hux.

Kylo sensed that something bad was coming but he truly couldn’t determine if it had to do with what has happened with coming to this planet filled with so much damned sand or if it was legit concern.

The Supreme leader stole another glance at his scavenger, watching as she was fumbling with something. For once she was focused on something else then him.

He stared at her, with Luke’s words hounding him.

_That girl loves you, and you love her._

He didn’t know what to do with his insinuation or his accusation. It howled and clawed at his mind but strangely, now…Despite the rattling in his head, it was like his nerves burned with an intense fire that warmed even the part inside him he thought was dead and decayed. He wasn’t worthy of her love, he didn’t deserve her. She was the purest person he had ever come to known with her naivety, forgiveness and that genuine goodness. And he…he was darkness. A black spot in her white light. He would never be worthy.

But the other part. That selfish part…that wanted her, wanted to kiss her, wanted to touch her, wanted to make her feel…good with him was joining the war inside his head. That voice that made him come here in the first place, that made him kiss her...wanted to kick his stubbornness in the ground, wanted to bury that _agonizing_ ache that crippled the insides of his chest. Because…he needed her, he needed her because…

_Because when I am with you, I feel…no…I AM complete! I’m whole…_

Her words struck him like lightning did to a dry tree. He needed her for the very same reason. And it was painful and shattering to admit. To be…dependent on another being. To be vulnerable.

And now, she was distant – righteously so. The prospect of losing her because of his mistakes, his wrongdoings, him almost leaving her would lead him on a path he would never come back from. It would destroy him more than Snoke’s punishments had ever done, then having to recall seeing the fear in his parents’ eyes when he was young when they looked at him like he was a monster. It was torture, and it was bustling inside his ribcage.

Rey finally got the blanket out from her bag – _the_ blanket - Another hurricane of memories assaulted him, but it brought him out of his stupor and as Rey hugged herself with the material, a whiff of that musky scent - imprinted with memories and his mother’s perfume - hit his nose and he could not hide how his mouth twitched. His glazed eyes drifted with such apprehension to the blanket and he could feel her eyes on him, and suddenly he could speak again.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO a very long overdue to posting. I was supposed to post this the 15th december to mark that it has been a year since I started on this fic o.o CRAZY! And now it is less then a year remaining to see the anticipated conclusion in the cineeeemas!  
> So sorry for taking this long to update!
> 
> Anyways, there are a lot of credits that needs to be given in this chap, specifically under the vision scenes. Basically, all the dialogue during the vision is added is from across the movies, books, series, and games from the Star Wars universe that I implemented. And oh OF COURSE the prophecy thing is from the journal of the Whills.  
> I tried to be clear in this chapter as to what happens but I guess it might still be confusing. The first part that is Obi Wan talking – that is from the actual holocron – but the vision is separated from it. It triggered because the Force is weird when Rey touched it. It kinda goes in reverse in this chapter since it is Ben replaying the events in his head but I hope it clears any confusion.  
> Anyway, hope you enjoyed the update! =) leave a comment to let me know what you think about this perhaps confusing chapter, and to a hopeful, happy 2019 with much more star wars =)  
> And last but not least, a huge thank you and big hugs to my lovely, endearing, wonderful friend Bianca that is my continuous support for this story and such a blessed friend to have, and I am lucky to have her as my beta <3 huge thank you, love <3


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